by Toshia Slade
“Thank you.”
When Dr. Collins and Susan leave the room, I hurry and dress. I feel better knowing the baby is okay, but I still have so many questions.
Susan shows me to a room, and before I can get situated, Dr. Collins comes in.
“While you were dressing, I calculated your due date. It’s August eighteenth. Today when we finish, I’ll need you to go over to the lab at the hospital next door and have blood work done for me. Now, do you have any questions for me?”
“I know this is going to sound stupid, but how did I get pregnant? I’ve always used a condom.” It’s been driving me crazy. Is there something that I don’t know or missed?
She laughs.
“You wouldn’t believe the people that ask the same question, and no question is stupid. Nothing can guarantee no pregnancy besides abstinence. There’s always the chance a condom will break, or if not put on properly, it can slip off or semen can leak out. So many things can go wrong and you not know.”
Did the condom break and Josh didn’t tell me? Could he have known and kept it to himself as a way to trap me into a relationship with him? Is that something Josh would even do? I don’t want to believe that, but I honestly don’t know. He was doing everything else to push me into commitment.
“That’s true. I guess I never thought about that. I know there’s some foods that you can’t eat while pregnant. Do you have a list of them or something that will help?”
“I do. It’s here in this packet for you. There’s a list of foods and medications to avoid as well as ones you can have.” She rolls over to me in her chair and hands me a thick packet of paper, then she moves back over to the small desk. “Is there anything else you want to go over?”
“No, I think that’s it for now.”
“You can always call if you have any questions or concerns, and I would suggest checking out a few pregnancy books. There are quite a few good ones out there, and they will help explain what to expect and when and why we do things.”
“Thank you so much, Dr. Collins.”
“Take care of yourself, Tiffany, and I’ll see you back in four weeks.”
By the time I’m done with all the blood work at the hospital, I’m ready to go home and curl up in bed to crash for two days straight. If I stay this tired during the whole pregnancy, I’ll never get anything done.
Now I have to figure out how to tell Josh, and I need to find out if he knew there was a chance I was pregnant.
Eighteen
*Josh*
“All right, boys, let’s pack it up and call it a day. Everyone have a good weekend, unless you’re working tomorrow,” I call out, signaling quitting time. We’re trying to rush this job to get it done, so we gave the guys the option of picking up a Saturday, not making it mandatory.
“We’re going out for some drinks tonight. Why don’t you come with us?” Tony, one of my guys, says while wrapping up an extension cord.
“Yeah, you’ve not been out with us in a while.” Rob jumps in, too. “Plus when you’re with us, all the ladies flock to our table.” He bounces his brows up and down.
I shake my head and chuckle. I haven’t been out with them in a while because I was wrapped up in Tiffany and spent most of my weekends with her or planning what to do next. My life never bothered me before, but this month, since she’s been gone, I’ve realized how boring I am. She was right. I act like an old man. Go to work, come home, eat something, and then watch TV until bed, get up, and do it all again the next day.
Some days, I wish I could have a do-over and take it all back. Then this wouldn’t hurt so badly. I was a hard-ass who didn’t let anything get to me, and now I’m driving by Tiffany’s workplace, hoping to catch a glimpse of her. Gabby’s kept me updated, so I know Tiffany’s not going to be there since she’s still fighting off the virus. I can’t sleep in my bed, even though she was there only a few times. She changed it.
I told myself I was going to stop this pussy moping around.
“Sure. I’ll head over after I get a shower and change. I’m only staying for a couple of beers, though. I don’t want to feel like shit tomorrow, and y’all better remember that, too. Some of us have work to do.” Maybe it’ll do me some good to get out of the house, and it’s less time to sit and think. Because no matter what, I can’t figure out how to fix this or win her over. This is going to be something only she can do. I can show her I’ll be there, but she has to open up and let me in a little.
***
Walking into the small bar, I’m relieved to see it’s not packed yet. Friday nights are normally busy, and all the college girls are on the prowl. Which is more than likely the reason the guys wanted to come here tonight.
I swing by the bar and order a bucket of beer to have dropped off at the table then go join the guys. They already have a pail of ice in the middle with only a couple of beers left. I grab one and take a seat, scanning the bar to see if anything exciting is going on. My eyes stop on the dance floor, and I can’t help but picture Tiffany out there dancing with Gabby and that douche from New Year’s.
Pain and anger make me grit my teeth and take a deep pull from the longneck Bud Light. I can’t escape her anywhere.
“Shots!” Fuck it, Cam had the right idea. If you can’t win ’em, drink until you forget ’em. “Anything but Jack Daniel’s, though.” I can’t bring myself to drink it since it was the last thing I tasted on Tiffany’s tongue and lips. We spent hours making out in the hot tub, each having only one Jack and Coke because we didn’t want to stop touching each other long enough to make another.
My stomach pitches, and I chug my beer to cool the burn in my throat.
“What’s up with you, man? You’ve been a royal asshole the past few weeks, then you say only beer before coming here. You’re not here ten minutes, and you’re ordering shots?” Tony is my closest friend besides Cam, and his face is pinched in worry.
“Don’t really want to go into it, but long story short, I fell in love with the wrong girl.” I shrug and take another pull from the brown bottle, wanting to forget the whole cluster fuck that’s become my life.
“All right, enough said.” He claps me on the back and squeezes my shoulder, shaking me. “Let’s get shots of tequila and keep ’em comin’.”
I pass on the lime and lemon, licking the salt from the rim. I tilt my head back, and the clear liquid slides down my throat into my stomach, burning the whole way down. Chasing it with beer soothes the burn, but neither is enough to make me forget. I grit my teeth, fighting the urge to gag. I hate that shit. I’ve always been a whiskey man. Just another item to add to the long list of things Tiffany’s ruined for me.
“Another.” I hold the empty glass above me, signaling the waiter to bring another round.
After I spend an hour or so sitting back and trying to drink my misery away, my own personal hell walks in the door, and she zeros in on me. She’s the last person I want to deal with tonight, and just as I thought, she makes her way straight over to me. Fucking hell. Here we go.
“I didn’t know you would be here tonight, Josh. Seems my night just got a whole lot better.”
Yeah, and mine got a whole lot worse.
She runs her hand up my chest, and I bat it off. “How’ve you been, baby?” she purrs and tries to sit in my lap, but I push her away.
“Fuck off, Cassidy. I’m not dealing with your shit tonight. I told you a few weeks ago, I’m not interested, and nothing’s changed.” My emotions are already running high, and I’m in a piss-poor mood. Add in all the liquor, and it’s not going to take much to make me lose it.
“Is that why you’re sitting in a bar drinking alone? Come on, baby. You know it’s good, and I can help you forget whoever it is.”
I scoff and then laugh. Like hell she could make me forget Tiffany. I’ve been downing shots and beer left and right and still can’t forget her. This bitch sure as shit isn’t going to make me forget her either.
“It wasn’t that good. Why don’t yo
u go find some other poor bastard to take home because it ain’t going to be me.”
I get up and stumble to the bathroom. Shit, I’m drunker than I thought. I can forget going in to work tomorrow. I’ll feel like death warmed over and be babying one hell of a hangover.
Cassidy must finally take the hint, because she doesn’t follow me. I go into the bathroom and empty my bladder, and then I splash some water on my face.
How the hell did I end up here? I wish I could stop missing her, stop wanting her, and move on. Just forget the whole thing and go back to the way things used to be.
I need to get out of here. I’ll have one more beer and figure out if I want to deal with Cam’s bitching or just get a hotel for the night, because there isn’t a cab that will drive all the way out to my house.
Back at the table, I thank whatever guy caught Cassidy’s attention and took her away from us, and I hope she stays there. All of the guys now have girls and are occupied with trying to get laid for the night.
A song comes on, and I get an idea. It’s probably a royally stupid idea, but I’m too drunk and desperate to really care. I pull out my phone and find the number I’m looking for. It rings and rings, and I start to think she’s not going to answer.
“’Ello?” Her sweet voice echoes through the phone and takes the breath right out of my lungs, and for the first time in my adult life, I feel the burn in my eyes. Call me crazy, call me a pussy, but I miss the fuck out of this girl, and I’m tired of drowning in this misery.
“Kitten, you awake?” I hope she doesn’t hang up on me.
*Tiffany*
“Josh, where are you? What time is it?” I roll over in bed and crack an eye open, glancing at the clock. “It’s midnight. What the hell are you doing out? Are you drunk?” I don’t know why I even ask. His slow speech and the slight lisp tell me he’s been hard at it for at least a couple of hours.
“A little. You ever heard the song “Sippin’ On Fire” by Florida Georgia Line? I keep hearing it over and over, and it’s us. I miss you, so fuckin’ much. I need to see you, Kitten. I can’t do this anymore. You’re everywhere I turn, and I’m losing my damn mind.”
Try having a constant reminder growing in your stomach.
I’ve heard that song and always change it because it does remind me of us. I miss him, too, and would give anything to lie in his arms and tell him he’s going to be a dad. For him to kiss me and tell me everything is going to be okay, but I can’t risk my heart being broken.
Stay strong, Tiffany. You can’t let him in now only to be destroyed later.
“No, you need to go home and sleep it off is what you need to do,” I snap. Tiff-the-bitch has always worked, and it’s time to use her.
“I’m coming to sleep it off with you. I can’t sleep without you.”
That’s a slice to the heart, and it kills me that I can’t give him what he needs, but I’m doing this for both of us. We’ll always be connected through our child, but it’s all we can ever be.
“Call a cab and go home.” I soften my voice, losing the attitude. I know he’s hurting, and drinking only makes things worse.
“Cabs don’t go out to the house. You know that. I’ll get a cab to your house.”
Crap! He’s right. Hurry, think fast. Why can’t he come to me?
“I’m at Mom’s. You can’t come out here either. Call Cam or your sister to come get you.” I’m not really at Mom’s, but I can’t risk him coming here. It’s the last thing I need right now.
“You sure you want me to have one of them bring me out there?” I hear the smugness in his voice. Asshole’s playing me now and knows he’s got me.
I start to say something sassy back when I hear, “You need a ride home, baby? I can take you.” A woman’s voice coos through the phone, and from the sounds of it, she has to be in his lap. Anger and jealousy freeze the words I had in my throat.
“I told you to fuck off, Cassidy. I don’t need shit from you.”
Cassidy? That girl Josh fooled around with months ago? Has he still been messing with her? Was he messing with her at the same time he was seeing me?
You weren’t in a committed relationship, so he was free to see who he wants.
“Kitten, are you still there?”
“Yeah. I’m here.” I sigh in defeat, knowing I’m going to go get him. I only hope I can fight him off. Get him home and then leave. No matter what, don’t go in the house.
“Are you going to come get me? I’m drunk, and this bitch won’t leave me alone.”
That sends a rush of happiness through me. At least he doesn’t want to be around her. It shouldn’t matter. I should want him to find someone to treat him well and make him happy, but a bar whore isn’t going to do that, so that’s neither here nor there. At least that’s what I keep telling myself is the reason I’m happy he’s turned her down.
“I’m coming to get you, but I’m taking you straight home, where you’ll go inside and pass out. Alone. I’m only doing this because I’m your friend, and I know you need a ride home and away from your crazy ex.”
Plus I don’t want her skanky hands on him when he doesn’t want them there, and he’s in no shape to fight her off.
“I’ll wait outside for you.”
“Give me ten.” I don’t give him a chance to reply. I end the call and roll out of bed. I layer on clothes and hope they’ll give me more protection against his charm.
***
I pull up in front of the bar, and Josh is leaned against the brick building, his hands tucked in his pockets and his head bent low. The streetlight illuminates him. A ball cap is pulled low on his head, shielding his eyes even more. My eyes roam his body, taking in the tight fit of his Wrangler jeans and the way the long-sleeve thermal hugs his upper body, taunting me.
I roll down the passenger window and yell, “Let’s go.”
His head snaps up, and he walks over to the car. A lopsided grin takes over his face, causing my lower body to clench with want.
Oh boy. We’re in some serious trouble. Maybe I should have thought this out more.
“Thought you were out at your mom’s?” He climbs in and shuts the door, and a knowing smirk appears.
“I lied. I didn’t want to get out, and I especially didn’t want you causing a scene.” Shrugging, I pull onto the street and make the long drive out to his house. It’s only about twenty minutes, but trapped in the small space with him and with his cologne filling my nostrils, it’s going to feel like hours.
My heart pounds, and my palms sweat as I grip the wheel tighter. You can do this. Twenty minutes and you’ll have him home. Then you can get far away from him. Most important, do not get out of the car.
“But you did get out. Admit it, you miss me, too. Why don’t we forget all the bullshit and stop all the games? I want you, Kitten, and it’s killing me knowing you’re going through all of this shit with your parents. Please let me be there for you and show you that I can take care of you.”
“Shut up. I’m taking you home, and that’s it. No talking.” My heart clenches painfully then beats wildly in my chest. Can’t he pass out already so I don’t have to listen to this? Gabby is a dead woman for telling him about my parents. She swore to me that she wouldn’t tell a soul.
My body and heart are pleading with me to jump at his offer and let him make everything better, but then my brain kicks in and shuts that bitch down. My heart can thank my brain later when we’re not a shattered, broken mess. It may hurt right now, but it would hurt a lot more if he left me twenty-plus years down the road.
“Still going to fight it, I see.” His big, warm hand slides up my leg, stopping on my thigh. “Please, Kitten, let me in. Fuck, I can’t take this anymore. You’ve ruined everything. I can’t sleep in my bed without dreaming of you, and you’re everywhere I look.”
I don’t say anything, because I can’t. If I do, then everything may come tumbling out, and I’ve fought too hard to keep him away this long. I’m not ruining that now. I pus
h his hand off my leg, and it still burns from his touch. Gripping the steering wheel tighter to keep from pulling him back to me, I focus straight ahead and keep my eyes on the road.
Please, God, let him pass out. One more sweet word or broken plea, and I may not be able to say no.
My prayers are answered when he stays quiet the rest of the ride, and I sigh in relief when my headlights illuminate his house as we pull down the driveway.
Five more minutes, Tiffany. Hold your shit together for five more minutes. Then you can go home and burn up the batteries, because God knows I need it after being this close to him. Add in the hormones, and one more touch from him and I may go up in flames.
I put the car in park and look over, only to find Josh fast asleep. Gosh dangit!
“Josh.” I shake his arm. “Come on. Wake up. You’re home.” Nothing.
Maybe the cool air will get him up? I shut off the car and climb out, walking over to his side. I’m going to kill him if I have to lug his big ass up into that house. I open his door, and he stirs. Good, we’re getting somewhere.
“Josh.” I lean in and shake him again, lightly smacking his face. “Come on. Get up. I can’t pack your big ass.”
“Kitten?”
I roll my eyes and stand back up.
“Good, you’re awake. Now get out and go pass out.”
He climbs out of the car, and all evidence that he was asleep a mere second ago is gone.
“It wasn’t a dream. You really did come.” He steps toward me, and I step back. I’m flat against my car.
My eyes dart around, looking for an escape, but there’s nowhere to go. He cages me in with his arms on each side of my head. My muscles are bunching tight with the need to run while everything in me pleads to stay right where I am. Let Josh take everything away, even if just for a little while. A war rages within, part of me begging for a little slice of nirvana, the other part screaming to escape, knowing it’s going to break me even more to walk away from him.
As always, my mind wins.
“I did. Now you’re home. Go to bed.” I try to step under his arm, but he presses in closer, pinning me against the car.