by Toshia Slade
“I’m not ready for bed.” His big hands cup my face, and I fight the urge to lean into his warmth and take everything he’s offering. “I’m not going to waste this time. I’ve missed you, and I swore I would fight for you. No matter how hard you push, I’m going to push back just as hard.”
I grit my teeth and ward off the tears wanting to escape, again battling my body’s urge to push into him deeper.
“Wanna hear something really scary?” He leans in so close that his lips brush mine, and my whimper escapes before I can swallow it. “I’m so fuckin’ in love with you, I’ll never come back from it.”
I gasp. His lips seal over mine and swallow any other noise. My heart bursts and sings. He loves me?
Each stroke of his tongue sends fire straight to my core, and no amount of fighting would hold me back now. I’ve craved this man and what he does to my body since his last touch. I know this is a mistake, and I’ll regret it tomorrow, but I’ll be damned if I can stop it now.
We’re all hands, lips, teeth, and tongues. The kiss is wild and desperate, fueled by two months of pent-up aggression.
Josh lifts me into his arms and carries me to the house and through the front door. He sets me down on my feet, and we rip at each other’s clothes, seeing who can undress the other faster.
Once we’re both naked and panting, Josh lifts me back up and, without warning, slams me down onto his cock, filling me in one swift thrust.
“Ahhh.” My body vibrates with pleasure, and I claw at his back, trying to get closer, get him deeper. Oh, God, I missed this.
“Fuck, Kitten.” He lifts me and slams me back down, drawing a moan from deep in my chest. “You drive me crazy. Never have I lost my mind with someone like I do with you.”
He makes his way down the hallway, and I circle my hips, needing the friction. Josh growls and grips my ass tighter in his hands.
“The way that hot pussy is gripping me and the noises you’re making prove you’ve missed this as much as I did. I’m not going to last long.”
Laying me back on the bed, he follows suit, never breaking our connection. I whimper and move my hips again, telling him I need him to move.
“You better hang on, Kitten. It’s going to be hard and fast.”
He doesn’t disappoint either. Hammering into me, he gives me everything he’s got, and in turn, I give him all I’ve got. Three orgasms.
“Jesus, Tiffany. You’ve never come like this.” His thrust becomes choppy, and I know he’s close. “So fuckin’ hot.”
Josh pushes in one final time, and then he’s groaning through his release, collapsing on top of me and panting for breath.
“I love you, Kitten. Please don’t leave me again.”
My body freezes, locking tight, all pleasure from moments ago evaporated. What have I done? The first tear falls from what I know is going to be another breakdown. I have to get out of here.
Nineteen
*Josh*
I know before I open my eyes that she’s not in bed with me. I feel the bed beside me, and it’s just as I thought—empty. It’s cold, and I know she’s been gone for a while.
She’s not doing this shit to me again. Either she’s going to stop running and be with me, or we’re going to have to cut all ties. I never wanted this to come between our friendship, but I never thought it wouldn’t work either. I couldn’t have predicted this shit with her dad pulling her away from me.
Something has to give, though. We’re both miserable and hurting. She can deny it all she wants, but I’m almost positive I heard her crying before all the tequila pulled me under, and I couldn’t fight the sleep. I’ve got to figure out how to knock down those steel walls she has around her, but she also needs to figure out how to get past the hurt and let me in. If I can find the smallest of cracks, then I know I can get her.
But what’s the point of fighting for someone that doesn’t want you? We have to both be in this, and I’m sick of being the only one all in, the only one putting myself out there.
I’ll be damned if I’m going to keep letting her use me when she needs a good fuck. This shit ends now. Tiffany is finally going to face the music, and I don’t care who’s around to witness it. Jerking off the bed covers, I sit up, my body tense and full of rage.
Shit. My truck’s still at the bar. I’ll need a ride into town.
Digging in my pants beside the bed, I pull out my phone and call Cam. He owes me plenty of rides, and maybe he’ll know if Tiffany is at their house.
“Where the hell are you?” comes Cam’s greeting.
“Well, hi to you, too, dick.”
“It’s not like you to not show up to work. What gives?”
“I had one too many rounds with tequila last night, and the rest, I don’t want to go into right now. Can you come pick me up and take me to my truck? I left it at the bar.”
“Sure. I’ll let the guys take lunch a little early today. Be there in twenty.”
“Thanks. See ya.” Perfect. That gives me enough time to wash off the grime from the bar, maybe clear my head a little more, and prepare for the fight I know is coming. Tiffany won’t be walking away without talking this time.
“Later.”
***
After Cam drops me off at my truck, I head straight to Tiffany and Gabby’s townhouse. Cam said her car was there this morning when he left, so as far as he knows, she’s there. Luck is on my side when I pull up, and her car’s still there.
I knock on the door, and Gabby answers, the bright smile on her face fading when she takes in my appearance.
“Hey, what are you up to?” She moves to the side, letting me in and closing the door behind us.
“Tiffany here?”
“Yeah, she’s still sleeping. What’s going on?” She crosses her arms over her chest, worry showing in the pinch of her eyes.
“Just need to talk to her.” I don’t explain further. I continue to walk to the stairs, taking them two at a time and heading up to her room.
“Here we go. I knew this crap was coming,” I hear Gabby grumble behind me. “I hope you know what you’re doing,” she calls after me.
It’s better than what we’ve been doing—nothing.
I open Tiffany’s door to find her curled in a ball on her side and facing me. Her eyes are puffy and red-rimmed. I knew I wasn’t imagining her crying. I just don’t understand. If this is hurting her as much as it is me, then why is she still fighting it?
Sitting on the edge of the bed, I take in the softness of her face. So sweet and angelic, a complete contradiction to the hellcat that she unleashes when she’s mad or trying to hide something.
“Wake up, Kitten.” I brush the hair off her face, and she mumbles and scoots closer to my hand. “We’ve gotta talk.”
Her body stiffens, and her eyes slowly open.
“What the hell? What are you doing here?” She leaps off the bed, putting distance between us.
That hurts, and pain radiates through my chest. Last night, she couldn’t get close enough, and today, she acts as if I’m poison.
“Why’d you leave last night?” I stand up and shove my hands in my pockets to keep from reaching for her. If we can’t figure this out, is this how it’ll always be? I know she’ll always be a part of my life because she’s my sister’s best friend. But will everything be forgotten? Will we become strangers who sometimes hang out together? The thought takes my breath and hurts down to my soul.
“Last night was a mistake, and it should have never happened.”
A sucker punch to the gut, her comment makes all the air whoosh out of me. When I don’t reply, she keeps going.
“I tried to tell you, but you wouldn’t listen. We can’t be together. I just can’t do it and give you what you want.”
Something inside snaps, and I know I’ve hit my breaking point. How can she spew this shit, like everything we’ve shared didn’t mean anything?
“If you didn’t want to be with me, then why the hell did you fuck me last ni
ght?” I pound my chest with my fist and grit my teeth. I’m sick of her hiding. “If you don’t give a fuck, then why the hell were you crying last night? Your eyes are red and puffy,” I roar.
She takes a step toward me, her fist balled at her side, her face red.
“Because my fucking hormones are making me crazy and have me all over the place.” Her face drains of all color, her eyes bug out, and she slaps her hand over her mouth.
I freeze, a chill running down my spine, and dread settles heavy in my gut. “What do you mean, your hormones?”
She stands there, hand still over her mouth, shaking her head. Her eyes are brimming with tears.
“What the fuck did you mean, Tiffany?”
There’s no way she’s pregnant. We always used a condom. My heart drops to my stomach as the beer and tequila threaten to come up. Is there someone else? Is that why she never would fully give in to me? My jaw pulses from gritting my teeth.
“Say it!” I growl, taking a step closer.
“I’m pregnant.” Her voice is barely above a whisper, and her head drops.
My chest heaves, and I want to rip everything in this room to shreds. Just like my soul is being ripped from me.
“How could you do this to me? Whose is it?”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Her head snaps up, and her blue eyes blaze. “Do you think I’m some kind of whore who sleeps around?” She screams and picks up a pillow, throwing it at me.
“How could it be mine? We always used a condom. Don’t lie to me. Were you fucking someone else?” I yell right back, my chest heaving and my body vibrating with barely contained furry.
Tiffany jerks back as if I physically hit her.
“Fuck you very much, Josh! I’ve wondered the same damn thing for three weeks. No, I was not fucking anyone else. So congrats, you’re going to be a daddy. Now get the hell out, and leave me alone.” Tears start to streak down her face, and it’s a blow straight to my heart.
She’s known for three weeks and didn’t tell me? I’m going to be a dad. Tiffany is really pregnant with my baby. We’re going to be parents.
Pride and love swirl through my veins, wiping out every bit of the anger. Just as quickly, it’s replaced with guilt. I accused her of sleeping around and lying. My head drops to the ground, and I squeeze my eyes shut tight.
Way to really fuck it up, Josh.
I have to fix this. How could I have known? She’s been pushing me away and avoiding me at all cost.
“Tiff, let’s talk about this.” I blow out a frustrated breath. Can’t I catch a break? “Look, I’m sorry I accused you of being with someone else, but the way you’ve been pushing me away made me wonder. Then there’s the fact that we never went bare, so I didn’t think pregnancy was possible. I’m sorry I lost it and didn’t talk things out before assuming. Let me make it right. I’ll take care of you and show you I’m not going anywhere.” I take a step forward, wanting to pull her in my arms, breathe her in, and feel her body against mine.
She steps back, pressing against the wall. “This doesn’t change anything, Josh. We can figure out a way to make this work with the baby, but I still can’t be with you.”
“Why? I’m not your dad, and you’re not your mom. Why do we have to pay for his mistakes?” I can’t hide my anger. Can’t she see this is destroying both of us, and why should our baby have to suffer, too?
“He didn’t just break my mom, he broke me, too. I can’t take that chance. I won’t.” She’s gripping her shirt and looks minutes away from losing it.
“If you would give me the chance, I could show you how much I love you. It’s killing me not being with you.” I beg with my eyes, but it’s no use. I can see it in her eyes and the way her body is locked tight. She’s not going to drop her walls or change her mind.
“I can’t. Please go.” Her voice is small, and I know this stress can’t be good for her or the baby.
I sigh in defeat.
“I’ll go, but will you at least tell me how far along you are? I know you’re through talking right now, I’ll give you that, but soon we’re going to sit down and talk this out. That’s my baby, and one way or another, I’m going to be in their life.”
I don’t want to leave, and everything in me is screaming to get down and beg if I have to, but I need to think about her and the baby. Right now, she needs to calm down, and I need to wrap my head around this and get a grip on my emotions.
“Okay, I promise. We’ll talk soon. I’m ten weeks pregnant, and the due date is August eighteenth.”
“Ten weeks?” I quickly do the math, and my head spins. That means she got pregnant when we first got together.
She nods and chews on her lip, her eyes pleading with me to go.
“All right.” I have to swallow the lump in my throat. I hate the thought of walking off and leaving her. Thousands of questions eat at me, and I’m dying to ask, but I told her I would go. “Call me if you need anything. We’ll talk soon.” My legs feel like lead as I make my way to her door. What I wouldn’t give to hug her tight and then drop to my knees and spend hours kissing her belly.
Within a matter of minutes, she changed my world, and it should be one of the happiest days of my life. Yet part of me is devastated, because everything is so wrong with us right now, and I’m starting to think there will never be an us.
*Tiffany*
After the front door slams and I know Josh is finally gone, I stumble to the bed and sob into a pillow. His look of defeat killed me. I know he wanted to know more, but I couldn’t bear to look at him any longer. As much as he’s hurting, I’m hurting, too. It should be as simple as telling him that I want to be with him, but it’s not. My head just won’t let me.
There’s a soft knock at the door, then Gabby pokes her head in.
“Care if I come in?” Sadness and hurt are pouring off her.
I might as well get this over with. I know she’s going to be hurt that I didn’t tell her not only that Josh and I were seeing each other but also that I’m pregnant with her niece or nephew. I couldn’t tell her before I told Josh, and I needed to figure out how to break the news to both of them. This definitely wasn’t how I intended it to happen.
“Sure.” I sit up and reach for a Kleenex to clean my face. “You heard everything?” Twisting the tissue in my fingers, I look down at my hands.
“I heard.” She comes over and sits on the bed beside me, pulling her knee up and facing me. “Why didn’t you tell me, Tiff? I thought I was your best friend. We’re supposed to tell each other everything.”
“Just like you promised not to tell anyone about my dad?” I snap and immediately feel guilty. I’ll never get used to these hormones making me a basket case. “Sorry,” I mumble. “I’m a bit more emotional than normal.”
“I’m sorry, too, but I had to tell him.” She grabs my hand in hers and blows out a breath. “He was in the kitchen when we were talking on the phone, so he caught my side of the conversation. When I refused to tell him, he broke down and told me about y’all. He was a mess, Tiff, and I told him so he would know you needed time.”
“So all this time, you knew about us, and you didn’t say anything?” I can’t believe how much we’ve been keeping from each other. We used to share everything.
Gabby nods her head. “Trust me, I wanted to, but I swore I wouldn’t let on that I knew anything. I thought it would only make things worse on you.” She shrugs. “So I stayed out of it and figured I would let you two work it out…” Chewing her bottom lip, she looks straight in my eyes. “But now you’re pregnant. What are you going to do? I really think you should give Josh a chance. You didn’t see him, Tiffany.”
“I can’t. I know how great a guy Josh is, but you haven’t seen my mom.” A sob rips from my throat. “Dad just up and left us, Gabby. Walked off, forgot us, and got a new family. How can anyone guarantee Josh won’t do that to us? I don’t ever want to be that broken or feel this much pain again.”
“Oh, Tiff.” She pull
s me into her arms and hugs me tight while I cry on her shoulder. My heart’s ripping open all over again. “Not every guy is your dad. You can’t live your life alone or let fear hold you back from what you really want.”
“You don’t know what this feels like.” I push away from her, angry again. She doesn’t understand. “You have no clue what it’s like to have the one man you looked up to your whole life turn into someone you don’t know. To watch your mom fade away to nothing and lose everything she’s ever known. Until you’ve experienced that, felt that, you don’t know what you would let hold you back.” Pressing my hand into my chest to keep my heart from beating out of it, I beg her with my eyes to try to understand where I’m coming from.
“No, but I do know my brother. He would never do that to you or his baby.” She stands up and glares at me.
“Just like I knew my dad?” I seethe. She’ll never understand. She lives in a happy little fairy-tale land with Cam.
“I’m done with this conversation. You’ll never understand, and obviously you’re not going to respect and support my decision.”
“You’re being ridiculous. I’m your best friend. I’ll always support you, but I hate seeing both of you hurt when it can easily be fixed.”
“If it was that easy, I would have already fixed it.”
“You need to think long and hard, Tiffany. Josh isn’t going to sit around and wait forever. I know you’re hurt, and I can only imagine what you’re feeling and going through, but if you would let him, he could make it better. You wait too long, and he’s going to find someone else. You going to be okay with that?”
My heart squeezes, and I push the words out past the lump burning my throat.
“I hope he does find someone to make him happy, and as long as they treat our child well, I would be okay with it.”
God, that hurt, but it’s a fact that I have to face sooner or later. I can’t give Josh my heart, so eventually he’ll find someone that can.
“You keep telling yourself that, and maybe one of us will eventually believe it.” She shakes her head as she walks to the door. “I really hope you know what you’re doing.”