Love Crushed

by Toshia Slade

  “Yes! Then you dumped me. It was me you were supposed to have a baby with. I knew that you would never walk off and leave your child. You were supposed to be mine.”

  How could I have stooped so low to have been with someone like her? And what if she had succeeded and I had gotten her pregnant? She’s right. I would never walk off and leave a baby. I would’ve done what was expected of me and tried to make something work with her.

  “You’ve lost your fuckin’ mind, Cassidy. I never loved you. You were just an easy piece of ass to pass the time. We were never together. I slept with you two times. Twice. Therefore I never dumped you, I was just through using you. So you need to turn around and take your ass out of here.”

  She turns to Tiffany. Pointing at me, Cassidy leans over, getting close to Tiffany’s face.

  “See how he talks to me? You’re no better, and he’ll walk off and leave you, too. If I were you, I would leave him and never look back.”

  I’m about to forcefully remove her from the restaurant when Tiffany laughs, climbing to her feet. I move between the two girls. I know that laugh and the fire lighting her eyes. She’s about to unleash on Cassidy, who won’t know what hit her. My cock starts to tingle and come to life.

  “That’s where you’re wrong. See, you’re trash that spreads your legs for anything willing to risk falling in that hole you call a pussy. I’m the type of girl that saves my shit for someone special. Guys don’t throw girls like me away. And for your information, we did use condoms, but thanks to your plan to get knocked up, we’re the ones having the baby. A healthy baby boy. So take your crazy ass out of here and go find some other poor schmuck that is willing to risk wetting his whistle with shit Ajax won’t wash off.”

  A few girls at a nearby table stand and start to clap.

  “It’s about time someone told that skank how it is,” one of the women shouts.

  Cassidy is well known in the area, and it’s no secret that she doesn’t care if a guy’s married, single, or has a girlfriend, she’s going to try to get what she wants. Shame burns through me, and I feel like scum for ever sleeping with her. What the hell was I thinking?

  Tiffany turns to me, laying her hand on my chest. “Are you ready to go, baby?”

  My dick jumps, and my heart pounds at a galloping speed. I know this is all for show, but getting a glimpse of my fiery Tiffany has me ready to throw her over my shoulder and carry her off to my cave to show her just how fucking hot I think she is.

  “Yeah, Kitten. Let’s go.”

  “Whatever. You all are just jealous. I’m getting out of this no-good redneck town anyway.”

  “Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. This town will be a lot better off with one less slut trying to steal our men,” another of the girls from the table cuts in.

  Red-faced and fuming, Cassidy storms out of the restaurant.

  There went the hope of getting Tiffany back. Because of my dumb-ass choices, she’s now pregnant.

  *Tiffany*

  I want to be pissed at Josh. He was an idiot for getting involved with that girl, but I can’t help pitying him and thank the gods he dodged that bullet. It makes me feel a little better to know how and why I got pregnant, that the condom didn’t simply break with Josh not saying anything about it.

  Josh is leaned back against my car, his hands on top of his head, and he’s looking at his feet.

  “I don’t even know what to say. Jesus Christ, I’m an idiot.” He drops his arms and looks into my eyes. “I’m so sorry, Tiff. I can understand if you hate me and don’t ever want to talk to me again.”

  “You’re a guy. All of y’all think with your dicks. You were single and didn’t do anything wrong. Was it stupid to sleep with someone like her? Yes, but it’s not the end of the world. I’m pissed that she would do something like that to you and be so vindictive. No, I wasn’t ready to be a mom, but I’ve come to terms with it. It was meant to be, and I’m going to be the best damn mom I can be. I know things didn’t work like you wanted them to between us, but I know you’ll be an amazing father.” She laughs and punches me in the arm. “And who better to raise a kid with than one of your best friends?”

  “So you’re not mad at me?”

  “You couldn’t have known she would do something like that.” I shrug. I know he feels bad enough, and I don’t need to add to that.

  “Will you still think about moving in with me? I think we could make this work, and it would be a way for both of us to be completely involved in his life.”

  “I promise I’ll think about it, but I can’t give you an answer right now. That’s a big decision.”

  It would be easier not to have to toss the baby around, and he’s right, neither of us would have to miss anything, but I also know that with our past, it would be hard living together. Josh needs to find someone that can love him and give him the relationship he wants, and with me there, I don’t think he could do that. Excruciating pain grips me at the thought of Josh with someone else, but I know it’s bound to happen. I may never be able to have true love, but Josh can. And most of all, he deserves to.

  “I know it is, and it’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while. Just let me know what you decide and if you want to talk about it more.” Thumbs tucked into the pockets of his jeans, he kicks at a rock with his boots as emotions from the day play across his face.

  “I will.” Leaning up on my tiptoes and placing a soft kiss on his cheek, I know I really shouldn’t do it, but more than anything, he needs a little comfort right now. “See ya later, Josh. I promise, I’ll call when I’m ready to give you my answer.” I back away, and his eyes are closed and pinched together as if he’s in pain. No matter what, he’ll always hold a special place in my heart, and I’ll always love him, so it kills me to see him struggle so much.

  Twenty-Three

  Three Weeks Later

  *Tiffany*

  “Have you talked to Josh yet? I really think you should do it. And who knows, maybe once you move in, then you’ll see he’s not your dad.” Mom rambles on.

  I huff out my breath and roll my eyes while digging in the fridge for something to eat. Ever since I came home and told her about lunch with Josh after the ultrasound, she’s been on me. She thinks moving in with him is a great idea and that he can cure my broken heart. I would think that as my mom, she would want to protect me, not throw me into the lion’s den.

  Josh has shown that he’ll be reliable and be there for the baby no matter what, but I still have that fear of him walking out on me. I want so bad to give in to him and let him in my life, but I can’t get my mind to shut off. Mom’s doing better, and each day she grows stronger, but as much as she tries to hide it, I still see that broken woman in her eyes.

  “No, Mom.” Giving up on my search for something to eat that will hit the spot, I close the refrigerator door and lean back against it. “I’m still not sure what I want to do. This is a huge decision.”

  “I know that, but you need to stop thinking with that brain so much and listen to your heart. Do you want to live your life lonely and alone? I sure in the hell don’t want that for you. I want to see you happy and in love. Watch you walk down the aisle with a man that thinks you hung the moon. I know this is hard on you, Tiffany. It’s hard on me, too, but you’re giving everything up? That’s letting your dad win. Hasn’t he taken enough from us?”

  “You sound just like Gabby. No, I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life, but I don’t ever want to end up like you!” I hate myself for saying it as soon as it leaves the tip of my tongue. It’s the truth, but I should never say something like that to my momma.

  “See, that’s where you’re wrong, missy. Yeah, I may hurt, and there are days I don’t want to get out of that bed because I want to lie there and wallow in misery. But I refuse, refuse to give him any more of me. So, I get up, and I fight. I fight to live my life the way I want to, and you can bet your sweet ass I’ll be happy one day. Now can you say the same? A
re you ready to stop being a coward and fight for the life you want?”

  I’m speechless. I can’t believe she just said that.

  “I’m going to get food. I’m starving.” I don’t want to say something I’ll regret, and if I don’t get away from here, I know it’ll only get worse.

  “You can’t run from everything. Think about what I said. You’re a strong girl with a fierce attitude. You can overcome anything you come up against. But you have to be willing to fight to get there. Please know that I’m only saying this because I love you and want you to be happy.”

  “I love you, too, Mom. I’ll be back in a little bit.” I grab my purse and keys from the end table by the door and take off.

  Mom’s right. I am a coward, but I don’t know how to turn it off. How do I fight against my own mind? And I don’t want to fight with her. She’s all I have left. Gabby still hasn’t talked to me. I’ve sent her texts, and she always replies with the same thing. Are you done being stupid yet? Then I don’t reply, and I eventually give up.

  Is it all that easy? Can I just let it all go and dive into this thing with Josh? It kills me to be away from him and know that I was so close to having it all before everything went south. I know I love him, and in all honesty, I could say I’m in love with him. When he hurts, I hurt, and I’ve always loved him differently than I do Cam. I just never wanted to chance screwing up.

  God, all of this shit is too much to think about. I need food, and I would kill for a taco salad. I hate Mexican food, but Josh loves it. This baby is already showing signs of being his dad’s mini-me. I can only hope he gets his daddy’s good looks and deep-sea-green eyes.

  ***

  There’s only one place in Richmond where you can get good Mexican, but I don’t want to go in and eat alone, so I place a to-go order there and sit and wait. I have a clear view into the dining area, so I people watch. Deep, rumbling laughter off to the right draws my attention, and I squint.

  My eyes have got to be kidding me. Jumping from my seat, I march into the room, fuming, my body vibrating with anger.

  “Having a nice lunch?” I spit out and slam my hands on the table. “It’s so nice to see that you can laugh and have a good time, without a care in the world. You don’t give a shit that you have a pregnant daughter who, by the way, is carrying your grandson, but you wouldn’t know that because you never call.”

  “Tiffany, calm down. You’re making a scene.”

  “Calm down? You care about people hearing me yell, but you don’t give two fucks that you walked off and left a wife and a daughter for some two-bit ho? Well, you know what, Dad? Fuck you! You have no idea what you’ve done to me. No clue what I’ve been going through for the past four months since you ripped our world apart. I’ve pushed everyone I love away from me because I’m so afraid of getting hurt again. You did that, Dad. You!” I jab my finger in his face, my chest heaving, fighting for breath.

  “That’s enough, Tiffany!” he roars, coming out of his chair. “You will not speak about Tonya that way or talk to me in that tone.”

  I throw my head back and snort, “Yeah, stick up for her. After everything I just said to you, that’s all you’ve got to say? I’m done. You’re nothing to me anymore. I refuse to sit around and wait for you to make time for me while you continue to rip my heart to shreds. When she sucks you dry and you have nothing left, don’t come crawling back to us. You’ve broken my heart one too many times. Just so you know, Mom’s doing a hell of a lot better without you, and she can’t wait to divorce your nasty ass. Yeah, she’s told me about all the shit you’ve done to her. You’re nothing but a low-life coward. Hope the crack whore bleeds you dry.” I grind my teeth and turn on my heel, making a mad dash for the exit. I refuse to let him see me cry.

  The waiter is standing with my bag by the hostess counter.

  “Keep it. Give it to someone who’s hungry.” My appetite is completely gone, and no way could I swallow food right now.

  I barely make it to the door when the tears burst free and fall down my face. Not wanting to risk my dad seeing me break down, I jump in my car and drive down the street, pull into the shopping center, and park.

  I drop my head to the steering wheel, and sob after sob shakes my body. Throwing my head back, I scream. Why does he not care? How can he hurt me like this and not give a shit? I’m his daughter, his own flesh and blood. He’s supposed to love me.

  My mom was right. I keep letting him win, keep giving in to him, and I’m so sick of doing this alone. I have a whole support team at my back if I would just stop shutting them out.

  What if I’ve hurt them too much already? I’ve been doing exactly what my dad has been doing to me. What have I done? I was so stupid. Why didn’t I just listen to them? All of these months of pain and suffering, of making Josh miss so much. God, I’m such a selfish bitch. They’ll never forgive me.

  A fresh wave of tears comes pouring out, and pain blasts through my abdomen.

  “No. Oh God, no. Please, don’t take my baby.”

  I hug my stomach as another shot of pain has me crying out, Please, God, don’t take him. I can’t bear to lose him, too.

  *Josh*

  “Everyone, take fifteen.” I slide my phone out of the clip on my hip and see Tiffany’s sleeping face. It’s a picture I snapped while she slept in my bed. Hair in a mess, lips slightly parted—it’s one of my favorites.

  Excitement claws at me, and I can’t hit that green button fast enough. Maybe she’s finally decided to move in with me.

  “Hey, Ti—” I’m cut off by the sound of her cries echoing through the phone. My heart sinks to my stomach, and I’m already running to my truck.

  “Josh, I need you.”

  “Talk to me, Kitten. What’s wrong?”

  “The ba—” She hiccups. “The baby. Something’s wrong. It hurts.”

  My heart pounds, and my vision blurs. Please, God, don’t take them away from me.

  “Where are you?” I jump in the truck, starting it before I’m all the way in and taking off before my door is shut.

  “The new shopping center. I have to get to the hospital.”

  “I’m on my way. I’ll be there in ten minutes. I’m just across town.” I speed through a yellow light, praying there aren’t any cops around.

  “I can make it to the hospital. Meet me there. I don’t want to waste any time.”

  “Why don’t you wait and let me drive you? I don’t want you driving while you’re this upset.” I switch lanes to get around a car, almost clipping another, and the driver blares the horn. I have to get to her.

  “I’m okay. Talking to you helps.”

  Her crying has slowed, and she seems to be more in control, but I don’t want to risk it.

  “I would feel better if you would wait and let me drive you.” Move, people. I flash my lights, begging them to get out of my way, but traffic is backed up.

  “I’m already halfway there. I don’t want to chance it, Josh. I have to get there so they can tell me what’s wrong.”

  I know she’s right, but I just wish I was with her. “Please be careful.” Never in my life have I felt so helpless.

  “I will. Will you stay on the phone with me until I get there? Just hearing your voice is keeping me calmer.”

  “I’m not going anywhere, Kitten. I’ll do anything for you.”

  “I know.” She starts to cry again.

  “Hey, none of that.” Shit. Keep her calm, but what do I say? Every worst-case scenario is running through my mind.

  “I’m just scared. I can’t bear to lose him, Josh.”

  “Me too, baby, but he’s got your blood running through him. He’s a fighter.” Please let my words be true. I’m not sure what it would do to Tiffany—or me for that matter—but she’s had so much going on the past few months that I don’t think she can take any more.

  “I’m here.”

  I take a deep, cleansing breath and feel a small amount of relief that she’s where someone can help he
r. Now just let me get there so I can hold her in my arms.

  “I’m only five minutes away now.”

  “I’ve got to get off here so I can go get checked in. Please hurry, but be careful.”

  “Be there in a minute, and I will.” I love you is on the tip of my tongue, but she’s already gone before I get the courage to say it.

  ***

  I find Tiffany on the labor and delivery floor. She’s lying on a hospital bed, already changed into a gown. A nurse is hooking bands around her stomach with a round puck-shaped attachment. Rushing over, I grab her hand.

  I would give anything to pull her into my arms and hold her, but I know I need to let them do whatever they’re doing.

  “Josh.” She sobs and reaches for me.

  I thought she was broken before, but now she’s completely devastated.

  “Have they said anything yet? What’s going on? Is the baby okay?” I take a deep breath and get myself in check. Lobbing all of these questions at her is not going to help, but I can’t help wanting to know what’s happened.

  “No, they called the doctor and said someone will be here soon. From the sounds of it, they think it might be preterm labor, but they need to hook me to this machine to monitor me and see if I’m having contractions.”

  “Okay, everything’s going to be okay.” I stroke her hair off her face and pray like hell I’m not lying to her. She’s been through enough. There’s no way God would be so cruel as to take this away from her, too. Right?

  “It has to be okay. I can’t lose him, Josh. I can’t take him from you. God, I’m so sorry I’ve been stupid. I’ll never forgive myself.” She breaks down and starts crying again, and I lean down, wrapping my arms around her.

  “You’re not stupid. Don’t say that.” I kiss the side of her head and whisper in her ear, “Calm down, Kitten. Everything’s going to be fine.”

  She hiccups and burrows in closer, making my heart clench with fear yet soar with happiness that I finally have her in my arms again.

  Whap. Whap. Whap.