Superheroes Suck

by Jamie Zakian

  “You can’t put a price on this.” He stopped in front of the floor-length window to admire himself. “I feel like a diva galore, but technically they cost one thousand forty-five dollars.”

  A gasp flew from Shay’s mouth before she could stop it. That was far more than one week’s worth of groceries.

  “No wonder Evie wanted to snag this job tonight. My sister’s a shoe addict.”

  “Aren’t we all?” Ollie continued to walk along the windows, striking random poses. “You think Firestorm would like me in these?”

  “Firestorm is not gay.” Shay held up her hand, as if that could somehow block Ollie’s flights of fancy from invading her thought process. There were many, many videos on the internet proving Firestorm’s frisky hetero behavior. She was not going to get into this argument again because one blogger posted an unfounded article.

  “Yes, he is. Did you see what he was doing when Amaza-Luxie kissed?”

  “Hold up.” Shay sat tall on the couch, but that didn’t help her comprehend Ollie’s babble. “Amaza-Luxie?”

  “Yeah. You take Mr. Amazing and Electric-Luxie, smooch them together and you get Amaza-Luxie.”

  “Umm. That’s just … No.”

  Ollie rushed toward the couch in a clank of heels. “But you saw what he did tonight? Firestorm?”

  “No. I was watching the kiss, like all the other sane people.”

  Ollie waved off Shay. “Firestorm knelt over Antiserum. He lifted the villain into his strong, sexy arms and whispered into his ear.”

  “That did not happen.” Shay flopped back against the couch cushions and crossed her arms. “I was there.”

  “Da’ Nile is more than a river, honey.” Ollie snatched the remote off the couch. He flipped through channels until finding a superhero recap, an easy feat on a showdown night.

  “Look. There it is.” He ran up to the large screen and pointed beyond the close-up of a super passionate superhero kiss. Far in the background, cloaked in the shadow of fallen stone, Firestorm crouched over Antiserum on the sidewalk.

  “What the—” Shay dashed beside Ollie to join him in gawking at the television. Sure enough, it played out just as Ollie described. “What do you think he’s saying to Antiserum?”

  “Something like … I’m sorry I left you and drove you evil. I promise if you change your ways, I’ll take you back.” Ollie clutched his chest, rocking softly on those high heels.

  “I’m being for real.”

  “So am I.”

  “Anyway.” Shay dropped back onto the couch and kicked her feet up on the coffee table. “Did you do that economics essay?”

  “Oh crap.” Ollie grabbed his sneakers and headed for the front door. “I gotta jet. Catch ya tomorrow.”

  “Leave the heels,” Shay called out, reaching for the remote.

  “Yeah. Yeah.”

  The door squeaked open and then clicked shut. Shay looked over her shoulder at an empty foyer. A heavy silence lingered throughout the condo, despite the commercial blasting through the television’s speakers. She always felt this way when Ollie went home—extra hollow. It was his shine. The guy amped up the world’s sparkle each time he arrived, then sucked it from the area when he left.

  A buzz shook Shay’s cell phone. She wrangled it from her jean pocket and unlocked the screen.

  Evie: Do your homework! Aren’t you glad I checked in :)

  “I’m doing my homework,” Shay grumbled, using her toes to reach for her backpack. “And yeah. I am glad you checked in.”

  The scent of bacon drew Shay from sleep. She almost hopped from the bed and bolted out of her room, except Evie would flip her lid if she emerged unprepared for school.

  Without bothering to look, she put on the first pair of jeans and whatever shirt touched her hand. A quick stop at the mirror to tie her hair in a bun and she was out her bedroom door.

  “Smells good,” Shay said. She rounded the long counter that separated the kitchen and living room then sat at one of the tall stools.

  Evie turned from the stove. Her good morning smile swiftly morphed to a but really leer.

  “You look …” Evie curved back to her pan of eggs. “Interesting.”

  Shay flipped through a magazine, nodding to cover the fact she wasn’t listening. “How’d it go last night?”

  “One-point-two million in damages. Downtown’s going to be a mess for at least a week.” Evie sat a plate of scrambled eggs and bacon atop the magazine, covering a full-page glossy of Mr. Amazing’s chiseled jaw. “I’m looking at a huge payoff if today goes well.”

  “Yay. More shoes.”

  “What?” Evie asked, pouring two glasses of orange juice.

  “Nothing.” Shay moved her plate off Mr. Amazing’s face. Mr. Amazing … what an understatement. His light beige skin, jet-black hair, and the virtuous look in his deep brown eyes went far beyond the standard hunk qualities. He was a super hunk. Electric-Luxie was so lucky just to breathe the same air as him.

  Shay lifted her fork and its tip dug into her lip, sending pieces of fluffy egg to her lap.

  “How do you miss your mouth?” Evie smirked, sitting on the stool beside Shay. “I guess you have a solid excuse to change your outfit now.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with my clothes.” Shay wiped bits of egg into her napkin.

  “But—”

  “Look at your outfit.”

  Evie looked at her silky sleeveless top and wrinkle-free slacks. “I just got home. These are last night’s clothes, and I still look magnificent.”

  “I gotta go.” Shay hopped off the stool and grabbed her backpack. “Don’t wanna miss the bus.”

  “It’s still early. You haven’t finished your breakfast.”

  “It’s delish.” She shoved a heap of now cold eggs into her mouth then crammed in her last piece of bacon. “But the bus is running early.” Her words came out in garbles and she swallowed her mouthful of food, then chased it with a gulp of juice. “Because of the detours.”

  “Right. Sorry about that, it was my idea.”

  “No worries. It’s a good idea. Evie?” When Evie turned to face Shay, Shay’s throat sealed closed. She wanted to tell her sister how proud she was of her and how much she admired her, but it sounded cheesy in her head. “Have a good day.”

  “You too. Why don’t you stop by my office after school? We can go out, have a nice dinner.”

  “Awesome.” A quick peek at her cell phone showed three texts from Ollie, all vids of his morning outfit selection. Shay tapped the screen, snickering as she watched his fashion montage, and opened the front door.

  “Brush your teeth,” Evie called out, stopping Shay in the doorway.

  The moment Shay walked from her apartment building and stepped onto the sidewalk, Ollie stomped toward her with his hands on his hips.

  “Oh, no. You gotta go change,” Ollie said, shaking his finger and his head at her outfit.

  “What’s wrong with this?” For the first time this morning, Shay actually looked at her clothes. They seemed fine. The fit was proper.

  “Red jeans and a bright green shirt, with polka dots! Girl, you look like a crazed elf who just escaped Santa’s workshop.”

  Shay pulled at the bottom of her tee shirt. She had enough problems fitting in at school. The academic crowd hated her for throwing off the grading curve. She had no coordination for sports, and apparently her fashion sense was flawed.

  “There’s nothing I can do about it now, the bus—”

  Air brakes whooshed as a Gemini City bus rolled beside the curb. Its glass door slid open and Shay’s stomach dropped. She’d turn around, run back to her condo, and play hooky for the day, but it’d kill her inside to tarnish her perfect attendance record.

  “Come on,” Ollie said in a groan, climbing onto the bus. “We’ll just have to cross our fingers and hope everyone’s gone blind.”

  In the boardroom at Ling Enterprises, Max shifted in a s
tiff chair. He stared at his reflection on the glossy table in front of him. The city saw a celebrity … a hero when they looked at him, yet he saw a coward. After years of barely surviving beatdowns, he’d finally captured his arch nemesis and he couldn’t bring himself to face the guy. He’d actually shown up to one of Simon and Alexie’s superhero meetings to avoid the man imprisoned in this building’s basement.

  “We’ve received another summons.”

  Simon’s voice cut into Max’s thoughts before it traveled out to circle the wide-open boardroom.

  “Let me see that.” Max leaned onto the table and snatched the paper from Simon’s hand. “My name’s not even on here. I’m Max Storm, not Firestorm. Who’d they mail this to, Mr. Amazing?”

  He turned the paper over and read the address label. “Nope. It’s to you, Simon Ling, but on the summons they put Mr. Amazing. We shouldn’t have to go.”

  “Max is right,” Alexie said, which surprised Max more than Simon. “If they don’t even have the decency to use our real names, why should we show up? I’d like to issue a summons to the idiot who came up with Electric-Luxie. It’s so stupid.”

  “You should listen to your fake girlfriend,” Max said, winking at Simon.

  Simon glowered, almost a growl, his fingers curling into a fist.

  “I mean Alexie.” Max lifted his hands, scooting his chair away from Simon. “You should listen to Alexie.”

  “Don’t start, Max,” Alexie said through gritted teeth.

  Sitting around a shiny table and pretending to live a perfect life would be the reason Max skipped the daily superhero meetings.

  “I lied to a reporter last month, told him I was a gay man to cover for someone, and I only know one gay man.”

  Alexie crashed her elbows onto the table. “It wasn’t a reporter. It was a blogger, and he only had ten followers and a blurry photo.”

  “I’m not gay.” Simon crossed his large arms over top his puffed-up chest. “Ling men can’t be gay.”

  “The one in front of me is,” Max mumbled beneath his breath.

  “Alexie. Tell him I’m not gay.”

  “That’s enough, Max.” Alexie threw a pen across the table, striking Max in the chest. “You know Simon’s father is a Ling, which means he can only be half-gay.”

  Alexie snickered, Max chuckled, and Simon jumped to his feet.

  “You guys suck.” Simon stomped across the boardroom. The entire building rumbled under each of his heavy steps. He walked from the room, slamming the door shut behind him, and the concrete wall above it cracked right up to the ceiling.

  “Do you always have to get him going?” Alexie stood, slowly, her stern gaze locked on Max. “It’s getting really expensive to keep fixing this building.”

  “You should tell Mr. Amazing to control his temper … tantrums.” Max hoisted his hands behind his head as he lounged back in his chair.

  “Teasing someone about their sexuality is not okay.”

  “I’m not trying to tease him. I just want him to be honest with himself. He’s miserable, hasn’t smiled in … ever. If he could burst out of his shell the way he burst out of this room, he’d be much happier.”

  “That’s not for you to decide.” Alexie grabbed the summons from the table and headed toward the door.

  “Where are you going?”

  “To calm Simon down so we can suit up and go to Gemini City Indemnity. We have a new nemesis.” Alexie glanced at the paper in her hand. “Evie Sinclair.”

  Shay trotted down stone steps, practically running away from Gemini City High. Seven hours of school and she received twenty-seven comments on her clothes, all harsh. Not the best of days.

  “Shay. Wait up,” Ollie yelled above the chatter.

  The groups of people hanging on the school’s front steps seemed to grow quiet as Shay passed and she ducked her head lower. A few snickers erupted and she picked up the pace to avoid a twenty-eighth comment.

  “Your grandma wants her shirt back,” some pimply freshman said.

  A freshman! The situation just went far beyond humiliation. She may have to reconsider her choice to stay in high school, and jump ahead to college like her guidance counselor suggested. This whole disastrous day was Evie’s fault, for letting her leave the apartment dressed like a Christmas-loving freak.

  “What’s the hurry?” Ollie asked, jogging beside Shay. “We still have thirty minutes until the bus.”

  “I’m walking.”

  “We live five blocks over. Is this because of the outfit faux pas? It’ll blow over the next time Missy Teagle’s thong strap shows.”

  “No.” Shay rounded the corner and headed down Liberty Street. “I don’t care what those people say. I’ll probably never see any of them again once we graduate.”

  The city buzzed around Shay, its pulse beating like a giant heart of metal and glass. Horns honked, children laughed, a vendor called out his daily deal. The hustle and bustle soothed her mind, covering all her worries in its chaos. She slowed her rushed steps, her chest unclenching.

  This had been exactly what Shay wanted. She’d put aside a chance to graduate early, and a full ride to MIT, for the normal high school experience. Having to live down a tragic outfit couldn’t be any more normal.

  Shay stopped on the busy sidewalk and turned to face Ollie. “I’m cool, just meeting Evie at her office. We’re going out to dinner.”

  “Don’t you wanna change first?”

  “There’s no point now. Pretty much everyone saw me.”

  Ollie tugged at Shay’s sleeve. “Who knows, maybe you’ll start a trend.”

  “Yeah. We can call it loser,” she said through a grin.

  “No. Geek-chic. Let’s take down your hair.” Ollie shook Shay’s bun loose, draping her tangled waves of blond hair over her shoulders. “There. That covers up the top half of this hideous shirt, which we’re burning later tonight.”

  “For real,” she said, nodding.

  “I’m out. Gotta get a latte before the bus.”

  Ollie kissed the air directly above Shay’s cheek then hurried back up Liberty Street. She continued her stroll, absorbing the warmth only a lively city could produce.

  Sunlight gleamed off the many tall buildings, reflecting a rainbow of colors onto the sidewalk. There were people shuffling all around Shay, but their voices had become muffled. Nothing could pop the impenetrable bubble of bliss created by the sun’s rays, which seemed to shine only on her.

  She followed a path of sparkly light, right to the big glass doors of her sister’s office building. Once she stepped inside, away from the sun’s grasp, a chill crept over her. The wide-open lobby of Gemini City Indemnity was extra creepy this afternoon, being emptier than usual.

  With a wave to the security guard at the front desk, Shay ducked into the stairwell and took to the concrete steps. She loved it in here. The echoes, solitude, and colorless walls reminded her of childhood.

  Since the accident, she spent every day of every summer in this enormous building. The hallways were the hot zones, where the suits hollered. Top floor was no-man’s land, home to the evil executives. Of course, cafeteria was base. But this stairwell, it had always been her special hideaway. A place where no one thought to tread, except her.

  The fifth-floor door squeaked, as expected, and she strolled into the hall. The rows of cubicles in the center of the floor sat mostly bare. It was strange for three o’clock on a Thursday.

  When Shay stepped into Evie’s office, her stare stuck to the closed door before Ms. Mayfair, the only secretary who could handle her sister’s ‘tude, blocked her view.

  “Why is Evie’s door shut?” Shay asked, bobbing to see beyond Ms. Mayfair’s round body. “She always leaves it open, to spy on productivity.”

  “The president is in there,” Ms. Mayfair whispered.

  “Mr. Johnson’s here!”

  “Not of the country, of the company. Mr. Wellington himself.”


  “Is that bad?” Shay looked over her shoulder, through the glass divider at all the barren desks. “Did everybody get fired?”

  “They sent almost everyone home early. There’s some VIP clients coming in. Mr. Wellington came to prepare for the meeting with your sister.”

  “Wow. That’s major. Should I make myself scarce?”

  “Probably a good idea. It shouldn’t take more than an hour, hopefully.”

  “You know where I’ll be.” Shay slipped out of Evie’s office. The books in her backpack thumped against her spine as she padded back down the hall. Just like the old days, she slipped into the stairwell and sat on the top step.

  As she reached for her cell phone, a door opened far below. Footsteps echoed up the stairwell, bouncing off the cramped walls, and Shay scooted to the rail. She stared down the stairwell. A hint of glittery fabric caught her gaze, and drove her heart into her throat.

  Shay jolted back from the railing as the footsteps grew louder, and that’s when it happened.

  Mr. Amazing, Electric-Luxie, and Firestorm rounded the landing. They were in her stairwell, breathing in her discarded air. Although she knew her jaw hung open, for the life of her she could not get it to shut. Her mind screamed get pictures but her dumb body didn’t budge.

  Three superheroes walked past Shay, staring her down, and a rush of excitement flooded her chest. A silky cape brushed her arm and she gasped, darting her eyes away from its owner.

  The door behind Shay squeaked open and her entire body, including her lungs, froze. Only once the heavy door slammed to a shut did her cinched airways open. A giggle pushed its way from her chest, choking itself out when Firestorm sat on the top step beside her.

  In almost slow motion, Shay looked at the man whose butt was planted on the very step as her own. It took a few seconds for her gaze to part from the ridges of muscles under a tight red jumpsuit, but she finally peeked at the guy’s face. It really was him. Freaking Firestorm was sitting right next to her, so close his musky cologne tickled her nose.