Superheroes Suck

by Jamie Zakian

  “Not again.” Her hands hit the dirt and another round of not so awesome anymore blue drink came up.

  “What in the world?”

  Shay looked up from the puke-pile below her. At first, her heart fluttered at the sight of Alexie’s sparkly blue jumpsuit. A superhero had come to her aid, right when she needed one most. Then she saw Alexie’s scowl.

  “Blue awesomeness,” Shay said through pants. “Too much. I had too much.”

  “Yeah. I don’t know what that means.” Alexie inched away from Shay. She looked through the trees, at the screaming people running from the lake’s side. “I’m gonna get your sister.”

  “No!” Shay reached for Alexie, only able to swat the fringe of her cape. “I do not want to see her right now.”

  “Did something happen?” Alexie knelt beside Shay and brushed clumps of matted hair from her face. “Between you and Evie?”

  “Umm yeah. Evie totally hooked up with Max last night.”

  “In front of you?”

  “No.” Shay plopped down on the grass. She pulled her knees to her chest, took one look at her vomit covered shoes, and stretched her legs back out. “They thought I was asleep, which might be worse.”

  “Why?” Alexie sat next to Shay, as if groups of teens weren’t being attacked by a supervillain only yards away. “Are you and Max a thing?”

  Shay looked at Alexie, way too fast, and a bout of the spins hit her once again. “You know we’re not a thing, but it feels like he belongs to me.”

  “That’s the second soul inside you talking.” Alexie hopped to her feet then held her hand out in front of Shay. “Up, drunkie. I’m taking you home.”

  Standing wasn’t as hard as Shay expected, especially with a superhero doing most of the work. The walk back to the car might be a different story.

  “Hold on tight,” Alexie said, wrapping Shay in a bear hug.

  “What? We’re flying?” Shay tried to squirm away, but Alexie had one hella grip.

  “My teleportation power is in the shop.”

  “No way. I’m not gonna be the girl who throws up on Electric-Luxie midair.”

  “Then you better close your eyes, and your mouth.”

  Before Shay could speak, her feet were off the ground. She held onto Alexie tight as they soared through the air. Far below her dangling feet, she glimpsed Max and Simon corner Antiserum at the lake’s edge before tall buildings blocked her view.

  “I should be helping them,” Shay muttered.

  Alexie landed on the roof of Ling Enterprise, slowly letting go of Shay.

  “Yeah, you should’ve been,” she said, taking off in a crackle of lightning.

  Evie pushed through flocks of screaming people. She stared down a small slope that led to the lake and scanned the crowd of frightened faces.

  Shay would never leave her lab for this. The pop-up rave at Midtown Lake looked passé. Granted, supervillains had blown the sound system to charred pieces, but still. There weren’t hors d’oeuvres or gift bags being passed around. The news, police scanners, and Ollie’s texts must be a mistake.

  She turned, only to collide with hard plastic. A solid, black chest plate … she’d just walked into a solid, black chest plate and only one type of person wore those: a supervillain.

  Although her brain begged to stay ignorant, she looked up at the man in front of her. Shock turned Evie’s muscles to stone as she stared at the shapeless fabric mask of Dr. Mayhem. She opened her mouth to scream, but only a gasp trickled out.

  Dr. Mayhem lifted his arm. His gloved hand reached for Evie, and still her stupid legs wouldn’t budge.

  The rough tip of a glove glided along Evie’s cheek and she closed her eyes. Deep booms of fireballs, terror-filled cries, and the tiny voice in her head that shouted for her to run all fell under the thump of her heart’s beat.

  In a gust of heated air, the dark presence around Evie lifted. She opened her eyes. Dr. Mayhem’s cloak fluttered as he walked down the hill, away from her. The tightness in her chest loosened. Air rushed back into her lungs, bringing with it enough sense to remember the weapon in her purse.

  Evie reached inside her purse. The cold metal of Shay’s sonic gun grazed her palm. She grabbed onto its handle and lifted the weapon, holding it close to her chest.

  Through crowds of people, she glimpsed Dr. Mayhem creep behind Simon and Max. He stretched his arms out, holding his palms overtop their heads.

  Simon and Max turned away from Antiserum, and then started hurling fists at each other. Dr. Mayhem stepped beside Antiserum. It looked like the two villains were chuckling as they watched Simon and Max punch the crap out of one another, but Evie couldn’t tell. All she could hear were the frantic screams of annoyingly inebriated teenagers.

  The heels of Evie’s shoes sunk into damp earth as she hurried down the grassy hillside. She pushed and shoved to keep from being trampled by the wave of people who ran away from the supervillains she rushed toward.

  Once she reached the bottom of the hill, beyond the mobs of terrified people, the villains were gone. Just an empty fire-singed field remained, with two superheroes rolling in the grass and beating each other to a pulp.

  Evie ran beside Simon, who pinned Max in a chokehold, and kicked them both in their sides.

  “Snap out of it,” she yelled, but they didn’t so much as glance her way.

  Simon picked Max off the ground, lifted him high above his head, then slammed his back against a bench seat.

  Wood and metal shot out as Simon drove Max into the gravel. A wall of flames built before Max’s palms. He pushed his hands out and a wave of flames flung Simon backward.

  The fringe of Max’s fire blast knocked Evie to her knees. They weren’t going to stop. Whatever Dr. Mayhem did to them, it wouldn’t end until one or both of them died.

  Evie lifted the sonic blaster. A pang of dread hit her stomach as she pointed the gun at Max and Simon. This weapon killed Shay, but she had to do something.

  “Stop,” Alexie yelled. Her voice rumbled the air like thunder, and thick bolts of blue lightning struck the ground as she landed beside Evie. “What are these two fools doing?”

  Evie ducked as a ball of flames, which had been intended for Simon, soared overhead. She ran behind Alexie, using the woman as a superhero shield.

  “Dr. Mayhem put the whammy on them. They won’t stop.”

  “And you thought it’d be a good idea to shoot them with the highly lethal weapon that killed your sister?”

  “They’re superheroes. I figured they could take the blast.”

  Alexie let out a huff and stepped closer to the bloody men, who slowed in the exchange of blows but showed no signs of stopping. A hiss sizzled above the slap of fists as tiny arms of electricity danced between her fingertips.

  She pointed at Simon and Max. Blue lightning streamed from her fingertip. The wide bolt struck the men wrestling on the ground, and launched their bodies through the air.

  As Alexie spun to face Evie, Simon and Max plunged into the lake. “Whammy fixed.”

  “Did you find Shay?” Evie glanced around the near empty field, ignoring the small groups of crying, non-Shay girls.

  “Yeah.” Alexie quickly turned away from Evie, looking at Max as he crawled from the lake. “Shay was in the lab this whole time. Some girl was running around the party pretending to be her.”

  “That’s what I thought. Shay wouldn’t be caught dead at a tacky event like this.”

  Max sparked a whirlwind of flames around his body, and Evie shielded her face from its heat. The fire sputtered out and he adjusted his now dry suit.

  “Thanks, Lexie,” he said, helping Simon from the lake.

  “Why did you attack Simon?” Evie asked Max. She dropped the gun into her purse and grabbed her cell phone to record his answer.

  “I thought I was attacking Lucius.”

  “Me too.” Simon pushed his dislocated shoulder back into place, groaning when
the bone popped into its socket. “We need to find a way to block Cyrus from our minds.”

  “I’ll get Shay on top of that.” Evie pulled up her contacts list and Alexie placed her hand atop the phone’s screen.

  “Let me. I used to date Cyrus, I know a little something about how his mind works.”

  Lightning flashed and the wind bellowed as Alexie shot off the ground. Evie cupped her eyes to block the sun’s rays, watching Alexie fly between gleaming skyscrapers.

  “She dated Dr. Mayhem?”

  “Before he went dark,” Max said.

  Simon smoothed back his wet hair, then wrung lake water from his cape. “I still think Cyrus brainwashed her.”

  “None of this is in my files.” Evie rubbed her forehead, but the spike of annoyance lingered. She had an entire server’s worth of information on superheroes, and one page of general data on Antiserum and Dr. Mayhem. Whatever details were on that page had eluded her, and the more she thought about the villains the foggier her brain became.

  “I don’t even know what Antiserum and Dr. Mayhem look like without their masks.”

  “Yeah.” Simon frowned, glancing at Max. “A few years ago, Cyrus broadcasted his brainwaves throughout the city. It seemed to have erased their identities from everybody’s minds.”

  “What?” Fury clutched onto Evie. It was one thing to wreck her city, but violating her mind crossed every moral line.

  “The only reason it didn’t affect us is because we flew up,” Max pointed at the puffy clouds above them, “over the signal. I pelted Cyrus with fireballs while Alexie fried the broadcast tower.”

  “I feel robbed.” Evie wrapped her arms around herself, but it provided very little comfort. “No wonder you guys don’t want me around. I can’t help. I don’t even know anything about … Lucius and Cyrus?”

  “I’ll see if I can dig up some stuff for you,” Simon said.

  Like Alexie, he rocketed off the ground and flew toward Ling Enterprises, leaving Evie alone with Max. She silently prayed Max would jet off toward the sky as well, but he stayed in front of her with his gaze low.

  “How’d you know we were here?” he asked, glancing at the now wrecked gazebos and wooden benches beside the lake.

  “I was on a date at the restaurant across the street and heard it on the police scanner.”

  “Do you need a lift back?” Max grinned as he pointed at the sky.

  “No thanks. I only fly on planes, and my driver’s waiting.” To run from this awkward conversation would be crass, so Evie slowly backed away.

  “About last night—”

  “That was a mistake.” Evie’s tone verged on the rude side, and she dialed it down a notch. “I mean. We should just forget about that, never mention it again.”

  “Yeah.” Max rubbed the back of his neck, shrugging. “That’s … what I was thinking, also. Plus, you have a boyfriend.”

  “Who I like very much, but don’t mention him either. I haven’t told Shay about him yet. The timing … and you.”

  “I get it.”

  “Good.” Evie picked up the backward pace, stumbling on the hill’s slope. “I’ll see you later.”

  “You sure you’re good to get back?”

  “Yep.” With a wave, Evie turned from what she considered her biggest near hookup mistake to date. She did have a boyfriend, and she really was starting to love him, but he wasn’t the person who caused guilt to eat away at her insides. Fitz was an easy-going man. He’d most likely forgive her misdeed. But if Shay found out what happened on the suite’s couch last night, she’d lose her little sister forever.

  Shay sat at a workstation in the lab, holding her head in her hands. Even after a shower, comfy clothes, non-puke shoes, and about a gallon of coffee, her brain still whirled and pounded. She had no idea what had happened at the lake. Ollie wouldn’t talk to her. He accused her of ditching him at the party to make-out with a jock in the woods. The last text he sent to her said they needed to take a break. Then he blocked her, from calling and on social media.

  She didn’t understand. She’d been with Ollie in the woods, not a jock.

  “Hey,” Alexie said, sitting on the stool across from Shay. “You look rough.”

  “I feel rough. Why do people drink? It’s only fun for the first ten minutes.”

  Alexie snickered. “It’s different when you’re older. That’s why there’s a drinking age.”

  “Right.”

  “Listen.” Alexie slapped her palm on the shiny table, not only rattling the scatter of motherboards lying atop it but Shay’s brain as well. “Evie should be back soon. I told her you were here, in the lab this whole time, and that some girl was impersonating you.”

  “But, everyone was snapping pics. My face will probably be on the five o’clock news, and the cover of Superhero Weekly.”

  “With the way you were dressed, and the clown makeup painted on your face, Evie will never believe it was you.”

  “Thanks for looking out, after I got puke on your suit.” Shay tried to force a smile, but the shame inside her wouldn’t allow it.

  “I’ve had worse on my suit.” Alexie rose from the stool and headed for the door. “Oh, I almost forgot.” She stopped in the lab’s wide doorway, looking back at Shay.

  “We need a device to block Dr. Mayhem from our minds. He uses some kind of mental projection, beams his thoughts into people’s brains. I’m sure you’ll figure something out.”

  Shay dropped her head onto the table. The cool metal felt like bliss against her heated forehead. Right now, she couldn’t muster up a substantial thought let alone create a gadget to block others.

  “Hetal,” Shay yelled. Her voice bounced off the table in front of her face and punched her in the brain harder than a superhero hit. A groan carried her upright. She swayed on the stool, its legs tapping the concrete floor as it rocked.

  “I converted the power source on the forcefield generator.” Hetal maneuvered around disassembled machines while struggling to carry a thick steel tube. “But, it’s bigger now.”

  The heavy pipe, which was supposed to be a slim forcefield generator one could carry into battle, thumped against the table. Shay massaged her achy temples. She only took quick peeks at the monstrosity atop her workbench, a workbench she’d planned on resting her head upon all night. Anything more than a glance at the failed experiment could cause her to break out into a cranky-girl hissy fit.

  “This is not practical,” Shay said, pushing the clunky long tube to the edge of her table. She could just see herself now, falling flat on her face while running into a battle with this thing.

  “I know.” Hetal slumped onto the stool beside Shay. “But unless you make this thing nuclear powered, there’s not much more I can do.”

  “I’ll just … make it work. There’s something more important we need to deal with.”

  “Your TV debut?”

  “What?”

  “I saw you on the news, slamming shots and yelling about how superheroes suck.”

  Shay cringed. Dinner with Evie was going to be fun.

  “Crap.” Shay looked at the clock on the wall, saw she was five minutes late for dinner, and jumped to her feet. “I’ll be back in an hour.”

  Halfway to the door, Shay remembered why she’d yelled for Hetal and doubled back to the workbench. “We need to construct a device that can block brainwaves. Something small; pocket-sized, but strong enough to cover a fifty-foot radius.”

  “Oh, is that it?” Hetal shook her head. “I know very little about neuroscience.”

  “Me neither. I’ll do some research while I’m gone.” Shay walked to the lab’s door. She stopped in its threshold and glanced back at Hetal.

  The woman’s tiny frame looked even smaller while alone in the spacious lab, her brown skin smoother against the bright gleam of stainless steel. It didn’t seem right to Shay, for her to run off while Hetal was holed up in a cold room, alone, working.


  “Get some grub, take a few hours to chill.”

  “This is how I chill.”

  “Smart girl,” Shay said, walking into the hallway. Lab chilling was far better than lake partying. If only she’d known that earlier, her head wouldn’t be all fuzzy and gut twisty.

  Shay stepped into the elevator, holding her stomach as the lift shot up seventy-six floors.

  “You had one job,” Lucius shouted. He paced on the cracked floor of the asylum’s old dayroom in attempt to vent his anger. It wasn’t working. “Get the girl, bring the girl to Cyrus. It’s not like I asked you to hack Shay’s cell phone, sift through hundreds of ridiculous messages, organize an attack. No, I did all that.”

  Mimic flashed through shapes—an old black woman, a scrawny kid dressed in pink, Lucius complete with steel mask, before transforming into the curvy blonde woman it loved parading around in so much.

  “I’m sorry. Shay started puking then Electric-Luxie showed up. I got scared and ran.”

  Lucius raised his hand, his hooked fingers hovering at Mimic’s throat. “Scared and ran?”

  “I don’t have any other powers except shapeshifting. It’s not like I get the person’s abilities when I shift into them, just their form. Hits break me. Fire and lightning kill me.”

  “That’s not the only thing that’ll kill you.” Lucius grabbed Mimic by the throat and squeezed.

  “It thinks because it looks like a hot chick we won’t hurt it,” Cyrus said, stepping beside Lucius. “But really, a fluke is just a fluke.”

  “An under-cooked supervillain,” Lucius said in a sneer. “Maybe I should toss it back in the machine, let it finish baking.”

  “That wouldn’t work. Another dose of radiation from my machine, and this mutation of a person will die.”

  “I can do better.” Mimic gagged while squirming to get out of Lucius’s tight grip. “Please.”

  Lucius narrowed his eyes. For the life of him, he couldn’t fathom how something could be so beneficial yet useless at the same time. He released his clutch and Mimic fell to the floor, coughing.