by Diana Palmer
Absently she toyed with the salt shaker, turning it around and around on the table with the tips of her fingers. “Where will you go from here?” she asked in a very low and quiet voice.
Luke blinked, as though suddenly coming awake. “I don’t know.”
“Where’s the next big rodeo in October?”
“I don’t know that, either.”
“Haven’t you done any checking into it?”
“No, I haven’t.” Luke leaned forward. The ceiling light was reflecting in Maris’s hair, appearing as shiny golden and reddish highlights. “Maris…I said some things to you today…”
“And I said just as bad to you, Luke. Let’s not start apologizing again. Not tonight.”
He could see the unnatural glistening of her eyes, the pallor of her skin. Old Terrance’s death had affected her very strongly. Oddly, it had also brought Ray’s death closer and somehow made it more grievous for Maris.
“All right,” he agreed, getting to his feet. “I’ll say good-night.” He glanced at the dirty dishes on the table. “Unless you’d like some help with the dishes. In fact, why don’t you let me clean the kitchen and you go and lie down?”
As though jerked to her feet by an invisible hand, Maris stood and began stacking dishes. She wasn’t an invalid, for heaven’s sake, just shaken up. “Thanks for the offer, but I’d rather keep busy.”
Without another word Luke left. He and Maris had no real relationship and why did he keep thinking they did? There was an ache in his gut, a sadness, that he didn’t know how to combat. It was for everyone on the No Bull, for Keith and what he must be going through, for Maris and her strength and her weaknesses, so at odds with each other, and for himself, a man who had mindlessly drifted for nearly twenty years and now realized that he would never again be content with that careless, freewheeling life-style.
After the kitchen was back in order, Maris sat in the living room. She kept listening for some sound from Keith’s room, some indication of his presence. There was nothing, and she couldn’t stop thinking of him in there alone. The mantel clock ticked off the minutes, then the hours. Finally she got to her feet. Unnerved or not, she couldn’t sit up all night.
Passing the door to Keith’s room on the way to her own, Maris stopped to listen again. Unable to bear the silence any longer, she slowly turned the knob and pushed the door open only enough to see into the room. Keith was fully dressed, wide-awake and lying on top of the bed covers, with the nightstand light burning.
“Keith? Are you all right?”
His head turned on the pillow to look at her, then, abruptly, he swung his feet to the floor and sat up. “I don’t know, Maris. How does a person know if he’s all right?”
This was not a child speaking to her, Maris realized as she entered the room and sat down on its one chair. She had thought of Keith as a boy since Jessica had first brought him to the ranch, but he had lost the last remnants of childhood today and looked and sounded like a man.
“Good question,” Maris said quietly. “I’m sure it’s one that most people ask themselves at one time or another. There’s so much stress involved with losing a family member that days of confusion aren’t at all out of the ordinary. It happened to me when my parents died.”
Keith lifted his eyes to look at her. “And when Ray was killed?”
Maris took a breath. “There was stress at that time, yes, but it was different than when my parents died.”
“Different how?”
Maris thought for a moment. Keith needed honesty right now, but how much honesty was she strong enough to give him? His eyes looked old and weary, she saw. He was obviously struggling with his own private memories of his father, and quite possibly feeling guilty because he hadn’t loved Terrance. It was that guilt Maris wanted to eliminate.
“I didn’t love Ray, Keith. I was sorry he died, but the sorrow was for his wasted life, not for me. I believe that when someone dies whom you love very much, then the grief you feel is for yourself. You know how much you’re going to miss this person, and you actually torture yourself by remembering the good times you’d had together. That’s the way it was with my parents. With Ray…” Maris paused, realizing that this was the first time she had said these things aloud. “With Ray I almost felt a sense of relief. He had caused me a great deal of heartache and unhappiness, and I felt…I thought…” Her voice faltered. There were so many aspects of her marriage she couldn’t tell this young man about. She shaped a shaky little smile. “I think I’ve said enough for you to understand.”
“Dad never loved me,” Keith said in a voice so low Maris could only just hear him. “He probably never loved anyone. He was never nice, Maris, not to anyone, not the way you and Luke are.”
Maris stood up to pull her chair closer to the bed. Seated again, she reached for Keith’s hand and looked directly into his eyes. “I want you to know with all your heart and soul that this is your home. I’d like you to consider me as family, Keith. Is that possible?”
He nodded. “I’d like that, Maris. When I went to see my dad that day, he said he wanted me to live with him when he got out of prison. I didn’t want to. I didn’t believe he had changed. Luke said for me to tell him to stay sober for a year and then maybe I would live with him again.”
“Luke said that? Then you discussed it with him.”
Keith nodded again. “Luke’s great, Maris.” Keith’s eyes dropped and his old shyness suddenly reappeared. “I wish he were my dad.”
Sitting back, Maris took a long breath. Reminding Keith of Luke’s approaching departure at this emotional moment would be cruel. Luke might be nice in Keith’s eyes, but he had his faults, make no mistake. Barroom brawling was one that Maris could hardly overlook. For a second the faceless woman involved in that brawl flashed through Maris’s mind, and her lips thinned slightly. Luke might not be a Ray Wyler or a Terrance Colson, but he was far from perfect.
But disenchanting Keith by saying so would only hurt the boy and he already had enough pain to deal with. Besides, Keith may as well remember Luke as being only “nice” after Luke was gone.
Sighing, Maris patted Keith’s hand. “Feeling any better?”
“I guess so.”
“It will take some time, Keith.”
“Will…will you go to the funeral with me? It’s set for the day after tomorrow.”
“Absolutely. I’ll be right by your side every minute.” Maris saw the mist forming in Keith’s eyes. He was trying hard not to cry, but she could see that the dam was finally breaking. It was what he needed to do, to just let go of his tightly contained emotions and bawl.
But her witnessing his breakdown would only embarrass him. Briskly Maris got to her feet. “I’m going to bed. If you need me in the night for anything, knock on my door.”
“Thanks, Maris.” Keith’s voice was thick with tears.
“Good night, honey,” she whispered, and bent over to kiss his cheek. “I love you like the son I never had. Remember that. Always.”
She hurried across the room to the door, then stood in the corridor and felt her own influx of tears and sorrow.
The sun was bright the next morning. Maris prepared breakfast and was pleased when Keith made an appearance. Luke came in and they sat at the table.
“How’re you doing, buddy?” Luke asked the boy.
“All right, Luke. I want to work today.”
“Good. I really need your help. There’s only a handful of unbroken horses left in the big pasture, and I’m planning on starting the training process with each one of them today.”
Maris’s heart skipped a beat. “Then we’re going to meet the deadline?”
“No question about it,” Luke replied. “I’d get some advertising out about the auction, if I were you.”
“I’ll work on it,” Maris murmured.
Two hours later she was painting signs announcing the auction, when the phone rang. “Maris, this is Katherine Willoughby. I located Dad’s breeding records. I’m s
hipping them to you today—it’s quite a bulky package—so watch for it, dear.”
Maris’s knees went weak and she had to sit down. “I can’t thank you enough, Katherine. I’ll reimburse you for the shipping cost if you’ll let me know the amount.”
“I’ll put a little note in the parcel. I hope the records will be of some help to you, Maris.”
“I’m sure they will. Thank you again, Katherine.”
Elated, Maris put down the phone and let out a yell. “Yahoo!” She started for the door, anxious to tell Luke the good news, but the phone rang again and she returned to answer it.
“Is this Maris?”
“Yes, it is.”
“Jim Humphrey here.” He chuckled in her ear. “Bet you thought I was never going to pick up that Corvette. I got tied up with other things, but I’ll be there this coming weekend. Just wanted to let you know.”
“That’s wonderful, Jim.” Another burst of elation had Maris grinning. This was a good day, a great day.
Again she started for the door and again the phone rang. Maris looked back at it with a disbelieving expression. What next?
“Maris, this is Jessica. How is Keith doing?”
“Surprisingly well, Jessica. He’s out working with Luke today. Would you like me to call him in so you can speak to him?”
“No, that’s not necessary. You can pass on my message. Maris, the county will pay for new clothes for Keith to attend his father’s funeral. I’d like to pick him up and take him shopping this afternoon.”
“The county?” Keith was not a charity case, damn it! Not to her, he wasn’t. “Jessica, I will buy Keith whatever he needs for the funeral.”
“That cost is not your responsibility, Maris.”
Maris thought of that two-hundred-fifty-dollars bail money sitting at the sheriff’s office, which she hadn’t yet picked up. It would be more than enough to buy a suit of clothes for Keith, which was something she should have thought of before this.
“I want to do it, Jessica. Keith has become very important to me.”
“He really is an exceptional young man, isn’t he? I have very high hopes for his future, Maris.”
“So do I, Jessica.”
“Well, I can see he’s in very good hands.” Maris could hear the pleased smile in Jessica’s voice. “Until he turns eighteen I will have to keep an eye on him, but I have a very good feeling about Keith now. And it’s all your doing, Maris. Thank you.”
“It’s I who should be thanking you, Jessica. You brought him into my life, and I couldn’t be happier about it. One thing has come to mind, though, Jessica. Has anyone contacted Keith’s grandmother?”
“I called and spoke to her sister, Maris. Mrs. Colson is very old and unwell. Her sister said she barely recognizes anyone anymore, and she couldn’t possibly make the trip to attend the funeral. I told Keith about it yesterday.”
“I see. I just wanted to be sure she’d been notified.”
After a few more words, they hung up. This time when Maris started for the door to go outside, the phone remained silent. She had a marvelous idea, and she could hardly wait to pass it on to Keith.
He was in the corral with Luke and another Appaloosa. Maris leaned on the fence and called, “Hey, you two, I’ve got a whole slew of things to tell you. Can you take a break for a few minutes?” They were both working without shirts, but it wasn’t Keith’s youthful torso that had Maris mesmerized. Luke’s skin was as dark as a hazelnut and glistening with perspiration in the bright sunlight. The core of her felt every rippling muscle of his beautiful body as surely as if he were touching her, and the sensation literally took her breath.
At that very instant, while Luke was removing his gloves and Keith had already started toward her, a thought struck Maris nearly dumb: she had missed her period. It had never happened before. She’d rarely ever been even a day late, and now she had completely missed a period and she’d been too preoccupied with other things to notice something she had never failed to keep very close track of.
She began trembling and had to hang on to the fence to at least appear steady and in control of her senses. But this could be the real thing. She could be pregnant. Oh, Luke, she thought with a remorseful look in his direction. Tricking a man as she’d done with Luke was unforgivable.
But it hadn’t seemed so terrible before falling in love with him, she realized with panic eating a hole in her stomach. If it was true, would she tell him now?
Oh, God…oh, God…
“What’s up?” Luke asked, strolling over to the fence, which Keith had already reached.
“Uh…uh…” Maris’s mind was so full of unconnected topics, she couldn’t settle on one.
“You said you had something to tell us,” Luke reminded her.
“I did. I do.” Gratefully her dizzy brain remembered Katherine’s call. “Katherine Willoughby found her father’s breeding records and is shipping them to me.”
Luke’s face lit up. “Hey, that’s great.”
“Yes…yes, it is. Oh, Jim Humphrey called and he’ll be here this weekend to pick up the Corvette.”
Luke was grinning. “You’re just full of good news. Anything else?”
“Something for Keith.” She was beginning to calm down, thank God. “Keith, I’d like you to have some new clothes for the…for tomorrow.”
“You would? I was just gonna wear my jeans.”
“Would you rather just wear jeans? I was thinking of a suit.”
The boy smiled shyly. “I’ve never had a suit.”
“A suit and tie would be very appropriate,” Maris said.
Keith looked at Luke. “What’ll you be wearing, Luke?”
With a glance at Maris, Luke cleared his throat. “A suit and tie.” He hadn’t given the subject one second’s thought, but if Maris wanted Keith in a suit and tie, then he’d go along with it, though it probably surprised the heck out of Maris that he even owned a suit and tie.
“Okay,” Keith said. “How much will it cost? I’ve got about fifty bucks…”
“I’m paying for it, Keith. Now, here’s the big question. Do you want to go shopping by yourself or would you like someone to go with you?”
Keith’s boyish smile flashed. “I’d like someone to go with me.” Maris smiled broadly, thrilled that he would want her company and advice. “I’ll go call Susie right now and see if she can go,” Keith said, hopping the fence and heading for the house at full speed.
Maris’s mouth dropped open. “I thought he meant me.”
“Susie’s his girlfriend,” Luke said calmly.
“The girl he took to the movies that night? But they only had that one date, didn’t they?”
Luke shrugged. “Apparently it was enough.”
Maris sucked in a slow breath. “Well, this is a surprise.”
“Don’t let it get you down, honey,” Luke said gently. Reaching across the fence, he laid his hand on her shoulder.
Maris brought her gaze around to him and it hit her again. She could be pregnant with his baby and he was leaving in less than a month.
Luke’s hand slid up under her hair to the back of her neck. “You look beautiful today,” he said huskily.
The words came out of her mouth before she could stop them. “So do you.”
He laughed, softly, sensuously. “Maybe after Keith leaves we can…talk.”
“Keith!” Maris began backing away. “There’s something I have to tell him.”
“Well, hell,” Luke muttered, watching her hurrying to the house. For a minute there her mood had been the one he liked. Liked, hell! It was the one he loved. The one in which she got all dewy-eyed and excited and game for anything.
But then he relaxed. Keith would be leaving and maybe, just maybe, he could coax her back into that sweet, female mood.
Maris went into the house calling, “Keith?”
He came out of his room wearing clean jeans and shirt. “She can go, Maris. I’m going to pick her up in half an hour.”
<
br /> “That’s wonderful, but there’s something I need you to do before you pick up Susie. It won’t take but a minute. Stop at the sheriff’s office and they’ll give you two hundred and fifty dollars in cash.”
“How come?” Keith looked completely mystified.
“Uh…it’s money they owe me. Use what you need of it for a nice suit and accessories. I would suggest a white shirt and a tie in subdued colors. Get some shoes, too, some real shoes.”
Keith grinned. “No boots or sneakers, huh? Okay, I’ll stop and pick up the money.” He started out, then did an about-face. “Thanks, Maris. You think of everything.”
Maris collapsed onto the nearest chair. She came up with everything, all right, she thought disgustedly, even devising that awful plot to get pregnant without Luke’s knowledge.
But then the thought of a baby refired her earlier elation, and she sat there and fantasized about having a child in the house and in her own arms, until she remembered that she had to call Judd and tell him to release that bail money to Keith.
Jumping up, she dashed to the phone.
Seventeen
When Keith drove away in Maris’s pickup, Luke washed up at the corral faucet, dried himself with his shirt, draped the shirt over a post fence, strode to the house and walked in. Maris was just hanging up the phone, and he went to her, took her by the hands and brought her to her feet.
Her eyes became very wide and startled. “No, Luke.”
“Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t want me,” he said gruffly.
“I…” Her blood was suddenly racing. “It would be a lie.”
“That’s what I thought.” Bending, he placed his hand behind her knees and scooped her off the floor and against his chest. “Which way to your bedroom?”
She buried her face in his neck. “Down the hall. Last door on the right.” It was no use, she thought. She’d tried keeping Luke from doing something like this and had obviously failed. Maybe, without realizing it, she’d even been inviting one more repeat of their tempestuous lovemaking before he went away.