by Diana Palmer
“The weather changed. There was no snow, but it got very cold very fast. One morning I awoke and heard the cattle bawling. You know how far the pastures are from the house, so it was a muffled sound, but incessant and disturbing. I couldn’t figure out what was causing it, so I slipped out of bed, put on some warm clothes and went out to investigate. It was bitterly cold. The thermometer read five below zero. I hurried to the fields and found the animals milling around the water ponds, which had completely frozen over.
“It seemed like a simple enough problem to me, and I rushed back to the house to wake Ray and tell him about it, assuming, of course, that he would take the news as I had. Obviously holes had to be chopped through the ice so the animals could drink.”
Maris drew a breath. “He became enraged when I shook him awake and explained the situation. Cursing and throwing things around, he got dressed and stormed out of the house. I was so stunned I didn’t know where to put myself. Would he want my help outside? Would my presence anger him further?
“I made a pot of coffee and worried myself sick. Had I done something to anger him? To that point I hadn’t seen him angry and it scared me. Would he calm down outside and come back in sweet as sugar? I realized that awful morning that I really didn’t know my husband.
“Well, he didn’t come in at all. About three hours later, from the kitchen window, I saw him getting into his pickup and driving off. He got home around midnight that night, so drunk he could barely walk. I helped him into bed, then I sat up the rest of the night, crying and accusing myself of doing something to make him angry enough to drink himself into a stupor.”
Maris went to the chair and sat down. “That was the beginning. Ray was never the same after that. He told me he hated the ranch and he was no longer very fond of me. He started going off by himself, to one rodeo or another. I chopped through the ice when the ponds froze over. I delivered hay to the fields when there was too much snow for the cattle to paw through to reach the grass.
“I knew what my options were—leave Ray or stay and take whatever he dished out. I hated fighting and did everything I could to avoid dissension. But he got mean when he drank, and he—” She stopped to swallow. This was something she had never told anyone. “He started hitting me.”
“Hitting you!” Luke looked as though someone had just hit him. “And you still stayed?”
Maris didn’t answer. Instead she said, “I had wanted a baby from the day we were married. One night he told me that he’d had a vasectomy after we were married. He laughed about it. He had let me hope and pray for a child. He had watched me taking my temperature to check for my fertile times, and all along he’d known he couldn’t become a father.”
“Mental cruelty,” Luke mumbled. Clearly he was dumbfounded by Maris’s history. “He must have loved you to marry you, so what changed him?”
“I disappointed him, Luke. He wanted a playmate, which was exactly what I’d been during his courtship. But you see, I took marriage seriously and Ray did not. He didn’t want to run the ranch the way it needed to be run. He didn’t want to be tied down by a wife who thought animals should be properly cared for. I honestly don’t know how the ranch survived after Ray’s father died and Ray lived here alone. He must have worked sometimes, however erratically or begrudgingly, probably doing only what absolutely had to be done to keep the place together. When I finally faced reality and took a really good look at everything, the signs of neglect were everywhere. Fencing was falling down. Every building needed repairs and paint.”
Maris threw up her hands and got to her feet. “There’s so much more I could go on for the rest of the day. But I’m sure I’ve said enough for you to understand why I get depressed, as you pointed out, every time we make love. No, you don’t seem to be like Ray in temperament. But you do have some of his traits, and that scares me, Luke. I admit to being weak with you. I admit that I’m enormously attracted to you, but you have to do a little admitting, too. One, you’re always going to be a traveling rodeo rider. Two—”
“Stop.” Luke spoke quietly, but the intensity of the expression on his face was enough to stop Maris from enlarging her list. “It’s time you heard my secrets.”
“I…I’m not sure I want to,” Maris said falteringly.
“Fair is fair. I listened to yours—now you listen to mine.” Luke walked a small circle in the middle of the room, taking in a long breath at the same time. Maris watched with her heart in her throat. He finally stopped and looked at her. “Here goes,” he said in a tone of voice that sounded as though he were preparing to dive into an erupting volcano. “I’m thirty-five years old, I’ve traveled thousands of miles, I’ve met hundreds of women, and until coming here I thought everything was great. Oh, sure, I was broke, but I figured I’d collect that three thousand from Ray and make a new start.”
He narrowed his eyes on Maris, who was standing stock-still and staring at him rather nervously. “Did I ever tell you why I was broke?”
“No,” Maris said cautiously.
“I took a bad fall about a year ago and broke several bones. My horse broke his neck and had to be put to sleep. He was the best cutting horse…” Luke looked away for a moment, embarrassed to find himself on the brink of tears. “Anyway, I used up my savings in getting well. You know, if I hadn’t had that accident I might never have remembered Ray’s IOU.”
“This happened while you were competing in a rodeo, right?” There was sudden frost in Maris’s eyes. “I’m sorry about your mishap and your losing your horse, but a man risking his neck in rodeo just doesn’t make any sense to me.”
“It’s no damned different than any other sport! Do you hate football players, too?”
Maris’s jaw dropped. “I never thought of it that way.”
“Well, try, okay? Maris, the only reason you hate rodeo is that Ray used it to get away from the ranch. After what you just told me, he might even have used it to get away from you.” At her hurt expression, he took the sharp edges off his voice. “Honey, I’m trying to tell you something. I feel…different now. I’ve been trying to figure it out for weeks. It’s you. It’s Keith. It’s working with the horses. It’s watching you do your gardening, and the way you worked your tail off on that yard sale. It’s the way you run the ranch and take care of the cattle. It’s how you treat Keith and how much he likes and respects you. It’s…”
He chewed on his bottom lip. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans and yanked them free again. He raked his hair and darted nervous glances at her. And finally, when she was starting to think of dashing out of the room and probably the house altogether to avoid what was coming, he blurted, “I’m different because I love you.”
Maris wilted. “I don’t want to hear this.”
“You already did, but I’m going to say it again. I love you and I’m pretty sure you love me, too.”
Sinking weakly to the edge of the bed, Maris hid her face behind her hands. “I knew you were going to do this to me—I just knew it. Luke, go away. I mean, pack your things and go away!”
“Not on your life, sweetheart.” He knelt beside her. “It took every ounce of courage I could find to tell you my secret, and now that it’s been said I’m sure as hell not going to disappear.”
Dropping her hands, Maris jerked her head up. “Not until you get the itch to wander again. And it will happen, Luke. Maybe I’ve gone overboard with my dislike of rodeo, but don’t expect me to believe that you’ve suddenly lost a lifelong yen to compete.”
“That’s exactly what I expect you to believe,” he said softly. “You know what my big problem is now? I don’t have anything to offer you.”
“Offer me?” Her voice was as unsteady as she felt inside, all quavery and woozy.
“Maris, I’d like to stay here and help you run the ranch. But I don’t have anything to contribute. Why would a woman want to marry a man who has only two assets—a six-year-old pickup and an uncollectable IOU?”
“Marry?” She was going to
faint, she could feel it starting in her midsection and working its way up to her brain. She strove for clarity. “Uh…you’re going to collect on that IOU after the horse auction.”
“Let’s talk about that after we decide on the marrying part of this conversation.”
She tried to swallow the massive lump in her throat. “Luke, I can’t…I can’t marry you. And it’s not because of your assets. I explained about Ray…”
“I’m not Ray. I won’t yell at you because the ponds freeze over. I won’t leave you alone to chase after either a rodeo or another woman, and I will never, never lay a hand on you. Except to make love.” He managed a hopeful, lopsided grin. He’d laid his heart on the line with Maris, something he’d never done with any other woman. “Those are promises, Maris, vows. You’re the only woman I’ve ever talked to like this, the only woman I’ve ever been in love with.”
Maris’s chest was so tight she could just barely breathe. Didn’t Luke understand anything she had told him? Ray had made promises, too. Ray had…
No! Ray hadn’t promised anything. Ray had led her into love and marriage with no more than a sexy grin, a persuasive personality and a dishonest glibness. She probably knew Luke ten times better right now than she’d known Ray on their wedding day.
It scared her that she was weakening, leaning toward Luke’s unusual marriage proposal, forgetting about him fighting in the Sundowner, forgetting that he’d lived a restless, roaming life and, probably most important, that very few people possessed the strength of will to change lifelong habits and routines.
She looked into his eyes, then raised her right hand and laid it on his cheek. He had told her—begged her, actually—to call Lori and hear from her best friend what had really happened at the Sundowner. She had to call Lori anyway, to ask her to pick up one of those home pregnancy tests at Tully’s Drugstore for her. She would also ask Lori about the fight.
“Luke,” she said quietly. “I’m not saying no, all right? But I need some time to think about it.”
He closed his eyes for a blissful moment, then buried his face in her lap. “You’ll say yes,” he whispered. “I know you will.” Maris heard, but said nothing. She merely stroked his hair, very gently, very tenderly. Whatever decision she finally came to, she was in love with Luke.
That love could be either a blessing or a curse. Only time would tell.
Eighteen
Keith, with Susie’s help, bought a handsome dark-gray suit and the correct accessories. Maris was impressed by their choices and said so, though she hadn’t yet met Keith’s young friend. The next day Luke, Keith and Maris dressed up for Terrance Colson’s funeral, and they drove to the somber event in a hushed mood, using Maris’s truck.
The saddest part of it for Maris was that other than the three of them, the only person at the service was Jessica McCallum. If Terrance had had any friends, they weren’t announcing it by attending his funeral. Maris mentioned Susie to Keith and he said, “I asked her not to come. I didn’t want her here, Maris.”
He seemed so grown-up, Maris thought. The suit and tie added years to his appearance, but it wasn’t only his clothes that made him look older. Maturity was in his eyes, in the set of his mouth and shoulders. Giving him a small smile of understanding, Maris curled her hand around his arm.
Later, after the brief service was over, Jessica spoke to them all, though her message was unquestionably for Keith. “If you need anything, please let me know.”
The drive back to the ranch was almost as silent as the drive out. Maris felt Luke’s emotional tension much more than she felt Keith’s, and she was relieved when the trip was over. Keith had every right to introspective sobriety today; Luke was tense because of their conversation yesterday. Every time he looked at her, which was often, she felt his head in her lap again, her hand in his hair. Each time she remembered what he’d said. You’ll say yes. I know you will.
Possibly she would. Possibly she wouldn’t. Weighing Luke’s hopes and her ambivalence from every angle didn’t seem crass to Maris. She had vowed never to marry again. While that oath might be a bit overboard, vowing to avoid another unstable man was not, and certainly she had done that, too.
No one discussed plans for the balance of the day, but Maris immediately went to her room to change clothes. When she walked into the kitchen a short time later, Keith was on his way outside. He stopped for a few words.
“Thanks for being there, Maris.”
“I wouldn’t have had it any other way.” Her gaze flicked over his jeans and boots. “Are you going to work?”
“Luke needs my help.”
Maris glanced out the window and saw Luke down by the corral, also wearing jeans and boots. The men on the No Bull were both hard workers and even on a day like today would not evade responsibility. Was there a chance the three of them could actually become a family?
Maybe she should be thinking in terms of the four of them, Maris thought uneasily. She would call Lori the minute Keith was out of earshot.
He grabbed an apple from the bowl of fruit on the table and left through the kitchen door. Maris sat down and eyed the telephone. Love wasn’t enough to guarantee harmony between a couple, she reminded herself, thinking of Luke and Ray and everything in between. But was she judging Luke too harshly because of her years of unhappiness with Ray?
Slowly, reflectively, Maris picked up the phone and dialed Lori’s work number. The receptionist asked her to hold for a few minutes, as Lori was busy with a patient. With the silent telephone at her ear, Maris doodled on a pad and thought about Luke and his many promises. His concern about having nothing of a material nature to contribute to their relationship was touching, though anyone’s net worth had never been of great significance to Maris. Still, she could see why he might have doubts about that aspect of his proposal.
She heaved a long-suffering sigh. Nothing was ever easy. If she said yes to Luke she might regret it within months, as she had with Ray. If she said no, she might regret it for the rest of her life.
“Maris?”
“Lori, hi. Have you got a minute to talk?”
“I have fifteen minutes to talk. I’m on a break. How’ve you been? I’ve been meaning to call for weeks, but the baby business is booming these days and I’ve been working practically nonstop.”
“I’ve been meaning to call you, too. So much for good intentions, right? Lori, do you recall our conversation about that home pregnancy test?”
“Sure do. Are you ready to try one? Maris, if you’re certain of your condition now, you really should make an appointment with your doctor.”
“I’m not certain, and I think I’d rather try the test first. Could I impose on your busy schedule and ask you to pick one up for me?”
“I’ll do it today. Are you hoping to get a positive reaction? I know you’ve always wanted a child, but you’re alone now and single parenting can be very trying.”
“Trying or not, I’m hoping very much that the test will turn out positive, Lori.”
“Then I hope it does, too. So…what else is happening on the No Bull? How’s Keith?”
“His father died. Did you hear?”
“No, I didn’t.” Lori paused. “I suppose I should be sorry, but I really can’t muster up any sorrow for a man who did what he did to his family. How did Keith take it?”
“Quietly. I don’t think he can muster up much sorrow, either.”
“Understandable. Well…how’s Luke? He’s still working for you, isn’t he?”
“He’s still here. Lori, about Luke…he said you were in the Sundowner the night he got into that fight with Jim Benteen.”
“I was there with Louise and Larry Hawkins, Maris. Judd called you that night, didn’t he? I was going to call, but when he said that he planned to, I decided to stay out of it.”
“He called, Lori, but…Well, no one’s told me what really happened.”
“Luke didn’t?”
“When I questioned him about it, he said to call you.”
Lori laughed. “He did, huh? Well, I suppose he’s not proud of being arrested, but after it was over and I grasped what had happened, I was very proud of him. He’s quite a guy, Maris.”
“Tell me about it, Lori.”
“Sure, glad to. I was sitting with my back to the bar, yakking with Louise and Larry, and I honestly didn’t see Luke come in and sit at the bar. You know the layout of the Sundowner, don’t you? Well, Melva Waterman and Jim Benteen were sitting in that back corner booth. Those two have lived together off and on for a good ten years, Maris, and when they’re in an off mood, they fight. That’s what they were doing that night, hissing at each other like two spitting cats, and drinking heavily, to boot.
“All of a sudden this loud cracking noise came from the booth. Melva let out a wail and everyone in the place knew that Jim had struck her. He got up to leave and was nearly to the door, when Luke stopped him. Something was said between them. I didn’t hear what it was, because Louise and I went over to Melva to see if she was all right.
“The next thing I knew, Luke and Jim were fighting, knocking over chairs, trying to kill each other it looked like. Pete called the sheriff. I’d made a makeshift ice pack out of napkins and ice from the drinks on the table, and was holding it to Melva’s eye.
“The deputies arrived, though the fight was pretty much over by then. Benteen was on his knees and Luke was leaning against the bar, blowing on his bruised knuckles. Sometime along in there Judd walked in and I realized who Luke was. It all happened pretty fast, but I would give Luke a pat on the back any day of the week for what he did, Maris. There were other men in the place and none of them did one blasted thing about Jim hitting Melva.
“That’s the story, Maris. Apparently Luke doesn’t like men beating up women.”