by Chelle Bliss
“So, it’s my fault you stuck your dick in my little sister?” I growled, pulling a cigarette from the pack and lighting it.
“No!” he yelled, shaking his head vigorously. “I hung on your stories when you’d talk about her, and when I met her, it came full circle. I never believed in love at first sight, but I knew I wanted to be with her, and not in that fucking way, you prick. I wanted Izzy in my life. She has this zest for life.” He paused and hung his head again. “Jesus, I’m sounding all soft and shit. I love her. I fucking love her!” He drew in a quick breath as he finished his confession.
Letting the smoke escape through my nose, I asked, “Have you been seeing her since the wedding?” I still needed details, but the thought of James being in love with my sister didn’t piss me off—it was the lies. It was better to know the type of man she was with than the unknown and uncertainty of her being with a stranger. I knew James would never intentionally hurt her.
“No. Dude, she fucking vanished. She’d left me without even saying goodbye.” His mouth hung open. “I mean, what other woman does that shit?”
I laughed, throwing back my head and thinking of James finding that Izzy had ditched his ass in the middle of the night. There’s nothing that hurts pride more than shit like that. James was a cocky motherfucker, so it must’ve wrecked him, even if it was only for a short time.
“That sounds like Izzy.”
“I know. I’ve never met a woman and felt connected to her immediately. She’s my kryptonite, man.” He laughed, and I joined him.
“God, you’re such a pussy, James. I thought you were tougher than this shit.”
“I was, but Izzy fuckin’ ruined me.”
“Don’t mention Izzy and fuckin’ in the same sentence.”
“Oh, sorry,” he said, his face growing sober as he bit his lip to stop the laughter.
“I’m serious, fucker.”
“So am I.” He smiled, the tension between us easing as the air felt lighter.
Jesus, maybe his pansy ass had rubbed off on me, or maybe it was spending time with Roxy. I was as pussy-whipped as he was, but the big difference was I had no future with her, unlike James with my sister—if she stuck around long enough for there to be a future.
“So, you saw her at the wedding and then when did you see her again?”
Upon standing, he walked to the counter and grabbed a pack of smokes. I never knew James to smoke unless he was drinking, but I was sure the severity of the entire situation had started to wear on him much as it had on me.
“I didn’t see her again until you called from Daytona.”
It all started to click in my brain. Izzy had freaked out when she’d heard that I was calling James. I hadn’t been able to figure out why and had assumed she was just being her usual headstrong self. Man, I had been so fucking wrong.
The air was so fucking thick when James and Izzy had seen each other again. She had been panicked and not herself. I’d thought maybe it was because of the situation she’d been in, but now, I realized she’d been acting like she’d gotten caught. No one wanted to have to face the person they’d ditched without a word, but she hadn’t had a choice.
“Are you seeing her now?” I stubbed out my cigarette after having let most of it burn down without taking but a couple of drags.
“Not right this fuckin’ minute,” he teased, a slow smile spreading across his face.
“Asshole. I mean have you been seeing her since Daytona?”
“Yeah, man.”
“Expand on that answer.” I wasn’t in the mood for short and sweet.
“Every chance I get, I go see her.”
“That shit is risky, James,” I hissed, wondering what would happen if someone followed him.
“It’s not. I’m always careful. I make sure you have backup and that I’m not followed.” He smashed his cigarette in the ashtray, having barely smoked any of it.
“Spend time with my family?”
“Yes.” He tried to hide his smile, but to no avail.
I felt a pang of jealously that he had probably spent more time with them in the last couple of months than I had in years. “Tell me what’s going on with them.”
“City and Suzy are expecting in a couple of months—”
I interrupted, jealousy growing inside me. “I still haven’t met my sister-in-law. There’s so much I’ve missed out on because of this job.”
“You have an amazing family, Thomas. I don’t know how you can be apart from them.”
“I’m starting to question it myself. Keep talking,” I responded, needing to hear more.
“Suzy’s great. She’s so sweet, and I can see the love she has for your brother all over her face. She doesn’t hide her feelings. You’re going to love her.”
“I’m sure I will. If Joe loves her, she has to be amazing. What about Mike?”
“He’s seeing Mia.”
“Wait. Who’s Mia?”
“His girlfriend. They’ve been exclusive for a long time. He quit fighting and works with her and at the shop.”
My head started to spin from thinking about everything I had missed. All the holidays, birthdays, and now, Joe’s wedding—it was almost too much to bear. A woman had finally snared Mike and I hadn’t been there to see it.
“What does she do?” I asked, wondering what had caused my brother to give up his dreams of being a championship fighter.
“She’s a doctor, and they have a clinic together.”
“Huh.” Mike and a doctor weren’t a pair I’d match up ever in my life. He was into inflicting injuries, not patching them up.
“I know, right?” He laughed, understanding what I meant after having spent time with Mike. “He’s totally pussy-whipped and in love with her. He hasn’t asked her to marry him yet.”
“Surprising. The bastard is a hopeless romantic. That much I know about my brother. As passionate as he is about fighting, he has to be in love with her to have given it all up.”
“Yeah.” He paused, his forehead crinkling above his eyes.
“It’s okay, man,” I said.
“I just feel shitty. I know you have to miss them.”
“I do. This assignment should be over any day now. Just waiting for the paperwork to come through and make the arrests.”
“They said it would be in the next week.”
“It can’t come fast enough.” I sighed, rubbing my hands against my jeans. “How are my parents, James?”
“They’re fine, Thomas. Your mom is fucking amazing. She can cook her ass off and is the sweetest little thing.”
“Don’t be blinded by her charm. She’s a viper underneath.” I laughed.
Everyone thought my mother was a sweet, innocent lady, but she’d kick any of our asses if we got out of line. Even my father was scared of the woman, though he would never admit it.
“I’m sure Izzy learned her skills from somewhere.” He snorted.
I blanched, still letting the thought of him being with my sister sink in and trying to not picture them fucking. “What about Anthony?”
“He’s not with anyone. Just playing some gigs and working at the shop. He’s a ball buster, that one.”
“We’re all ball busters,” I replied, cracking my neck. I was so fucking tense. Between the shit with the club and dealing with James and Izzy now, everything in body was wound tight. “It’s in the genes.”
“I’m leaving tonight to spend some more time with Izzy. Just so you know.”
I closed my eyes, thinking about how badly I wanted to go home. It had been ages since I’d hugged my mother or laughed with my dad about how shitty the Cubs were doing. There would be nothing better than to sit around the table and sink my teeth into anything my mother whipped up.
I wanted to go home.
“Give everyone my love, James. I’m jealous as fuck right now. I want this shit to end. I want to be there too.”
“You’ll be home soon, man. I won’t tell everyone that because I don’t wan
t them to get too excited, but it’s going to happen before you know it.” He smiled, patting my hand to placate me.
“Yeah, sure,” I responded before pushing the chair back and climbing to my feet. “I better get out of here and get back to the club.”
“Are you okay, man? You aren’t looking so good,” James said, concern etched on his face.
“I’m just done with this shit. It weighs on me.”
I didn’t know if I’d ever feel like myself again. The only way for that to happen was to be around the people who knew me best. If anyone could bring me back to center, it would be my family.
I walked toward the door, a feeling of dread filling my belly. I didn’t want to go back, but I knew there wasn’t another option.
“Want to hit me? Maybe you’ll feel better,” he said behind me as he followed me to the door.
I turned, a smile on my face at the thought, but I just couldn’t. “Nah. I don’t want to hurt you, man.”
He pointed to his chin. “Free shot. Sure you don’t want it?”
I held out my hand to him, sick of fighting in general. “I’m good. All I ask is that you say hello to everyone for me.”
He placed his hand in mine, squeezing hard and shaking it. “Will do, Thomas. Call me if anything goes down. I’ll have my phone by my side all weekend.” He released me, holding the door open for me to go.
“Yeah. Always.” I pulled down my shades, placed them over my eyes, and descended the steps to my bike.
Climbing on, I cursed myself for the time wasted. Don’t get me fucking wrong. I knew I was doing good work, but the time lost with my family could never be recovered. The end was near.
Chapter 8
Forty-eight hours after talking with James, word came down through the channels that the bust was about to go down. My world, along with all the members of the club, would forever be changed. Everything I’d worked so hard for was finally coming to fruition.
Flash texted me as I walked around the club, taking in the people who were sitting around. It would be the last time they’d be together without being behind bars.
Flash: Three hours and it’s happening.
Walking into my room, I typed a reply to him.
Me: Gotcha. I’ll be ready. Get your shit together.
I dialed Bobby immediately. He was the king shit in the operation. James and I both reported to him, and he called the shots. Often, we left him out of some decisions, but in general, we followed his direction and kept him in the loop.
The call connected as I heard static coming through the earpiece. “Talk to me.” Bobby wasn’t into small talk and he never said hello.
“I just got word that shit’s going down tonight. Is it true?” Silently, I was praying to God that it wasn’t a cruel joke.
“Yeah. Be ready. James is on his way back and will be with the group during the raid.”
“What’s my exit strategy?” I asked, pushing the thought of James being with my family when word came down out of my mind.
How would we explain away that I wasn’t going to be in the clink with the rest of the guys? It wouldn’t be hard for them to figure out that I was either a rat or an undercover cop. The worry and frustration I had put out of my mind came flooding back. Fuck. This could be only the beginning of watching over my fucking shoulder.
“I worked that shit out with the FBI.”
The man didn’t have many words. Great. We were finally communicating, but a little information would be nice. It was like pulling fucking teeth when it was my goddamn ass on the line.
“And?”
“Since it’s a federal case, everyone will be split up while awaiting trial. We have men being shipped all around the country. They won’t be able to track who is where, and that should ensure your safety—and Samuel’s too, of course.”
I breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe their plan could work. I didn’t see any other option but to pray to Christ that splitting up the group would make it almost impossible to track each member’s whereabouts.
“So that’s it?”
“That’s it. You’ll be booked to keep your cover, but once everyone is split up, you’ll be released.”
Thank fuck for small miracles. I’d have to spend some time in the very place I’d been working to send every member of the MC. Thankfully, it wouldn’t be for long.
“How long?” I asked, checking the clock on the wall. This shit would be like watching water boil. Time would tick by slower than ever.
“Three hours maximum. Be on your toes. Are all the members there?” The sound of paperwork being shuffled around on the other end of the line broke my trance with the clock.
“Yeah, they’re here. We’re having a party tonight.”
“Good. Talk to you soon.”
When the call disconnected, I turned the phone over in my hand, trying to decide what to do next. As I looked around the room, taking in the place I’d called home for more months than I cared to remember, it hit me. I’d never see Roxy again. I couldn’t touch her again and say goodbye. I’d vanish like the rest of the guys. She’d assume I was in jail, hopefully forget about me, and move on.
As soon as I thought the words, I knew it was bullshit. I didn’t want her to move on. I didn’t want to be forgotten. I was a selfish prick, because I hadn’t put much thought into how my presence in her life would impact her when I left.
When I should have felt a sense of joy and total relief, the only thing I felt was crushing sadness. I’d lied to myself. One lie had led to another and then snowballed. I loved Roxanne. I don’t mean I just loved fucking her or I liked her. Fuck no. I loved her with my entire being. Her sweetness and kind nature had captured my attention and eventually my heart. My head said, No…just use her, but my heart was a complete asshole.
Resting my chin against my shoulder, I inhaled deeply, the smell of her perfume still lingering on my shirt. As I closed my eyes, I thought of her face filled with laughter and the feel of her skin against mine. Falling backward, I let my body bounce on the edge of the bed before placing my elbows on my knees. Then I sat there like a dumbass and stared at the wall.
A loud pounding at the door drew me out of my self-imposed Roxy funk. “What?” I yelled, pushing myself off the bed and moving toward the door.
“Are you coming out for a drink?” the prospect asked me. I couldn’t remember his name, and I didn’t try.
“Move,” I growled as I pushed past him, stalking toward the common area.
Glancing at the clock as I leaned against the bar, I realized I had sat in my room in a total haze for an hour. Two hours or less and this shit would be over.
“Tequila.” I held up two fingers, needing the one-two punch that could only be delivered by such quantities of Patrón.
The prospect placed two glasses on the bar and quickly filled them. Before he could walk away, I slammed one back and said, “Another.”
Why do this shit sober? I could have a nice buzz by the time everything went down. Since they were sending me to jail with everyone else, I wouldn’t have to handle a gun or read anyone their Miranda rights. The members of the club had been partying for hours, so I didn’t see any reason why I should be the only sober one.
The minutes slowly ticked by as I thought about Roxanne and how my life was about to change. Sitting with the boys, drinking, and laughing were just a façade for the violent storm of emotions that were battling inside me.
I downed another shot of tequila before sipping a beer, feeling a sense of guilt for the children who would become fatherless. It wasn’t my actions but theirs that would cause the eventual separation. When someone leads a life of crime, they take that risk. The women who loved them and had borne their children had known the eventuality of their incarceration when they had become their old ladies. The only people who didn’t have a choice in the situation were the kids. They hadn’t asked to be born into this life—they were the innocent victims.
I drank shot after shot, chasing each with the be
er I nursed as I tried not to watch the clock. Time escaped me as my mind became fuzzy, my thoughts scattering as the liquor coursed through my veins.
I jumped from my chair as the doors slammed open. Screams erupted, women went scrambling, and chairs fell over as men stood and reached for their guns. Following their actions, I went through the motions to keep my cover.
James burst through the door, holding up his badge and a search warrant. “Put your weapons down and get on your knees.”
The men stilled, looking to each other to decide what to do next. I could see it in their eyes. They wanted to fight back, make this shit a blaze of glory, but we were outnumbered. Slowly lowering my gun, deciding to be the leader, I kneeled on the floor and tossed my weapon.
The law enforcement agents, which included DEA, FBI, US Marshals, and local law enforcement, waited with their weapons drawn, pointing at every member of the club.
“Give it up, gentlemen. We have an arrest warrant for each of you and a search warrant for the property,” James declared, shaking a piece of paper in his hand.
“Fuck,” Cowboy hissed as he followed my lead.
Murmurs and growls filled the space as each member laid down their guns as they dropped to their knees.
“Don’t worry, brothers.” Cowboy looked cocky and calm, not realizing the severity of the situation.
Even the best lawyer in the world wouldn’t be able to get the guys out on bail. Federal courts and crimes weren’t easy to deal with, and it was harder to buy off the judges. The case would be too big—on every major news channel—for it to be swept under the rug. People would scream foul if judges sided with the MC, with all the evidence we had been able to accumulate over the months.
James stalked toward me, placing his gun in his holster and grabbing his handcuffs. “John Lansing,” he stated, opening the handcuffs and attaching the first to my left wrist, “you have the right to remain silent…”