by Chelle Bliss
I blanched, always having hated that name. It wasn’t me and never would be.
He gripped my hands, sticking them behind my back. As he attached the second one to my right wrist, he finished reading my rights.
When I climbed to my feet, James marched me out past the other members. As I walked by, I found that each man was going through the process. I nodded to them, pretending it was going to be okay.
James stopped close to his car, far enough away from the building, and turned me to face him. “Shit is finally over.” He sighed, rubbing his forehead. “I thought there were be some gunshots. Thank fuck for that.”
“If Rebel had been the head, there may have been. I’m just happy I’m one step closer to home.”
“They can’t wait to see you, Thomas.”
“Yeah,” I whispered, turning my back to him as I saw the door open.
“Get your ass moving,” he barked, pushing me toward one of the vans to carry us to the station.
Smiling, I dragged my feet, being a total asshole and making him push me in the direction.
“Move your feet!” he yelled, shoving me harder.
“Fuck off,” I replied, coming to a complete stop.
“You’re a dick,” he whispered before nudging me again.
Slowly moving my feet, I took step after step toward my ride to freedom. After climbing in, I sat in the back and watched as they loaded the rest of the guys in the three vans parked on the property. As soon as the doors slammed, they started to bitch and question each other.
“What the fuck?” Rooster adjusted his body, trying to find a comfortable position.
We all felt the same way, but some of us dealt with it better than others. Rooster was still nursing a shoulder wound he’d received during the shootout with the rival group that had killed Rebel.
“We’ll be out in no time,” I lied, and I didn’t feel an ounce of guilt.
“We fuckin’ better. Cowboy better have some shit lined up.”
“I’m sure he does.” I smiled, knowing that the fucker hadn’t even thought about something as big as this.
With the issues with Rebel’s disappearance and getting the club in order, it hadn’t even entered his mind.
The guys joked on the way to our final destination without a care in the world. It was a pervasive issue in the MC—smugness. They thought they were invincible, that everyone could be bought. On the local level, I would have to agree, but on the federal level it wasn’t that simple. They’d find that out soon enough.
Once unloaded, we were each booked and placed in separate parts of the jail. No more than two club members were allowed in the same area. Splitting us up was smart, especially to keep my cover.
Staring at the ceiling as I waited, I listened to the prospect complain about being in jail. At my breaking point, I yelled, “Dude, shut the fuck up already!”
His face drained of all blood. “I’m sorry,” he said as he sat on the edge of his cot and stared at me. “I’ve never been in jail.”
“Get used to it. It’s part of this life. If you can’t handle the shit, you better get the fuck out now.”
“Yeah.” He adjusted himself, lying back and remaining silent.
As I drifted to sleep, I thought of Roxy, allowing myself to linger on the memory of her touch and smell while I waited for my freedom.
“Lansing,” a deep voice called out, interrupting my sweet dreams.
Why couldn’t they just shut the fuck up and let a man get an ounce of sleep?
“Lansing!” the voiced yelled again, fully breaking me away from the happy place I’d allowed myself to go.
“What?” I said, not bothering to open my eyes.
“Get up. Let’s go.”
I looked over at the kid in the next bunk and sighed. “Good luck, kid.” Then I cracked my neck, stretching the soreness from my muscles. Turning, I saw that James was the one waiting for me. “Can I piss first?”
“No. Stop stalling and get your ass moving.”
“Motherfucker,” I muttered, adjusting my morning wood and fighting the urge to cold-cock him when the barrier between us was removed.
“Put your hands through the bars.” He dangled the handcuffs in his hands, shaking them for effect.
Grumbling, I did as I’d been told and then glared at him as he snapped them shut. Pulling them back through the bars, I waited for him to unlock the door without breaking eye contact.
We didn’t speak as he walked behind me. Through the windows I could see the other club members encased in their cells—exactly where they deserved to be. A few others were being handcuffed and would probably take the same walk, but with a very different outcome.
“Last room on the left.”
Settling into the chair, I placed my cuffed hands on the table and waited for him to close the door. As soon as I heard the click, I couldn’t hold it in any longer.
“It took you fucking long enough.” I shook my hands, bringing his attention to them.
“You’re such a sissy.” He laughed, grabbing the key from his pocket as he approached the table.
“Want to switch places and see who can last longer without complaining?”
“Shut up,” he teased, unlocking the cuffs before taking a seat across from me.
“What’s the plan?” I scratched my longer-than-normal facial hair that had grown overnight. I wanted a shower more than anything. I barely felt human. The stench of old liquor and jail clung to me.
“They’re all being sent to different federal holding facilities to await their hearings and eventual trials. Keeping track of each other will be almost impossible. You’re going to have to go to headquarters and be debriefed for a couple of weeks to be safe. After that, you should be able to go home.”
I blinked, staring at him and processing the words. Home. Would it still feel that way to me after being absent for so long? I had never been away this long. Even after training and returning home for a visit, I had felt like I hadn’t quite belonged anymore. After a week, I’d fallen into the smooth, easy routine and felt like a Gallo again. Could I do that now?
“When do I get to leave?” I leaned back in my chair, crossing my legs at my ankles, and stretched.
“Bobby is on his way to get you, and you’ll be on a flight to D.C. tomorrow.”
“Good. I can’t go back to that cell. Sorry again you got pulled away from the family.”
“To get you out of this bullshit life it was worth it.” He smiled, running his fingers through his hair.
“I just want it all to be over.” I tried to smile, but nothing came.
His own faded as he scrubbed his hands over his face. “What’s wrong?”
“Where do you want me to begin?” I laughed without cracking a grin and shook my head. I could sit here all day and bitch about shit, but then I’d be playing into the “pansy” crack he’d made earlier.
“You were in too long. They should’ve never let the case drag on the way it did. It was meant to be short term, but you got in too deep for them to end it. They saw the big fish dangling before them and didn’t care how it would affect you.”
“I can deal with the shit. I can shake the life I’m leaving behind. There are a few casualties that I hadn’t put much thought into until now.”
“Roxy?” he asked, resting his hands on the table.
“Yeah. What happens to her now?”
“Probably what happens to all the women tied to the club. They get by somehow.”
“I’m going to vanish, James, into thin fucking air. It won’t sit well with her. She loves me.”
“Do you love her enough to risk everything?” He tilted his head, studying my face. “She’d hold your life in her hands.”
“I don’t know. I do love her, but what if she looks at me as a traitor?”
“It’s something you’re going to have to decide and talk to headquarters about. They’d have to sign off on that shit.”
“I know, and they’re going to be coc
ksuckers about it. That shit I know.”
A knock on the door broke the silence that had developed as we both thought about the repercussions of this mission. When you’re inside, it’s hard to see the end. I’d lived day to day and hadn’t thought about the future. After a while, it’d felt like it would never get here, so I’d allowed myself to become one with my new persona. I’d thrown caution to the wind, and now, my heart would be the casualty.
“Time to go,” James said, nodding toward the door and standing.
I followed suit, sighing as I felt my shoulders slump from relief. “When will I see you again?”
“I’ll meet you up in D.C. in a couple of days. I’ll be with you the whole time. We were both neck deep in this, and since I was your contact person, I need to be there. It’ll be soon.”
“You’re coming straight there?” I asked as I moved toward the door, quirking an eyebrow at him. I wondered if he’d take a side trip to see Izzy before he met me.
“Yes.”
I grabbed the doorknob and turned slightly. “When you call Izzy, can you tell her I’m okay and to let everyone know I’ll be home soon?”
“I’ll tell her. She’ll be relieved.”
“Yeah, I’m sure they all will be.”
Chapter 9
At times, I felt like a criminal as I was debriefed at DEA headquarters. I’d been grilled hour upon hour, day after day, and it was becoming annoying. I was ready to go home. I’d given the agency enough of my time.
James had arrived a few days after I did and had been put through the ringer too. We were outsiders within the agency. Everything that had occurred while I’d been undercover was called into question, and we were both being asked to explain the actions. We had been interviewed about the evidence, our behavior, and everything in between. Finally, after fourteen days, we were told we could leave, but had to be ready to come back when called.
Before I went back to the hotel to pack up my shit, I headed to the deputy administrator’s office to have a heart-to-heart. I hadn’t seen Roxy or spoken to her in two weeks, and I had done a shit-ton of soul searching during that time.
I was ready to fight for her and us. If she loved me the way she’d professed, how I knew she did deep down in my bones, then it would all work out in the end. I didn’t worry that she’d out me. By now, some of the people had to have talked if she’d started looking for me. I needed to see what she knew and if the cat was out of the bag.
I knocked on the door, cracking my neck, turning it from side to side, and readying myself for a fight.
“Come in,” a voice called from the other side of the door.
Opening the door, I saw the Deputy Administrator sitting behind his desk, riffling through papers. “Sir, I need to speak with you for a moment.”
He stopped moving, looked up, and stared at me. Slowly, a smile spread across his face as he stood. Then he walked toward me with his hand held out.
“Thomas, good to finally see you again.”
There was no way in hell this paper-pushing fucker remembered me. I was sure he’d been briefed on the entire situation and knew about the case.
Shaking his hand, I said, “You too, sir.” I was lying my ass off, but by now, it had become second nature. “I needed to speak with you about something important.”
He backed away, motioning toward the chair in front of his desk. As I sat, I took a moment to look him over. He was wearing an expensive suit, and he had perfectly combed and gelled hair, a clean-shaven face, and probably not a day out in the field under his belt. He was a just a suit. He’d never put his life on the line, living a lie each day and trying to pretend to be someone he wasn’t. He didn’t understand how the lines blur and the small pieces of you get muddled to the point where you’re not the same person anymore.
“I’ve dedicated over a year of my life to this mission—”
“We owe you a debt of gratitude for all your hard work.”
“Please let me finish, sir.” I held up my hand and his mouth snapped shut. I was pissed off that he’d interrupted me. Sitting forward, I rested my elbows on my knees before I spoke again. “I’ve given more to this agency than most people do. I’ve put my life in danger as well as my family. Without my work, the Sun Devils would still be on the street with no inroad to bring them down. Without me, you’re nowhere.” I paused, letting him absorb my words.
He nodded, placing his hands together and resting his index fingers against his lips. He was studying me much the same way I had him when I’d sat down.
“There’s someone I can’t just leave behind from my time working undercover with the MC. I’m here asking permission to contact her.” I leaned back in the chair and crossed my arms over my chest.
“Absolutely not.” He didn’t move or blink as he uttered the words from behind his fingers.
“Sir,” I started, not willing to just accept that and walk out. I’d fight for her. “I respectfully ask you to please consider me in this equation. I’ve already suffered and sacrificed enough for this job.”
“I’m respectfully declining your request, Agent Gallo. It’s too risky. As a member of the DEA, you are not to have contact with any person who was part of your undercover work.” He looked at me with his lips set in a firm line. “No. I’m sorry and I wish I could help you in some way.” Unfuckingbelievable. Just a flat-out denial of my request without even putting thought into it.
“I’ll have my resignation on your desk before I leave today,” I replied without thinking. “I’ve given enough, most likely too much, to this agency. I’m no longer willing to put my life or those I hold dearest in jeopardy. I only have one life to live and I’ve sacrificed enough.” I stood, glaring at him. “I respectfully quit, sir.”
He shot out of his seat, rounding the desk to stand toe to toe with me. “That’s unacceptable, Agent Gallo.”
“Sir, I’m done. The months I spent undercover kicked my ass. I can’t do it anymore. I’ll be here to help with the investigation when called upon, but I no longer wish to be a DEA agent. It’s time I reconnect with my family and find another path in life. A course where I don’t have to give up so much of myself to do good in this world.”
His face came closer to mine. I almost wanted to laugh. Did he think he scared me? Honestly, I could puff out some air and the man would fall over. He wouldn’t know how to handle my fist connecting with his face.
“If you obstruct this investigation in any way, Agent Gallo, you’ll be arrested for conspiracy. Watch your step very carefully from here on out.”
“Yes, sir. I didn’t give up these months just to watch it all get washed down the drain. I’ll be at your service when needed, but I have more important shit to do than stand here and talk to you.” Without shaking his hand or saying goodbye, I turned on my heel and marched out of his office.
Stopping at his receptionist’s desk, I grabbed a piece of paper and a pen, scribbled a letter declaring my resignation, effective immediately, and signed my name. Then I left it on her desk and asked her to deliver it to the Deputy Administrator immediately before I made my way to the elevators.
Freedom is a funny feeling. I’d thought I’d spend my life serving the people of this great country as part of the DEA, but after one undercover stint that had lasted longer than expected, I was done. No longer the man I was before, I wanted to find myself again, decide who the real Thomas Gallo was, and find a way to put all the bad shit I’d done behind me. Whatever the fuck that was at this point—I had no fucking clue.
When the elevator doors opened, James was standing inside, smiling. “How’d it go?” he asked as I joined him.
“I quit.” I didn’t dare look him in the eyes. He’d be pissed that I’d thrown in the towel over some pussy.
“So did I,” he stated calmly.
My head jerked to the side. “What?”
“I quit too. Fuck them.”
“I can’t believe you did that.”
“Thomas, did you ever think you�
�d quit?” he asked, tilting his head as he stared at me.
“No, but I’m stunned you’d throw it all away.” I leaned against the wall, glancing at the display to see how many floors we had left. Twelve.
“I didn’t throw shit away. I’m done with all the bullshit. I want to spend time with your sister.”
Another victim. I prayed Izzy felt the same about him, or else he’d just made the biggest mistake of his life.
“I wish you well with that, James.” I tried to hide my smile, but I knew the man was batshit crazy about my crazy sister.
“We quit for the same reason. Sometimes, the heart takes control and we can’t deny what we want most.”
“When did we become such goddamn pussies?” I laughed, hitting my head against the wall.
“I don’t think we are. We’ve just evolved.”
“Yeah, we’ll go with that. I need your help, James.” I looked up at the ceiling. “Cover for me a few days with the family while I go see Roxy.” I closed my eyes, waiting to be yelled at for my carelessness.
“Be careful, man. It’s dangerous for you to go back there. Why don’t you let me go get her and bring her to you?”
I shook my head, clenching my teeth. “No. I have to be the one to do it. She needs to understand how I feel and why I did what I did. She needs to feel me and remember the love we have. I can’t send anyone in my place. Only I can convince her to leave and trust me.”
“You’re taking a huge risk. Let me come with you at least.”
Just then, the elevator dinged and the doors opened. After walking out, I stopped and waited for him to turn to me. “I have to go alone. I know she’ll listen. I pray that she loves me enough to understand all the lies.”
“Call me, Thomas. Keep in contact and tell me what’s happening.”
“I will. Let’s go get our shit and get the fuck out of D.C.,” I said, pulling him into my arms for a bro hug.
Slapping me on the back, he said, “I never thought I’d hear those words.”
We were on a flight by nightfall, landing in Florida before heading our separate ways. After we wished each other luck and made plans to meet up, I headed toward Roxy.