Breaking Through

by M. A. Lee

  “He told me he loved me,” Tatum mused as she took a sip of her drink. I wanted to share my big news too, but I didn’t want to steal her thunder either. I would let Tatum have her moment and then I would provide her with my own exciting news.

  “I am so happy for you,” I smiled, dipping a wing into ranch dressing.

  “He is the one,” she said, her tone serious.

  “Really?” I asked. “How can you be sure?”

  “I just know. It’s a feeling I have, deep inside my heart and soul. When I am with him, my heart feels full, like nothing else matters in the world. When I am not with him, it’s like my body aches. It’s like I am missing a part of me. Trust me, when you love someone, you just know,” she said, smiling at the thought of Freddy.

  “Speaking of the devil,” she joked, pulling her phone out of her purse. It was ringing and Freddy’s name flashed on the screen.

  Answering the phone, a wide grin spread across Tatum’s face. It made me happy to see her so in love with Freddy. He was a great guy, and I knew they were perfect for each other.

  “Hey baby,” she said into the phone. “I am at that diner downtown with Lila. I don’t know, it’s kind of a girl’s night,” she said, her eyes glancing at me. It was obvious Freddy wanted to join us, and I didn’t mind if he did.

  “Invite him,” I said, pointing to the phone.

  “Are you sure?” Tatum mouthed as she looked at me. Nodding my head, I assured her it was fine with me.

  “Well, I have more news to share,” I added as I caught her attention again.

  “Really?” she asked as her eyebrows rose in wonderment. “Spill,” she demanded.

  “Well, you are not the only one here in love with a hot guy,” I began.

  “What?” Tatum screamed as she jumped out of her seat and threw herself on top of me. She squeezed me in a tight hug and I swear I felt like she was going to squeeze all of the air out of my lungs.

  “Yes, he told me last night,” I gushed.

  “Lila, this is amazing! I knew you and Jagger were perfect for one another.”

  Nodding my head, I smiled. “He makes me so happy. Truly happy. I honestly believe I didn’t know what real happiness was until he walked into my life,” I admitted.

  I was proud of myself for that honestly. The old Lila wouldn’t have ever been able to make such a profound statement. I would have dwelled on everything that could go wrong. I wouldn’t have allowed myself to find the calmness and serenity that accompanies a healthy and strong relationship. My ability to hear other’s thoughts would have prevented me from ever falling for someone the way I had fallen for Jagger. I still didn’t understand why I couldn’t hear his thoughts, but I now realized it was a gift.

  “Lila, that makes me so happy to hear. You deserve to be happy. After everything you have been through...” Tatum stopped as she began to choke on her words. She wiped a tear out of her eye before continuing. “There was a time when I thought I had lost you forever. There were other times when I feared you would do something that would take you away from me. Now, I know you are fine. Plus, my girl is having hot sex and getting naughty on the couch while me and Freddy are in the other room,” she teased.

  “You knew about that?” I almost yelled.

  I hid my face in my hands.

  Laughing, Tatum smiled. “Jagger told Freddy. Those boys are worse than a couple of girls. They gossip all the time.”

  We laughed again and continued to enjoy our girl talk.

  By the time we finished our appetizers, Freddy and Jagger walked through the restaurant doors. My heart stopped when I saw Jagger, his eyes instantly finding mine. Heat rushed to every part of my body as I watched him saunter toward us.

  As Jagger approached our table, he didn’t stop to sit at in the open seat across from me. Instead, he walked right over to me and placed a kiss on my lips.

  “Hey,” Jagger smiled.

  “Hey,” I replied with the same goofy grin on my face.

  “My girl looks hot tonight,” Jagger noted as he pointed to my short jean skirt and tight black shirt.

  Biting my lip, I tried my hardest not to jump him right there in the middle of the restaurant. “Thanks,” I said.

  Kissing me again, Jagger scooped me up and then dipped me. When our lips parted, we were met with a round of applause and shouts from the patrons around us.

  The old me would have been absolutely mortified to be the center of the attention. But, I was different now.

  12

  Jagger

  There wasn’t much I could say other than that I was insanely in love with Lila. Everything about her demanded my heart, soul, and mind. When she smiled, I wanted to be the reason behind it. When she laughed, I wanted to listen to every tune of the sound. When she talked, I wanted to hear every word she spoke and memorize them all. When she bit her lip, I wanted it to be because I was inside of her driving her wild.

  Taking her to the tattoo shop was a big deal. Those guys were my family; the only family I had. Allowing Lila to meet the guys and their families was the biggest step I had ever taken in my life.

  And, I was surprised that I wasn’t getting shit for it either. If this had been two or three years ago, Smalls, Freddy, Isaac, and Cole would have all made fun of me and never let me hear the end of how I allowed some chick to sweep me off of my feet.

  Lila wasn’t just some chick.

  She didn’t just sweep me off my feet.

  I was in love with her.

  I wanted her.

  Now.

  Forever.

  Besides, Now that Isaac and Lauren were married and had a baby boy on the way, Isaac couldn’t say anything. He was so swept up in his life, all he could do is be happy.

  Cole too. With Melanie, she changed him. I used to worry about Cole at times. He got into a lot of trouble, especially after his wreck, but after Melanie stormed into his life, he changed for the better. Now that they are married, they can’t keep their hands off each other. It’s kind of gross, but now I think it’s sweet too.

  Damn, I have changed.

  Smalls has even grown up too. He and Kat are living together and he doesn’t send us the naked photos of random girls or talk about his hook-ups. He is enamored by his girl and it’s kind of nice.

  Now, with Freddy practically obsessing over Tatum, he was the last of my worries. We were all growing up and I wasn’t sure how any of us had survived our old lives without these amazing women.

  “What are you smiling about?” Freddy asked as he walked up next to me.

  It was a beautiful day outside with the sun shining in the sky. I was polishing my bike and had gotten lost in my own thoughts.

  “Not much,” I said.

  Dangling his truck keys in front of me, Freddy looked at me like he knew I was full of shit. “I know that look. That’s the same, I’m-fucked-because-I-am-in-love-look, I give Tatum and Isaac, Cole, and Smalls give their girls too,” he said with a sigh.

  There was no arguing there.

  “Maybe,” I said as I shrugged my shoulders and fought back a smile. “Where are you going?” I asked.

  “I have plans with Tatum. We are going to go see some play performed in the park,” he said with a sigh.

  I let out a loud laugh at that. “Fuck, you are whipped,” I said.

  “Whatever. So, tell me what you and Lila did in Small’s room at the shop the other night,” Freddy urged.

  He knew he was getting to me. Typically I would love to share the juicy details of how I had gotten my dick sucked by some hot girl and then turned her around and fucked her so hard she could barely walk after. However, this was Lila and he knew I wasn’t going to say anything.

  Seeing my pissed off expression, Freddy only smiled and laughed as he unlocked his truck and opened the door. “That’s what I thought. We can’t make fun of one another anymore man. We are in love with some pretty amazing girls,” he said as he shut the door and then backed out of his parking space.

  �
��You’re fucking right,” I said as I smiled and continued working on my bike.

  13

  Lila

  The next couple of weeks flew by as the school semester began to wind down. With three, ten page papers due, final exams to study for, and a huge manuscript to help the editing team edit, I was busier than ever. With so much to do, most people would become easily frustrated or feel overwhelmed. I was the exact opposite. I enjoyed the chaos of so many things to accomplish in such a short period of time. With so much information to occupy my mind, that left little time or space for me to think about all of the evil images that still lurked deep in my mind.

  Tatum, who was also finishing up her fall semester, was just as busy as I was. She was now juggling her time between work, school, the apartment (where she rarely slept anymore), and Freddy’s house (where she was now sleeping at least four nights a week). Tatum, however, hated being this busy, because that meant less time with Freddy. I remembered back when she used to get sad over losing time with me. Man, times have really changed.

  As for Jagger, he busied himself at the shop and fixing and selling motorcycles.

  Our relationship was beyond perfect. Jagger did everything in his power to make sure his shop grew and stayed successful and he made sure I knew how proud of me that he was that I was finishing school. I wasn’t sure what our futures held, but I knew that as long as I had Jagger in my life, everything would be ok.

  JUST BREATHE.

  As my feet pounded against the cold pavement below, I allowed the silence around me to take over. There were only a few moments in my life where I could find myself centered and quiet. Running was one of those times. When I ran, I could control what I heard and what I didn’t. I could leave all sounds and thoughts behind me and push forward. It was during my years of depression or true anger that I liked to call it, that I had discovered running as more than just a way to get healthy. Running for me was a way to escape the world that wouldn’t seem to leave me alone.

  That was all before I met Jagger.

  Now, with Jagger in my life, I had another outlet to explore my own happiness. With Jagger, I didn’t fear if I heard his thoughts. With Jagger, any dark or dangerous thought that might creep into my mind was destroyed by the overflowing love and emotion I felt for him.

  I know it sounds cliché, but Jagger saved me. He brought something to my life that I had never had before; peace and my own thoughts.

  More importantly, to note, it was when I found myself thrust into his arms, his body molded into mine, and our breaths in sync that I was the highest and grounded at the same time.

  Sex with Jagger was more than just pleasure and fun. Sex with him was about living and reliving. Exploring my own mind while being part of his body.

  I knew Jagger had felt our connection too, the sparks that were ignited whenever we touched couldn’t be dismissed or ignored.

  So, I had made a decision. Probably one of the most profound and important decisions in my entire life. I had decided I would share my secret with Jagger. He already knew the dark side of me. The hurt and anger I had felt for being so stupid as to give myself to another. He handled my attitude well and saw a sweet and caring side of me that I hadn’t seen in years.

  But, there was this voice screaming in my body that it was time to let him in on the gift that had cursed me as a child. I had spent the last two days rehearsing how I would tell him. How I would react if he didn’t take the news well, or, if he didn’t believe me at all. I also, had prepared to tell him that out of everyone I had ever met, his thoughts were the ones I couldn’t hear.

  If anything, I wanted to thank him for that.

  Now, as I find myself driving through downtown Lexington, I was reminded why I loved living in the city. The tall buildings glistened in the sunlight, and people bustled around on the cold Sunday afternoon shopping and greeting friends. I found a parking spot behind my favorite coffee shop and rushed inside before the frigid January air could attack me. Inhaling a deep breath, I smiled to myself as I realized I was about to take a big step in my life. This could be the greatest thing I had ever done or backfire and be the end to my existence. Either way, I had to take the leap.

  Jagger had promised to meet me at the coffee shop during his break. I was excited to get to spend a little alone time with him.

  As I sat by the large, glass window, I watched Jagger ride up on his motorcycle. His black leather jacket and matching black helmet made him look like a dark knight against the white and gray background of the sky.

  Walking through the door, Jagger spotted me instantly. Smiling, he made his way over to me.

  I stood and allowed him to kiss me before he sat down.

  “Hey,” he said as he rubbed his hands together.

  “Cold?” I teased.

  “Nah, just a little chilly,” Jagger stated.

  He was too stubborn to admit that it might just be too cold outside for the motorcycle, but there was no arguing with him.

  “I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever,” I pouted as I looked over the menu. Even though I had the menu memorized, I still liked to look and see if there was anything new.

  “I know baby. With your school and the shop being so busy, we just need to make more time together,” he added with a smile.

  “Hey, let’s go order our drinks and then we can plan a date night,” Jagger said as he reached across the table and grabbed my hand. Sighing, I nodded my head and smiled as he linked his fingers though mine.

  I gladly accepted and stood. Just as we began to move toward the counter to order, I heard the bell chime alerting a new customer entering the café.

  “Jagger, when we sit back down, there is something I want to talk to you about,” I began as I stood close to his massive body.

  “Of course, you know you can talk to me about anything,” he said as he pulled me closer and placed a gentle kiss on my forehead.

  My heart skipped a beat and butterfly’s danced throughout my belly. Never in my life had I been filled with so much hope and excitement. Jagger would understand. He would love me regardless of what this meant to him. I just knew it.

  “Thank you,” I said as I noted a figure out of the corner of my eye.

  I didn’t need to turn around to see who was standing just inches away from me. No, I could feel the coldness from his heart.

  Standing behind me with a smirk was Joel.

  My body froze and I instantly tensed. No. This couldn’t be happening now. I had prepared my speech. I was ready to tell Jagger every dirty and insane secret I had been holding hostage in my brain. I was going to share a piece of myself with him that no one had dared to ever uncover. But, with Joel in the area, I couldn’t dare talk to Jagger about this. The moment was ruined.

  Noticing my change in behavior, Jagger turned to see what had me so upset. Seeing Joel, Jagger took a step forward, blocking my view of Joel.

  “Look who it is,” Joel sneered as he looked around Jagger to stare at me.

  “Get out of here,” Jagger spit out quietly. He didn’t need to raise his voice to show the anger he was feeling. I had shown Jagger Joel’s social media profiles and he had ran into him before, so Jagger was more than aware of the deuce bag that was standing before us.

  “So now you need a bodyguard?” Joel questioned with raised eyes. “I guess once you go crazy, you never stop needing help,” Joel said with acid dripping from his voice.

  I never understood how Joel could hate me so much. After what he did, he should feel compassion and sorrow. But no, instead he hated the fact that people looked at him like the villain and me the victim. Everyone assumed Joel’s cheating had led me to try to kill myself. In reality, my dark thoughts were already looming in my head. Joel’s terrible actions just pushed me to my breaking point. Joel blamed me for losing friends and having his sweet reputation tarnished. He had no mode to self-reflect and realize that he was just an ass hat with good taste in clothes.

  I opened my mouth to talk- to defend m
yself, but Jagger moved before I could even comprehend my own next move.

  Raising his fist, Jagger began slamming his hands into Joel. I fell back, partly due to shock and part because I was terrified by the hate and anger flowing from Jagger.

  Joel began to fight back, trying to match Jagger blow to blow.

  I screamed for them to stop, but no sound seemed to escape from my voice.

  Tables crashed. People screamed. Glass broke.

  It was all too much for me to handle. The men were rolling around the floor as they destroyed my beloved coffee shop and shattered my heart.

  The manager rushed over, trying to break up the battle, but it was no use. It wasn’t until the police were called that the men were finally pulled apart.

  Everything had happened so fast that I didn’t know what to do. I lay on the ground, tears falling from my eyes as I watched in horror as Jagger was handcuffed and led to a waiting police car. Joel struggled a she was detained and arrested too. But it was Jagger, who kept his gaze focused on me, which made me begin to sob uncontrollably.

  I began to rush forward, trying to stop the police and explain to them what had happened. My voice suddenly returned, but it was a little too late.

  “Please stop. Jagger didn’t do anything wrong,” I cried out.

  “Miss, please step back. We received a call that these men were assaulting one another. From looks of both of them- and this coffee shop, they will more than likely be arrested for assault and destroying public property,” the officer said dryly.

  Little did he know, but my entire world and safety net was sitting in the backseat of his cruiser.

  Realizing there wasn’t anything for me to do, I fell to my knees on the sidewalk and watched as the police car began to drive away. Jagger’s eyes never looked away from me.