The Final Lesson Plan

by Bright, Deena

  Leo told Briggs to go fuck himself and went to the bathroom. Through these "negotiations," I kept seeing such a strong, forceful, masculine side to Leo. When he spoke to Briggs, he was rough, intimidating, and so controlled. It was hot. The second Leo left the room; Briggs was all over me. His mouth was on mine; his tongue explored my mouth. It was obvious that we were trying to finish what we'd started earlier. I pulled him tighter, pressing our bodies closer together, relishing the heat, the tension, the want.

  "Are you freaking kidding me?" Leo questioned, walking back into the room. "Now I can't even take a piss?" Leo fumed, hopping up on the counter. I sighed, angry, frustrated, and horny as all get out.

  "You're the dumbass who left me alone with her," Briggs countered. They started bickering back and forth, something they were getting very good at. I stepped out of the kitchen and walked into my bedroom, while they argued. Neither noticed my absence. Briggs and Leo continued to bicker at one another, never coming close to a truce, a resolution. The argument was heating up.

  "Hey guys…guys…Hello?" They finally looked over at me, standing in the hallway in a black strapless bra, black thong, with black garters and thigh highs. Their mouths dropped, silence filled the room. "Get the contract done," I forcefully instructed. "Put someone, either of you, on it for tomorrow morning at 8:00 a.m." I unhooked my bra, letting it fall straight to the ground. I loved the look on both of their faces. They wanted me; this was just as frustrating and as hard for them too.

  I started to walk away. "Oh and another thing," I added. "I'll be in my room with my door locked, thinking about BOTH of you." I was definitely getting to them; their eyes blazed with lust. "Let yourselves out when you're done…and for Christ's sake, get the fucking contract done."

  I did not sleep well at all last night. As soon as I went to my room and started to take matters into my "own hands," I heard Leo and Briggs leave the pool house. Apparently, they couldn't concentrate on their matters while I was concentrating on myself.

  When they were about to leave, Briggs yelled through the door, "Take it easy in there, I've got big plans for you this week." As he walked away, I heard Leo's reply.

  "Really? She said it wasn't all that big…said she doubted you were really even black." Then added loudly, "Goodnight Janelle, sweet dreams."

  With that, I heard some ruffling and a few choice words, at which time, I turned up the music on my iHome and continued with myself. Normally, I sleep rather well after enjoying myself a bit, but last night, nope. I tossed and turned, worrying about Marcus and Vince, and hoping the school could really back me on all that occurred. My mind kept inevitably wandering back to Leo and Briggs. I knew that I couldn't date two guys for the rest of my life, or screw two different guys for eternity. I'd have to choose sooner or later. I knew I had to choose. But, I also knew that I certainly wasn't going to "Kelly Taylor" them.

  Man, Kelly fucking Taylor pissed me the fuck off. Still, to this day, she made my goddamn blood boil. All she had to do was choose between Dylan McKay and Brandon Walsh. How hard was that? Pretty nice spot to be in, if you asked me. (Kind of like the spot I was in right now.) Of course Dylan was the hotter one, probably better in bed, but he was a loose cannon. You couldn't count on him. Brandon was going places; you could see a future with him. But what did she do? I remember it vividly; can still see it as plain as day as she's standing on the sidewalk looking at both of them. Kelly dumbass Taylor looks at them and says, "Me, I choose me." What the fuck was that? Bitch. No wonder she turned to cocaine and got burned up in the fire. Whore.

  After thinking about Kelly and her stupidity, I had to watch a few 90210 episodes on my boxed DVD set, so I could seethe and focus more on her turmoil than my own. I finally fell asleep on the couch, but woke up when the sunlight was pouring in through the skylight. I tried to just go back to my bedroom and enjoy the room-darkening shades (best invention ever). However, I still couldn't fall back to sleep.

  I put my swimsuit on and ended up swimming a few laps, took a shower, and cleaned the pool house. Jocelyn's antics were rubbing off on me. She cleaned when she was stressed out or riddled with a distempered mind. I knew that Briggs was due at my house at 9:00 a.m., and I was more than ready and willing to see him. I couldn't get him (or Leo) off my mind. I wondered what they ended up with last night. Both of them texted me many times throughout night. The texts were pretty telling.

  TEXTS FROM BRIGGS:

  Dudes a winey pansy-ass.

  Don't ya think Leo looks like a giraffe.

  He sighs a lot Sighing is gay.

  I want you so bad. Why am I with him when I can be doing hot things to you in that pool house of yours.

  TEXTS FROM LEO:

  Ain't

  Irregardless

  Careerful

  Superblatude

  I'm listing all the words he uses. Not only do I not know what they mean, I don't know what word he THINKS he's trying to use.

  Why does he put everything into a football reference? I'm going to start using crew terms to fuck with him.

  TEXTS FROM BRIGGS:

  Dude just told me his cock was swinging. WTF? I don't need to know that shit.

  He might be gay, bi maybe. You need to dump his scrawny ass.

  TEXTS FROM LEO:

  Hahaha I just told him that I needed to be the coxswain in these negotiations to steer the contract in the right direction. He looked like I asked him for sex. Oh this just got a lot more fun.

  Janelle, you are way too smart for him. Your five-year-old nieces are too smart for him. How are they, anyway?

  So based on the texts, I'm certain they got along swimmingly. Char would've loved to have been at that table egging them on. I'm glad they left. It's frustrating as Hell looking at two men you want immensely and can't have, because a contract needs drafted prior to any physical activity. That was taking the fun out of the whole thing.

  I decided to make some Belgium waffles for Briggs; I figured he might need his stamina to keep up with me today. Just as I was unplugging the waffle iron and the waffles were warming on low in the oven, the long-awaited knock sounded. Thank the Lord! I probably shouldn't say that; the Lord would not like what I had planned for Briggs today, being "technically" married to someone else and all. I'll just thank my lucky stars instead.

  As I opened the door, I was surprised to find Briggs and Leo both standing there. Leo was holding my fish in a fishbowl, while Briggs was struggling one-handedly with Gatsby, my St. Bernard. Dumbfounded, I stood there speechless. I'd been fighting with Marcus for the past month to get my dog and fish back. When Char and I had gone to get my stuff, my dog and fish were conveniently not there. Marcus claimed that he was using them as collateral or a "deposit" until I paid him back for the Keurig and ping-pong table. He figured that since Char was going to be with me when I got my stuff that it was quite probable that she'd put me up to some despicable act or acts. Marcus took the fish and dog to Lauren's before I got there. I was pissed when I discovered them gone, which was why I so willingly agreed to "heat up" the driveway. Oh man, that was epic.

  Finally, I tried to find my words, "How did you...when…?" I couldn't believe they'd gotten them back for me. "Thank you. Oh my God, thank you." I was hugging Gatsby as if my life depended upon it; I'd missed that great big lug so much. As he was slobbering all over my face, clothes, and body, I noticed Briggs' hand. "Briggs, what happened to your hand?" I screeched, staring at the bandages.

  "Let's just say your ex wasn't too fond of us breaking into his house while he was home and stealing his pets," Briggs replied.

  "Holy Smokers, you broke into my house?" I asked, looking at them in utter disbelief. "How'd you get in? Marcus has a gun. He could've killed you!" I was starting to panic, worrying about how Marcus may retaliate.

  "Leo, jimmied the lock…like a common criminal…still won't tell me why he knows how to do that," Briggs said, looking at Leo skeptically. "Anyway, Marcus was bare-assed in the kitchen…with that skank," he said, dropp
ing his eyes from mine, focusing on Gatsby instead.

  "Yeah, he grabbed a knife from the butcher block, but Briggs laughed at him and knocked it out of his hand, but he ended up cutting his own hand in the process, dumbass," Leo explained, shaking his head, eyeing Briggs' hand.

  "So Leo restrained him, while I got the dog and that fish," Briggs continued. "That bitch kept screaming some shit about her phone being in the car and not being able to find that douchebag's pants to get his phone." Briggs was laughing, and playing with Gatsby, and then, finally said, "They couldn't call the cops; we were out before they knew it."

  "Oh my God, you guys are my heroes; you saved my babies," I squealed, snuggling Gatsby closer to me.

  Briggs looked pretty proud of himself, and then added, "Right before we left, I punched Marcus in the face with my other hand, which I know…I know…it was a 'dick move' since Leo was holding him back, but I just couldn't help myself."

  "Marcus came running out, once he found his underwear, threatening to press breaking and entering and assault charges, but we just left." Leo put the fish down and pulled a small container of food out of his pocket, dropping two small flakes into the bowl. "There ya go Atticus."

  "Oh yeah, why'd you name your fish 'abacus.' It's kinda a silly name for a fish." Briggs said.

  "It's 'Atticus,' not 'abacus,' you ass," Leo said, rolling his eyes at Briggs.

  "Well, that ain't much better," Briggs countered.

  Interrupting and standing between them, I said, "Briggs, it's 'Atticus Fish,' named after the dad in To Kill a Mockingbird," I clarified.

  "Never read it," he said, shrugging his shoulders.

  "Have you ever read anything?" Leo provoked.

  "I read the four million dollar contract ESPN gave me," Briggs responded, puffing out his chest like a proud peacock.

  "No you didn't; you hired someone to do that for you," Leo said. Turning to me and looking frustrated, he said, "Janelle, the guy doesn't know who 'Atticus Finch' is; he probably doesn't even know why you named your dog 'Gatsby' either."

  "The fuck I don't, after Leonardo Di Caprio in that new movie that just came out," he said. "But, that dog looks a lot older than…"

  Cutting him off before Leo could gain any more ammunition to shoot at him, I kissed Briggs and said, "Briggs, thank you so much for getting Gatsby and Atticus, and risking your life for me." He wrapped his arms around me, and I kissed him again. Reluctantly, I pulled away a millisecond before I heard Leo's annoyed sigh. "But what I don't understand is, how did you two team up and go do this? Based on the texts I was getting, things weren't going too smoothly," I asked.

  Basically, the more beer they consumed at the bar while drafting the contract, the more "guy-like" they became. They were arguing incessantly, and then Leo said that all the fighting wasn't getting them anywhere. Apparently, Briggs said that he was just pissed off at everything and wanted to "fuck with someone." Leo remembered how hurt and lonely I'd been without Gatsby and Atticus and casually stated that they could go "fuck with Marcus" and get my pets back. Briggs was on the plan in a second.

  Evidently, they could get along when they had a common goal or enemy. After they picked up Taco Bell and brought Gatsby and Atticus back to Briggs' apartment, they played Xbox and figured out the contract as civilly as possible. Leo added that he'd beaten Briggs in Madden four times before Briggs threw the controller at the TV and challenged him to a real football game in the grass out back. Leo declined; Briggs called him a "pussy." And that was it. Leo met up with Briggs this morning to help bring over the fish and dog and to show Briggs the contract he'd typed up, making sure that Briggs wouldn't freak his shit with the rules and expectations.

  "Leo! What time did you go to bed? Don't you have to work today?" I asked, wrapping my arms around him, nestling my head into his chest. He smelled de-fucking-licious. I wanted to lick him from the "nave to the chops." Really? Again, I'm quoting Shakespeare? What. The. Fuck? I guess my students brought out the teacher in me.

  "I do. Didn't sleep. Had a lot on my mind. I'm gonna go in to the office here in a bit, though," Leo replied, kissing my forehead and holding me tighter. "I'm going to get my work done quickly today and crash early tonight. I've got a big date with a gorgeous, intelligent woman tomorrow."

  "Mmmmm...and I can't wait," I said, breathing in his scent again, knowing that Briggs wouldn't let us stay wrapped around each other too much longer.

  Almost on cue, but missing the mark that I figured he'd hit, Briggs said, "Mmmmm...did you make these?"

  I'd forgotten all about the waffles. Apparently, Briggs liked them; he already had one in his mouth as he was buttering another on a plate. It was rather cute watching him butter a waffle one-handed, while his hand was bandaged up, knowing that the injury was from chivalry.

  "Oh yeah, Leo, stay and eat before work, okay?" I didn't have to ask him twice; he was right next to Briggs putting powdered sugar and syrup on his waffle, while also eating a cold one. There was something extremely sexy and animalistic about a hungry man, which in turn made me hungry for something completely different, but very animalistic.

  "Janelle, how do you like your pancakes?" Leo inquired, putting a whole waffle on the plate for me.

  "I got this," Briggs said, taking the plate from Leo.

  "The Hell you do. Just keep eating barbarian," Leo argued, tugging the plate back from him.

  Briggs used enough force, winning the tugging match with the plate, but the waffle flew off and onto the floor. "Nice job asshole," Briggs said to Leo. Getting a new waffle, he said, "She likes warm syrup and powdered sugar, no butter, right Babe?"

  "That's right," I said, shocked that he remembered what I said about waffles versus pancakes that night we went to I-hop. Waffles are spectacular with powdered sugar and syrup; pancakes must have whipped cream and syrup. Otherwise, they're not even worth it.

  "Oh…and boys, make sure you clean up the kitchen when you're done," I said, walking to the island to get my breakfast. "I'm gonna eat my waffle and read over this contract that you two made up."

  Briggs and Leo sat together pretty amicably scarfing down their breakfast and reading the newspaper. Not surprisingly, they didn't argue over the newspaper. Leo read the front page and business section; Briggs was glued to the sports page. Would it be so wrong if we just all three lived here like this? Why couldn't we figure out a way for both of them to be with me forever? I certainly couldn't see myself giving up either one of them. Briggs lit up a room; everything was more enjoyable and light when he was around. He was fun, but warm and protective. His chiseled, sculpted beauty could keep me hanging on for eternity. I loved watching how his muscles strained to break free from his tight-fitting t-shirts. It was a battle that everyone won. His bedroom antics were paramount now that I'd tutored the Hell out of him. A couple of times.

  However, Leo was warm and secure too; his body was perfection. His muscles were defined and hard, protective, a place to call home. Leo was reserved in nature, but the bedroom opened him up to adventures that I'd only ever read about in the books that I'd kept in my nightstand for those nights that Marcus couldn't (or wouldn't) perform. I wouldn't have survived my marriage for as long as I did without the fictitious Sinners, or Gideon and Kellan to keep me going at night. There was just something about Leo that screamed, "sanctuary." Leo was a safe haven from the ills of life, the woes of everything wrong with the world. When I was with Leo, nothing seemed out of whack or problematic.

  I took a bite of my waffle, dripping syrup down my chin. I quickly looked over toward Leo and Briggs; they were both engrossed in their newspaper sections, completely oblivious to me and my Mrs. Butterworth-covered face, or to the fact that they were co-existing quite cohesively. Smiling, I wiped my chin, wishing I could persuade them both that one month to choose the rest of my life wouldn't be enough, couldn't be enough. I needed to find a way to get to Labor Day with the two men who would be "working" me all summer long if I could help it.

  Glancing down, I l
aughed at the title of the contract, knowing that Briggs wouldn't have come up with the title. Intelligence and wit were sexy; Leo was sexy. Of course, Briggs was the one staying today to entertain me, but Leo was the one on my mind. Women were ridiculous. We always want what we can't have. I'm surprised Eve took as long as she did to get her hands and mouth on that red juicy apple. Knowing that I was forbidden to feast on its deliciousness would have had me salivating for it from the very second I saw that tree.

  Refocusing, I started to read the contract, noticing the post-it notes throughout the document. Leo was remarkable. He'd posted little notes of his thoughts throughout the entire contract. He was so damn adorable. The things I wanted to do to him right now…

  Contract written for:

  Janelle Lynn Garrity

  (I'm hereby officially dropping the "Flowers.")

  Date:

  The month of July (I'd do it forever if I had to.)

  Participants:

  Leon Briar Cling (Briar was my mom's maiden name.)

  Briggs Alexander (I don't care to know his middle name.)

  Reason for contract:

  Beauty cannot choose between the two beasts.

  Rules agreed upon by Beast #1 and Beast #2 (reluctantly and angrily)

  1. Ms. Garrity may only see each participant two times a week.

  —no surprise visits will be allowed by either participant. (Sucks for Briggs that he forgot that I do your brother's landscaping.)

  —Ms. Garrity can request an additional day with a participant if she deems it necessary. (I just want to spend all summer with you in my arms.)

  2. Ms. Garrity may only be "seduced" by participants on one day of the week. (The number of times on that day was never negotiated. I could go all day, 10 times a day if you want me to.)