Kirheen frowned. “I… ”
“Speak freely. This will stay between us.”
“I don’t. I never have. I care about him and I trust him, but I can’t say that I love him. I wouldn’t even know it if I did. I think about things sometimes, how it would feel to hold his hand or to stare into his eyes…and I feel nothing.”
And there it was… The truth she’d tried so hard to hide and it was spilling out of her, as real and tangible as the water bubbling around her. Trista studied her, her expression guarded. What must she think of me…
She was supposed to be happy about her bond. Love was something that was just supposed to happen to them. It would reach in and grab her heart and her soul and make her see something in Garild that she was missing. But it wasn’t happening, it hadn’t happened, and Kirheen feared it never would. Could she pretend? Or would doing so kill something inside of her that she was trying so hard to protect? It was all so complicated.
“You’ll learn in time. I just want you to be aware, you’re going to go through changes, both physical and mental, and I want you to be prepared for them. I know you’ve already experienced some of these changes, but be mindful. Your body will do things you don’t expect, will want things you can’t have and you need to be prepared to fight those temptations. For better or worse, you are Bonded to Garild and even if you yearn for something or someone else, you can never break that Bond. Do you understand?”
Something about her words brought Ian to mind. Tousled brown hair and eyes the color of the forest, warm and welcoming and smelling of spices. Something she could never have… “I understand,” she said, breaking the image from her mind. She’d have to lock away her feelings for Ian. Lock them away or be pulled under by them. She wasn’t sure it was a battle she was willing to fight or if she even could fight it. Trista nodded, accepting her answer. She pulled herself from the pool, allowing the water to drip from her body. She dried herself with a length of fluffy cloth and then left one on the edge of the pool for Kirheen.
Kirheen pulled herself from the water, grabbing the towel and wrapping it around her body. She dried herself quickly and slipped back into her robes. She followed Trista to her hut, trying to fight away the feelings of melancholy dripping into her soul. A veil of silence fell over her as they entered the hut and she took a seat without a word, letting Trista get to work.
Trista didn’t seem perturbed by her silence in the least. If anything, she seemed to willingly give Kirheen distance, to let her work through her thoughts without interruption. A small basket was pulled off a shelf and Trista took to brushing her hair. She was gentle but firm, working through the tangles of her ashen hair until it was smooth.
As her hair was left to dry, Trista took to applying strange things to her face. Kirheen was unfamiliar with makeup, having never been exposed to it before. She stared cautiously at the strange jar Trista held, its contents dark red and creamy. Seeing her confusion, Trista laughed. “This is just for your lips. It will add a bit of color.” She ran her finger in the cream and tilted Kirheen’s head up towards her. She pressed her finger against her lip, dragging it back and forth until they were coated in the red substance. “Rub your lips together like this,” Trista demonstrated. Kirheen did as she was told, her lips feeling odd coated in that unfamiliar substance. Next came a dark, chalky substance that Trista ran along the line of her lashes. Trying to hold still enough for her to do it was nearly impossible, but she did her best, allowing Trista to have her fun.
“Do I even get to see what I look like,” Kirheen asked.
“Of course, but only after I do something with your hair! You’re looking beautiful!”
Trista went back to work on her hair, loosely braiding her hair on either side and pinning it in the back with a beautiful bronze clip crafted to look like a butterfly. When she had completed her masterpiece, she procured a small mirror, something that Kirheen saw very little of in Sanctuary. She handed her the polished surface and Kirheen held it up, her jaw dropping at the changes she saw reflected back at her.
It had been a while since she’d looked in a mirror. She’d been so consumed by training and the stress of the battles that her personal appearance had been left by the wayside. But now, she looked at a young woman. Her cheeks had smoothed, revealing a set of high cheek bones. Her upper eyelids were artfully lined and the dark contrast made her gray eyes look brighter. The tinge of color on her lips contrasted with her pale, smooth skin and hair and she took a moment to admire herself in the mirror. She looked clean and fresh and happy. Lowering the mirror, she smiled up at Trista.
“Thank you, Trista. I look beautiful!”
Trista grabbed the mirror, safely tucking it away. “You always have! We just made it more obvious. You feel ready to be in the spotlight tonight?”
Kirheen shrugged. “I suppose so. It’ll be nice to celebrate and relax for once instead of stressing over battles. I think I’ll enjoy myself.”
“Good,” Trista said with a smile. “Be careful changing into fresh robes later. Don’t mess up your hair! Oh! Before I forget—“ She rummaged through a basket, pulling small bottles out and sniffing the contents of each. Settling on one, she handed it to Kirheen. The bottle was small and the liquid within clear. When she opened the top, the smell of vanilla wafted into the air. “Put a little of that on after you’ve changed. Just a little dab here and there will help you smell nice for the evening.”
Kirheen rolled her eyes but hugged Trista, thanking her for all of her help. When she returned to her own home, the room fell silent as she walked through the door. Tomas, Fenir and Garild all stared at her, wide eyed and fascinated. She raised an eyebrow, confused by the look on their faces.
“Why, Kirheen, you look positively stunning,” Tomias exclaimed, breaking the silence.
Garild nodded in agreement and Fenir gifted her with one of his rare smiles.
Kirheen felt herself blush. “Um, thank you. It’s really nothing,” she stammered, brushing a stray piece of hair behind her ear. She was thankful when they turned their attention away and she could slip into her room. Once there, she rid herself of her old robes, careful to not mess up her hair and slipped a clean robe over her head. Unlike their customary robes emblazoned with their symbol, this robe was dark gray with a vibrant white eye on the back, the symbol of the Allseer. She tied a sash around her waist and stepped back into the sitting room.
Garild had already changed into his robe and his brown hair had been smoothed back away from his face. He gave her the same dumbfounded grin he’d given her when she’d entered earlier and she huffed. “I don’t look that different,” she protested.
The grin dropped from his face. “You look really beautiful,” he said awkwardly.
She thought about arguing but found the effort daunting. “Thank you,” she said. “You look good too.”
Tomias and Fenir were both prepared for the festivities, dressed in black robes with the symbol of the Allseer in white. Tomias had his hair pulled back into a half tail and he’d even shaved his face. It made him look far younger. She often forgot the twins weren’t much older than she. Fenir wore his hair straight as he always did, not bothering to do much else with it. She suspected she wouldn’t be seeing much of him at the festival considering there was a certain lady friend awaiting his company.
“Well, are we all ready,” Tomias asked, rubbing his hands together. “I’m starving and I hear there is food.”
They left as a group, winding their way to the Temple of Gathering. The sun had begun its slow descent in the sky and soon the world would come alive briefly with color. There was already a group gathered at the steps of the temple, Bonded and instructors alike. They mingled, chatting amongst themselves happily. As they arrived, Burk waved from above the crowd.
“Hey, hey! If it isn’t our champions,” he called over the crowd and everyone turned their attention towards them. A wave of cheers rolled through the onlookers and they parted to let them mingle at the front of
the group. It was odd being so accepted now. It almost felt as if she belonged. Isa and Ian were at the front and as Kirheen stepped out from behind Burk, Isa flung herself at her, giving her a quick hug. “Oooh, you two did amazing yesterday! We’re quite jealous of your talents,” Isa chirped.
Recovered from the initial startle, Kirheen smiled. “Oh, it was nothing really. You all gave us quite the challenge.”
Ian snorted. “Don’t discredit your victory, Kir. You both won because you were skilled. You deserve the victory and all the praise that comes with it.”
Kirheen melted at the sound of his voice and she met his eyes, smiling widely. His green eyes were calm and tranquil, his body language relaxed. His brown hair was smoothed back, the stubble that usually covered his face shaven for the event. It showed off his strong jaw and her eyes went to his lips. She realized she was staring and broke her eye contact quickly, before anyone else could notice. She glanced at Garild nervously and found him chatting with Isa, neither of them aware of the moment they’d just had.
Ian stepped to her side, bending down slightly so she was forced to meet his gaze. “You really were amazing out there. The way you handled the unexpected was something else.” He gave her a warm smile and Kirheen felt her heart flutter.
“Thank you, Ian,” she said, trying to keep her voice steady. Stupid, stupid girl. Just don’t look at him. Look away.
She pried her eyes away, turning towards Garild and Isa. She was about to speak when Nyson appeared at the top of the steps. He looked tired, dark circles under his eyes making him look older and worn thin. She imagined the battles had taken their toll on him as well, the constant supervision throughout the entirety of the battle exhausting. He scanned the crowd, his eyes searching over them to see if all were in attendance. Satisfied, he spoke.
“Welcome everyone. Tonight, we celebrate our savior, the woman responsible for blessing us with the gift we all share. Our powers, gifted to us by the Allseer herself, were granted to us to we may stand firm against the Darkness that rages outside the borders of our land. It is because of her, and the sacrifices of those that have come before you that we remain safe. You’ve all shown great talent, the battles a testament to the strength you all possess. I’m proud of you all and I feel safe knowing that one day, it will be this group protecting us. Tonight, I want you to celebrate these powers. I want you to celebrate the Allseer with all the love in your hearts. I want you to congratulate our winners for their victory was well earned and they have shown you all the level of skill I want you to aspire to. In the temple, refreshments have been prepared for you all. Eat, drink and celebrate with your fellow Bonded. You all deserve this night!”
Stepping to the side, Nyson swung his arms towards the doors. Two servants pulled them open, revealing the long interior of the Temple, now decorated for the night. The left hand side was filled with rows of tables, all piled high with a variety of food and drinks. The center of the room was left empty, a place for them to mingle. To the right, several seating areas had been arranged. Marble tables sat in the center of each seating area, center carved out and filled with crackling wraith wood. The blue flames glowed and spat, sending shimmering blue sparks into the air. The large fire place at the end of the hall was roaring, filling the room with warmth.
Having won the battles, Kirheen and Garild were permitted to enter first. Their rise up the steps was followed by cheers and Garild gave them all a quick wave over his shoulder. Inside, the room smelt of so many scents Kirheen couldn’t place her finger on just one. The tables were overflowing with food, many of which she’d never seen before. The dessert table looked particularly appealing, loaded with small cakes and cookies in every color imaginable.
They were each given a plate and set loose. So much food was there that Kirheen had a hard time even comprehending it all and she spent far longer than was necessary looking over the various options. When she’d finally chosen, her plate was overflowing with food and she took up a seat on the far side of the room. Garild joined her and they ate happily, commenting on some of the more unfamiliar dishes. Neither could remember a time when they’d had anything so delicious.
The rest of the Bonded had filed into the hall and they too loaded up with food. Ian and Isa joined them at their table, grinning from ear to ear.
“Isn’t this something,” Ian said, pushing around chunks of meat in a sauce the color of cherries. “Can’t say I’ve ever seen so much food in one place. This should happen more often!”
They nodded their agreement, everyone too enthralled with the food to say much. They ate, occasionally getting up to grab a particular favorite. Kirheen found some small chocolate cakes filled with a gooey reddish sauce that were absolutely divine and she got up more than once to pile extra on her plate.
The room was alive with energy, everyone talking and laughing and genuinely enjoying their present company. Even the instructors seemed to be enjoying themselves. After a time, they all took to mingling, joining the crowd in the center of the room. Trista took to playing the lute, her pleasant voice carrying through the room. Burk and Abby started dancing to the tune and soon others had joined them. Kirheen avoided that particular activity like the plague. Dancing had never really been her thing.
Her shoulder was jostled lightly as someone stepped up next to her. She turned her head, her breath catching in her throat as she took in Ian in all of his glory. His eyes wandered over the people dancing and then she had his attention, the full weight of his gaze settling over her.
“Don’t agree with dancing,” he asked kindly, smiling at her.
She took a shaky breath, trying to calm her nerves. “Ah, no I’m afraid not.”
“I’ve never been much for dancing either.” He took a sip of the drink in his hand and the smell of apples and cinnamon carried her way.
“This is quite the event,” she said, feeling absolutely ridiculous. Why did talking to him have to be so hard? Why did the words have to get caught in her throat, blocked by the weight of all her secrets?
Ian nodded. If he was fazed by her lack of finesse during their conversations, he did a great job hiding it. “It sure is something. It’s nice to be able to spend time with everyone.” The next words came out as a sigh, as if his words simply spilled out with his breath. “Especially you.”
Kirheen looked over at him, eyes wide and lips parted. Had she heard him correctly? She rearranged her facial features, hoping he hadn’t noticed her momentary shock and carried on as if she hadn’t heard. Ian said nothing further, but his eyes searched the crowd and landed on Isa. She was currently dancing, locked arm in arm with Burk as they twirled in circles, laughing. Her curly raven hair bounced with each twist and turn, bobbing around with the rhythm of her feet.
“Do you ever think they get the bonding ritual wrong,” Ian asked, his eyes never leaving Isa. He looked almost sad as he asked the question, as if by asking he was admitting to the doubt he felt.
Kirheen hesitated, hoping she wasn’t reading too far into things. It was entirely possible he was just asking for reasons that had nothing to do with either of their feelings. At least part of her wanted to believe that. Make this easier for me, please. “I’ve always thought it a possibility. Why do you ask?”
He shook his head. “I don’t know. I understand the intention of the bonding is that you eventually fall in love with your bond mate, right? Our personalities and traits were so matched that any other outcome shouldn’t exist. But, what if they get it wrong? What if you aren’t bonded with someone you love?”
Kirheen whirled, her head filling with so many thoughts at once she felt like she might faint. So he thought of these things too? It shouldn’t have surprised her. One of the things she’d always liked about Ian was his way of questioning things. He thirsted for knowledge the same way she did, wanted answers to questions that shouldn’t be asked.
She gathered her courage and spoke. “I’ve wondered these things myself,” she said softly. Ian looked at her, his eyes curio
us. He turned his body towards her and took a step closer until she was breathing in the smell of spices from his drink.
“Do you… like Garild? No, forgive me. That isn’t quite the word. Would you say you… love him?”
Again, that question. “I…” She wanted to lie, to say that she did love Garild, to end this game and get out while she still had a chance. The lie almost slipped off her tongue but it felt wrong. She couldn’t let this moment pass. To hint at the truth was too great of a temptation. “I don’t love him.”
Ian looked serious as he took in her words. It was as if he already knew the answer. He sat his cup down on the table behind him. “Will you walk with me? I think I could use some fresh air.”
Alone with Ian? She could feel the blood flowing through her veins, could feel the slight heat of her cheeks and the slow pace of her breathing. Her eyes wandered through the crowd. Garild was in a corner of the room, talking with Carter and Tegan, his attention entirely devoted to the conversation at hand. She nodded her head, weaving through the crowd with Ian.
It had cooled significantly outside and she shivered slightly, feeling the warmth of the room disappear behind them. The clearing in front of the temple was almost devoid of people. The only movement came from a couple servants but they were busy focusing on the jobs they’d been assigned. They paid little mind to the two Bonded wandering the road in the dark.
The moon was unusually bright and the trees seemed to glow brighter because of it. Despite the hour, it was still easy to see. They wandered the path in silence, listening to the chirping of crickets. Halfway between the Temple of Gathering and the Temple of Trials, Ian stopped.
“You ever feel like doing something rebellious?”
The question caught her off guard and she raised a brow. “What did you have in mind?”
He laughed softly. “There’s a little clearing I slip away to from time to time when I get the chance. I bet it looks beautiful right now. Care to see it?”
The Bonded: The Allseer Trilogy Book I Page 17