If You Only Knew (Harper Falls #3)

by Mary J. Williams

  Third, and probably the most important, he liked people. His charm wasn’t manufactured or practiced. It was as natural as breathing. When he met someone for the first time, he looked them in the eye. His smile was warm and he listened.

  Sounded simple, but it amazed him how many people didn’t. Oh, they shook their heads, mouthed the right words. But they didn’t always hear what was being said. Because he was interested, Drew did.

  Tyler Jones interested him. So he started simply. He started by looking her in those amazing gray eyes, and he smiled. The best part of all? The thing that made his day? She smiled back.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  “MOM. ANYBODY HOME?”

  Tyler let herself into her mother’s kitchen. The back door was unlocked. Nothing new there. It was a small town. Safe for the most part. Anita Jones had never gotten into the habit of keeping people out. It had always been the ones already in the house that caused her pain.

  Things happened though. The last few months had seen Jack stabbed, Dani almost killed, and the rest of them on edge to the point of brand new security systems all around. If she could have talked her mother into locking her doors during the day, she would have. Tyler knew she would have been wasting her breath.

  “Tyler? Honey, is that you?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’m in the laundry room folding clothes. There are warm muffins by the stove and the coffee is fresh. I’ll be out in a minute.”

  She took a plate from the cupboard along with a mug. Pale blue with delicate white roses painted on the border, the dishes originally belonged to Great-Grandmother Snyder. Depending on who told the story, they either came from the old country, packed on her husband’s back as they trekked across snow-covered mountains to freedom. Or they were purchased in Macy’s housewares department just after she married a nice country lawyer and settled down to raise five children.

  Great-Grandmother enjoyed her sherry. After a few, her stories grew more and more elaborate. Tyler never met the woman, but she wished she had. The lady had style.

  Blueberry muffins, her favorite. Tyler took in the scent, enjoying the aroma of cinnamon streusel. After pouring herself some coffee, she took a seat at the kitchen table.

  Little had changed in this room. When she was a little girl, the walls were stark white. Her father dictated those things just as he did everything else. Martin Jones didn’t like color, so Anita kept things as plain and simple as possible.

  She could still remember the blowup after her mother had dared to let Tyler paint her room cherry red. You would have thought the world was coming to an end. Her father never entered that room, never looked inside. The only reason he found out was the same way he found out everything — M.J. Her oldest brother was the family snitch. Martin couldn’t be bothered to pay attention to his family yet he wanted things done his way. He paid M.J. a few bucks a week to keep him informed. It was the perfect arrangement for both men. Martin made sure things ran to his liking, M.J. got away with murder because he never reported his own misdeeds.

  After her husband’s death, Anita maintained the same level of rigid perfectionism. Until recently. Tyler didn’t know why her mother suddenly painted the kitchen walls a cheery buttercup yellow. Or what prompted the change of drapes in the window from starched white to a pale blue that perfectly complimented the new walls.

  Not big changes, not for most people. For Anita Jones, they were monumental.

  “I’m sorry, baby. That took longer than I expected.”

  Her mother entered the kitchen toting a basket filled with freshly laundered clothes. Men’s clothes. Unless she had taken a lover, something Tyler would thoroughly approve of, she was back to waiting hand and foot on M.J. and Kyle. Of that, Tyler had major objections.

  She stood and took the basket from her mother, kissing the woman on her cheek. She smelled of vanilla. Tyler breathed in the scent. It comforted, felt like home. Lord, how she loved her mother. That was why it broke her heart when the woman let every man in her life treat her like dirt. She never stood up to her husband. With her sons, she carried on the warped tradition. They dictated, she served.

  “M.J. and Kyle have moved back in?”

  “It’s only until they start their new jobs over at Myles Wilburn’s new feed store. Right now, they’re between paychecks.”

  You couldn’t be between something you never had. Her brothers worked only when absolutely necessary. Neither held down a steady job. They sponged off friends and their mother. No one made them accountable.

  The worst was when their father died. The insurance payout had been modest by some measures. For Anita Jones, it was more money than she had ever seen. With smart planning, it was enough to give her a good life with no financial worries. Or would have been if she hadn’t let M.J. steal most of it. Too late, Tyler found out that her mother granted him access to her bank accounts. He convinced her it made sense, in case of emergency.

  The only thing that stopped him from draining every penny was his greed. He grew tired of taking a bit here and a bit more there. When he tried to take out the remaining balance in one lump sum, the bank called Anita. Anita called Tyler. M.J. was lucky he got away with being shouted down in front of the bank. If Anita and a security guard hadn’t been there, he wouldn’t have walked away. He would have crawled, bloody and bruised.

  M.J. never liked her. After she nixed his “windfall” and humiliated him in front of a fair amount of Harper Falls, his dislike had morphed into barely disguised hatred. Not that it stopped him from hitting her up for money now and then. Tyler imagined he enjoyed stealing from her. It didn’t add up to much. Yet as far as she was concerned, anything was too much.

  After all that, their mother forgave him, welcomed him back into her home. Tyler wondered how she could do it. Surely even a mother’s love had its limits. Anita’s seemed to be limitless.

  Tyler kept waiting for the day M.J and Kyle ran out of options. That seemed unlikely, though. As long as their mother took them in, fed them, did their laundry, neither brother was forced to grow up.

  It drove Tyler crazy. How many times had she pleaded with her mother to cut them loose? It always ended the same way. Her mother close to tears and Tyler with a huge knot of guilt in her stomach. This time she kept her mouth shut. The boys would move on eventually. Tyler just hoped it was sooner than later.

  “You are such a good girl,” Anita said when Tyler pushed her into a chair and poured her cup of coffee.

  “I’ll bet you’ve been on your feet all morning. Take a minute. Visit with me.”

  “I could use a minute. The Halloween party at the senior center is coming up and I have so much baking to do. Then November will be here. Where has the year gone?”

  “They say the older you get, the faster time passes. I can attest to that.”

  “Oh, yes. My ancient daughter.”

  Anita laughed. It was a lovely sound, light and carefree. Tyler hadn’t heard it enough when she was growing up. It made her mother look younger. She no longer looked older than her years. Today there was a sparkle about her that Tyler had never seen. Something was different.

  “You colored your hair.”

  Anita lifted a hand to the newly lightened strands.

  “Is it too much? Your brothers didn’t notice until Marcy Dodd stopped by and commented. They think I look ridiculous. Should I change it back?”

  Tyler felt her blood simmer. Damn her brothers for undermining Anita’s self-confidence. She looked amazing and she needed to know it.

  “The color suits you perfectly, Mom. It is exactly what I would have picked for you. Did you have it done here in town or did you go to Spokane?”

  Anita’s smile returned, bigger than before.

  “I went to that new place next to the hardware store.”

  “Permanently Awesome?”

  “That’s the one. Carol Anne Wiggert recommended it. She had all that long hair cut off. I swear, Tyler, you wouldn’t recognize her. I thought I needed a chan
ge and walked in one day, just to make an appointment. Well, they had a sudden cancellation and fit me right in.”

  Good, Tyler thought. Given time to think about it, Anita might have chickened out.

  “You should see the place, Tyler. So pretty. Not at all like most beauty parlors. I felt like I was in one of those fancy salons you see on TV. I was sure it would be too expensive. But you know what? They were having a Grand Opening special. Half off. How could I walk away from that?”

  “No one in their right mind would.”

  “And there’s something else.” Anita hesitated. “They need a manicurist. Just part-time to start. You know I do nails at the senior center. And my friends sometimes come over when they want something special done. I thought, well, maybe I could… It’s a stupid idea. Never mind.”

  “You should apply, Mom. You love doing nails. Why shouldn’t you get paid for it?”

  “I’ve never worked outside the home. Having somebody relying on me to be there on time and do a good job. No, I’m not capable.”

  “You listen to me.” Tyler took her mother’s hand and looked her straight in the eye. Gray eyes, so like her own. But they had a timidity Tyler’s never had. Sadness that broke a daughter’s heart.

  “You have taken care of this family for most of your life. Seventeen when you married. You deserve something for yourself. As for not being capable? You’d be doing the owner of that salon a favor if you chose to work there. I don’t know a more loyal, hardworking, conscientious person. Only a fool would let you get away.”

  “Oh, Tyler.” Tears filled Anita’s eyes. “I love you, baby.”

  Tyler laid her cheek against her mother’s and breathed in vanilla.

  “I love you too.”

  “HOW’S THAT HEAD feeling?”

  Drew winced. It was the third time Jack had asked him that particular question. Correction. Yelled it. And then laughed like a demented hyena at Drew’s inevitable reaction. He was better than he had been at seven o’clock. He woke up with a splitting headache and tongue with more fuzz than the lint trap in a communal clothes dryer.

  An hourly dose of aspirin and gallons of water took his pounding head down to a dull roar. He was about to hit the underground swimming pool to knock out the rest of the cobwebs. Seeing where he was headed and figuring it was his last shot at tormenting his friend, Jack gave him one last jab.

  “That stopped being funny two hours ago.”

  Jack sauntered in through the open office door. They rarely closed themselves off, wandering in and out during the day. Alex was out running obstacle course drills with twenty bodyguards who had arrived early for weeklong training. Before Jack’s old high school buddy arrived, the job was split between the two partners. Not his favorite thing to do; this morning his head would have exploded just thinking about it. He liked Alex, he was now a good friend. At the moment, he loved the guy.

  “It’s still a knee-slapper.” Jack took the seat opposite Drew, his big body filling out the chair.

  “Not,” Drew mumbled.

  “If the circumstances were reversed, you would be all over me.”

  “You don’t get hangovers.”

  “Don’t hate me because I have an awesome metabolism.”

  “Need I remind you what happens when you drink too much?”

  Jack had the grace to wince. Overindulging in alcohol made the normally sensible man highly susceptible to suggestion. Nothing dangerous or illegal. In college, it resulted in a tattoo on his shoulder. The last time, and he swore it was the last time, he made a bet that he could stay celibate for a month. It had been stupid and juvenile. The upside? Rose. Any amount of booze and stupid bets was worth that.

  “I’m a happy and contented man. I see it as my duty to remind you why you aren’t.”

  “How is yelling until my ears ring reminding me?”

  “Why did you get drunk?”

  “I had my reasons.”

  “Fine, we won’t mention any names. By the way, did I mention Rose, Dani, and Tyler are planning a big Thanksgiving celebration?”

  “Thanks for not saying her name.”

  Jack smiled, this time with a big dose of sympathy.

  “Rose asked me to knock some sense into your head. Remind me to do that after it’s back to normal.”

  “Why?”

  He had been on Rose’s, and Dani’s, shit list for a long time. Understandable. He broke the heart of their best friend. Why wouldn’t they hate him? Lately, he thought he saw a bit of a thawing. They didn’t glare or shoot imaginary daggers into his genitalia. Apparently, something he had done had pissed off Jack’s fiancée. He had no idea what it was.

  “The ladies have decided it’s time for you to spill your guts.”

  “Spill my…?”

  “You know what I’m talking about. Ten years, asshole. Tyler deserves some answers. Stop stewing; stop drinking. Stop trying to kill yourself in those idiotic races.”

  “I don’t race because of Tyler.”

  “Right.”

  “I like it,” Drew said.

  He hated the defensive tone in his voice. This wasn’t the first time Jack brought up the subject and it led to a fierce argument. Which was why the last time he left town for a race, he hadn’t told Jack until he was in the air. And then it was by text. He returned no worse for wear. End of story. He was a big boy. If he wanted to participate in unsanctioned races, no one could stop him. Or make him feel guilty.

  Still… Surreptitiously, Drew hit the screensaver on his computer. Jack didn’t need to know about the race in Australia he was checking out.

  Jack noticed but kept it to himself. He wasn’t going to raise a fuss before the fact. Next time, he would find a way to stop Drew from what he considered life-threatening behavior. Even if it meant knocking him over the head and tying him to his desk for a couple of days.

  “What if she doesn’t care?”

  Jack frowned, trying to decipher Drew’s sentence.

  “Tyler. What if, after all this time, she doesn’t care why I left her?”

  “She cares, that’s the point.”

  “No. She wants to know. Like a jigsaw puzzle that’s missing a piece. It drives you crazy. You want to finish.”

  “Like an itch you can’t reach?”

  “Exactly. It’s an annoyance. Once you find that piece or scratch that itch, you forget about it — move on.”

  “Are you saying you would rather be an unscratchable itch?”

  “Yes. Maybe.” Drew ran a hand through his hair. “At least I would be in her life.”

  “That is—”

  “Sick? Twisted?”

  “Sad. Really, really sad.”

  “Jesus.” Drew grabbed a bottle of water and gulped down half. “I’d rather be twisted.”

  “You are,” Jack assured him. “Not about this. That thing you did to that girl back in Los Angeles? Twisted.”

  Drew shrugged. “It was her idea.”

  “You didn’t have to comply.”

  “I was… intrigued. Besides, she already had the equipment. All I had to do was show up.”

  The two old friends shared a laugh at the memory. Those had been wild times. They had both been open to experimenting sexually. They were young; women were plentiful. As long as they stayed safe, nothing was considered out of bounds.

  This was a different world, a different time. Jack had his Rose. His days as a carefree bachelor were a thing of the past. No regrets. Sixty or seventy years with the woman he loved sounded like heaven.

  Drew was past the point where getting out of a strange woman’s bed every morning held any appeal. He wanted something long-term — something forever. The trouble was, in all his travels and adventures, the only woman he wanted was the one he left behind. He was twenty-eight years old. For almost half his life, his heart belonged to one woman.

  “It’s time.”

  “I’d say past time.”

  “No matter what, I won’t stop loving her. How will I be able t
o stay in Harper Falls, Jack?”

  Jack had thought of that. If Drew left, the partnership would survive. Their friendship would too. He just hoped for everyone’s sake, it never came to that.

  TYLER WONDERED IF she had hidden masochistic tendencies. Why else would she be at the gate leading to Drew’s house? He hadn’t invited her. He might not be home; if he was, he might be with another woman.

  Now wasn’t that a pleasant thought that just occurred to her? She was about to back her car up and forget the whole thing when his voice unexpectedly came out of the small box right outside her window.

  “Tyler. I wasn’t expecting to see you tonight.”

  Damn security cameras. And motion detectors. And who knew what other gizmos he had to trumpet of an approaching vehicle. She could have gone home, no one the wiser. Now she was stuck.

  “I wasn’t expecting to be here.”

  There was an awkward pause.

  “Would you like to come in?”

  “Sure.”

  Tyler rolled her eyes. Scintillating conversation. Then again, how witty could you be over an intercom?

  She inched her car forward through the opening gate. Her previous trips to this part of Crossfire Hill were to meet Rose. That meant she turned left, not right, taking the road to the house Jack had built when the partners bought the property. Taking a right towards Drew’s house was never an option. Not for her.

  She was invited, through Jack or Rose. Last month there was an informal get- together to celebrate Alex’s birthday. Tyler went to Dani’s for cake the next day and skipped coming here. Over the past few months, she found herself in his company more and more. Until now, she wasn’t able to bring herself to visit his home; it was too personal — intimate.

  Tonight was all about intimacy. Being at Drew’s seemed to make sense. Or it had when she talked herself into coming that afternoon. Showering, taking more time than usual with her hair and makeup. Picking out just the right thing to wear.

  All that kept her too busy to think about what she planned. She kept busy on the drive up, going over and over what she would say, how she would say it. Now that she was only a few yards away, she was almost positive she’d made a terrible mistake. She would make some excuse and leave. She rounded the last turn and saw the house for the first time. Pulling the car to a stop, she knew she couldn’t leave. She couldn’t even move.