If You Only Knew (Harper Falls #3)

by Mary J. Williams

  “I suppose,” Tyler conceded. “This time we’re adults. We won’t hide or pretend. If it works or fails, it will be because of us — period.”

  “Good.”

  “That’s it? Good? You had a lot more to say ten years ago.”

  Anita looked into her daughter’s stormy eyes and sighed.

  “I wish I could take my words back, Tyler. You were hurting. Drew was gone. I should have held my tongue. I was afraid for you. I saw Drew Harper as a man much like your father.”

  “Drew is nothing like Martin Jones. He wasn’t then and he certainly isn’t now.”

  “No.” Anita gave Tyler’s hand a comforting pat. “You wouldn’t be with him if he were. Back then, though, I was glad he broke your heart before he could destroy your life. I made the mistake of putting you in my shoes.”

  Tyler took a deep breath. She didn’t want to be angry. Not with her mother. The anger she felt for her father, that was another thing.

  “You were mild in comparison to Dad. He said some things I will never forget. Slut. Whore. Trash. God, his face got red. For the first time, I thought he might hit me. Or have a stroke.”

  “He was overreacting to his own… disappointment.”

  Tyler frowned. “What disappointment?”

  “About nineteen years earlier, Martin had an affair with Regina Harper.”

  “You knew about that?” Tyler asked in surprise.

  “You knew?”

  Tyler shrugged. It seemed they were both surprised.

  “I knew it was a possibility. When did you find out?”

  “While it was happening.”

  Anita got up from the table. She needed to be moving, to do something. Emptying the almost full pot of coffee, she proceeded to make a new one. The familiar task soothed her enough so she could continue.

  “I knew almost from the start that you father cheated on me — often. I also knew none of those women meant any more to him than I did.”

  “Oh, Mom.”

  “I had no illusions that my marriage was a love match. M.J. came along six months after we said I do. Martin always felt I forced him to settle down.”

  “Asshole.”

  “Yes. He was an asshole, wasn’t he?”

  “Mom!” Tyler exclaimed.

  “That felt good,” Anita said with a smile. “It’s taken me thirty-five years to say that out loud.”

  “Do you want to say it again? You’ve earned the right.”

  “Once is enough, dear. Now, about Regina Harper and your father.”

  “It isn’t necessary, Mom.”

  “Now that we’ve started, it should be finished; once and for all.”

  Tyler nodded. Her mother was right. It was time to finish it.

  “I knew something was different. Martin had a bit of a bounce in his step. Instead of coming home smelling like stale beer, he sort of glowed.”

  “You think they were in love?” It was hard for Tyler to picture.

  “Your father was. I started to worry that he would leave me. What would I do? How would I survive with two small children and no work experience?”

  “You would have been fine.”

  “Yes,” Anita agreed. “But I didn’t know that then. I was scared, Tyler. So I followed Martin.”

  “Good for you.”

  “Of course you would say that, my fearless daughter. I was shaking the entire time. I had no idea what I would do if I found him with another woman. Maybe I could reason with her, explain why I needed him more that she did.”

  “Does that ever work?”

  “Probably not.”

  “Especially with Regina Harper,” Tyler said.

  “Can you imagine my surprise when Martin turned his car onto the bridge? I followed, still not making the connection.”

  “Why would you? She would be the last woman anyone would suspect.”

  “Exactly. I thought your father must have some business with Russell Harper. Then when he drove past the turn off to Harper House, I was really confused. A few minutes later, he turned. There was a cottage. Small but nicely maintained. He went in, didn’t knock or hesitate.”

  “Their love nest?”

  Tyler winced at the term. Stupid and thoughtless.

  “I’m sure that was how he saw it. I sat frozen. I don’t know how I got the courage to move. I knew my husband was in there so I sneaked up to the window and looked in.” Anita sighed. “You can imagine the rest.”

  “I’d rather not.”

  “It wasn’t pretty. Then I did something I’m not very proud of.”

  “What,” Tyler asked. “Tossed a rock through the window?”

  “I took a picture.”

  “A picture.” The picture?

  “Grabbed the camera before I left the house, never thinking I would have the nerve to use it. I don’t remember actually taking the picture. I knew it was in there though. I went to Spokane, had the film developed. Before I could talk myself out of it, I sent the picture to Regina Harper. Anonymously.”

  Fascinated, Tyler asked, “What happened?”

  “She broke off the affair. Your father stopped going out. He became more attentive. Not that his new attitude lasted long.”

  “And that was it?”

  “About seven months later, I saw Regina in town. She was very pregnant. I was in agony worrying that Martin was the father.”

  “How do you know he wasn’t?”

  Tyler held her breath waiting for the answer.

  “Simple math. Another five months passed before she gave birth to Drew. The affair was over well before she conceived.”

  Tyler let her mother’s story sink in. It went to show you never knew people. Their pasts were mysteries often best left that way. In this case, she was glad to have it all out in the open. The fewer secrets she and Drew had to deal with the better.

  “Did you ever think about leaving him?”

  “I did.” Anita closed her eyes as if trying to block out the painful memory. “It was soon after that. I was tired. My husband didn’t love or respect me. My sons were well on the way to being the same. I prayed for the strength to go on.”

  “How’d that work for you?”

  “I know you have a problem with the church.”

  “I’m fine with the church. It’s the hypocritical men who run it that make me question your devotion.”

  Anita chose not to respond. This was not a new argument, nor was it one either of them would ever win.

  “I always found comfort in my faith. Suddenly, I couldn’t feel God with me anymore.”

  “You stayed so you must have found peace again.”

  “I’m happy to say I did.”

  “And now you finally have your reward.”

  Anita gave her daughter a puzzled look.

  “Reward?”

  “All those prayers. Kyle has a job, a good woman. Isn’t that what you always hoped for? I doubt there’s any hope for M.J.” Tyler shrugged. “At least one of your sons is moving in the right direction.”

  “Tyler, I don’t pray because I expect God to reward me. That comes in the next life. Don’t roll your eyes, young lady. You might not believe He’s watching, but I do.”

  “Sorry, Mom. I try to respect your beliefs. It just seems so random, futile.”

  “It can appear that way.”

  Anita looked around.

  “I’m going to share my deepest secret. I’ve never told anyone, not even during confession.

  Tyler nodded. She couldn’t imagine what it could be. She thought Anita told her priest everything.

  “I did get my reward.”

  “What was it?” Tyler found herself whispering, enthralled.

  “A baby girl.”

  Tyler had no words — none.

  “Your father was so angry when he found out I was pregnant. We weren’t exactly intimate on a regular basis. I said all the things I knew he wanted to hear. I was sorry. It was an accident.”

  It was the only time Anita o
penly defied her husband. She deliberately got pregnant then refused to have an abortion. Her belief in God was enough of a reason; her wish for a daughter sealed the deal.

  “I know he wanted you to get rid of me.”

  “Martin never should have told you that. He was a mean, spiteful man.”

  “Obviously, I’m glad you didn’t do it. You know how I feel about a woman’s right to choose. What I can’t forgive is him asking you to do something knowing you considered it a mortal sin.”

  “He couldn’t force me, so he stopped talking to me. He pretended I didn’t exist.”

  “Lucky you.” Tyler couldn’t remember the number of times she wished her father would completely forget about her existence. He didn’t pay attention to her often. When he did, it was rarely a happy occasion.

  “I spent nine months praying that God would finally give me a little girl to love. Doing the laundry, fixing breakfast, vacuuming the floor. I prayed on the way to the hospital, all through labor. When the doctor held you up, my sweet baby girl, I knew God was with me, Tyler. He had finally answered me.”

  “I’m sorry I wasn’t what you wanted.”

  “Why would you think that?”

  “Come on, Mom. I was willful, argumentative. I got into fights, at home and at school. How many times were you called into Principal Harriman’s office?”

  “Only six.”

  “Only? Since they were all before my senior year, I’d say that was a lot.”

  “We had some good talks, Principal Harriman and I.” Anita smiled. “Do you know how those visits always ended?”

  “I can imagine,” Tyler said, shaking her head.

  “I don’t think you can. She would tell me, off the record, that she wished there were more students like you. Your methods were sometimes a little… violent. I mean punching Randy Kincade in the nose.”

  “He wouldn’t stop picking on the smaller students. He was warned, suspended. Nothing worked until I showed him what would keep happening unless he stopped.”

  “Which is why she admired you. It’s also one of the many reasons I’m glad you’re mine.”

  “You must have wanted a sweeter, nicer little girl. One you could dress in pretty clothes and teach to cook.”

  “That was the girl my mother got. I wanted something different for my baby.”

  “You did?”

  “Yes. I wanted a girl who was independent, fierce, loyal. I wanted her to be strong, compassionate. With a strong body and a soft heart. She wouldn’t suffer fools. She would stand up for those who couldn’t stand up for themselves. I didn’t pray to be given just any little girl, Tyler. I prayed for you.”

  Tyler didn’t wipe away the tears; she let them fall on her mother’s hand as it cupped her cheek.

  “Do you see now why I will always get on my knees for God?”

  Nodding, Tyler slid to her knees, her arms encircling her mother.

  “I love you.”

  “I love you too, baby girl. Always.”

  TYLER COULDN’T BELIEVE it was only one-thirty.

  Such an emotional morning left her feeling drained; like days, not hours had passed. All she wanted to do was crawl into bed. Not because she needed comfort or to hide. She wanted to savor the conversation she’d shared with her mother, let the wave of peace settle a little deeper.

  All those years. The questions, the guilt, the anger. Cleared up in one morning. It was easy to wish it would have happened sooner. The question was, like with Drew, would she have been ready to listen. So many things over the past few months had configured to make all this possible.

  Maybe she needed to watch her best friends fall in love with good men. Men who were open about their feelings — their love. Forgiving Drew, understanding her mother. Tyler wondered if it all had to happen, one after the other, for her to understand how rare a chance she was being given.

  Open your heart, Tyler.

  She wanted to. She would. Tyler twirled around, laughing, arms spread. Hell, what choice did she have? Love and good feelings bombarded her from every direction. Only someone made of stone could resist. Tyler Jones was not stone. Right now, she was a grinning mass of happy — with a marshmallow core.

  Hearing the mail drop through the slot in the door, Tyler practically skipped over. She scooped up the periodicals, catalogs, and letters. Nothing would bring her down, not today.

  Not looking at the stamped return address, Tyler ripped open the manila envelope at the top of the pile. The first line of the letter made her stomach sink. She read it again. The stomach hit the floor.

  Whirling, she grabbed her keys, heading out the front door.

  When she arrived home, she was on the top of the world. Now, less that thirty minutes later, her home was being pulled out from under her.

  “I DON’T UNDERSTAND how this could happen, Mrs. Lawrence.”

  “I know it’s upsetting, Ms. Jones. Unfortunately, there isn’t anything I can do. Your loan was purchased by a third party. According to the terms, they have the right to call that loan in.”

  “They aren’t calling in the loan,” Tyler pointed out through clenched teeth. “This is a foreclosure notice. I’m not being given the option to do anything but get my things together and move out.”

  Tyler took a deep breath. She spent the excruciatingly long trip to Spokane going over the letter in her head. She was going to lose her home, her studio. Every penny she put into it would be gone. All the steps forward wiped out in an instant.

  Only it wasn’t an instant. This took place months ago. Why hadn’t she been notified? How could it all be taken away with the arrival of a tersely worded letter?

  “The original loan was fairly straightforward. Make your payments on time, no problems. Then last winter the wording was restructured.”

  “I applied for a home improvement loan.”

  “Right.” Mrs. Lawrence thumbed through the file, pulling out the paper. “Solar panels. Pricey.”

  “Practice. I use a lot of electricity in my work. Since those panels were installed, my Avista bill has been nil. If fact, I have a surplus. I’m going to start selling it back.”

  “That’s very admirable, Ms. Jones. I’m very Green myself. I’ve started bringing coffee from home in my little thermal cup. No more styrofoam for me.”

  Tyler gave the woman a blank stare. She had the grace to blush.

  “Right. Sorry. Not exactly on the same level.” She cleared her throat. “The point is, when you increased your loan, the terms of the first loan changed.”

  “I’m aware of that. I had my lawyer look over the new agreement.”

  “Smart,” Mrs. Lawrence nodded with approval. “Did he point out the new clause stating the bank had the right to sell your loan at its discretion?”

  “Yes, of course. Mr. Teegue, the man who handled all of that, assured me that never happens. On the off-chance it did, I was supposed to be informed.”

  “Which you were. According to our records, the letter was sent at the time the loan changed hands.”

  “I received no such letter. Believe me, I would remember.”

  “I’m truly sorry. It’s out of our hands. You have my sympathy.”

  Great, Tyler thought bitterly. That and a five dollar bill would be enough to fill up Mrs. Lawrence’s thermal cup at her favorite coffee kiosk. It wouldn’t save Tyler’s home.

  “I suggest you contact your local post office. If you can prove the letter wasn’t delivered, that might buy you some time.”

  As solutions went, it was pretty lame. But it was all she had. Tyler stood, shaking the woman’s hand.

  “Can you at least tell me who bought the loan?”

  “Of course. A holding company by the name of RRAH Limited. Based in Seattle. I have a phone number.”

  After leaving the bank, Tyler got in her car. She took out her phone and dialed the number Mrs. Lawrence supplied her with. Taking a deep breath, she waited while it rang.

  “RRAH Limited. How may I help you?”r />
  “I need to speak to someone about a loan that was purchased from my bank.”

  “Your name?”

  “Tyler Jones.”

  “One moment, please.”

  Tyler sighed, preparing herself to be on hold for some time. To her surprise, the woman came back in less than minute.

  “I’m sorry, Ms. Jones. The gentleman in charge of that account is on vacation. If you can call back in two weeks, he will be back in the office.”

  “I don’t have two weeks,” Tyler said through gritted teeth. “There must be someone covering for him while he’s away.”

  “Yes, but he is out on business. I don’t know when he’ll be back.”

  “Can I leave my name and number? It’s extremely important that I speak with him. Immediately, if not sooner.”

  Tyler left the information with little hope she would get a return call. How could this be happening? It felt like a bad dream that she would wake up from. Give it time. Except time was the one thing she didn’t have. In less than a month, she would literally be out on the street.

  Her hand shook as she put the key in the ignition. Damn it. She couldn’t drive back to Harper Falls until she got her nerves under control.

  Tyler looked at her phone. Should she call Dani or Rose? They would lend sympathetic ears. Hell, they would try to lend her money. Even if it helped, which at this point it didn’t, she wouldn’t take it. They knew that. They could make the offer. She could turn it down. No one would feel better.

  Drew. Tyler reached for the phone then snatched back her hand. Again, there was no point. She didn’t want Drew throwing his weight around to save her. She had to do this on her own. Fail or succeed, she was responsible. Crying on Drew’s shoulder might feel good for a little while. Then what? She would tell him and her friends when and only when, all possible avenues were exhausted.

  Taking a deep, calming breath, Tyler tried again to start her car. This time she was stopped by the ringing of her phone.

  Drew. What, was he psychic? She briefly considered letting it go to voicemail. Nope, she could use the sound of a friendly voice.

  “Hi.”

  “Hi, yourself. I wanted to check in to make sure we were still on for tonight.”

  Tonight? Tyler searched her brain. Was there something special going on?