by Kady Hunt
“But how did I get here?”
“Maybe you wanted to get away from him?” I say. “You knew my room number. You could have come to me for help and…”
“And we did it,” she closes her eyes.
“Maybe nothing happened,” I lie, even though I remember things happening.
“No…I remember…stuff…you know?”
“Yeah, me too.”
“God, I’m so sorry!”
“Why’re you apologizing? It wasn’t your fault.”
“Oh God,” she says and starts to cry.
This time I sit right next to her and put an arm around her. She doesn’t protest but she keeps on crying. “Jamie,” I say. “This is really not that big of a deal. You need to stop crying.”
“You don’t understand!” she snaps and breaks away from my touch, stands right in front of me. “I know this is just a one-night stand for you! I know! Easy to forget but you don’t understand…I’m…fuck…Holden…” she seems like she’s about to say something but she doesn’t say it. Instead, she says something politically correct. “Nothing. It’s just…I don’t do one-night stands. So all this, is a bit of a shock.”
“I get it,” I say. “I’m shocked too. I thought I was with Natalie. I was so happy.”
“Natalie? Is that your girlfriend?”
“Yes.”
“Oh, that just makes me feel worse!”
“Jamie,” I say, trying to calm her down again and go towards her. “Look, it’s just a one-night stand. Okay? We can forget about it, pretend it never happened. No one has to know! I won’t tell anyone, I promise.”
She nods. “Okay,” she says. “Okay, you’re right. This is nothing to freak out over.” She bends to grab her purse from the floor and looks ready to leave. “I should probably go back to my room.”
“What?” I say. “You’re going to go back to that jerk? Why? So he can drug you and take advantage of you again?”
“So what am I supposed to do?” she says. “I live in New York! Until I make some arrangements for the flight and leave…I’m stuck here. And I’m sort of low on cash.”
“Okay that,” I say, grabbing my wallet. “I can actually help you with. How much do you need?”
“I’m not going to take your money, Holden. Not like this.”
“Consider it a loan,” I say. “You can return it to me when you’re back in New York.”
She looks like she’s weighing her options. “Thanks.”
“Jamie,” I say. “It’s no bother. Really. And just stay here until I get you another room, okay?”
“You don’t have to do that,” she says. “I’ll figure something out.”
“Please, Jamie. Let me help you. It’s the least I can do.”
I can’t possibly leave her helpless to go fend for herself; not after everything that’s happened. I need to make sure that asshole doesn’t touch her again. In some way, I feel I might be responsible for this, and I know that’s absurd because someone tried to drug me too, but I can’t help it. I also need to find out what the hell is going on. I know it can’t be something she did, but maybe we pissed someone off. I can believe that about myself because I’m an asshole, but I can’t think of a reason anyone would have a grudge with her. But it can’t be a coincidence. Whatever it is, I can’t figure it out and I know Jamie’s not going to be a big help, but I know someone who can help me.
I look for my phone, find it on the nightstand and dial Daniel’s number.
10.
DANIEL
I rub my eyes to get the sleep out but it isn’t working. I barely had any shuteye last night to be honest and that’s fine once in a while but you do that often enough and it will get to you. I would have still been sleeping if Holden hadn’t called and sounded so frantic. When there’s a knock on the door, I open it to let Holden in but he’s not alone.
“Jamie…hi.” I’m trying to find words to say and then I realize there are no words that can get rid of this awkwardness. They’re both sporting messy, post-one-night-stand hair and they’re both in the same clothes I had seen them wearing last night. I saw Jamie leave with that Alex guy, and right after what I thought was a perfect moment, and Jamie wasn’t so much as acknowledging me now. Had I seriously been wrong about her? Was she the same as those other one night stands Holden walked around with the morning after? Women without a care in the world and who thought it was okay to have sex with random strangers? I mean, there’s nothing wrong with that per say, I’m fine with whatever a guy or girl chooses to do as part of their lifestyle, but it just means I’m bad at discerning people.
Jamie says nothing, not even a hello, and simply walks in after Holden so I shut the door and wait for Holden to explain all this without me taking this as an opportunity to take a fist to his face again.
“So?” I say, sitting down on the armchair across from Holden and Jamie who’re both seated on the sofa. “How can I be of help?”
“Well,” Holden begins. “Something happened, Daniel. And we’re not sure what to do about it, so we came to you for help.”
Does he realize that I’m the same age as him? So why does he always do this? Make a mistake and then bring it to me to sort it out. But at the same time I want to know what is going on because, well, Holden’s my friend, and because Jamie and I had that moment last night and I want to know exactly how wrong I had been about her.
“It’s too early in the day for you to be vague,” I snap.
Holden looks like he’s having trouble saying it. Unbelievable. The universe actually found something that Holden Danvers is having trouble talking about! Hallelujah there is a God after all!
“Fine,” Holden says, and I notice that he and Jamie are making an effort to not look each other in the eye. Well, that just makes me more suspicious. “I guess we have to tell him.”
“Daniel,” Jamie finally speaks up. “Something happened last night.”
Yeah, I’m tempted to say. You fucked my best friend after pretending to be into me all night.
“Daniel,” Holden says. “What I’m about to tell you…it’s fucked up, man!”
“What, Holden?” Just tell me already!
“Okay well,” Holden says. “I woke up, and she was in bed with me.”
I feel like I’m going to punch someone or something, if this guy doesn’t stop talking right about now. But I have to keep calm. There’s no point getting into whatever mess this is that Holden’s about to load on me. And Miss Jamie certainly isn’t what she had seemed last night so why should I care? “Uh huh.”
“Daniel,” he says. “I have no idea how that happened. I mean, I do…a little but…you get what I’m trying to say?”
I’m just pissed. “Is this what you came here to tell me?” I say. “That you were both too shitfaced to remember whether you used the missionary or the back entrance?”
“Daniel,” Holden stands. “You can say whatever you want about me but don’t talk about her that way. You don’t know anything.”
“Get out, Holden. And take her with you.”
“I don’t understand what your problem is?” Holden says. “I came to you for help! You always keep telling me I should do that, and now when I’m doing it, you’re angry! Give me a fucking break, will you?”
I roll my eyes. “Fine,” I say. “Holden, you have five minutes. Make your story interesting before I kick you out. Five minutes, Holden. Use them wisely.”
“I think someone drugged us,” Holden comes out with it at last.
Okay, so that one does sort of sound like a shocker. “What?”
“Her boyfriend,” Holden says. “He drugged her. And some guy named Harlow drugged me at the bar. Few minutes later, we end up in the same room. She thought she was with Alex and I thought I was with Natalie. I think Natalie was there—I’m not sure—my memory’s a bit vague but I know someone roofied us, Daniel.”
“Holden,” I say. “That’s a serious accusation.”
“You think I don’t know th
at?”
Jamie looks like she’s about to cry anytime. Maybe it’s just that my skewed perspective has been altered but suddenly, I see the same girl I met last night; timid, reserved and barely able to speak to strangers. How could I even consider the possibility she would have a one-night stand with a guy like Holden while she was in her senses?!
“Jamie,” I say. “Are you alright?”
Holden looks at us in disbelief. “You guys know each other?”
“We spent some time together yesterday,” I say. “It’s no big deal.”
Holden seems convinced or doesn’t care. “Anyway,” he says. “That bastard Alex? He’s still in that room. But there’s no sign of that Harlow guy. All we have is Alex. Maybe he knows something.”
“What’re you suggesting, exactly?”
“I don’t know,” Holden says. “I’m as clueless as you are! Thought you might have better ideas!”
“Okay,” I say. “Let’s just slow down, okay?” I turn to Jamie. “Jamie. Tell me everything you do remember.”
“Well,” Jamie begins. “Alex and I were in the bar downstairs. Drinking, and talking, just, you know, having a good time. And then I remember feeling really sleepy—and dizzy too but I thought it might be the alcohol. We went to our room and well, Alex told me to…lie on the bed and that he was coming back. The next thing I remember, I wake up in bed with Holden instead of Alex.”
“So, you have no memory of going into Holden’s room?” I ask, a little relieved.
“None.”
“Holden. What’s your story?”
“This guy,” Holden says. “Called himself Harlow. He started talking to me at the bar. I was watching Natalie and her husband Pierre making out on one of the booths with some friends. I was already drunk so when the guy started chatting me up I didn’t think much of it. He bought me a drink and we talked some more. And when I tried to get up, I knew something was wrong. I felt all…wrong. One glance at the bottom of my drink glass, and I saw there were pills in it. I just put two and two together. The weird thing is, I know he did it. I just don’t know why he did what he did. I mean, I thought for sure, when he was carrying me to my room that I was about to get robbed. I was just hoping that it wouldn’t get violent. I was so out of it. But my room’s the same, Daniel. My wallet is there, so is my phone, and nothing is gone. So he didn’t do it to rob me. What other purpose could he have had?”
“Maybe it’s just a coincidence,” I say. “Jamie could have ended up in your room for a variety of reasons. Maybe she felt unsafe from the guy, and wandered into your room somehow, when it opened and we know it must have been open at some point if the guy took you there or if Natalie was there.”
“Daniel’s right,” Jamie says. “Maybe it was just coincidence.”
“I don’t believe in coincidences.” Holden says with a serious face. Jamie doesn’t say another word. And I know I’m trying to be a calming influence here, but I don’t believe in coincidences much either. So there’s a good chance that Holden’s right about his assessment of the situation.
“Look,” I say, getting up and going towards the minibar to get drinks. “You have to keep a cool head.” Jamie refuses hers, and Holden downs one of those tiny bottles of whiskey without so much as a grimace.
“I don’t know about her,” Holden says. “But this is my cool head!!!”
The door opens and Carmen walks in, wearing a tiny dress, the same one she slept in last night. She had that bed hair and her mascara is smudged just a tiny bit. She walks right over to Holden and plants a kiss on his cheek.
“Carmen,” Holden says, smiling. “You’re here.”
Carmen gestures to me. “Well,” she says. “You know how Daniel likes to play hard-to-get.” She turns to Jamie. “I don’t know you, chica. What’s your name and why is naughty Holden still carrying you around? There’s got to be something special about you because he usually dumps them before breakfast, don’t you Holden?”
“I’d never dump you, Carmen,” Holden says.
“Oh please,” Carmen says. “You’re such a liar, you big cheat.”
And just like that, Carmen heads to the bathroom. “I’ll be right back folks!”
Holden turns to me when she’s left the room. “Carmen’s here?” he asks.
We both know what that means so I can’t help but grin. “Carmen’s here.”
Holden looks like he might be stopping himself from laughing too hard. “Well,” he says. “You live long enough, you see things huh?”
“Shut up,” I say, and suddenly notice how uncomfortable Jamie is. And then it occurs to me what seeing Carmen in my room must have made her feel after everything that happened last night—but before I can say something, Jamie stands. “I should probably go now.”
“Yeah,” Holden says. “Me too. I have to arrange for her plane tickets and some other stuff. I’ll see you back in your room in a couple of hours?”
“Sure.”
The last thing I want is for her to leave.
The room or the hotel.
But obviously her so-called boyfriend turned out to be a jerk, she must have no choice but to go back home to New York. I remembered her telling me that she lived in Brooklyn.
Still though, just sitting there patiently without letting Holden know how I felt about her was harder than I thought it would be. I felt even more connected to her somehow, despite everything that had happened. I wanted to do something for her. Why was Holden the one helping her anyway? I could do that too! And then I remember: I’m not a trust-fund baby like Holden Danvers.
Well, that and she looks like she doesn’t want anything to do with me.
11.
HOLDEN
Holden.
It’s over.
One text is all it takes.
One text to make my world come crashing around me and leave me stranded.
My heart is in a million pieces.
I’ve known Natalie for two years now. One of which I wasn’t even accepting the fact that I was going steady with her and the next I spent trying to make her realize how much she meant to me. But Daniel was right. This text proves that everyone was right, except me. Does that make me want to bury my head in the sand and never come out? Yes. Does it make me want to go after her, beg for her to take me back? Yes and yes. Does it make my heart feel like it has known nothing but sadness and misery and pain? Yes and yes and hell yes. What is wrong with me? Why do I always manage to fall for the wrong person? Why do I manage to screw up every relationship I’m in? I don’t know the answer to that.
Maybe I’m not designed to be in a functional relationship. Maybe these one night stands are all I have and maybe I should stop looking for someone to give my love to. Maybe love is an absurd idea, like everyone says. Love makes you stupid, or in my case, it makes you stupider.
I’m about to bang my phone against the wall when I hear the sound of gentle sobbing. I realize it’s Jamie. She’s sitting on the bed in my room, holding a half-packed suitcase and crying uncontrollably.
She looks dejected. Broken.
I can relate.
“You need to stop that,” I say to her and she rubs the tears off her face with her sleeve.
“I’m sorry,” she says and goes back to packing her things.
I grab her suitcase and toss it aside, hold her hand and pull her up in front of me so we’re both standing in that room facing each other. We’re so close I can see the tiny streams of blood in her eyes, the sadness in her gaze. And despite the fact that she’s been crying for hours, she looks beautiful. There’s something about her, a kind of vulnerability, that makes me want to take her in a big hug but I don’t want to scare her away. It was bad enough that she was forced into a strange situation last night; I don’t want it to get even more awkward.
“That’s not what I meant,” I say. “You’re not annoying me or anything.”
“I’m not?” she looks up innocently at me.
“No,” I say. “I just think you sho
uldn’t be crying over someone like Alex.”
“You know,” she says. “I was really looking forward to coming here with him. I was…excited. For once in my life, I thought someone likes me because of me, you know?” She’s crying even harder. “I’m not that girl guys buy flowers for, I never had a Valentine’s Day date until about a year ago and the guy ditched me after about an hour. An hour, Holden! That’s how long people can stand being with me!”
“Jamie, you’re beautiful,” I say. “And the only reason all of that hasn’t happened is because you haven’t met the right guy.”
“Thanks for saying that.”
“No, Jamie…I mean it. I get that you don’t dress ‘sexy’ like those other girls and maybe you’re subtle and shy, but you’re beautiful the way you are, don’t you get it?”
“Then why did Alex do this?”
“Well,” I say. “Because you give off this…vibe.”
“Vibe?”
“Jamie,” I say. “You look like the kind of person who would let people walk all over her. So people do.”
She starts crying harder.
“Jamie,” I say. “Stop crying.”
And she does.
“See what I mean?” I say. “I ask you to stop and you do. And you keep apologizing for something that isn’t even your fault! Jamie, you’re a doormat. And you’re going to stay that way so long as you don’t get the balls to speak your mind and say no once in a while. Just try it, for one day. See how it goes.”
“You’re asking me to change who I am.”
I let go of her hand and turn around to grab my smokes from the coffee table. “If you don’t,” I say, lighting one up. “Then you can expect a lot more of these Alexs in your life. Don’t come crying to me the next time that happens.”
She looks astonished. “I don’t believe it,” she says. “How can you talk to me that way?”
“Because,” I say, turning to her. “I’m an asshole, Jamie. In case you didn’t notice.”
She looks at me as though I’ve gone mad.
I wonder if she’s going to say something but she doesn’t.