His heart gave another noisy drum roll at the word ‘them’ and he gritted his teeth. There wasn’t a them, at least not yet there wasn’t. There was Rachel and there was him, and just because they’d had sex it didn’t make them a couple, not even when it had been the most mind-blowing sex he had ever experienced!
Heat scorched through his veins and he hurriedly applied himself to making the coffee as he fought to get a grip on himself. Making love with Rachel had been a truly memorable experience, but he was only flesh and blood and he had needs like any other man, needs that he had suppressed for a very long time. It was hardly surprising their love-making had been such a huge success, bearing all that in mind.
It was the most logical explanation, even though in his heart Matt had great difficulty believing it was the real reason why making love with Rachel had been so wonderful. However, he couldn’t afford to let himself get carried away when they needed to talk everything through.
He poured the coffee, placing the mugs on the kitchen table because it would seem less intimate if they talked in here rather than in the sitting room. Soft lights and a crackling fire were all well and good, he thought as he went to fetch the milk out of the fridge, but he hadn’t brought Rachel here to seduce her…Well, not consciously, although the idea was very tempting now that he thought about it.
His mind drifted off before he could stop it, soaking up the delights of firelight flickering on smooth alabaster skin, and he groaned under his breath. Now, that really was too much temptation for any man!
‘Matt?’
Rachel’s voice roused him and he realised that he had missed what she had said. ‘Sorry. I was miles away,’ he apologised as he placed the milk jug on the table and sat down. ‘What did you say?’
‘Worrying about that poor girl, I expect.’ She sighed, completely misinterpreting the reason for his abstraction. ‘I do hope she’s all right.’
‘So do I, although I wasn’t actually thinking about her. I was thinking about us.’ He added some milk to his coffee, wondering if he was mad to admit it, but he refused to lie. There had been enough misunderstandings recently without deliberately creating any more.
‘Oh! I see,’ she said shakily and he felt his heart swell with tenderness when he heard the breathless note in her voice. It was obvious that it was as important to Rachel as it was to him to sort out this mess.
The thought gave a welcome boost to his courage and he carried on. ‘I know that night we spent together has changed things, Rachel. And you were right to say that I was upset the following morning because it’s true. However, it doesn’t mean that I regret sleeping with you.’
He paused, needing a moment to work out the best way to explain how he had felt. He wasn’t used to opening his heart this way but he knew that he owed her the truth and nothing less. ‘Making love with you was wonderful, you were wonderful. If I was upset afterwards it was because I couldn’t help feeling that I had let Claire down in some way.’
‘It must be hard for you, Matt. I know what a wonderful marriage you had. I can’t imagine how difficult it must have been for you when you lost Claire. I…I’ve never loved anyone that much.’
There was something in her voice that brought his eyes to her face but she wasn’t looking at him. She was staring down at her cup, making it impossible for him to see her expression clearly. Matt frowned. Had there been a hint of doubt in that claim she had made about never having really loved anyone? he wondered, then immediately dismissed the idea. There was no reason for her to lie to him, was there?
‘It was difficult. The only way I could cope was by focussing on my job and taking care of Heather. However, Heather is all grown up now and she no longer needs me to look after her.’ He smiled ruefully. ‘I don’t think she’s needed me to do so for some time, but she knew I needed her. That’s why she came back to Dalverston after she finished her nurse’s training.’
‘Heather loves you, Matt. She wouldn’t have seen it as a hardship to come back here.’
‘How did you know what I was thinking?’ he exclaimed.
‘Because I’ve often wondered the same thing myself about Ross. Did he decide to settle in Dalverston because of me?’ She laughed softly. ‘He would never admit it, of course!’
‘Maybe not but his actions speak for themselves, don’t they? Ross chose to live here because he loves you, Rachel, and he appreciates how hard you’ve worked to bring him up.’ He reached across the table and squeezed her hand. ‘You’ve been a wonderful mother to him.’
‘Thank you for saying that. It means such a lot to me.’
Tears glistened in her eyes before she blinked them away. Matt released her hand and picked up his cup, giving her a moment to collect herself. They were here to talk about their relationship, not their respective roles as parents.
Once again his heart clamoured at the thought of them having a relationship and this time he didn’t correct himself. He and Rachel did have a relationship. They’d had one for a number of years and it had been a highly successful one too. The fact that it had altered recently was the sticking point and they needed to decide what they were going to do about it.
Matt drank his coffee, wondering how to raise the subject in a way that wouldn’t cause Rachel any embarrassment. Coming straight out and asking her how she felt about them having an affair seemed so crass but that was what it amounted to. He wasn’t ready yet to offer her anything more, although at some point in the future…
He cut short that thought before it could run away with him. ‘Look, Rachel,’ he began.
‘How do you feel about us trying again?’
They both spoke at once and both stopped. Matt took a deep breath as he felt his head reel. That Rachel should have suggested what he’d been going to say stunned him. He was still trying to work out how to reply when she continued.
‘If what happened was a one-off, Matt, then fine. I understand. But if you feel that one night wasn’t enough, I think you need to be totally upfront about that too.’
‘How do you feel about it?’ he said, his voice sounding hoarse.
She shrugged. ‘I asked first.’
Oh, hell! This was difficult, more difficult than anything he had ever done before. Matt’s blood pressure rose until it felt as though he was going to burst from the pressure building up inside him. And yet in his heart he knew there was only one answer, only one truthful answer, at least. He refused to be a coward and lie to her about something as important as this.
‘One night wasn’t enough for me, Rachel. It never could be enough when I felt things that night that I’ve never felt before.’
His eyes held hers fast and he saw her pupils dilate when she realised what he was saying, that not even with Claire had he felt the way he had felt when he had made love to her. For a moment all the old guilt came rushing back and swamped him and then, miraculously, his head cleared. All he could think about was Rachel and what she was offering him, something so precious that he would be a fool to turn it down.
Capturing her hands, he pulled her to her feet and drew her into his arms, holding her so close that he could feel the firm swell of her breasts pushing against his chest, feel the exact moment when her nipples hardened with desire. His own body quickened and he heard her suck in a sharp little breath when she realised he was aroused too and didn’t give a damn. He was past pretending, way past the point of playing games.
‘I don’t know how long this will last, Rachel, and I don’t care. I just know that I want you more than I’ve wanted anyone in a very long time.’
‘I’m not asking you for a guarantee, Matt,’ she whispered. ‘Nobody can foretell how long a relationship will last.’
‘No, they can’t,’ he agreed, refusing to think about how devastated he would be if he lost her. ‘But what I can do is promise you on my honour that whatever happens we will deal with it like two sensible adults.’
‘Can you really be sensible when you feel like this?’ she murmured, moving her
hips against his and making him groan.
‘No, I can’t. I don’t even want to try. I just want to make mad, passionate love to you right here and right now. Is it enough to be going on with?’
‘Yes. More than enough for me.’
Reaching up on tiptoe, she pressed her mouth to his, her lips parting to invite his to open too. Matt felt the rush of desire hit him like a sledgehammer as he pulled her hard against him, letting her feel in intimate detail exactly what she was doing to him. The coffee cups went flying as he lifted her onto the table but he didn’t care. What did some broken china matter when his heart was being healed?
They made love right there in the kitchen and it was even better than the first time, amazingly enough. Matt knew that he scaled new heights that night and that he couldn’t have done that with anyone but Rachel. As her body opened to him, he realised that he was on the brink of falling in love with her, but he also knew it was a step too far at this stage. Rachel hadn’t asked for love or commitment, just that they be together. He had to be content with that. For now.
They climaxed together, crying out each other’s name in unison, and even if it wasn’t an omen for the future, it proved they had made the right decision at this moment. He could live with that, live in the present and enjoy what he had. He only hoped Rachel could do so too for a very long time.
Matt was still asleep when Rachel got up the following morning. It was very early and the central heating hadn’t switched itself on yet. She shivered as she unhooked his robe from the behind the bedroom door and pulled it on. It was far too big for her but she rolled up the sleeves and tightened the belt around her waist. The real bonus apart from an immediate feeling of warmth was that it smelled of Matt and she sniffed appreciatively as she made her way down the stairs. Being enveloped in his scent might not be as good as being held in his arms but it was the next best thing.
A smile curled her mouth as she set to work to make them some breakfast. The bacon was crisping and the eggs were sizzling by the time Matt appeared looking wonderfully sexy as he padded into the kitchen wearing nothing more than a pair of boxer shorts. He grinned as he came over to her and pulled her into his arms.
‘Aha, so you’re the culprit.’
‘I am?’ Rachel smiled into his eyes, loving the way his hair fell in a disorderly wave onto his forehead. Matt was normally impeccably groomed and it was a rare and pleasant surprise to see him looking less than perfect for once.
She brushed the lock of hair back into its rightful place, revelling in the fact that she had the right to enjoy such intimacies. ‘You’ll have to enlighten me. What is it I’m supposed to have done?’
‘Oh, there’s no supposed about it, not when the evidence is clear to see.’ His hands went to the belt on the robe. ‘You, Dr Mackenzie, stole my dressing gown and for that you deserve to be suitably punished.’
‘Oh, but I didn’t steal it,’ Rachel objected, keen to point out that she had merely borrowed it. However, it appeared that Matt wasn’t interested in hearing her defence.
He peeled the robe off her and tossed it aside, his mouth claiming hers in a drugging kiss that made her forget every argument she had been about to make. When he pressed her back against the wall, she didn’t protest but gave in willingly. It felt so good to have him kiss her, hold her and make her his. Their love-making would have reached its natural conclusion if the sudden shrilling of an angry smoke alarm hadn’t interrupted them.
Matt chuckled as he let her go and switched off the gas. ‘Looks as though the bacon has gone for a burton.’
‘And the eggs.’ Rachel shook her head as she poked at the blackened remains in the frying pan. ‘You do realise that you’ve missed out on having breakfast in bed?’
‘That’s a shame, although I have to confess that I prefer the alternative.’
He leered comically at her and she laughed as she aimed a playful cuff at his ear. ‘You are completely shameless, Matthew Thompson!’
‘Good. It’s music to my ears to hear you say that. I was in danger of turning into a real old fuddy-duddy and I rather like the idea of being seen as someone whose attitude to life is a bit more risqué.’
‘Fuddy-duddy! No way could you be described as that. According to my friends, you’re a real babe.’
‘Is that a fact?’ He grinned at her. ‘Whilst I feel I should point out that I’m a tad long in the tooth to be called a babe, I certainly won’t dispute it. However, what interests me most of all is if you agree with your friends. Do you?’
‘Now, that would be telling!’
Rachel shot past him as she beat a hasty retreat. Matt was hard on her heels as she flew up the stairs but, then, she wasn’t trying all that hard to outrun him. They made love in his bedroom then took a shower together and made love in there too and it was wonderful again. Rachel had never enjoyed this kind of closeness with anyone before and revelled in it. She could get used to living like this, she thought later as she got dressed, very used to waking up with Matt each morning and falling asleep beside him each night. However, she had to remember that this wasn’t for ever but just for now.
She sighed as she finished buttoning up her blouse. She may have found her soulmate, but it took two people to build a lasting relationship. She had absolutely no experience of making a lifelong commitment, although she could learn. As for Matt, he had the experience because he had done it before, but she didn’t know yet if he would want to do it all over again with her. All she could do was hope that he would.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
MATT was amazed by how happy he felt in the days that followed. Not even the problems they were currently experiencing at the surgery seemed to trouble him the way they once would have done. He knew it was all down to his relationship with Rachel.
It had added a new dimension to his life, one that had been missing for far too long, and he found himself praying that it would continue. Maybe they hadn’t made a commitment but what they did have felt so right that he never wanted it to end. The idea that he was falling in love with her crossed his mind with increasing frequency but he didn’t allow himself to dwell on it. He was afraid that he would spoil things if he wished for more than he had. Although Rachel hadn’t moved in with him, she spent most nights at his house and their sex life continued to be amazing. He kept wondering if a time would arrive when they settled into a routine but it never happened. Each time they made love it felt as though it was the first time and it blew his mind.
Christmas came, the best Christmas he could remember in years. Ross joined them for lunch and although he didn’t say anything, Matt had a feeling that Ross had guessed there was something going on between him and Rachel. He also got the impression that Ross was genuinely pleased for them and it was a relief to know that their relationship wasn’t going to create problems in that area. When Heather phoned to wish him a happy Christmas, he was tempted to tell her about Rachel but something held him back. Maybe it would be safer not to tempt fate.
After Christmas it was time to finish sorting out the mess created by their former locum. They had managed to whittle down the number of recalls to just half a dozen by then. Alison Bradshaw, the woman who had been diagnosed with fibroadenosis, was his first appointment when he returned to work after the festive break. She’d been on holiday when they had tried to contact her and that had caused an added delay. Matt brought up her file on the computer and was reading through the decidedly scrappy notes the locum had made when Rachel tapped on his door.
‘You look very industrious. Heavy list this morning?’
‘About average for this time of the year.’ Matt tipped back his chair and smiled at her, wondering if he would ever reach a point where he felt indifferent to her. It was just over an hour since they had got out of bed yet his heart was already kicking up a storm.
Rachel closed the door and came around the desk to drop a kiss on his lips. They had agreed to keep their relationship a secret from their colleagues. Neither of them relished the
thought of being gossiped about so they were very discreet when they were at work. That Rachel had broken their rules and kissed him made his heart race with delight.
‘I thought you might need a top-up to help you through the morning.’
‘Mmm, I do. I do.’ Matt pulled her down onto his lap and kissed her soundly, smiling when she eagerly responded. He loved the fact that she never pretended but let him know exactly how she felt. He scattered a shower of butterfly-soft kisses over her face and neck then reluctantly drew back. ‘That will have to keep me going until lunchtime, although I’ll probably need another top-up by then.’
‘Always happy to help out a colleague in need,’ she replied saucily, laughing at him.
That remark would have prompted a reprisal if the buzzer on his desk hadn’t sounded to warn him his first appointment was waiting in Reception. Matt groaned as he tipped her off his knee. ‘Action stations. It’s time to knuckle down to some work.’
‘Aye, aye, Captain!’
Rachel saluted smartly then headed for the door, leaving him chuckling. She had that effect on him, made him feel more positive about life than he had felt in ages. She was everything he admired in a woman—warm, caring, sexy…
He made himself stop right there, knowing from experience how fast his thoughts could run away with him. He called in Alison Bradshaw and set about explaining why he wanted to send her for a mammogram. She was naturally worried so he phoned up the hospital and made an appointment for her to be seen the following week.
Thankfully, her symptoms had settled down and on checking her breasts, he found nothing to indicate there might be a problem. However, he would only truly relax when the results of the mammogram came back and proved that everything was clear.
He saw her out and worked his way through the rest of his list. His last patient had just left when Carol phoned with a query about someone else who was on the recall list. Matt told her that he would come to the office to sort it out and gathered up the case notes he’d used. He was just walking along the corridor when a girl came out of the treatment room and he paused when he realised it was Megan Bradley, the passenger in the car that had been involved in that accident in the town centre.
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