‘Hello! What are you doing here?’
‘Having my stitches out,’ Megan explained, pushing back her hair so that he could see the thin red scar above her ear. ‘I was dreading having it done in case it hurt, but the nurse was so gentle I hardly felt a thing.’
‘Good.’ Matt smiled at her. ‘So you’re fully recovered, are you?’
‘Yes, thank you. I felt a bit shaky for a few days afterwards and my head hurt but all things considered I got off very lightly.’
‘And what about your friend who was driving—Katie? I telephoned the hospital and know that she came through the operation to repair her pelvis. Is she making good progress?’
‘Not too bad, but it will be a while before she’s up and about again.’ Mel sighed. ‘The police still haven’t found the van driver. They were able to trace who owned the van from the CCTV pictures but it had been reported as stolen a couple of days before the accident. I hate to think the driver is going to get away with it after all the damage he’s caused.’
‘I’m sure the police will track him down eventually,’ Matt said soothingly. ‘The main thing is that both you and Katie are going to be all right.’
‘You’re right, Dr Mackenzie. Of course you are.’
Mel gave him a beaming smile and left. Matt went to the office and sorted out Carol’s query in a buoyant mood. It was good to know that both girls would recover from their ordeal. The upside of feeling so happy himself was that he wanted only good things to happen for everyone else. He certainly didn’t want any disasters to spoil what he and Rachel had now or in the future.
He frowned as he went back to his room. Once again he was thinking long term and it wasn’t wise to do that. All he could do was hope that their relationship meant as much to Rachel as it meant to him.
It was the most wonderful time of Rachel’s entire life. She couldn’t remember when she had felt so happy before. Being with Matt both in and out of work was like a dream come true.
Amazingly their professional relationship didn’t suffer. Matt still treated her with the same respect and courtesy when they were in the surgery, even if the look in his eyes did raise matters onto a very different plane! Rachel knew without the shadow of a doubt that she had found the man she wanted to spend her life with. However, until Matt admitted that he felt the same way, she mustn’t get carried away.
The thought of what might happen in the future was the only blot on the horizon and she refused to let it ruin things. Thankfully she was so busy that she had very little time to dwell on it. Having to fit in the patients they needed to recall meant they were all pushed to the limit. Morning and evening lists were longer than ever.
Then there was a near crisis when their practice nurse, Gemma Craven, attended a call at one of the outlying farms and got lost in a snowstorm. Rachel was surprised when she saw how worried Ross was when Gemma went missing. It made her wonder if there was something going on between them. Quite frankly, she would be glad if there was because Ross deserved to be happy and Gemma was a lovely girl. She was tempted to ask him but in the end decided that she wouldn’t interfere. She knew how it felt to want to protect a new and very precious relationship.
It was the beginning of February when Rachel discovered that something had happened that was bound to affect her relationship with Matt. She had been feeling off-colour for several days, nauseous and dizzy, and had put it down to that wretched bug that was still doing the rounds. However, when she was violently sick one morning as she got up, she was forced to consider some other options and was shocked by what she came up with. Was it possible that she was pregnant?
She hurried back to the bedroom and took her diary out of her bag. Although it was normal for a woman’s menstrual cycle to alter as she approached the menopause, hers had been remarkably regular up till now. However on checking the date, she realised that her period was almost two weeks late. She tried to tell herself that there was no need to panic but she couldn’t help adding everything up, the dizziness and nausea, the bout of sickness that morning and the missed period, and they all pointed towards the same conclusion: she could be pregnant.
Rachel’s head was reeling as she went downstairs. She was forty-six years old and she couldn’t have a baby at her age! It wasn’t as though she and Matt had taken any chances either because they had always used contraception. However, as a doctor she knew only too well that no contraceptive was one hundred per cent guaranteed. Her heart sank as she sat down at the kitchen table and wondered how Matt would react if she told him of her suspicions. She couldn’t imagine he would be pleased when he had made it clear that he wasn’t looking for commitment. After all, a child was the ultimate commitment of all.
‘Are you feeling all right, sweetheart? You look awfully pale this morning.’
Matt came and crouched down beside her, his face filled with such concern that Rachel was hard pressed not to bawl her eyes out. Becoming a father again at this stage in his life would be the last thing he’d choose.
‘I think I may be coming down with that bug that’s been doing the rounds,’ she murmured, hating the fact that she had to lie to him, although she had no choice. She needed to find out if she really was pregnant before she said anything. She dredged up a watery smile. ‘I feel really rotten, if I’m honest.’
‘Then there’s no way that you’re going into work today,’ he said firmly. He got up and poured her a cup of tea then helped her to her feet. ‘It’s back to bed for you. Doctor’s orders!’
Rachel laughed but there was a hollow ring to it. She allowed him to help her back up the stairs and lay down obediently on the bed. He placed the cup of tea on the bedside table then bent and brushed her forehead with a gentle kiss.
‘Stay there and try to sleep. I’ll pop back at lunchtime to see if you’re all right.’ He took the phone out of its charger and placed it on the pillow beside her. ‘Phone me if you feel any worse, though. Promise?’
‘Promise,’ Rachel whispered, wondering if it was possible to feel any worse than she did. Tears trickled from her eyes and she turned her face into the pillow so that he wouldn’t see her crying as he left the room. She had never felt more desolate in her life, not even when she had found out that she was expecting Ross.
As soon as Matt had left for work she got dressed and drove into town to buy a pregnancy testing kit. She took it back to her own home and did the test there. Waiting for the results was agonising but finally she had confirmation that her suspicions were correct. She was pregnant and now she needed to decide what she was going to do.
At her age there were added risks to having a baby and she would need to undergo various tests if she went ahead with the pregnancy. Nobody would blame her if she decided not to go through with it, yet she shied away from the idea of having a termination. How she was going to tell Matt was something she still hadn’t worked out. It would have been different if they had made a real commitment to each other but their relationship was founded on the here and now, and she certainly wouldn’t blackmail him into staying with her because of their child.
Matt had a highly developed sense of duty and she knew that he would feel he had to support her if they were still together when she broke the news to him. She couldn’t bear to think that he could end up resenting her one day. Tears stung her eyes but she really didn’t have a choice. It would be better to end things now than run the risk of that happening.
Matt couldn’t stop worrying about Rachel all morning long. Her illness seemed to have come on remarkably quickly even if it was that wretched bug. He waited until there was a gap between patients and phoned the house, feeling more concerned than ever when there was no reply. Surely she must have heard the phone ringing, he thought as he replaced the receiver. So why hadn’t she answered it?
He tried telling himself that she was probably fast asleep but he could barely wait for lunchtime to arrive. There was another delay then because the results of various tests had come back and he needed to check them. The res
ults of Alison Bradshaw’s mammogram were amongst them and he was relieved to see that it was clear. He asked Carol to phone Alison to make sure she’d received a copy then made his escape before anything else could delay him.
He drove straight home, frowning when he discovered that Rachel’s car had gone. Had she felt better and decided to go home? He set off down the lane, letting out a sigh of relief when he saw her car parked outside the cottage. Although he had no idea why she had come back to her own home, at least she was safe.
Rachel opened the door to his knock but instead of inviting him in, she just stood and looked at him. Matt wasn’t sure what was going on but it was obvious that there was something very wrong and his insides churned in sudden apprehension. It took every scrap of willpower he possessed to smile at her when it felt as though his world was on the brink of falling apart.
‘Hi! I see you decided to come home. Does that mean you’re feeling better?’
‘Yes, thank you.’ Her tone was clipped and the churning in his guts intensified.
‘Is there something wrong, Rachel?’ he demanded, his own voice sounding equally harsh.
‘No. I just need some space, time on my own for a change.’
There was no smile to soften the words, nothing but the starkness of the statement, and something warm and tender shrivelled up inside him. Was she tiring of him already, he wondered sickly, wanting to end their relationship so soon? The thought almost brought him to his knees.
‘You should have said so this morning if that’s how you feel. There was no need to pretend you were ill.’
‘As I said, I needed time on my own to think everything through.’
‘And now you’ve had the time you needed, you’ve come to a decision?’
‘Yes. I have.’
‘I see.’ He shrugged, hoping she couldn’t tell how terrified he felt. ‘I assume it has something to do with us, so why don’t you tell me what you’ve decided?’
‘I think we need to take a break from one another.’
It was what he had feared she’d been going to say and his heart seemed to shrivel up inside him. It was all he could do not to beg her to reconsider but pride dictated that he shouldn’t embarrass them both. After all, he had known from the outset that they hadn’t promised each other a lifetime of commitment.
‘If that’s how you feel then there’s not a lot I can say, is there?’ He shrugged, praying that she couldn’t tell how devastated he felt. ‘You could be right. Maybe we do need to cool things a bit. It’s been very full on recently, hasn’t it, Rachel?’
‘It has. I…I think we need to take a step back, Matt, don’t you?’
There was the tiniest quaver in her voice which gave him some measure of hope that she wasn’t convinced about that, but there was nothing to sustain it when he shot a searching look at her face. She looked so distant that it was like looking at a stranger rather than the woman he had grown to love with all his heart.
It seemed too cruel that he had finally admitted how he felt when he was on the point of losing her. Matt knew that he couldn’t keep up the pretence any longer and swung round. ‘As usual you’re spot on in your assessment of the situation, Rachel. I suggest we see how we feel in a couple of weeks’ time.’
‘I think it would be for the best, too,’ she said calmly, and he inwardly cringed as another shaft of pain shot through him. It was hard to believe that she could show so little sign of emotion when he was in such agony.
‘I’ll take the rest of the day off, if you don’t mind,’ she continued. ‘It will look very odd if I suddenly turn up for work when I’m supposed to be ill.’
‘Fine. Do whatever you feel is right.’
Matt went back to his car and got it. Rachel had already closed the door by the time he slipped the key into the ignition and he didn’t linger before he drove away. Maybe it was the shock of what had happened but he felt icily cold. He had simply never expected their relationship to end like this. There’d been no tears, no arguments, no recriminations, just a polite indifference that was so much worse. It simply proved how little he had meant to her if Rachel could let him go with so little sign of emotion.
His eyes blurred and he pulled up at the side of the road. Maybe Rachel didn’t deem it worth crying about but he did. He had lost the woman he loved for a second time and no matter what happened in the future he would never allow himself to suffer this kind of agony again.
CHAPTER TWELVE
RACHEL sobbed her heart out after Matt had left. It was as though a dam had burst and all the tears she’d been holding back suddenly came gushing out. She felt completely drained afterwards but calmer, better able to think.
She had been right not to tell him just yet that she was pregnant, she realised. The calm and controlled way he had behaved just now had proved that. If he hadn’t felt it was worth fighting to keep her then she didn’t want him to think that the baby changed anything. She couldn’t bear it if Matt felt he had to do the right thing. That would be the route to a lifetime of unhappiness for all of them.
The situation was going to be difficult enough as it was. Rachel couldn’t imagine how hard it was going to be once the baby was born. Working together each and every day would be a strain for both of them in the circumstances. Although she loved working in Dalverston, it might be better if she found herself a job somewhere else.
The thought of having to start afresh was a daunting one but Rachel knew in her heart it was the right thing to do. What she was going to tell Ross was something she would need to think about, although it could wait for now. Her main concern was to find herself another job as quickly as possible.
She hunted out some back copies of the various medical journals she subscribed to and checked the positions vacant pages. There were a number of possibilities and she marked them all, although her pregnancy could prove a handicap when applying for another post. Most general practices were understaffed and they wouldn’t be keen to take on someone who would be able to work for only a few months.
She sighed as she laid the magazines aside. She would deal with that hurdle when she came to it. If nothing else came up, she could always do locum work for a few months to tide her over. She had some savings but they wouldn’t last very long if she had to live on them. It could take a while before she sold the cottage and she would have to rent somewhere else in the meantime, so she needed to earn enough to support herself.
Knowing Matt as well as she did, he would probably offer financial support for the baby, although she wasn’t sure if she should accept it. The child was her responsibility and she intended to make that clear to him, although she was willing to allow him access if that was what he wanted.
Her heart caught painfully when it struck her that it might be the only time she saw him. The odd couple of hours here and there weren’t very much to look forward to after how close they had been, but she knew she had made the right decision. She wouldn’t put him under any kind of pressure, wouldn’t run the risk of him ending up resenting her. She loved him too much to ruin the rest of his life.
Matt felt as though the rug had been pulled right out from under his feet when Rachel announced that she was looking for another job. In one tiny corner of his mind where hope still resided, he had convinced himself that somehow, some way, they would work through this glitch and come out all the stronger for it on the other side. However, he certainly couldn’t see a way out of this. If Rachel left Dalverston that would be the end of them. For good.
‘Naturally, I’ll work the required period as laid out in my contract. It’s two months less any holiday I’m owed.’ She consulted her diary. ‘That brings it down to six weeks by my reckoning.’
‘I’ll make a note of that,’ he said gruffly, the pain bubbling up inside him so that he had to clamp his teeth together to stop it escaping. He wasn’t sure what was worse, the fact that she was planning on leaving or that she could talk about it with so little emotion.
‘Don’t you want to che
ck that I’m right?’ Rachel asked him in surprise, and he shook his head.
‘I’m sure you’ve worked it all out correctly. It’s not something you’d make a mistake about, is it?’ His tone was brusque but he’d be damned if he would apologise for it. Didn’t she know how hard this was for him, didn’t she even care?
‘No, it isn’t.’
There was the tiniest hint of a plea in her voice but he wasn’t going to make the mistake of thinking she was asking for his understanding. She had made up her mind what she intended to do and she didn’t give a damn about the effect it would have on him.
He stood up abruptly. ‘I take it that you’ll be applying for another post?’
‘Yes. I’ve already seen a couple of jobs that look suitable,’ she agreed, digging in the knife that bit further. She certainly wasn’t wasting any time, he thought savagely. Obviously, she was keen to put some distance between them as soon as she possibly could!
‘I see,’ he said, clamping down on the emotions that were churning around inside him. He would be damned if he’d let her know how angry and hurt he felt, especially when she didn’t care. He shrugged, feigning an indifference he wished he felt. ‘It goes without saying that I’ll be happy to provide you with a reference. You’ve done an excellent job while you’ve been here, Rachel. Any practice will be lucky to have you as part of their team.’
‘Thank you.’
Her voice caught on the words but Matt didn’t wait to see what had caused it. His control was held by a thread and he was desperate not to embarrass himself in front of her. He went to the door, pausing briefly to glance back, but she wasn’t looking at him. She was staring down at her diary, probably counting the days until she could shake off the dust of her old life in Dalverston and set off on a new adventure somewhere else.
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