Denim and Lace

by Diana Palmer

  “But—”

  He put his forefinger over her lips. “If you’re bound and determined to stay in San Antonio, then go ahead. I won’t try to persuade you, and I won’t compromise you any more than I already have. But if I’ve made you pregnant, I have a right to know.”

  “Yes.” She stared up at him with her heart in her eyes, loving him so much that the thought of a child was tormented heaven. She’d have given anything to give him a son. But that was no longer possible and she just had to face it. At least she knew what it was to love him. Her fingers touched his broad chest, and she knew that she’d live on today all her life. Tears stung her eyes as she faced the idea of those long years without him.

  “I shouldn’t have let it go this far,” he murmured when he saw the brightness of her eyes. “The first time should be a husband’s right.”

  Her gaze met his and locked with it. “Then it would have been yours anyway,” she whispered. “Because there won’t ever be anybody else.” The tears escaped her eyes and streamed down her cheeks. “Oh, Cade, you can’t possibly imagine how much I love you!”

  He wrapped her up against him hungrily, his head bending over hers where it rested on his bare skin. He rocked her, his voice in her ear murmuring endearments, his hands soothing her.

  “Stay,” he said huskily. “Take a chance on it.”

  “I can’t.” Her voice broke on the words. “I can’t.”

  He wished he could understand what she was so afraid of. But maybe if he let her go, despite the agony it was going to mean, she might discover that she couldn’t live without him. It was a gamble, like the one he’d just taken. But he’d been wrong to try to force her to stay by making her pregnant. He didn’t have that right. He had to let her make the decision on her own. She loved him at least. That was in his favor.

  She savored his warm strength, the feel and smell and hardness of him in her arms. He had to care about her, or why would he have gone to such lengths to keep her here? Cade wasn’t the kind of man who seduced virgins. He had too much conscience, and too much respect for her. It was going to be hard for him, as old-fashioned as he was.

  It was going to be hard for her, too, she admitted ruefully. Despite the modern attitudes of others, hers were cemented in the past, like Cade’s. She’d lived too sheltered a life to accept life in the fast lane.

  She pulled away from him at last, wiping her eyes.

  He lifted her left hand and stared at the ring before his eyes met hers. His thumb rubbed over it gently. “You might consider yourself engaged now,” he murmured. “That would ease my conscience a little.” He smiled. “It might ease yours, too. I think it’ll be hell for both of us living with what we’ve done otherwise.”

  It was only a little concession, she told herself. And did it really matter? Because he didn’t want anyone else, and neither did she. It was no less a bond than the feeling that kept them bound together already. But she had to remember that she couldn’t give in to the need for his name. His child-hunger was the one impenetrable barrier between them, and not even love would make up for that.

  “It will have to be a long engagement,” she said after a minute.

  Sheer joy danced in his eyes, but he wouldn’t let her see. “Okay,” he said carelessly. “That means you don’t date, by the way,” he added. “Unless you enjoy having your dates beaten bloody, that is.”

  She smiled softly. “Would you?”

  “Now, I would,” he agreed. The smile faded, and his eyes darkened as he looked down at her. “I’m your lover,” he said. “Remember?”

  She hid her eyes from him. “My first lover,” she whispered.

  He framed her face in his hands and lifted it. “I hope you dream about it every night of your life,” he whispered against her mouth. “I hope the memory of it gives you hell.”

  “Thank you very much...” His mouth covered hers hungrily. He fitted her into the contours of his body, amazed to find that he was instantly aroused.

  She felt it and tried to move back, but he caught her hips roughly and pushed them against his. Then he lifted his head and stared at her with mocking amusement.

  “That used to happen every time I heard your voice,” he said. “Now I can just look at you and it happens.”

  She colored at the way he said it, at the emotion in his voice, at the feel of his hard-muscled body so intimately close.

  “How in hell can you still blush?” he asked, smiling.

  “It’s new,” she said falteringly.

  He bent and brushed his mouth softly over hers. “You might not believe it, honey, but it’s new to me, too.” He lifted her by the waist until she was on a level with his dark eyes, close against him. “I don’t guess I could change your mind about leaving on Monday?”

  Her heart skipped. “No.” She leaned forward helplessly and brushed her mouth softly over his. “I love you,” she whispered. Her brows knitted. “I love you...!”

  There was anguish in her voice. That disturbed him, but her mouth came back to his, and he gave in to the need to kiss her. His lips pushed hers gently apart and his tongue penetrated into the warmth of her mouth. He heard her moan and felt her tremble. He could almost have given her back those frantic words, but he didn’t want her to feel trapped. She was softhearted, and if she knew how he really felt, she might sacrifice herself for his sake. He couldn’t let her do that, he cared too much.

  He lifted his head, drowning in the softness of her, the light in the soft brown eyes adoring him so openly. He shuddered with need and emotion. “I’ll come to see you,” he whispered.

  She smiled. “Will you, really?”

  “And keep your hands off your big, dark, sexy boss.”

  She grinned, leaning closer to bite his full lower lip gently. “I’ll buy Nell a sexy nightdress and send her to see him,” she whispered.

  “And tonight,” he added, “you’ll tell Robert you’re leaving and make it plain to him that you’re off-limits.”

  The icy anger in his eyes made her weak in the knees. “Cade, I really wasn’t leading him on,” she said softly.

  “I know that now,” he replied. “But make it plain, just the same, or I will. And I think you have a pretty good idea of how I’d do it,” he added.

  She did. He’d set Robert up and let him find them kissing, or something equally traumatic for the younger man. She laid her cheek against his. “I’ll tell him,” she promised. She sighed, sliding her arms around his neck. “I’ll miss you.”

  “You’re holding back something,” he said, startling her. “I’ll find out what it is someday.”

  That’s what she was afraid of. But she didn’t say another word. She savored the nearness of him until the sound of an approaching car forced them apart. She felt cold and empty long before she went out the door ahead of him and down the hall to her own room to change clothes before their mothers came home.

  Robert came back just in time for supper. But he noticed what the others had—a new kind of look that Cade and Bess were exchanging. It wasn’t blatant, but it was a far cry from the hostility they’d been projecting. Bess’s gaze was purely adoring. Robert sighed as he picked up his fork. He knew without being told that he’d lost her.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  BESS FELT AS if every eye in the room was on her, as if everyone could look at her and tell that she’d slept with Cade. It was her own conscience making her feel conspicuous, she knew, but it didn’t make her any more comfortable. It didn’t help that every time she looked at Cade, she colored and flicked her eyes back to her plate. It seemed devastating now, to remember how intimate they’d been, how beautiful it had been between them. Cade had been her life for years. The joy of what they’d shared was still brimming over inside her, despite the sting of guilt that accompanied what she’d let him do. They were engaged. She stared at t
he little silver ring and wished with all her heart that it could be a real engagement, followed by a real marriage.

  Elise saw her touching the ring and smiled, because she knew the history of the ring as well as Cade did. “Is there something we should know about what’s going on with you two?” Elise asked at last, eaten up with curiosity.

  Bess went red, but Cade only laughed softly.

  “I suppose this is as good a time as any,” he replied. He took Bess’s left hand in his and clasped it warmly. “Bess and I are engaged.”

  There were uproarious congratulations from everyone including Robert, who winked at Bess and shrugged, taking it in his stride. He’d always known how she felt about Cade, even though he’d hoped for a while that he might win her. But he gave in with grace, and his congratulations were sincere.

  Cade let go of Bess’s hand long enough to finish his meal and pushed the plate back, his dark eyes holding Bess’s for a long moment while he lit a cigarette and leaned back in his chair.

  “How was the sales trip?” he asked Robert.

  The younger man was a good loser. He smiled at his older brother. “It went great,” Robert replied with a grin. “We’ve got a potential buyer coming down next Tuesday to look over our operation. Big Jim’s Tex-burgers.”

  Cade cocked an eyebrow. “That new fast-food chain?”

  “Yes, and Big Jim himself is going to look us over.” Robert blew on his nails and polished them on his shirt. “That could mean enough new revenue to get you out of the rodeo arena, big brother.”

  “Indeed it could,” said Cade nodding. “Good job.”

  “No need to thank me. A new Jaguar would suit me very well.”

  “Dream on,” Cade said chuckling.

  “Bess, are you still leaving on Monday?” Elise asked gently.

  “Yes,” Bess said quietly. She avoided Elise’s shocked look. Her soft eyes searched Cade’s, and there was a deep sadness in them that he still couldn’t quite understand. “I have to get back to my job, for now,” she said falteringly.

  “Don’t worry, I’m not going to let her get away,” Cade told his mother, and there was real intent in his eyes.

  Gussie noticed the long look that passed between her daughter and Cade and felt the tension. She sat up straighter. “I’m going, too,” she announced. “I’ve got to get up Tuesday morning and go to work.”

  Cade dropped his lighter with a hard thud on the table. “What?” he asked.

  Gussie gave him a haughty look. “Well, I’m not over the hill yet,” she muttered. “I’ve got a good business head, Frank always said so. I’m going to use it.” She turned to Bess. “You’ll have to help me find an apartment Monday, too.” She smiled wickedly. “So that you don’t get stuck with me.”

  Bess burst out laughing while the others stared at the two of them with faint surprise.

  “What are you going to do?” Cade asked Gussie.

  “I’m going to help run a talent agency,” Gussie said, and without the old hostility. “I’m buying into a friend’s business.”

  “And you’ll do marvelously well,” Elise said. She touched her friend’s hand gently. “I’m very proud of you.”

  Gussie smiled back at her. Cade sighed as he saw the friendship between the two women, feeling a little guilty because his mother still thought of Gussie as a home breaker. It was unfair that Gussie should suffer for trying to protect Elise. Someday, he promised himself, he was going to tell his mother the truth. Even if it was a little painful at first, in the long run it would be kinder. His father was dead. The truth couldn’t hurt him now.

  Gary came in just as the others were leaving the table. “I’m beat,” he mumbled with a dry glance at Cade. “But it was worth it. Our accountant shaved a few thousand off our tax bill with the information I took him.”

  “It’s been that kind of day.” Robert grinned. “I got us a new customer, I think. We’ll know next week. And Cade and Bess just got engaged.”

  Gary grinned. “Well, congratulations!” he said, laughing and shaking Cade’s hand and hugging Bess gently. “And good for you, Robert. I see what you mean about it being that kind of day.” He glanced at Cade. “Do you want to sit down with me and go over these figures?”

  “Eat your supper first,” Cade told him. “Then we’ll talk.” He looked at Bess and held out his hand. “Let’s walk around for a bit,” he said gently.

  She put her cool hand into his big, warm one, tingling at the contact. She was all too aware of the indulgent smiles they were getting from the rest of the clan.

  He had his cigarette in one hand as he linked the fingers of his free one with hers.

  He glanced at her. She’d changed the stained sundress for jeans and a nice knit top with a demure rounded neckline and cap sleeves. With her hair loose, she looked more deliciously feminine than ever. But she looked sad and preoccupied. His fingers closed around hers. “What’s wrong?”

  “I feel guilty,” she confessed with a wan smile.

  “Considering the way it happened, so do I,” he replied. “I should have remembered from your apartment how easily you arouse me. I was in over my head before I had time to consider the consequences.”

  He stopped at the edge of the yard where it met the long dirt road that wound down to the highway. There was a crescent moon, and a patch of light that filtered down from the house, bright yellow in the darkness.

  His dark eyes searched hers briefly before he turned his attention to the horizon, lifting the cigarette to his chiseled lips to take a long draw.

  He exhaled a cloud of smoke and his hand curled closer around hers. “You’re not ready for marriage. I should have taken that into consideration. You’ve been sheltered and protected all your life. You’ve been dominated by Gussie. Now you’ve got a chance to get out from under her thumb, and mine, and you want it. That’s natural. I didn’t have the right to try to force you into a decision just because I wanted it.”

  “I didn’t resist all that hard,” she murmured.

  “Yes but, honey, you were a virgin,” he replied, feeling that almost imperceptible jerk of her hand in his. “I made it impossible for you to resist. The kind of self-control you’d have needed takes years of practice.”

  “And I was a pushover,” she said miserably.

  His hand caught her chin and pulled it up, his dark eyes searching hers. “No. You love me. That makes what we did an entirely different proposition. You gave me your body, but only after you’d given me your heart. How do you think I feel, knowing I took advantage of something you couldn’t help?”

  Her lips parted on a sigh. “You didn’t take advantage,” she said softly. “I wanted you to...to do what you did.”

  He drew her forehead to his chest, and his lean hand smoothed over her long hair with breathless tenderness. “I’m sorry I had to hurt you so badly.” His lips touched her hair gently. “God, Bess, if you knew how much a man I felt with you when we came together...! Knowing it was the first time, that you’d never let any other man touch you or look at you or hold you so intimately. It blew my mind.” His hand actually trembled where it touched her hair. “I couldn’t bear the thought that you might someday give that privilege to another man. I...needed so desperately to be the first.” His chest rose and fell roughly. “Bess... I don’t know how I’d manage if you stopped loving me.”

  That was an admission that curled her toes in her shoes and made her weak-kneed. She slipped her arms around his hard waist and pressed close, aware of his quick arousal and totally unembarrassed by it now. She laid her cheek against his chest and moved her hips even closer, aware of the sudden rough pressure of his hands against her lower spine as he held her there.

  “I won’t stop loving you,” she whispered. “Not ever.” That was true enough. She couldn’t marry him, but she’d never be able to stop th
e way she felt.

  “Feel how hard you turn me on, baby,” he said, breathing his words into her ear, moving her gently against him, shuddering at the white-hot wave of pleasure that shot through him at the soft contact.

  Her nails bit into his chest and her teeth clenched. She was on fire from the waist down. “Oh, Cade...we can’t,” she moaned.

  “I know. Indulge me,” he said, laughing with cold humor. “I can dream.”

  Her lips touched his hot throat and she felt his powerful body tense at even the light touch. “So can I. You’re my whole world.”

  “If you get pregnant, Miss Samson, you’re damned well marrying me whether you want to or not,” he said shortly. He lifted his head and looked into her wide, dark eyes. “And if I hadn’t had to hurt you so badly this afternoon, I’d back you into the barn wall and take you standing up right now, just to increase the odds in my favor!”

  She shivered at the husky note of passion in his deep voice. The mental images he’d conjured made her blood run hot in her veins. She closed her eyes and let him press her hips even closer to his.

  “Yes, you’d let me do that, wouldn’t you?” he whispered. His hands had moved up under her knit top and over the thin, silky fabric covering her breasts to feel the hard tips. “You’d let me have you any way I wanted you, anytime. You’re my woman. You always have been and you always will be.”

  She couldn’t deny it. She sighed gently. “But you won’t make me do it if I don’t want to,” she murmured.

  His chest lifted and fell softly. “No. I won’t make you.” He rubbed his cheek over her hair. “You’ll marry me if there’s a baby?”

  “Yes,” she agreed, because of course that was impossible.

  His fingers tightened. “Only one time,” he whispered absently. “I don’t guess it’s very likely.”

  He sounded disappointed. Dejected. Bess lifted her head, and her eyes searched his face. “Why do you want children so badly?” she asked.