The Desire

by Gary Smalley

  As they finished the tour, Allan said, “Henok, what you’ve done here in such a short amount of time is simply amazing.”

  Michele was stunned.

  They had finished their lunch and were now on the outskirts of Korah. She had tried to prepare for this moment, forcing herself to look over Allan’s pictures and some additional material about Korah she had found on the internet. Seeing it up close was dramatically different. They were on their way to meet Ayana’s grandmother but were not at the dump yet, where people all gathered to scrounge for food. Already, she could smell it. And so many people walked by on both sides of the road, carrying dirty white bags and sticks. They had just passed another group of young people. “Those bags they’re holding, that’s where they put the food they find, isn’t it?”

  “It is,” Henok said over his shoulder. “And those sticks, they use them to move the garbage around as they search. Another thing to notice, something I hope we can address in the future. Look at their feet. Hardly any of the children have decent shoes. They are either ripped or torn, their toes are sticking out. Many get cut as they walk through the garbage. Broken glass or even HIV needles. Used needles.” He turned the car down a narrow dirt street.

  “Do some of them get infected because of this?” she asked.

  “Or worse,” he said. “Last week I was here doing some research on which children should be on our list. Living next door to one of the children was a young boy who had just come home from the hospital, his leg amputated below the knee. His aunt told me he had cut his foot on a piece of glass. Just a small cut. But there were no doctors, no hospitals nearby. The cut became infected, the infection grew, and . . .” He sighed. “All for the want of decent shoes.”

  How heartbreaking. Back home, they would have cleaned the cut, applied some Neosporin and Band-Aids. Maybe a quick trip to the urgent care center for a few stitches.

  “Ayana’s grandmother’s home is just up ahead through that break in the wall.” Henok pulled the car over and turned it off. A long wall made of rusty corrugated steel separated a row of shacks from the muddy dirt road.

  “Follow me. She lives a few homes ahead on the left.”

  Homes, she thought. How could these be homes? She looked down the long dirt walkway separating two rows of tiny shacks. A flash in her mind, of a landscaped street in their townhome complex in River Oaks. Like the difference between heaven and hell. Small children came out from dark doorways, gazing, no doubt, at the spectacle of this white couple walking through the neighborhood. All of the children were dressed in rags. She looked down at their feet. It was just as Henok said.

  Then she looked into their faces filled with smiles. As if they hadn’t a care in the world.

  54

  They stood at the doorway as Henok knocked. A huddle of children had formed a half circle around them. He said something loudly that Michele did not understand. Moments later, an old woman’s voice said something in reply.

  “She said we can come in.”

  It took several moments for Michele’s eyes to adjust. When they did, what she saw broke her heart. The room was smaller than her laundry room back home. Dark and dreary. Low ceiling, dirt floor. “This is where Ayana lives?” she whispered to Allan. He nodded.

  From the shadows, a short, elderly woman emerged, holding her arms out toward Henok, a smile with very few teeth in her mouth. They hugged and exchanged three kisses: on the right cheek, left cheek, and right cheek once more. After, the woman turned to face them. She smiled politely at Michele, but when she saw Allan, her eyes widened, and so did her smile. She reached for him the same way she did for Henok. She looked at Henok, said something, and Henok replied. Then she gave Allan a big hug.

  “She remembers you,” Henok said.

  He said something else to the woman, none of which Michele understood except the mention of her name. The woman reached up both hands and grasped Michele’s and squeezed gently. “Tell her I’m very happy to finally meet her,” Michele said. Henok did.

  Allan looked around. “I don’t see Ayana anywhere. Is she at the dump?”

  Henok spoke with the grandmother, who nodded her head as she replied. “She has already left with some other children to find food. But it’s probably just as well, so we might speak with the grandmother in private.”

  “You’re right,” Allan said. “It wouldn’t be good for her to overhear this conversation. Do you mind if I explain the situation to her and you interpret? I know you could do it fine without me, but I think it might help for her to hear it coming directly from me.”

  “Not at all,” Henok said. “Just begin talking.”

  Allan stepped closer to Michele but looked at the grandmother. “The other man who was with me the last time hurt his leg and couldn’t make the trip. But he wants you to know he wishes he could be here, and his prayers are with you. I have come representing him and the people of many churches back in America.” He let Henok interpret. “Has Henok mentioned our plans to establish an orphanage here?”

  Through Henok, she said, “Not directly to me, but I’ve heard exciting rumors. He’s made several trips here since you left, and each time he’s come in to see how we are doing.”

  “Well, the rumors are true. We have just signed the papers with the government and with the landlord. The orphanage is ready to open . . . today.”

  After Henok related this, a startled look came over her face.

  “This is why we’re here, why I’ve brought my wife here all the way from America to help me. We have permission to welcome six children from Korah into the orphanage.”

  The words had barely left Henok’s lips when the grandmother started trembling. Tears filled her eyes. She backed up until she reached her tiny bed, where she braced herself as she sat down.

  Henok asked her something, probably trying to find out what upset her. She said something back in Amharic. Henok listened, a serious look on his face. He nodded and said something in reply. At that, the grandmother’s smile returned even wider.

  “What’s going on?” Allan said.

  Henok briefed them. “Ayana’s grandmother said God must have sent us this very day. Since the last time we were here, her health has deteriorated badly. She’s been concerned she could die any day and has been terrified about what would become of Ayana. She asked if we would consider letting Ayana come to live at our new orphanage.”

  “What did you say?” Michele asked.

  “I told her it would be my honor to take her in. That I’ve been praying about that very thing.” He looked back at the grandmother. “Now she is very happy,” Henok said.

  The grandmother dabbed her eyes with a cloth from a small table. Still crying, she managed to say some things that Henok understood. “She said God has been very good to them, bringing you back here to Korah. She has prayed for this very thing every day since you left. She asked how long before Ayana can come to this orphanage?”

  “As soon as she is ready,” Allan said.

  “Today?” the grandmother said through Henok.

  “Yes,” Allan said, wiping tears off his face. “I would love to bring her there today.”

  She said something else. Whatever it was, it took Henok a moment to regain his composure. He turned to Allan. “She wants to know how far away is this orphanage, and will she ever see Ayana again after today?”

  “Go ahead and tell her whatever you want to say, Henok. You are the orphanage director.”

  Henok took a deep breath, took a step toward the grandmother, and squatted down to be at face level. He said several things through many tears, and when he finished, the grandmother leaned forward and hugged him. She looked back in Henok’s face, said something else, then cried even harder.

  When the grandmother stopped crying, she let go of Henok. He straightened up again.

  “What did you say?” Allan asked. “And what did she say back?”

  “I told her the orphanage is not far from here. It’s in the city but as close to Korah as
we could make it. And I told her, of course she will see Ayana again. I will have many occasions to come back here. I can bring Ayana with me to visit her when I come. She said again that God has shown her that she will die very soon, but now she can die in peace knowing Ayana will never have to go to the dump for food after today.”

  55

  After leaving Ayana’s grandmother, Henok led them back to the car and drove them closer to the rear entrance of the dump. Allan said this was the way he and Ray had come on their last trip. For Michele, the bad smell had suddenly become unbearable. Allan had tried to warn her, but it didn’t help. She wanted to turn back for the city, at least get far enough away to catch a fresh breath.

  She couldn’t imagine these poor people breathing this odor even for a few minutes, or imagine how they could eat food in the presence of this putrid smell. Then she realized their food was part of this smell. There were hundreds of people all around her—so many of them children—doing this very thing. None of them seemed even a little concerned.

  Allan held her hand. He leaned over and whispered, “I know the smell is horrendous, but do your best not to show it on your face.”

  She understood what he was getting at. “Do we know where Ayana is?” Henok was a few yards in front of them, leading the way.

  “He thinks he can find her,” Allan said. “The main thing once we get to that hill is to stay in his footsteps as we climb. There’s all kinds of dangerous things hidden in the garbage.”

  “Like HIV needles,” she said.

  “Right. Henok has a good eye for stuff like that. Once we get to the top, you’ll get quite a view of the dump. It’s a shocking sight. Ayana will be somewhere in the crowd of people. Just stay close to Henok, especially on the way down.”

  Michele wasn’t sure whether his warnings were helping or hurting her outlook. She did her best to stay close and keep inside his footsteps. When they reached the top of the first hill, they caught up with Henok, who stood surveying the scene below.

  It was just as Allan had said. She had seen snippets of these scenes on YouTube, but seeing it for herself, the full panoramic view, was almost overwhelming. She had no reference point for any of it. The thought that all these people, including so many children, followed behind all these garbage trucks, searching freshly dumped piles of dark gray garbage for their daily food, was tragic. Heartbreaking.

  “Oh, Allan,” she said, squeezing his hand. She realized then how much he had been holding back.

  “There she is,” Henok announced. “I see her.” He hurried down the hill.

  Allan and Michele followed at a much slower pace.

  Allan kept his eye on Henok but mostly focused on Michele, making sure she didn’t trip or fall. Things got a little easier when they reached level ground. He looked beyond Henok to see if he could catch a glimpse of Ayana. For almost a minute, he followed blindly. Then he saw her about fifty yards ahead at the bottom of a fresh pile of garbage. She was with that same little boy Allan had seen her with the last time. A bunch of older children were climbing the new pile, rummaging through its contents. Ayana and the little boy picked through the clumps that had fallen from the older boys’ efforts.

  “Ayana!” Henok yelled, hurrying in her direction.

  She looked around as if she didn’t know where the sound came from.

  “Ayana, over here,” he said again.

  This time when she looked, she saw him. So did the little boy. She stood up, dropped her bag and stick.

  “You go on,” Michele said. “Catch up with Henok. I’ll be okay.”

  They didn’t seem to be in danger of falling now, so Allan let go of Michele’s hand. As he walked, he pulled three Hershey’s Kisses out of his pocket. He’d brought them on purpose this time, thinking they might help Ayana remember him.

  With about twenty-five yards left to close the gap, Ayana began running toward them. She yelled out something in Amharic. Allan saw her face; she was so excited. Then she saw him coming up behind Henok. Her eyes grew even brighter. She recognized him! He didn’t need the Hershey’s Kisses after all.

  Henok slowed his pace, but Ayana kept running, her eyes fixed on Allan. “Be careful, little one,” Henok said.

  Ayana tripped over a small clump of garbage and fell flat on the ground.

  “Ayana!” Allan shouted.

  Without a thought, Michele ran toward the little girl. By the time she arrived, Henok had already lifted Ayana off the ground. She looked more startled than hurt. Then Michele saw something precious. Ayana stared at Allan. He had one hand resting on her shoulder; with the other, he brushed the dirt off her legs. She reached her little arms around his neck and began hugging him for all she was worth.

  Allan immediately hugged her back. “You remembered me,” he said, standing up with her. She released her hug but kept her left arm around his shoulder and neck. “It’s so good to see you again.” He looked at Henok. “Did you see that? She remembered who I was.”

  “I saw it,” Henok said.

  Allan held up the three Hershey’s Kisses. Ayana’s face looked like Christmas morning. “You remember these too,” he said. “Go ahead, eat one.”

  She removed her arm from around his neck and began unraveling the foil wrapper.

  Michele noticed a little boy walking up, the one Ayana had been with. “I think someone else would like a Hershey’s Kiss.”

  Ayana saw the little boy too and, without hesitation, handed him one.

  “Look how sweet she is,” Allan said.

  The little boy took the candy, but as he stepped back, he suddenly looked concerned. He was staring at Ayana’s foot. He said something to Henok, then pointed.

  Henok stepped over and looked. “Uh-oh. She’s bleeding.”

  “What?” Michele said. “Where?” She reached down and gently lifted Ayana’s foot. “She is bleeding.”

  “Use my shirt,” Allan said.

  Michele took the bottom of Allan’s shirt and carefully wiped off the blood. It wasn’t a deep cut, not the kind that would need stitches. But she instantly remembered what Henok had said about the little boy who’d lost his leg from an infected cut. “We’ve got to get her out of here. Can I hold her?”

  “Sure,” Allan said. “Henok, would you tell Ayana who Michele is? And that we’re bringing her back to her grandmother’s?”

  Henok handed Ayana over to Michele. She went willingly.

  Michele walked quickly back the way they had come. “We can’t bring her back to her grandmother’s. It’s too dirty. We need to take her back to the orphanage. I saw a first aid kit in the bathroom cabinet.” Allan and Henok began to follow her.

  “Michele, wait up.”

  “We can’t. We have to get her back and clean this cut.”

  Allan caught up with her. “Michele, slow down. It won’t do any good if you fall holding her.”

  “But you heard what Henok said about that little boy who lost his leg.”

  “I did.” He put his hand on her shoulder. “But hon, we don’t need to panic. That cut got infected after several days, not a few minutes. We’ve got time. We’ll get her taken care of. That’s why we’re here, to take her out of this place. For good.” They reached the bottom of the hill they had climbed to get here.

  “We really need to get her back to her grandmother’s,” he said, “so we can explain to her what’s happening, and she can say good-bye. Then we’ll bring her to the orphanage and get this cut all cleaned up. If you want, we can take her shopping with us when we buy some of the fun kid things for the place.”

  She stopped walking and turned around. Allan was right. They didn’t need to rush. Henok caught up with them. The little boy wasn’t far behind. Michele felt so bad for him.

  “Where are we going next?” Henok asked.

  “Back to Ayana’s grandmother,” Allan said. “Maybe there you can explain everything to Ayana, and she and her grandmother can say a proper good-bye. Then we’ll get her to the orphanage and clean up this cut.�
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  “Perhaps after that,” Henok said, “we can buy her some new shoes.”

  “That’s a great idea, Henok,” Michele said. She looked up the hill. “Why don’t you lead the way?”

  “You want me to take her?” Allan asked.

  “I’m okay. She’s very light.”

  “Look at the way she’s looking at you,” Allan said.

  Michele looked down into the most beautiful set of dark brown eyes. Ayana smiled, then rested her head against Michele’s shoulder.

  The little boy was standing back about fifteen feet, watching them. “I feel so bad leaving him,” Allan said. “He and Ayana seem so close.”

  “It won’t be for long,” Henok said. “He’s one of the five other children on my list.”

  “That’s great,” Allan said. “I’m so glad.” Henok started climbing the hill. Allan said to Michele, “I’ll go last this time. In case you slip.”

  They began making their way carefully up the hill. About halfway, Michele felt this intense peace come over her. Then a clear thought, almost like a voice speaking gently in her mind.

  This is the child I have for you.

  It took her breath away. She suddenly felt weak. Her legs almost buckled.

  Allan steadied her with his hand. “Are you okay?”

  Tears began to well up in her eyes. “Yes, I’m fine. We’re . . . fine.” She looked down at little Ayana again.

  She was sound asleep.

  56

  They carried Ayana back to the car. She woke up at some point along the way. But she remained perfectly calm, content to let Michele hold her. Henok drove the car slowly on their way back to the grandmother’s hut. All the while, Michele’s excitement grew. She was convinced that the thought—that she was holding the little girl God meant for her to have—did not come from her own imagination. It was something she’d never experienced before but heard others talk about: the still small voice of God.

  She didn’t know how it would all work out, but she was sure it would. She looked at Allan in the front seat, wishing they could be alone so she could tell him what had happened.