Beauty vs. the Beast

by M. J. Rodgers

  The ugly, overstuffed, red-checkered couch was also as described—soft and as comfortable as a pillow. Kay sank into it and contemplated the fifteen tapes in her lap. She’d never have time to view eighty-five hours’ worth. She was definitely going to have to rely on Damian to direct her to the most important ones.

  He walked into the small den a moment later.

  “I’ve faxed a note to my favorite librarian asking her to do some sleuthing on any books or articles that Dr. Van Pratt may have authored. Knowing her, I’ll probably have a return fax by morning. You ready to get started on these?”

  She pointed to what appeared to be just a jumble of alphanumeric entries on the labels. “Is this some secret code?”

  He smiled at her, the chilling glint now gone from his eyes. “Known only by those who ordered the official psychologist’s decoder ring.”

  The charming beast was back at ease and in command of his lair. Kay deliberately looked away from that infectious smile.

  “Which one of these is the session where Roy first came out?”

  Damian plucked a tape off her lap and walked over to the VCR where he slipped it in. He picked up the remote control and returned to the couch.

  “I didn’t record the first time Roy appeared, because I had no idea Roy was there. I put in the next session, the first one I taped. It takes place two days after Roy first appeared.”

  “How long had you been in therapy with Lee at this point?”

  “About three months, with a standing appointment for one hour every Wednesday afternoon.”

  “What had you and he accomplished so far?”

  Damian sat next to her on the couch, stretched out his long legs and leaned his arm over the back. Kay was immediately distracted by the warmth of his body and the proximity of his arm to her shoulders. He smelled so good. Damn, he always smelled so good.

  “We’d been getting to know each other.”

  Kay set the other tapes on the couch beside her, trying to keep her mind on business and irritated to find her thoughts so easily distracted around this sensually exciting man.

  “Just getting to know each other?” she repeated.

  “No just about it,” Damian replied.

  He was looking at her intently, his manner and tone gentle. “Multiple personalities have a big problem with trust, since theirs has been so completely violated. They’re not the only ones with this difficulty, Kay. Many of us have stopped trusting ourselves and others. Yet in order for therapy to work, or any relationship, for that matter, the two people involved must trust their emotions, themselves, each other.”

  Kay found herself taking his comments far too personally. She let out an internal sigh. Damn, it was hard not to take this man personally. She had to be on her guard every minute.

  “Such trust begins with knowledge,” Damian went on. “Both therapist and patient have to have a feel for how the other thinks and reacts. At this point in our relationship, Lee was ready to believe that I really wanted to help him. I was ready to believe that he really wanted to help himself.”

  “And you hypnotized him and out came Roy.”

  “And that was something neither of us was ready to believe.”

  “What about Roy?”

  “I questioned him as long as he let me. The session ended abruptly with him stalking out.”

  “Roy stalked out? What happened to Lee?”

  “He was missing for the rest of that day and night. He had total amnesia from the moment I hypnotized him. I asked Lee to come back the next day for another session and took the time in between to consult with a colleague.”

  “Which colleague?”

  “Dr. Jerry Tummel.”

  “So he was in on this from the beginning?”

  “As a consultant. He’d handled two multiples before, so I reasoned that if Lee indeed was one, Jerry might be able to say for certain. Jerry confirmed that the blackouts, the amnesia regarding childhood events and the ability to be easily hypnotized were all clear signs that Lee was a multiple.”

  “Easily hypnotized? That’s a sign?”

  “Yes. It’s believed by some that the creation of separate personalities is a form of self-hypnosis that multiples learn very early. Their other personalities are altered states of consciousness, induced by hypnosis. Multiples are very adept at the process.”

  “How could you tell when Lee became Roy?”

  “I could give you a list of subtle and not so subtle differences between the two, but I think it would be easiest if you just watched the tape. You’ll see what I mean.”

  Damian switched on the television by remote control and pressed the play button on the VCR. Kay settled back in the comfortable couch, attentive and expectant.

  Lee’s bland face and voice filled the screen as he sat in a brown leather lounge chair. Behind him to the left was a shelf of books, and to the right was a window with a view of trees. Kay guessed this had been Damian’s office before he started to practice out of his home.

  “No, Dr. Steele. I don’t mind that you’ve decided to tape our sessions,” Lee was saying.

  “That’s good, Lee,” Damian answered on the tape. “I think it will be a big help to me. You remember I asked to hypnotize you the day before yesterday?”

  “Yes. I lost time.”

  “Do you mind if I try to hypnotize you again today?”

  “No. What do you wish me to do?”

  “Just as I suggested before. Lean back in the chair. That’s right. Get comfortable. Close your eyes. Do you feel relaxed?”

  “Yes. But it makes me...uneasy.”

  “What is making you uneasy?”

  “The relaxation. I feel I might...”

  “Yes?”

  “Lose time. I’m...uneasy about it.”

  “You don’t need to feel uneasy. I’m here and I won’t let you lose too much time. I want to know for certain what happens when you lose this time. Now, here’s what I want you to do. I’m going to put you in a very relaxed state and send you somewhere else in your mind. But when I call your name, you will instantly come back and speak to me. Do you understand?”

  “Yes.”

  “Good. Remember, the moment I call your name, you will come instantly back from where I send you.”

  “All right.”

  “Now you may relax. Imagine yourself lying on your back on a warm sandy beach, the waves lapping gently against the shore. The sun is high in the sky. A light breeze drifts over your face. Can you feel the warm sand against your skin?”

  “Yes. The air smells salty. It’s relaxing.”

  “Yes, very relaxing. Now let your body go loose.”

  Everything about Lee’s taped image seemed to go slack all at once. Kay watched as Damian appeared on camera and lifted Lee’s right arm. He let go of it and it dropped like a lead pipe onto the chair. The man had become hypnotized in less than thirty seconds. It seemed incredible. Goose bumps collected on Kay’s arms.

  “Did he go under that quickly the first time?” she asked, her eyes still glued to the TV.

  “Yes,” Damian answered.

  Damian’s taped image disappeared out of the picture and his voice spoke to the man in that same steady conversational tone.

  “I would like to speak with Roy. Roy, are you there?”

  Nothing seemed to be happening. Lee’s body remained slack and relaxed. The only change Kay could detect was the slight movement of his eyes beneath his closed lids, as though he might be dreaming.

  Then suddenly, the man in the lounge chair sat up, his facial expression contorting as his forehead and lips twisted downward. His shoulders rose toward his ears, his hands latched on to the chair arms like claws. His eyes slid open wide, and Kay noticed how bloodshot they were. Almost immediately, they were reduced to mere slits, darting around the room suspiciously. When he spied Damian, his voice rasped in a gruff, unfamiliar tone.

  “Wha’ youse want?”

  The transformation was like nothing Kay had ever witnes
sed before. Apart from general size and coloring, and the fact that he was wearing the same clothes, this jumpy, snake-eyed individual looked and sounded nothing like the bland Lee. One didn’t pass this man unnoticed on the street. One noticed this man immediately and purposely crossed the street to avoid him.

  An icy chill shot between Kay’s shoulder blades.

  “Do you know who I am, Roy?” Damian’s voice.

  “Yeah, you’re that shrink. The one who ain’t got no cigarettes or booze, just lotsa questions.”

  “That’s right, Roy. Do you mind if I ask you a few more questions?”

  “Wha’ questions?”

  “I want to know about Lee Nye.”

  “Look, I told youse before. I don’t know no Lee Nye. If he’s in some trouble, I wasn’t in on it, see?”

  “Lee isn’t in any trouble, Roy. He’s a patient of mine.”

  Kay watched the sneering man lean back in his chair, still clutching its arms, still leery and wary.

  “And youse say he ain’t in no trouble. You think bein’ loony ain’t trouble?”

  “Not everyone who comes into a psychologist’s office is loony, Roy. You’re here.”

  Roy’s wary unease sharpened as a frown furrowed his forehead. “Wha’ the hell am I doing here, anyway?”

  “You came to tell me about yourself.”

  “Yeah, well, if that’s true, why did youse seem so surprised to see me last time?”

  “Because I wasn’t expecting you the last time. When were you born, Roy?”

  Roy sat back, somewhat less wary, a bit more cocky and belligerent looking. “Youse don’t know nothing about me.”

  “That’s right, I don’t. That’s why I’m asking questions. I’d like to know about you. When were you born?” Damian repeated.

  Kay didn’t like what passed for a smile on Roy’s face. It had a slimy look to it.

  “I wasn’t born, man. I sprouted full grown.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “Youse figure it out. Youse the guy with the fancy education.”

  “Where do you live?”

  “I don’t live nowhere permanent-like.”

  “I need some kind of address.”

  “My old lady’s got a place I flop at occasionally, but she’s a bitching drag. And those sniveling brats of hers are always a pain. Man, I need a cigarette. And a drink.”

  “As I told you last time, there’s no smoking or drinking allowed in here.”

  “Then what’s I doing here?”

  “What are your parents like, Roy?”

  “I never had no parents.”

  “Everyone has parents, Roy. Did yours die?”

  “Look, I tell youse. I ain’t got none. Never did.”

  “Who raised you?”

  “I raised me.”

  “Were there adults around?”

  “I was around. I was the adult. See?”

  “I’m not sure I do.”

  “Well then youse not so smart, are you, shrink?”

  “Perhaps not, Roy. Why don’t you smarten me up?”

  “Waste of my time.”

  “What do you remember about your childhood?”

  “Look, I ain’t got no childhood and this is gettin’ to be a real drag. I don’t need no shrink. I need a cigarette and a drink.”

  “You also need someone to help you with your blackouts.”

  A suspicious sneer curled Roy’s lips. “I don’t need no help with nothin’.”

  “Roy, do you know what happens to you when you black out?”

  Roy’s eyes narrowed as he looked directly into the camera. “Hey, that damn thing’s on!”

  “Yes. It’s a video camera.”

  “I know’s what it is. Why youse got a video camera on me? What is this?”

  “I want to film what we say to each other, Roy. Does that bother you?”

  His gravelly voice deepened with new suspicion. “What youse want me on film for?”

  “Just to record our talks. I’ll show you the video later if you’d like.”

  Roy suddenly lunged forward, his eyes darting around the room like a wild animal looking for a way out of his cage. “Who’s watching me now?”

  “No one is—” Damian began, but Roy didn’t give him time to finish. He leaped suddenly from the lounge chair and disappeared out of camera range.

  The sound track was still picking up the conversation between the men in another part of the room.

  “I’d like to talk to Lee now,” Damian was saying in his calm, steady tone.

  “So talk to him,” Roy’s angry, raspy tone answered. “I’m gettin’ outta here. Hey! Let go my arm!”

  Kay could hear what was obviously a scuffle. She was so caught up in the scene that she was now sitting on the edge of her seat.

  Damian’s voice on the sound track had risen and become commanding and insistent. “Lee, wake up! Lee!”

  The scuffling sounds abruptly stopped. Several long seconds of absolute quiet passed. Kay found herself literally holding her breath.

  “Why are you grasping my arm, Dr. Steele?” Lee’s bland voice finally asked.

  Kay’s lungs deflated with a relieved sigh and she settled back on the couch.

  “Lee, would you return to the chair, please?” Damian’s taped voice said, amazingly calm and steady.

  “Yes, of course. I didn’t realize I had gotten up.”

  Lee came back into the camera’s view and he sat down. Kay could immediately see the difference in him. The bland expression was back on his face, the sneering wrinkles gone, his shoulders unhunched, his hands open and relaxed. Even his eyes seemed to have grown larger and, she could swear, no longer seemed bloodshot. The change from Roy to Lee was as astonishing as it had been from Lee to Roy. Once again an icy chill shot between Kay’s shoulder blades.

  “What can you tell me about Roy Nye?” Damian asked when Lee had settled himself.

  “Roy Nye?” Lee repeated in his typically cool, bland tone. “I can’t tell you anything, Dr. Steele. I don’t know any Roy Nye.”

  * * *

  DAMIAN COULD TELL from Kay’s rhythmic tapping of her foot and the tightness of her mouth that she was still reeling in response to the lightning-fast switches from Lee to Roy and back again during the first one-hour session. He knew she needed time to assimilate what she was seeing and try to understand it before seeing any more. He pressed the stop button on the remote and turned to face her.

  “Ready to ask some questions?”

  “Yes, but I don’t know where to start.”

  He smiled. “That’s a good beginning.”

  She flashed him a quick look. “And that’s something only a psychologist could get away with saying.”

  His hand moved forward to finger a small honey-gold strand of hair that had escaped onto her neck. “And that’s something only a lawyer could get upset about.”

  His finger captured the silky strand. Or the silky strand captured his finger. He wasn’t sure which. She didn’t seem to notice. Her mind was obviously still struggling with her impressions of the taped session.

  “Roy’s accent and syntax—everything about his speech seems so different from Lee’s. He even seems less intelligent.”

  “In many ways, he was less intelligent.”

  A short silence ensued during which Kay seemed to be mulling over his words. “Did you ever find out when Roy was born?” she finally asked.

  “I surmised it after a while.”

  “Surmised it?”

  “The individual I treated didn’t know when he was born.”

  “You mean Roy didn’t know?”

  “Neither personality remembered.”

  “So the few personal memories Lee had didn’t include a date or place of birth?”

  “That’s right.”

  “What specifically does Lee remember from those early times?”

  “Being in an attic. Playing with numbers. Sleeping. Watching things happen in the outside world through h
is window.”

  “But that was really just a mental attic, wasn’t it?”

  “Yes, but a totally real attic to Lee. That’s where he lived from the moment of his birth.”

  “Didn’t you tell me that it was the Roy personality who emerged in childhood to handle the abuse that was meted out by the man his mother lived with?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well, then, why did Roy continue to deny a childhood and parents on that tape?”

  “Because he was never a child.”

  “Well, now I’m even more confused.”

  “Remember Roy’s comment that he had sprouted full grown?”

  “Yes.”

  “Do you also remember your Greek mythology?”

  “Are you referring to the myth about a god springing forth full grown from the head of Zeus?”

  “Yes. Roy’s phraseology was quite astute, considering his limited intellect and vocabulary.”

  “You’ve lost me, again. If there is a beginning to this, I wish you’d start at it.”

  Damian smiled. “All right. From the beginning. As a small child, this individual was being constantly terrorized and brutalized. His mother was too weak or maybe too indifferent to come to his aid. There was no one he could turn to. He could not physically escape, so he mentally escaped. He split into two new personalities, Lee and Roy.”

  “What happened to the child’s original personality?”

  “I’m not certain. I never found a trace of it during the time I treated Lee.”

  “What do you think might have happened to it?”

  “I believe that like the rough diamond, LeRoy disappeared with the cleaving into the two finished parts of Lee and Roy.”

  “When did Lee and Roy appear?”

  “From what I can gather, when the child was physically about two.”

  “Then Roy was there as a child.”

  “No. Roy came to life as an adult identity in the small child’s mind.”

  “Now wait a minute. How is it possible for a child’s mind to give birth to an adult identity?”

  “As little as we understand about outer space, Kay, it is a lot compared to what we understand about the human mind. We don’t know where personality originates or how or when it becomes fixed and unalterable. We don’t even really know what it is. These incredible identities that multiples create can point us to some fascinating signposts on the mind’s outskirts. But we still have an immense inner galaxy to explore.”