Finding My Way Home

by Green, Vicki

  ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

  “NOOOOOO! No, no, no. Baby, stay with me! Please stay with me,” I yell and sob. My head turns as I hear running in the snow. Two paramedics and Jake are running towards us. I look at my baby, her body drenched in the snow’s wetness. Her face has gone pale, her body lying still as if she’s already gone. I put my finger and thumb on her throat trying to find a pulse, my face close to hers to see if I can feel any breath but not finding either. As the men reach us, I take her lifeless body in my arms and sway back and forth. “NOOOOOOOOO!” I scream.

  Jake tries to pry her loose, but I tighten my grip. My head turns to him, the tear’s clouding my vision, but I can see the concerned and worried look on his face. “Hutch. Let them take care of her, let them help her. Come on, man,” he says gently.

  I shake my head rapidly. “No. No, I can’t, I…” I look back into the sweet face of my love, her skin turning whiter with a blue tint. “I can’t let her go.” I turn my head back to Jake. “I can’t let her leave me. Don’t you understand? We were brought here for a reason, to be together. I can’t let go now.”

  He pats my back and leans close. “They can help her come back to you. Let them.”

  I look at him in confusion. I look at my beautiful girl one last time and kiss her forehead. “I love you, baby. Remember that. Always remember that. I’ll never, ever, forget you. Take care of our baby.” I lay her gently on the ground, and before I can move completely out of the way, the two paramedics are already tending to her. I sit back and watch as they take her pulse, place an oxygen mask over her mouth and nose, and unwrap my blood soaked shirt from her arm.

  I’m startled when a man squats down beside me and tries to clean my head wound. I hadn’t seen him before but when I turn and look behind him, I see more men coming this way. Two men are carrying a gurney through the snow, two police officers and Kathryn all running. I push his hand away and growl. “Leave me and help Zoey. I don’t matter, help her!” I jump when someone places a blanket around me.

  “Hey, now. She’s getting the best care. It won’t do her any good if you pass out on her right now,” he tells me. I look over at the paramedics working hard on my girl and back at the man next to me, my head starting to spin with the pain. I close my eyes and wavering a bit. I feel hands on my shoulders as I am being lowered to the ground and fight my way back up.

  “No, I need to see her. I have to see her!” I scream and shake free of his grasp.

  He bends over to where he can look me in my eyes. “Ok, man. Take it easy. Just let me tend to your wound, ok? You can stay where you can see her.” I nod slowly, never taking my eyes off my girl, my chin quivering. I cringe when something wet stings my head, but I never take my eyes off her.

  One of the paramedics working on Zoey looks up directly at me. “We have a pulse!” He yells and my heart races.

  I look up to the sky and whisper, “Thank you, God.” After the paramedic wraps a bandage around my head, he helps me to my feet. Jake grabs my arm as I try to move forward when Zoey’s paramedics gingerly lift her body up and place it on the gurney. I stand there watching as they secure her and then proceed to carry the gurney with my love down the trail.

  I jump when Jake pats my back. “Come on, man. Let’s follow them to the hospital. You get your own ambulance ride.”

  I shake my head and turn to the paramedic, who’s trying to pull me by my arm. “No way, I need to be with her. I’m riding with her.” I start to take off in a run, but the paramedic’s hand pushes gently against my chest.

  I stare into his eyes and growl. He looks at Jake and then back at me. “Hutch, right?” I nod slowly and snarl. “Look, Hutch. I know she’s everything to you but they can’t take care of her with you there. Trust me.” My face relaxes as he stares me down. He pats my chest. “Trust me. Let them take care of her.” I sigh and nod. “Good. Now, let’s get you to the hospital so that we can take some x-rays and get you fixed up so you’re ready to be with your girl, ok?” I have no choice but to give in and walk beside them as we walk the trail in the snow that is getting deeper by the minute. We stop a couple of times when my head gets lightheaded, and I have to get my bearings. I straighten up when the paramedic would say, “You need a gurney, man?” and we’d continue to walk until finally we are in the clearing at the entrance of the trail.

  I stumble a little when I watch one of the police officers close the back door of the ambulance that has my girl and smacks his fist against the door twice. I stand there as the ambulance leaves, sirens blaring, until it’s out of my sight. My paramedic takes me to his ambulance, and I start to get in but stop. “Wait! What about Bailey, Chris, and Simon?” Jake is beside me in an instant, lays his hand around my arm and starts helping me up.

  “Not now. I’ll ride with you and fill you in. Let’s go,” he tells me as he helps me into the ambulance. Then, he tells me everything as we take the longest ride I’ve ever had in my life.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “Hutch.” I need Hutch. I can’t seem to open my eyes, they’re so heavy. My mind is foggy. My body aches. “Hutch.” Darkness.

  “It will take her a while to come around. We had to give her some blood transfusions as she lost so much blood. I’m hoping her fever will break soon with the antibiotics we are giving her but she was in the cold and wet snow for so long.”

  “Hutch wants to be moved in here with her soon. I can’t hardly keep him down and you can’t keep knocking him out with morphine all the time. Sooner or later he will make his way here to her.”

  Laughing. I hear laughing. Why is Hutch not here? Where is he? I need him. I’m so confused and tired. So very, very tired. Nothing.

  “How’s the baby?” HUTCH! Oh, Hutch! I can almost imagine his hand on my face, my hand. Damn, I need to wake up. Why can’t I wake up? “Will she wake soon? I need to see her eyes. I need to see she’s ok.” I’m here, babe! I’m here! Dammit! I need to open my eyes. More darkness.

  My mouth is so dry. I open my eyes a little but they close quickly. I clear my throat but it’s so dry, and I can’t get it cleared. “Baby, don’t move. Here.” I still can’t open my eyes, but I feel something cold and wet enter my mouth. Ice. Oh, my God, that tastes good. I swallow, and another piece of ice is gently pushed through my dry lips. I push hard to open my eyes and get them to open a slit and look into the face of my man, his forehead creased in worry, but his eyes are looking at me in concern. “There. Here’s another.” My eyes close again as the wetness of the ice invades my mouth. I suck until it melts and swallow.

  “Mmmmm,” escapes my mouth and as I open my eyes a slit again I see a smile form on his mouth. Why can’t I get my eyes open wider? I want to see him better. They close again when I cough and groan in pain. I feel relief pretty quickly and when I open my eyes and move them around, I see a nurse standing beside my bed, smiling. I blink and try to smile back, but I don’t think I was very successful.

  She looks at Hutch. “You let me know when you need me again.” She leaves my sight, and I turn my eyes back to him.

  He scoots up a chair, as close to the bed as he can, and I shake my head slightly. “No,” my voice speaks hoarsely. His eyebrow raises and leans close. “Bed.” His dimpled smile appears. He scoots the chair back and sits on the bed, taking my hand in his. “Better.” He places another piece of ice in my mouth, and I close my eyes as I savor the wetness. I tug on his hand and whisper, “Hold me.” I feel myself move a little, and his warm body pulls me gently until I am in his arms. “Mmmm.” I’m in heaven. My consciousness fades into the darkness.

  “I’ll tell her everything when I feel she’s ready, not before.” Silence. “Look. You can wait a few more days. Everyone will understand.” Silence. “I know. Thanks, man.”

  My eyes open even more than they’ve been able to before, and I see Hutch sitting on my bed and putting his phone in his pocket. He turns to me and there’s the gorgeous dimpled smile I’ve missed for far too long. I smile back and sigh. “There’s my girl
.” His hand caresses my face, the love pouring from his eyes. “How are you feeling, baby?” I cough as I try to speak. He places a straw between my lips. “Drink slow,” he says sweetly. Cold, wetness. Water! I release the straw and smile. “Do you want to sit up a bit?” I nod, slowly. “Ok. Now you tell me when to stop. I don’t want to hurt you.” I nod, again. The bed begins to move, and I’m halfway sitting up when I place my hand on his, he releases the button. “Better? Do you want me to move it down a little?” My head shakes.

  “Bailey,” I croak. His brows crease. “Please.” His eyes close and he shakes his head. When they reopen his face relaxes, a sad smile appears. My heart starts to race. Beeping goes off behind me, and the nurse runs into the room. He turns to her and holds up his hand, causing her to stop abruptly.

  Turning back to me, he wipes off the wetness on my face, and my chin starts to quiver. “You can’t get upset, baby. It’s too hard on you right now.” I blink rapidly. The tears won’t stop running down my face. She’s gone. I can feel it in my broken heart.

  Taking deep breaths, the beeping fades behind me and I look over at the nurse. “I’m ok. Thank you.” She smiles, looks at Hutch who nods at her, she turns and walks out. Turning back to my love, I take his hand in mine and squeeze, weakly. “I’ll be calm, I promise. I just need to know. Please, tell me.”

  He slowly and carefully climbs onto the bed, putting his arm around me and places it around my waist, so he doesn’t hurt my arm. It’s then I notice it’s in a sling. No wonder I couldn’t move it. I look up into his eyes to find they are gleaming with moisture.

  “Baby, Bailey’s gone.” Closing my eyes, I see her sweet face, feel her tenderness surround me as I remember sitting with her, reading to her, her excitement about Hutch and me being together, the baby. The baby! “The baby,” I say quickly.

  His other hand lays on my stomach, his dimpled smile wide on his face. “He’s fine. Strong and healthy.” He’s ok. He? Does he know our baby is a he? My confusion must be showing when he adds, quickly, “Not for sure but Bailey told me that she told you our baby is a boy.” He chuckles, and then closes his eyes. He must be thinking of her at that moment.

  “Did she suffer?” I ask in a shaky voice. God, I hope you took her to be with you before she hurt. Please, tell me you took your child back to you before she suffered.

  His grip tightened on my waist, and I quickly look into his moist eyes. “I don’t believe she felt any pain, baby. She was still alive when they got her to the hospital, but barely. She told me she was ok, knowing you were safe, knowing we would have a long and happy life together.” The tears are flowing down my face again, and he reaches over to get a Kleenex then wipes some off for me. “She told me she was whole again, that she didn’t mind leaving us anymore because she knew we would be ok without her now. She said she was going home, just like we found our home here.” I fold into his chest and sob until I can’t cry anymore and drift off.

  When I awake it’s dark in the room, I look over to see Hutch is fast asleep, curled around me. At some point, I had moved to my right side, and he had gotten behind me and snuggled into me. Feeling the love and warmth of his body, I close my eyes and fall asleep once again.

  Movement on the bed wakes me. My eyes open when I smell the best aroma. Turning my head slightly, I see a nurse placing a tray on the bed table. “Do you think she’ll be ready to eat today,” she asks looking at Hutch.

  He looks over at me, and I smile. “I think maybe I can get something in her,” he laughs smiling back at me. The nurse winks at me, turns and leaves us alone. “You hungry?” He lifts the cover off the tray, and the delicious smell fills my nose. I nod when he looks my way. I start to move but he is quick to get to me, pushing me gently. “No, you let me help you, baby.” He gently moves me over, covering me up with the sheets and blankets and then pushes the button to raise the bed. When I am almost to a full sitting position, he looks at me. “Good?” I smile and nod and lick my lips as I look at the food.

  Laughing, he sits down by me and pulls the tray over closer. Now I get a good look and more heavenly smells of eggs, toast, bacon, oatmeal, sausage and ham. There’s enough food here for a small army. Orange juice and milk are sitting there, both in two glasses each. He hands me a fork and takes another for himself. We both dig in, and I moan with the wonderful tastes invading my mouth.

  “How long?” I ask, in between bites.

  “Huh?” He looks at me in confusion. I cough and he hands me a glass of the orange juice, and I drink it almost completely gone. I set it down and take the napkin to wipe my mouth.

  “How long has it been since I’ve been here? I can’t remember.” His face relaxes and his smile returns.

  “A little over a week.” My brows shoot up. “The gunshot wound, dehydration, and you were near pneumonia since you were out in the elements for so long. Baby, I almost lost you. Thank God you’re strongwilled.” He chuckles. “Thank God.” He gets quiet, his eyes gleaming with tears. He leans over and kisses me. “Thank you, God,” he says against my mouth.

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  After our stomachs are full, we both lay down on her bed, my arms wrapped around her, and I doze off. She awakens me with her soft touch and quiet whispers. “I’m so sorry I caused all this,” she says as she gently touches around my bandaged head with her soft finger. “I never meant to cause you any pain. So much pain. Bailey’s dead, she’s gone and I… I killed someone. I know he deserved it but… I killed a human being.” She sighs. “He took Bailey’s life, even though I know her life was coming to an end, he still took it.” Sniffling, she sighs again. “I miss her.”

  Opening my eyes, I look into hers, weeping. I bring her closer, and she lays her head on my chest. I stroke her back and brush her hair away from her face. “Baby. First and most important, you didn’t cause this, Darrin did. And while Bailey’s end was tragic and painful, Doc said it wasn’t nearly as painful as it would have been if the Cancer would have consumed her completely. I know that from watching Jodi, too. But I know what you mean. And as far as killing Darrin?” I kiss her forehead. “I know that was hard on you but you’re right he deserved that and more. I’m just thankful that he was the one that died and not you and our son.”

  Her eyes move up to mine, and she smiles. “Sticking to the son thing, huh?” We both laugh. She lays her head back on my chest, another deep sigh coming from within her. “Bailey’s been right so far about us. Maybe she is right about a son, too.” She yawns. “When do I get to go home? I want to go home n…” I look down at her, and my girl has drifted off to sleep. I hug her gently every once in a while to make sure she’s there. After about an hour, I creep out of bed, covering her up and freeze when she sighs in her sleep and rolls over.

  I head out to the hallway, keeping the door ajar, in case she needs me, so I can make a call. “Hutch. Yeah, I’m not sure. Can you tell me anything? Ok. Really? That’s, wow! That’s amazing. She will love it. Yes. Is it ok if I tell her? Oh! Ok. Yeah, I’ll see him tomorrow then. Thanks, man!” I hang up my phone and lean against the wall. Zoey’s nurse walks down the hall and stops by me.

  “Everything ok? Does she need anything?” She asks.

  The smile on my face is huge with the great news I just received. “Everything is just great, thanks.” She smiles back and walks towards the nurse’s station. Hearing footsteps I look down the hall to see Betty walking to me. I meet her halfway and immediately we hug each other.

  “Hutch, how’s Zoey? How are you holding up? I’m sorry I haven’t been able to get up here more but with mother…” She stops and wipes her eyes with the handkerchief she’s holding.

  “Hey, it’s ok. You know Zoey understands, really.” I put my arm around her, and we walk down the hall slowly. “It’s awfully nice what Bailey is giving Zoey and me. Are you sure you don’t mind? It’s all rightfully yours and I know Zoey will want you to have it.” She looks at me and smiles, tears forming again.

  “Oh, no! Too much work for me
and besides Chuck asked me to marry him. We didn’t get a chance to tell mother before… well you know. I’m going to be selling my house and moving in with him. And you know I have way too much on my plate with running the Café and the Coffee Shop,” she laughs.

  I turn to her and place my hands on her shoulders. “Bailey knew, you know. About you and Chuck. She always knew everything way before it happened. I’m so happy for you and truly appreciative of Bailey’s gift to us.” I kiss her cheek as she wipes her eyes again.

  “Thanks, Hutch. You know I’m waiting to have mother’s funeral until Zoey is able to attend. I know mother would want her there and I think Zoey needs the closure.” She kisses my cheek. “You take care of each other and let me know when you think you all can come and I will get the date finalized.” I nod and watch her walk down the hallway until she is around the corner.

  “Hutch, mmmmm,” Zoey cries out from inside her room. I rush in there and find her tossing and turning in bed, her eyes closed. I crawl in bed next to her and hold her tight. Her eyes blink several times when she opens them. “Hutch. You’re ok. God.” She snuggles into me, her hand lying on my stomach. “I thought… I thought you were…”

  I squeeze her even tighter, as if that were possible. “Shhhh, baby. I’m fine and I’m here, right where I’m supposed to be. Shhhh.” I whisper.

  She looks up, her eyes wet. “I want to go home. I need to go home. And I need Kathryn.” Her face buries into me, I close my eyes and rub her back. First thing tomorrow, I talk to Doc about taking my baby home and I call Kathryn. First thing.

  The next morning arrives quickly. I hardly slept as I was taking care of my girl all night. I could care less about me, as long as she is ok. She had a restless night, tossed and turned as the nightmares of what happened kept invading her mind. The evening nurse finally had come in and gave her a sleeping pill which seemed to calm her enough to get some sleep.