The Laughing Corpse abvh-2

by Laurell Kaye Hamilton

  “You’ve seen enough,” I said. “Move on, the show’s over.” The tourists drifted away like smoke when the wind blows through it. I walked down the street towards the parking garage. I glanced back and found the tourists had drifted back to surround Jean-Claude and Irving. The tourists were right. The show wasn’t over yet.

  Irving was a big boy. He wanted the interview. Who was I to play nursemaid on a grown werewolf? Would Jean-Claude find out Irving’s secret? If he did, would it make a difference? Not my problem. My problem was Harold Gaynor, Dominga Salvador, and a monster that was eating the good citizens of St. Louis, Missouri. Let Irving take care of his own problems. I had enough of my own.

  Chapter 14

  The night sky was a curving bowl of liquid black. Stars like pinprick diamonds gave a cold, hard light. The moon was a glowing patchwork of greys and goldish-silver. The city makes you forget how dark the night, how bright the moon, how very many stars.

  Burrell Cemetery didn’t have any streetlights. There was nothing but the distant yellow gleam of a house’s windows. I stood at the top of the hill in my coveralls and Nikes, sweating.

  The boy’s body was gone. It was in the morgue waiting for the coroner’s attentions. I was finished with it. Never had to look at it again. Except in my dreams.

  Dolph stood beside me. He didn’t say a word, just looked out over the grass and broken tombstones, waiting. Waiting for me to do my magic. To pull the rabbit out of the hat. The best that could happen was the rabbit to be in and to destroy it. Next best thing was finding the hole it had come from. That could tell us something. And something was better than what we had right now.

  The exterminators followed a few paces behind. The man was short, beefy, grey hair cut in a butch. He looked like a retired football coach, but he handled the flamethrower strapped to his back like it was something alive. Thick hands caressing it.

  The woman was young, no more than twenty. Thin blond hair tied back in a ponytail. She was a little taller than me, small. Wisps of hair trailed across her face. Her eyes were wide and searched the tall grass, side to side. Like a gunner on point.

  I hoped she didn’t have an itchy trigger finger. I didn’t want to be eaten by a killer zombie, but I didn’t want to be plastered with napalm either. Burned alive or eaten alive? Is there anything else on the menu?

  The grass rustled and whispered like dry autumn leaves. If we did use the flamethrowers in here, it’d be a grass fire. We’d be lucky to outrun it. But fire was the only thing that could stop a zombie. If it was a zombie and not something else altogether.

  I shook my head and started walking. Doubts would get us nowhere. Act like you know what you’re doing; it was a rule I lived by.

  I am sure that Seсora Salvador would have had a specific rite or sacrifice to find a zombie’s grave. Her way of doing all this had more rules than my way. Of course her way enabled her to trap souls in rotting corpses. I had never hated anyone enough to do that to them. Kill them, yes, but entrap their soul and make it sit and wait and feel its body rotting. No, that was worse than wicked. It was evil. She needed to be stopped, and only death would do that. I sighed. Another problem for another night.

  It bothered me to hear Dolph’s footsteps echoing mine. I glanced back at the two exterminators. They killed everything from termites to ghouls, but ghouls are cowards, scavengers mostly. Whatever we were after wasn’t a scavenger.

  I could feel the three of them at my back. Their footsteps seemed louder than mine. I tried to clear my mind and start the search, but all I could hear was their footsteps. All I could sense was the woman’s fear. They were messing up my concentration.

  I stopped. “Dolph, I need more room.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “Hang back a little. You’re ruining my concentration.”

  “We might be too far away to help.”

  “If the zombie rises out of the ground and leeches on me...” I shrugged. “What are you going to do, shoot it with napalm and crispy-critter me, too?”

  “You said fire was the only weapon,” he said.

  “It is, but if the zombie actually grapples with anyone, tell the exterminators not to fry the victim.”

  “If the zombie grabs one of us, we can’t use the napalm?” he said.

  “Bingo.”

  “You could have said this sooner.”

  “I just thought of it.”

  “Great,” he said.

  I shrugged. “I’ll take point. My oversight. Just hang back and let me do my job.” I stepped in close to him to whisper, “And watch the woman. She looks scared enough to start shooting shadows.”

  “They’re exterminators, Anita, not police or vampire slayers.”

  “For tonight, our lives could depend on them, so keep an eye on her, okay?”

  He nodded and glanced back at the two exterminators. The man smiled and nodded. The girl just stared. I could almost smell her fear.

  She was entitled to it. Why did it bother me so much? Because she and I were the only women here, and we had to be better than the men. Braver, quicker, whatever. It was a rule for playing with the big boys.

  I walked out into the grass alone. I waited until the only thing I could hear was the grass; soft, dry, whispering. Like it was trying to tell me something in a scratchy, frantic voice. Frantic, fearful. The grass sounded afraid. That was stupid. Grass didn’t feel shit. But I did, and there was sweat on every inch of my body. Was it here? Was the thing that had reduced a man to so much raw meat, here in the grass, hiding, waiting?

  No. Zombies weren’t smart enough for that, but of course, it had been smart enough to hide from the police. That was smart for a corpse. Too smart. Maybe it wasn’t a zombie at all. I had finally found something that scared me more than vampires. Death didn’t bother me much. Strong Christian and all that. Method of death did. Being eaten alive. One of my top three ways not to go out.

  Who would ever have thought I’d be afraid of a zombie, any kind of zombie? Nicely ironic that. I’d laugh later when my mouth wasn’t so damn dry.

  There was that quiet waiting that all cemeteries have. As if the dead held their collective breath, waiting, but for what? The resurrection? Maybe. But I’ve dealt with the dead too long to believe in just one answer. The dead are like the living. They do different things.

  Most people die and go to heaven or hell, and that’s that. But a few, for whatever reason, don’t work that way. Ghosts, restless spirits, violence, evil, or simple confusion; all of these can trap a spirit on earth. I’m not saying that it traps the soul. I don’t believe that, but some memory of the soul, the essence, lingers.

  Was I expecting some specter to rise from the grass and rush screaming towards me? No. I had never seen a ghost yet that could cause actual physical harm. If it causes physical damage, it isn’t a ghost; demon maybe, or the spirit of some sorcerer, black magic, but ghosts don’t hurt.

  That was almost a comforting thought.

  The ground sloped out from under my feet. I stumbled and caught myself on one of the leaning headstones. Sunken earth, a grave without a marker. A tingling shock ran up my leg, a whisper of ghostly electricity. I jerked back and sat down hard on the ground.

  “Anita, you all right?” Dolph yelled.

  I glanced back at him and found the grass completely hid me from view. “I’m fine,” I yelled. I got to my feet careful to avoid stepping on the old grave. Whatever person lay under the earth, he, or she, was not a happy camper. It was a hot spot, not a ghost, or even a haunt, but something. It had probably been a full-blown ghost once, but time had worn it away. Ghosts wear out like old clothes and go on to wherever old ghosts go.

  The sunken grave would fade away, probably in my lifetime. If I could avoid killer zombies for a few years. And vampires. And gun-toting humans. Oh, hell, the hot spot would probably outlast me.

  I looked back to find Dolph and the exterminators maybe twenty yards back. Twenty yards, wasn’t that awfully far? I had told them
to hang back, but I hadn’t meant for them to leave me hanging in the wind. I was just never satisfied.

  If I called them to come closer, you think they’d get mad? Probably. I started walking again, trying not to step on any more graves. But it was hard with most of the stones hidden in the long grass. So many unmarked graves, so much neglect.

  I could wander aimlessly all bloody night. Had I really thought that I could just accidentally walk over the right grave?

  Yes. Hope springs eternal, especially when the alternative isn’t very human.

  Vampires were once ordinary human beings; zombies, too. Most lycanthropes start out human, though there are a few rare inherited curses. All the monsters start out normal except me. Raising the dead wasn’t a career choice. I didn’t sit down in the guidance counselor’s office one day and say, “I’d like to raise the dead for a living.” No, it wasn’t that neat or clean.

  I have always had an affinity for the dead. Always. Not the newly dead. No, I don’t mess with souls, but once the soul departs, I know it. I can feel it. Laugh all you want. It’s the truth.

  I had a dog when I was little. Just like most kids. And like most kids’ dogs, she died. I was thirteen. We buried Jenny in the backyard. I woke up a week after Jenny died and found her curled up beside me. Thick black fur coated with grave dirt. Dead brown eyes following my every move, just like when she was alive.

  I thought for one wild moment she was alive. It had been a mistake, but I know dead when I see it. Feel it. Call it from the grave. I wonder what Dominga Salvador would think about that story. Calling an animal zombie. How shocking. Raising the dead by accident. How frightening. How sick.

  My stepmother, Judith, never quite recovered from the shock. She rarely tells people what I do for a living. Dad? Well, Dad ignores it, too. I tried ignoring it, but couldn’t. I won’t go into details, but does the term “road kill” have any significance for you? It did for Judith. I looked like a nightmare version of the Pied Piper.

  My father finally took me to meet my maternal grandmother. She’s not as scary as Dominga Salvador, but she’s...interesting. Grandma Flores agreed with Dad. I should not be trained in voodoo, only in enough control to stop the...problems. “Just teach her to control it,” Dad said.

  She did. I did. Dad took me back home. It was never mentioned again. At least not in front of me. I always wondered what dear stepmother said behind closed doors. For that matter Dad wasn’t pleased either. Hell, I wasn’t pleased.

  Bert recruited me straight out of college. I never knew how he heard about me. I refused him at first, but he waved money at me. Maybe I was rebelling against parental expectations? Or maybe I had finally realized that there is damn little employment opportunity for a B.S. in biology with an emphasis on the supernatural. I minored in creatures of legend. That was real helpful on my resume.

  It was like having a degree in ancient Greek or the Romantic Poets, interesting, enjoyable, but then what the hell can you do with it? I had planned to go on to grad school and teach college. But Bert came along and showed me a way to turn my natural talent into a job. At least I can say I use my degree every day.

  I never puzzled about how I came to do what I do. There was no mystery. It was in the blood.

  I stood in the graveyard and took a deep breath. A bead of sweat trickled down my face. I wiped it with the back of my hand. I was sweating like a pig, and I still felt cold. Fear, but not of the bogeyman, of what I was about to do.

  If it were a muscle, I would move it. If it were a thought, I would think it. If it were a magic word, I could say it. It is nothing like that. It is like my skin becomes cool even under cloth. I can feel all my nerve endings naked to the wind. And even in this hot, sweating August night, my skin felt cool. It is almost like a tiny, cool wind emanates from my skin. But it isn’t wind, no one else can feel it. It doesn’t blow through a room like a Hollywood horror movie. It isn’t flashy. It’s quiet. Private. Mine.

  The cool fingers of “wind” searched outward. Within a ten-to-fifteen-foot circle I would be able to search the graves. As I moved, the circle would move with me, searching.

  How does it feel to search through the hard-packed earth for dead bodies? Like nothing human. The closest I can come to describing it is like phantom fingers rifling through the dirt, searching for the dead. But, of course, that isn’t quite what it feels like either. Close but no cigar.

  The coffin nearest me had been water-ruined years ago. Bits of warped wood, shreds of bone, nothing whole. Bone and old wood, dirt, clean and dead. The hot spot flared almost like a burning sensation. I couldn’t read its coffin. The hot spot could keep its secrets. It wasn’t worth forcing the issue. It was a life force of sorts, trapped to a dead grave until it faded. That is bound to make you grumpy.

  I walked slowly forward. The circle moved with me. I touched bones, intact coffins, bits of cloth in newer graves. This was an old cemetery. There were no decaying corpses. Death had progressed to the nice neat stage.

  Something grabbed my ankle. I jumped and walked forward without looking down. Never look down. It’s a rule. I got a brief glimpse just behind my eyes of something pale and mist-like with wide screaming eyes.

  A ghost, a real-live ghost. I had walked over its grave and it had let me know it didn’t like it. A ghost had grabbed me round the ankles. Big deal. If you ignored them, the spectral hands would fade. If you noticed them, you gave them substance, and you could be in deep shit.

  Important safety tip with most of the spiritual world: if you ignore it, it has less power. This does not work with demons or other demi-beings. Other exceptions to the rule are vampires, zombies, ghouls, lycanthropes, witches...oh, hell, ignoring only works for ghosts. But it does work.

  Phantom hands tugged at my pants leg. I could feel skeletal fingers pulling upwards, as if it would use me to pull itself from the grave. Shit! I was eating my pulse between my teeth. Just keep walking. Ignore it. It will go away. Dammit to hell.

  The fingers slipped away, reluctantly. Some types of ghost seem to bear a grudge against the living. A sort of jealousy. They cannot harm you, but they scare the bejesus out of you and laugh while they’re doing it.

  I found an empty grave. Bits of wood decaying into the earth, but no trace of bone. No body. Empty. The earth above it was thick with grass and weeds. The earth was hard-packed and dry from the drought. The grass and weeds had been disturbed. Bare roots were showing, almost as if someone had tried to pull the grass up. Or something had come up underneath the grass and left a trail.

  I knelt on all fours above the dying grass. My hands stayed on top of the hard, reddish dirt, but I could feel the inside of the grave like rolling your tongue around your teeth. You can’t see it, but you can feel it.

  The corpse was gone. The coffin was undisturbed. A zombie had come from here. Was it the zombie we were looking for? No guarantees. But it was the only zombie raising I could sense.

  I stared out away from the grave. It was hard using just my eyes to search the grass. I could almost see what lay under the dirt. But the grave showed behind my eyes in my head somewhere where there were no optic nerves. The graveyard that I could see with my eyes ended at a fence maybe five yards away. Had I walked it all? Was this the only grave that was empty?

  I stood and looked out over the graves. Dolph and the two exterminators were still with me about thirty yards back. Thirty yards? Some backup.

  I had walked it all. There was the grabby ghost. The hot spot was there. The newest grave over there. It was mine now. I knew this cemetery. And everything that was restless. Everything that wasn’t quite dead was dancing above its grave. White misty phantoms. Sparkling angry lights. Agitated. There was more than one way to wake the dead.

  But they would quiet down and sleep, if that was the word. No permanent damage. I glanced back down at the empty grave. No permanent damage.

  I waved Dolph and the others over. I got a Ziploc bag out of the coverall pocket and scooped some grave dirt into i
t.

  The moonlight suddenly seemed dimmer. Dolph was standing over me. He did sort of loom.

  “Well?” he asked.

  “A zombie came out of this grave,” I said.

  “Is it the killer zombie?”

  “I don’t know for sure.”

  “You don’t know?”

  “Not yet.”

  “When will you know?”

  “I’ll take it to Evans and let him do his touchie-feelie routine on it.”

  “Evans, the clairvoyant,” Dolph said.

  “Yep.”

  “He’s a flake.”

  “True, but he’s good.”

  “The department doesn’t use him anymore.”

  “Bully for the department,” I said. “He’s still on retainer at Animators, Inc.”

  Dolph shook his head. “I don’t trust Evans.”

  “I don’t trust anybody,” I said. “So what’s the problem?”

  Dolph smiled. “Point taken.”

  I had rolled some of the grass and weeds, roots carefully intact, inside a second bag. I crawled to the head of the grave and spread the weeds. There was no marker. Dammit! The pale limestone had been chipped away at the base. Shattered. Carried away. Shit.

  “Why would they destroy the headstone?” Dolph asked.

  “The name and date could have given us some clue to why the zombie was raised and to what went wrong.”

  “Wrong, how?”

  “You might raise a zombie to kill one or two people but not wholesale slaughter. Nobody would do that.”

  “Unless they’re crazy,” he said.

  I stared up at him. “That’s not funny.”

  “No, it isn’t.”

  A madman that could raise the dead. A murderous zombie corpse controlled by a psychotic. Great. And if he, or she, could do it once...

  “Dolph, if we have a crazy man running around, there could be more than one zombie.”

  “And if it is crazy, then there won’t be a pattern,” he said.

  “Shit.”

  “Exactly.”

  No pattern meant no motive. No motive meant we might not be able to figure this out. “No, I don’t believe that.”