Finding Perfection

by Cassandra Giovanni

  Her smile softened, eyes lidded as she looked up at me. “I like that idea.”

  Her cell phone vibrated against the counter, and she shook her head as if she was being pulled back into reality with it. Maybe it was the name on the screen that did it.

  River.

  She swiped her finger across the screen, and her mouth dropped slightly.

  “What?” I asked, grabbing a cookie and shoving it in my mouth to erase the metallic taste of disappointment and temptation that lingered.

  “River is just wondering if we have some spare time to help move stuff,” she replied, her gaze still on the phone.

  My mouth was full as I asked, “Move things?”

  “Yeah, apparently she and West are moving in together,” she said, her voice distant. She went to the cabinet to get a vase, and my eyes wandered as she leaned up. Her ass was somewhere between JLo and Kardashian, but so much more believable. She turned, catching me staring and quirked an eyebrow. I swallowed the cookie in my mouth, feeling it go down and drop into my stomach. She was too much. My body went on autopilot again, closing the gap between us and pulling her into me. Then my lips were on hers, months of attraction and emotions that stretched between us coming out. She tasted like the cookies, but sweeter and hotter.

  So much hotter.

  Her body was tense at first, but then she melted into me. Her mouth opened in a gasp as my lips trailed to her neck and my hands slipped to that perfect ass. She went tense again, and her hands moved from my neck down to my chest, pushing me away.

  My face burned.

  Her chest heaved as she stared up at me, and my eyes fell on her lips. The red was somehow still perfectly intact on her swollen mouth.

  “This is about River moving in with West isn’t it?” she asked, and my stomach dropped.

  I stepped back. “Not at all.”

  “Then why now?” Tara looked down at her hands, tongue darting over her lips.

  I laced my fingers behind my neck and dipped my head back. “My brain stopped fighting my heart, I guess.”

  Her brows furrowed. “What?”

  I stepped forward, tipping her chin up. “I have feelings for you. I’ve felt guilty as fuck for so long, but I just don’t care anymore. River permitted herself to be happy with West. That’s what Bobby would want, and I think he’d want us to do that, too.”

  “You’re not holding onto anything for River, then?” she asked and her eyes locked on mine, flicking across my face.

  “There’s one thing,” I replied, and she winced. “But I think I know exactly what I should do with it.”

  West was moving in with River, and I hoped this would be the thing that helped him to do what he should’ve already.

  ~~~

  “Holy God,” Tara said, her mouth forming an O as she stared down at the ring. “This is gorgeous.”

  “Bobby paid for most of it,” I said, sighing. I tapped my thumb against the steering wheel as if it was the strings of my bass guitar.

  Tara chuckled to herself, and I glanced over with my brows knit together in question. She snapped the box shut.

  “One last gift to her,” she said, reaching up and taking my hand. She weaved our fingers together. “It’s kind of perfect.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Tara’s eyes looked far away, and then came to mine. “The color…it’s a combination of West and Bobby’s eyes.”

  I shook my head. “I guess you’re right.”

  “Do you think he’ll take it? I mean, he was engaged before. How do you even know if he wants to marry River or anyone for that matter?”

  My shoulder’s lift into a half-shrug. “West looked like I sucker punched him when I told him I was going to propose to her but never did.”

  Tara bit the inside of her cheek. “What if you’re off-point?”

  “I’m not,” I replied and she lifted an eyebrow at me. I laughed. “I’m not. I know what I’m doing. They’re moving in together. They’re meant to be together.”

  Tara glanced over at me, and I brought her hand up to my lips.

  She rolled her eyes. “You’re ridiculous. I hope you’re right about this. Otherwise, you’re giving away a 2,000 dollar ring.”

  I pushed my tongue into my cheek, and her jaw went slack.

  “$3,000?”

  I cracked my neck. “$4,000.”

  She guessed again. “$4,000?”

  My head moved from shoulder to shoulder.

  “Are you fucking serious?” she asked. “$5,000?”

  “Close enough,” I replied, and she blinked at me rapidly. “Don’t worry, you’ll get something just as nice, but I have a feeling you’ll want one giant diamond.”

  Her head moved back, eyes widening and my body tensed. She leaned over and kissed my cheek, moving her lips to my ear.

  “Damn, right,” she said just as I pulled into West’s driveway. Her breath made my skin prickle, and I fought the urge to pull her face to mine as I put the car into park. I looked around and then gave in.

  When I pulled away, River stood at West’s — now her — front door, arms crossed with a smile plastered on her face. She wiggled her eyebrows as I pulled away from Tara.

  “Glad to see you two finally figured things out,” River said, nodding to us as we got out of the car. Tara went red, which made my body warm. She was so damn cute when she was embarrassed, especially when it happened so little.

  She rolled her eyes. “Thanks for the vote of support.”

  River winked at me before pulling Tara into a hug, and my head jerked back as Tara hugged her back. West came out the front door and stopped midstride. He pointed at them and looked at me, eyebrows arched.

  I put my hands up, and the girls headed inside. Tara looked back over her shoulder at me and winked.

  “I’m glad to see they figured things out,” West said, putting his hands in his front pockets. I chuckled to myself. He didn’t even know River made the same comment moments before.

  Bobby’s voice popped into my head.

  Perfect for each other.

  West nodded over his shoulder towards the house, inviting me inside.

  I shook my head, signaling to the car with my chin. “I have something for you.”

  Chapter 30

  River

  I tipped my head back, letting the sun warm my face. My muscles screamed from the yard work we’d been doing all day, and the scent of steaks on the grill filled the air.

  “I can’t believe it’s finally spring,” I said, opening one eye to look at West. He smirked at me, bringing his soda up to his lips. He was covered in dirt, except for his hands. He’d washed those to make us lunch.

  “But feeling like summer?” He wiped the sweat from his brow. It was a balmy 78 degrees, and there wasn’t much shade in the backyard, which was exactly why we’d been planting fruit trees.

  I picked up my sweating glass of ice tea and took a long sip as I stared at West manning the grill. “Technically, there’s only three weeks until it is summer.”

  He chuckled. “Funny that we had a snowstorm less than that amount of time ago.”

  “Ah, New England,” I replied, standing and go up behind him. I wrapped my arms around his waist, pressing my cheek against his toned back. “Yet there’s nowhere else I’d want to be.”

  He turned, moving his arm over me and bringing me to his side. His head dipped down, and my toes curled as he kissed me. He pulled away, hand still cupping my cheek. “But it’s not like you’ve been a ton of other places.”

  I pouted. “I’m sorry I’m not a world traveler like you.”

  “We can change that.” He wiggled his brows. “How many weeks of vacation do you have?”

  “Four.”

  His eyes lit up. “Where should we go first? Cali? Canada? Australia?”

  I chewed my lip. “Ireland.”

  West nodded. “We can arrange for that.”

  “Have you been there?” I asked, and he scratched his neck. “Well, whe
re haven’t you been?”

  His shoulders lifted and he flipped the steak. “Why does that matter?”

  “I’d like it to be a first for both of us,” replied.

  “List off a few places you’d like to visit.” West’s hand slipped into my back pocket.

  I looked up at the crystal blue sky before meeting his eyes. “Stonehenge.”

  “I haven’t been there,” West replied. “Although, I’ve been to England enough times. Where else?”

  My eyes widened. “Penguins.”

  “Penguins?” West’s voice showed his amusement. “Anartica is cold. I was thinking somewhere a little warmer…where fewer layers are required.”

  I laughed. “There’s penguins other places. I was thinking South Africa.”

  “That could be fun.” West nodded. “There are some awesome reefs there.”

  I shook my head, and he laughed.

  “Why not?” he asked.

  “Sharks, West.” I used my arms to signal their size. “Sharks. Big giant man-eating sharks.”

  “Ah, yes I forgot you have a fear of the ocean,” he said, smirking down at me.

  I crossed my arms, stepping away. “No. I’m scared of being eaten alive.”

  West stepped forward, putting his hands on either side of my face. “I will never let anything eat you alive.”

  I quirked a brow, biting my lip as thoughts crossed my mind.

  “Ha.” West’s head tipped back. “You’re dirty.”

  Howls from over where we’d planted the new trees caught my attention, and the idea of traveling sunk hard in my stomach. “What about the pups?”

  “The guys love dogs,” he replied, narrowing his eyes on me. “We’re traveling, and that’s that.”

  I huffed, but my face hurt from smiling so much. “If you demand it.”

  West slapped my ass, eyes playful. “Oh, I demand it.”

  His cell phone rang on the patio table, and I made my way over to get it.

  “Las Vegas?” I said, holding it out to him.

  His forehead creased with lines as he took it and nodded to the grill. “You got this?”

  I chewed my cheek before shrugging, and he laughed as he headed towards the house where it was quiet. The dogs were making quite the scene over the new trees and plants. Somehow, I managed not to burn the steaks while West handled the call. I placed them on the table, tented with foil, to rest and sat down to absorb some more of the amazing sun. The winter hadn’t been too bad, but I still had a hate-hate relationship with snow and ice. I figured I always would after what happened. My mind drifted to Bobby. I hadn’t dreamed of him in months, and even though they were just figments of my imagination, I missed those conversations. My chest tightened, and I closed my eyes. Bobby’s cologne seemed to drift over me, and I inhaled, the ache in my heart loosening with the scent. My cheek warmed with a touch — his touch and my eyes snapped open.

  I was in the backyard, and not in a dream. My heart hammered in my chest; I could still feel the space between Bobby’s fingers where the warmth wasn’t as strong.

  West came out of the house rubbing his neck with his face ashen. He sat down across from me, blankly staring at the food spread out between us. It took me a moment to find my voice from the shock of Bobby’s all too realistic touch and West looking as if he was the one who’d felt a ghost.

  “You okay?” I asked, my voice squeaking.

  West’s head snapped up, his eyes unfocused. He cleared his throat.

  “Oh, yeah. Yeah.”

  I blinked at him, and he finally seemed to see me.

  His jaw clenched. “Another show opportunity.”

  “And?” I tilted my head, reaching across for his hand.

  His eyes followed, and a smile lifted his lips. He wove his fingers between mine, relaxing. “And I said no. We’re starting filming for the next season of the regular show in two weeks, and this one would take place right after, for another three months.”

  “You wouldn’t get a break, huh?” I asked, guilt tightening in my stomach. He shook his head. “We can always vacation next year. The penguins can wait.”

  West’s thumb circled over the top of my hand. “It’s a traveling tattoo competition.”

  “Oh.” I tried to swallow, but my throat seemed to be closing up. He’d be traveling without me. There was no way I could get off work for that long, and I didn’t think I’d want to either.

  His eyes came up from our hands. “Before, I would’ve done it in a heartbeat.”

  “But?”

  “But before I was also trying to run away. I don’t want to run away anymore, Riv. I’m not going to. I’m done working my life away and burying myself in the next tattoo,” he said, and I stood, my body naturally propelled towards him. He pulled me into his lap, and his hands slipped up to my face as I leaned my forehead against his. “The penguins can’t wait.”

  “Neither can I,” I replied, leaning down and kissing him. West’s hands moved down to the small of my back, and I turned, wrapping my legs on either side of him.

  He stood, lifting me with him and his mouth traced its way down my chin and to my ear, “Can the steaks wait?”

  I answered him by turning my face, so our lips met again. My hands moved underneath his shirt, lifting it over his head as he reached the sliding door. He shoved it shut with his foot before maneuvering to the couch as I pulled my shirt over my head and his hands undid the clasp of my bra.

  Our skin met as West laid me back on the cushions. Through kisses and searching hands, the remaining clothes separating us came off. I arched into his body as his mouth moved down my skin, and his lips parted as he whispered my name. Tingles flashed over my body as he managed to lift me off the couch onto him and I moaned, unable to hold it in. His lips came back to mine, and I could feel him smiling as we moved to the bedroom. The new position sent my toes curling with each step he took, and we never made it to the bed.

  Chapter 31

  Adam

  Tara didn’t react when I came in the door of her parent’s living room. She’d been spending most nights with me over at Mark’s house, but during the day she tended to be here where she was more comfortable. Sometimes she came to the recording studio, but she found it hard to concentrate. I teased her about me being a distraction, which it turned out, I was. I smirked to myself before leaning down and pulling her earbuds out.

  “What you listening to?” I kissed her over the laptop.

  Her lips were hesitant, and I pulled away with my brows raised. I sat down and looked at the screen. River stood in an ice rink with West and Dad behind her. I wouldn’t admit it, but I’d listened to it hundreds of times since we’d been back in Mass. Curiosity had overtaken my need not to know what she sang. For someone with no voice training, River had nailed it. Her emotions flowed perfectly with the cadence of her voice and the expressions on her face.

  Tara’s chest rose up to her chin, and she tilted it towards the screen. “She loved him, and she didn’t even know it, didn’t she?”

  Her eyes came to mine, and I ran my hands through my hair. The thought had crossed my mind. It was probably why I’d listened to it so many times over the past few weeks. I was trying to figure out exactly what she meant by each of the words, but it was like all songs. The words would always mean something different to me than they did to her, and she’d never be able to explain anyways. That’s what songwriting was to me; something deeply personal and I figured it was the same for her.

  “Yeah.” I swallowed, licking my lips. The words slipped out, and my throat thickened. “I think so.”

  “I’m sorry.” Tara’s head rested on my shoulder, and I wrapped my arm around her. The tightness in my chest unwound itself. It was one of the reasons I’d fallen so hard for her. She got it.

  She got it.

  “It’s okay. I miss my brother, but I’m starting to see everything happens for a reason,” I replied, kissing the top of her head.

  “I never realized she had such
a good voice,” Tara said as she pulled the earbuds from the computer and hit play.

  The words I’d memorized echoed out of the computer, and I closed my eyes.

  “She does,” I said, thinking of her standing on stage as a pre-teen, her braces glinting against the lights. She always had a good voice, but after a few talent shows, she realized she hated being on stage. River didn’t enjoy being the center of attention, but she’d do anything for Bobby.

  We sat and listened to the song, watching all the way until the end where West pulled her into her arms. I inhaled through my nose. It was apparent then, even months ago, how much he loved her and each of her flaws.

  Flaws. That’s what Bobby and I had been in River’s makeup, but we were distinctly a part of what made her her.

  Bobby was the best friend she never told anyone she loved; even herself.

  I was someone she had a past with and still wanted in her life.

  Goosebumps rose on Tara’s arms, and she looked up at me. “It’s a beautiful song. I love the lyrics. I think he’d appreciate it.”

  “I think so, too,” I said, attempting to smile but I knew it was more of a grimace. The perfection of the song reminded me of how shitty my day had been.

  Tara cocked her head. “What’s wrong?”

  I pressed my fingers into my eyes. “Rough day at the studio.”

  “Why?” Tara stood, and I watched as she went into the kitchen and grabbed a plate of cookies. She raised her eyebrows as she popped a coffee pod into the coffee maker. “I can hear you from here.”

  I sat forward, leaning on my knees. My hands slipped to the back of my neck. “Somethings missing from the album and none of us know what the hell it is. It’s a song short, and we’re all spent creatively.”

  Tara came back into the room and handed me the mug, along with a cookie. She sat back on the couch, and I took a deep sip of the black coffee and then a bite of the oatmeal raisin cookie. It had white chocolate chunks, just like I liked them.