Polarity of Us

by K. B. Ladnier

  I knew Daisy loved me. I knew she’d give up everything in her world for me and Addy if I only asked. But my pride wouldn’t let me admit it out loud.

  I destroyed my shed the moment she stepped out of those doors. Everything in there seemed to mock me for being such a fucking coward. So, I gave it my rage. I tore apart my tables. I knocked down every shelf. I threw every tool. And finally, I cracked the rocking chair I’d made her into as many pieces as I could. I wanted everything to reflect my soul in this moment. She was mine, and I treated her like she was nothing.

  I was the one who was nothing.

  I sat in the wreckage for what felt like hours. It wasn’t until Addy walked in that I realized I had been so lost in my rage, I’d forgotten to walk her home from school like I did every day. It only made me feel like even more of a failure.

  Her little blue eyes settled on me as she stood in the doorway. They did a quick sweep of everything before tears began to fall from them. “Daddy?”

  I held my arms out to her and she raced towards me, throwing herself into my lap.

  “I’m sorry I forgot to come walk you home, baby,” I said shakily into her hair as I hugged her.

  “I’m a big girl, Daddy. I’m not mad. But are you okay?”

  I huffed out a sob, holding back my tears of agony. “I’m okay. I just… Daddy did something awful.”

  She pulled away and stood, staring down at me in question. “What?”

  I sighed and ran my hands through my hair. “I chased Daisy away in anger. I wouldn’t listen to her and I said things I didn’t mean.”

  For the first time in a long time, Addy glared at me. “Why would you do that? Daisy loves you.”

  It never ceased to amaze me how limitless love was in the eyes of children. They understood how love should be selfless and kind. She heard what I did and knew instantly what took me too long to figure out in my anger. That Daisy loved me endlessly and I was wrong for every doubt I had.

  “I know she does. My bear and I just weren’t on the same level and I let him overrule my rational thought. I messed up, baby girl.”

  She placed her hands on her hips and sighed. “Yes, you did. You should apologize and buy her flowers. Maybe she’ll forgive you.”

  I gave her a soft smile. “I don’t think that will work. Daddy said some pretty awful things.”

  “Well, she loves you and will forgive you anyways. I know it,” she said with a smile.

  I hoped she was right. I definitely needed to come up with something big, though. A simple apology and flowers wouldn’t be enough. I’d gone too far and nothing simple would ever take that back.

  I just prayed that I wasn’t too late once I figured out what to do.

  I thought of going over to Daisy’s the rest of the day, but every time I would leave the cabin, I would choke up and turn back around. I finally decided to give her the night to cool down, hoping that tomorrow she’d be less angry with me and more likely to listen.

  However, she wasn’t answering the door when I knocked the following morning.

  I’d walked Addy to school and picked up some white roses from the floral shop on the way back. I rehearsed over and over my apology speech. My nerves were shot as I stood there with my fist poised over her door. I pounded twice and waited. No answer. I pounded louder and longer, even shouting her name. Still no answer.

  I pulled out my phone and called hers, but it went straight to voicemail.

  It was then I knew that I’d fucked up a lot more than I originally thought. She wouldn’t answer the door or accept my calls.

  As I went to walk back to my cabin, a car honked at me. I looked over and saw Emery pulling to a stop in front of the cabin. I waited as she put the car in park and got out. Her facial expression set me on edge.

  “Bastian…” she said sadly as she looked over the roses in my hands then back at me. “She’s not there.”

  I dropped the flowers to my side and walked up to her. “What do you mean? Where’s Daisy?” My heart thumped loudly in my chest.

  She put a hand over her heart and tilted her head to the side, her face a mask of worry. “You’re too late. She left.”

  My heart stopped. Had I hurt her so badly that she couldn’t even stand to be here anymore? That she just left without a word? I was such a fucking asshole.

  The flowers dropped from my hand completely. “She’s gone? She went back to Chicago?”

  Emery nodded slowly.

  I roared into the sky and dropped to my knees. I’d truly lost her and it was all my fault. She would never forgive me and I would have to live with that regret the rest of my life. I felt pain I thought couldn’t be measured when Evelyn died. But the agony of making Daisy choose to leave me was more than I could bare.

  And I hated myself for it.

  Three weeks.

  Three whole weeks, I suffered the loss of Daisy from my life. Addy was angry with me still and made it well known. She refused to let me read her a story before bed and only talked to me when I told her she had to answer a question I asked her.

  Christmas had been the only day I got anything out of her other than a sad stare. She had opened her presents and hugged me in thanks for them, but otherwise I could see her heart just wasn’t into it.

  I deserved her anger. I deserved Daisy’s silence. I deserved it all.

  I didn’t have a single way of contacting her since she didn’t have her phone anymore. I’d discovered that when I went into the cabin just to be able to smell any lingering scent of her. I found it in the trash bin of her room. It took me a solid hour to stand from my seated position at her bed, longing for her to be back in it.

  My mind would replay every touch, kiss, and laugh I’d shared with her. It tortured me during the day as I worked and in my dreams when I slept.

  I was sure Emery had a way to get in touch with her, but if she wasn’t trying to contact me, then odds were she didn’t want me to find a way to talk to her. I brought it all on myself and was paying for it every second.

  Life moved on here in White Hemlock, but it felt empty. Not just for me, but for Addy as well.

  She would talk to Emery about how she felt. Emery would then relay what she said back to me, warning me not to tell Addy I knew. Addy felt abandoned. Not by Daisy, but by me. She missed Daisy and blamed me for her leaving.

  I wished Daisy knew that she was welcome to talk to Addy anytime she wanted. I let Emery know to tell her that if she called. Unfortunately, Emery stated she hadn’t heard a word from her. She’d talked to Hannah once, but Hannah refused to talk about Daisy at all.

  Every day that passed was more unbearable without her and I was losing all hope that I’d ever see her again.

  That was, until I got the surprise of a lifetime in the form of a letter.

  Addy stopped letting me walk her to and from school, so I did the only thing I could and waited patiently outside every day to make sure she got home safe. I’d forgotten to check the mail earlier and decided to do that while I waited for her.

  When I flipped open the mailbox, I found a small packaged smashed inside. I pulled it out and checked who sent it. My world had tilted on its axis when I saw Daisy’s name on the yellow package.

  At first, I thought I was seeing things. But after staring it with my mouth gaping for a few minutes, I knew it was absolutely from her. I knew her handwriting by heart after watching her scrawl her story out in her notebook so many times.

  I wasted no time tearing into it, hoping that somehow, she had changed her mind and wanted to speak with me again.

  I was stunned by what I found.

  It was her book with my face on the cover. Only, the picture had been doctored a bit to make it seem more than just a photograph. I remembered this picture. It was the day I took her out on our first real date. It was where I said I love you to her.

  I turned the book over and read the description. It blew me away that this book wasn’t some made up tale like I was expecting. It was the story of us.r />
  Polarity of Us was what she titled it. And damn it did that title not fit perfectly? We were opposite in so many ways; I was made for winter, while she was destined for spring. I was lacking in courage and impatient. She was bold and always willing to wait for the right moment for things. I was dark and cold. She was bright and warm. I was a polar bear and she was a human.

  I sat down on a fallen log next to the mailbox and flipped through the book, stopping in some places as I skimmed through where she used real moments we had. I wanted to be angry that she basically blasted my secret to the world. At the same time though, I knew everyone would chalk it up to some fantasy romance novel from the confines of a talented authors mind. And talented, she was.

  She captured so many beautiful moments in this; from simple moments like her time ice-skating with Addy, to the day we made love by the light of a fire.

  My heart ached mercilessly at seeing her inner thoughts in each of these. It made me hate myself even more for never truly understanding the depth in which she loved me.

  My eyes burned with the desire to cry, but I had to read more.

  As I flipped through the pages, I accidentally skipped a little too fast and wound up on the last few pages. There in her handwriting once again, was a letter from Daisy.

  Dear Bastian,

  This was the only way I could think of to tell you what I need to. I’m horrible with words when it comes to speaking, but writing them down seems to help. What I’m about to tell you takes all the courage I have in my heart to say. I fear I won’t have any left after this.

  I love you and always will. My heart was never doubtful or selfish. I did everything I could to let you know that you were my world. As was Addy. I would do anything you asked of me.

  The last time we spoke, you asked me to leave. Well, told me to. And I did. I would let you go if it was what you wanted. I’d hoped you would come back and see that I never meant to hurt you or Addy. That you both were what I lived for. However, we don’t always get what we want.

  My life was grey before I met you, and you filled it with beautiful technicolor. I felt like I was glimpsing the world through the lens of a telescope. Able to see far into the world, yet my point of view was limited. I missed everything that was around me. I’ll never stop being grateful for you opening my eyes.

  I wrote this book at first to show the world that I was still a good writer. In the end though, this book became so much more. It became me. It became you. It became us. Everything about us that I loved. I never expected I’d love one of my books more than the others, but I proved myself wrong. This book is my whole world wrapped up in one little package. A package I’m now sending to you.

  I didn’t publish it with a major company either; I’m happy to say, I did this on my own. For you and for me. I hope by reading it you will see that my love for you never failed and will never die. I will always be yours, even if you don’t want me to be. And now, you’ll always be mine because of what you’ve left behind.

  I wish I could tell you this in person, but I was afraid you wouldn’t see me if I had tried.

  There’s no easy way to say it, so I will just be straight forward.

  I’m pregnant, Bastian.

  I knew because of what you are it was possible your genetics passed on to the miracle growing inside me. God knows, I want you to be a part of this child’s life. I want Addy to know her brother or sister.

  If you want to be a part of this baby’s life, please know that I will never take that away from you. They’re yours as much as they are mine.

  I hope you can forgive me for leaving.

  With all the love I possess,

  Daisy

  I couldn’t breathe.

  The book fell from my hands as her words sunk into that void that had grown since the moment she left. I felt my eyes well with tears and that void rapidly filled with hope and wonder at the possibilities that had opened up after reading her words.

  “She still loves me. She’s pregnant… oh my God!” My hands flew to my head as I tried to process this.

  I jumped up from the log and looked to the sky.

  She still loved me and was having my child. It was a miracle I never thought I’d get to experience again. I lifted my hands in the air and roared with excitement.

  “Uh… Daddy? What are you doing?” I heard Addy say.

  I looked down at her with tears running down my cheeks and the biggest grin I could muster.

  “I have to go get Daisy, Addy.”

  Her face split into a massive smile as she ran up to me and grabbed my arms in excitement. “Really? You’re going to bring her back?”

  I nodded fervently and lifted her into the air. I swung her around and laughed as she giggled.

  When I set her down I completely forgot I had to make arrangements. I had to book the flights and locate exactly where in Chicago her home was. First things first, however, I had to go see Emery.

  “Go inside and do your homework, baby girl. I have to run to Miss Hudson’s and ask her to watch you while I’m gone.”

  She giggled and nodded. “Go! The sooner you leave, the sooner she’ll be here!”

  I grinned and kissed her forehead before taking off as fast as I could to Emery’s.

  It was time to get my girl back.

  I didn’t realize how awful flying in a plane actually was.

  Being a shifter meant tight enclosed places were not exactly comfortable. It took everything in me to control the rising panic my bear was felt while we flew. It didn’t help that the plane rides took forever and that there was more than one.

  Arriving in Chicago was even worse. The smell of this place was absolutely horrible. I couldn’t understand why humans found the smells and sounds so appealing. It made me miss White Hemlock beyond comprehension. But I’d go anywhere if it meant bringing Daisy home.

  It was a little difficult to find her apartment at first. Somehow, I managed it after only getting lost twice. As I walked up the steps that lead to her door, my heart beat violently in my chest at seeing her again. It felt far longer than a few weeks and I wasn’t sure how to act. I could smell her scent so strongly as I reached the door, that I had to stop and bask in it for a moment.

  Her smell had faded from the cabin not long after she left, so it was like breathing in heaven once again when it hit me.

  With bated breath, I lifted my hand and knocked.

  I could hear movement inside and my heart rate escalated to the point I thought it would beat right out of my chest.

  The chain on the door unlocked just before it flew open. Instead of Daisy, though, it was Hannah that answered.

  “Holy shit! Bastian. You really came.” Her eyes looked me over as if I was a mirage.

  “Where’s Daisy? Is she here?” I asked, completely ignoring her shock at my presence.

  Her face fell. “She’s in Pennsylvania. She left last week. I’m not sure when she’ll be back, though.”

  My brows pinched together. “Why would she go back there? I know her dad is there, but so is Matthew.”

  Her expression turned sour. “She couldn’t handle what happened, Bastian. You broke her heart and I wasn’t enough to comfort her. She needed her dad because he was the only other person who knew how it felt to lose the love of his life.”

  I cursed under my breath. I pushed her so far away she went back to the one place she never wanted to be again. Even to visit her own dad because it was so hard for her to be there.

  I placed my hands on my hips and looked at Hannah determinedly. “Where does he live? I’m going there and I’m getting her back. Her and my baby.”

  Her eyes widened. “She told you. I’m surprised. She seemed scared to tell you.” She shifted and crossed her arms defensively. “Why should I help you, though? You said some awful things to her, Bastian. Things that you don’t say to someone you love.”

  I shifted my bag on my shoulder to pull out the book Daisy had sent me. “She wrote me a letter in here. To show m
e that she still loves me, and she told me about the baby. I never stopped loving her, Hannah. I knew I was wrong the second I said those awful things to her. Now, I need to get her back. I can’t live without her in my life. So, please. Help me.”

  She dropped her arms and smiled. “Good answer. That was a test and you passed.” She walked inside, and I followed.

  “A test?” I asked in disbelief.

  I gazed around at their apartment, seeing so much of Daisy here that it made my heart swell at how close I was to her, yet so far away.

  Hannah pulled out a notepad from a desk and wrote something down. “Yep! A test. I needed to know your reason for finding her, was the right one. Not just some weird bear claim on your shifter baby.”

  I choked a little at what she said. “You know?”

  She winked and handed me the paper. “Daisy told me. I still think it’s crazy, and I’m not entirely sure I believe it. But, I believe Daisy. As long as you truly love her and promise to never be an asshole like that to her again, your secret is safe with me.”

  I looked down at the address she’d written down, memorizing it by heart. “Thank you, Hannah. I swear I will never let her go once I catch her.”

  She nodded with a satisfied smirk. “Then go get her bear man.”

  I bobbed my head in thanks to her and rushed right back out the door, calling a cab back to the airport as I went.

  Twenty

  Daisy

  I felt like a little girl again being back at home with my dad. It felt strange being here, but at the same time, it wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be.

  I hadn’t stayed in his home since I moved out with Matthew after senior year in high school. So, being in my old bedroom made my mind flash back to how life was before.

  The pain from Matthew’s betrayal was gone, thankfully. I lost that pain when I fell in love with Bastian. There were still pictures here of Matthew, so when I got here, I promptly removed them without a care in the world.