So I accepted Rob’s proposal, or should I say, his non-proposal. I mean, he didn’t even really out and out ask me to marry him. He just talked about how it would be a good career move for him. But I accepted. And now I have to live with my decision.
Chapter 27
Lacey
THE NEXT MORNING WHEN I woke I felt terrible. I lay in my bed and stared at the ceiling. Who could I call?
Rob? I took my phone from my bedside table and scrolled down to his name. My thumb hovered over the green calling icon, but I couldn’t bring myself to press it. My new fiancé, and I couldn’t call him. I didn’t want to call him. I wanted to call Grant.
My stomach heaved. I leapt from the bed and got to my bathroom just in time to throw up.
And before you say anything, I know what you’re thinking. Morning sickness, right? I’ll be honest. That’s what I thought too. My night of passion with Grant? That one night that was supposed to be our secret, that no one was ever going to find out about, that was never going to lead to any consequences. That night we’d decided not to use a condom because Grant thought it would be sexier. That night that he’d spilled his semen into me and I hadn’t even had the good sense to use the morning after pill. That night he’d told me to call him husband.
Yup. That night.
Maybe I’d been hoping for this all along. I didn’t know. I didn’t know anything any more. My life was falling to pieces all around me, and I’d just accepted a proposal from a man I wasn’t in love with. As I cleaned myself up and left the bathroom, I made a note to call my doctor. I needed a pregnancy test. Not exactly the ideal thing to be taking care of the day after being proposed to by another man, but I didn’t have a choice.
What would Rob say if he ever found out about this?
I showered and dressed, went downstairs, and who did I run into in the kitchen?
“Good morning, sunshine.”
“Good morning, Grant.”
“How are you today?”
“Great, Grant,” I said, a little more frostily than I should have. He was being perfectly nice, but I was kind of ticked off that he might have put his baby inside me without so much as a please or a thank you.
“Anything new?”
There was a mischievous look on his face. What was he hinting at? Had he heard me throwing up? Did he suspect I was pregnant with his baby? Was he taunting me for that? No! He couldn’t be. Grant was a lot of things, but he wasn’t cruel. Plus, he couldn’t have heard me throwing up. My room was on the opposite end of the mansion from his, a precaution my father had had the good sense to take seventeen years ago.
“Nothing new, Grant.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure.”
“Because you know you could tell me anything, right?”
I looked at him. He was being genuine. I knew him well enough to know when he was teasing me, and this wasn’t one of those times. He was genuinely offering me his ear. Why? Had it crossed his mind too that I might be carrying his baby? Did he feel bad for the way things had gone down between us? He should have. We could have been a thing, he and I. We could have made a life together. If I wasn’t pregnant with his kid, we could fix that. I just had to imagine his enormous cock to know that we could easily fix that little issue.
But no. He didn’t want it.
I shoved past him to get milk from the fridge. I felt the powerful mass of his muscle beneath his white shirt. It made me long for him.
He reached out and touched my arm, gently, kindly. What was up with him? I’d done everything. I’d tried it all. I’d fucked him without a condom. I’d given him a chance to scare off Rob. I’d even called him from Club Viper and asked for his help. I know I wasn’t perfect in all of it. I hadn’t exactly been clear about what I wanted, but Grant had made up for it. He’d been clear about what he didn’t want, and he didn’t want me, no matter what I did.
I took a deep breath.
“You know what, Grant?”
“What, Lacey?”
“This isn’t official yet, so don’t tell anyone.”
“Tell them what?”
“Rob proposed to me last night.”
Grant’s face was blank. No reaction. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. I thought there’d be at least some reaction. It was almost as if he wasn’t surprised by the news.
“So, I guess I’ll be marrying him soon,” I added.
“Did you set a date?” he said.
“Not yet. We just talked about it a little, last night.”
“And you’re certain it’s what you want?”
“As certain as I can be,” I said. I wasn’t sure what I meant by that.
He looked at me inquisitively, but I didn’t offer any explanation.
He smiled, but there seemed to be a sadness in his smile.
“I’m happy for you, Lacey.”
“Thank you, Grant,” I said.
I grabbed my cereal and hurried out of the kitchen. I didn’t want him to see me cry.
*
AFTER BREAKFAST, I THREW UP AGAIN. I called the doctor and made an appointment. I didn’t say what the appointment was for. I just knew I had to know what the situation was before I could think clearly about what I needed to do. How did I get myself into such a mess?
I swear, I was the most depressed I’d ever been. For the day after being proposed to, it sure wasn’t a good omen for the marriage. I spent the morning in the living room, watching reality shows and eating ice cream. Forrester and Grady saw me but I didn’t care. Grant was around too, but he was mostly keeping to himself since finding out I was engaged.
Grant hadn’t asked any details so it was hard to know how much he cared. He hadn’t asked how Rob had proposed, which was good, because I wouldn’t have known what to say. He also hadn’t asked to see the ring, which was also good, because Rob hadn’t given me one.
I’d never been one of those girls who was obsessed with big, diamond rings, but there was something sad about not having any ring at all. The engagement somehow didn’t feel real without one.
I pulled out my phone and dialed Rob’s number. I had to speak to him. I had to get some sort of concrete affirmation that he was actually going to be my husband. I mean, was that proposal even for real? He’d driven off after making it and we hadn’t spoken since.
“Rob,” I said.
“Lacey, I was meaning to call you but I’ve just been swamped here.”
“I needed to hear your voice,” I said.
“Sure, sure,” Rob said, but he was speaking to someone else in his office, not me. “Sorry about that,” he said to me, “things are just really busy here. What can I do for you?”
“I don’t know,” I said, trying to make my voice as cheerful as possible. “How about marrying me?”
He let out a little laugh.
Grant walked into the room and grabbed the remote. He always did that. It infuriated me. Just because I was on the phone, didn’t mean I was done watching my show. I could talk and watch at the same time. He switched the channel to some sports and turned up the volume. I knew he was doing it to bug me.
Rob said, “So, our arrangement still stands?”
I thought that was a weird way to put it but I said, “Yes, of course.”
“Good,” he said.
Then there was a silence. I looked at Grant, slumped over an armchair, watching football highlights, his tattooed muscles peeking out from under his white shirt. He looked perfect. Absolutely perfect.
“I love you so much,” I said into the phone, while still looking at Grant.
Grant turned to me and I looked away immediately.
“Me too,” Rob said, weakly.
I was so desperate for love, but Rob gave so little.
“So, when are we going to start planning this thing?” I said.
“I don’t know,” Rob said.
Grant got up from his seat and came over to me. The tub of ice cream was by my arm and he took it. “Do you
mind?” he whispered.
I shook my head.
“We should go look at flowers or something,” I said to Rob.
“Sure.”
“How about today? There’s a place in the city that’s world famous. They have like a million different varieties of orchid there.”
“I can’t today, sweetie,” Rob said.
“Oh, too busy?”
“Yes. Definitely.”
“We could do it after work. I’m sure I can get them to give us an appointment.”
“No, don’t bother, waiting for me,” he said. “I’m just swamped. You should go by yourself.”
“By myself?”
“It sounds like you’ve got nothing better to do.”
I blinked. “I guess I don’t,” I said. “It’s Faith’s day at the store today.”
“Right then. Call me later and tell me how it went. I’ve got to go.”
“Bye, honey,” I said. “I love … ”.
He’d hung up before I’d even finished the sentence. I sighed, then glanced at Grant. He’d overheard everything.
“This has got to be the first time in months that you’ve decided to come down here to watch television,” I said.
He shrugged. “You call this ice cream?”
“What’s wrong with it?”
“Haven’t you heard of a real flavor? Like chocolate? Or vanilla?”
He was eating Cotton Candy Delight. In my opinion it was one of the most delicious things ever created by mankind.
“If you don’t like it, you can give it back. I wasn’t finished with it.”
He licked the spoon, purposely slobbering all over it, and then handed it back to me.
“Thanks,” I said.
“My pleasure.”
What was he doing down there? He never joined me to watch television any more. It was something we’d done years ago, when we were kids, but not so much as we got older.
“I heard you might be going into the city to look at flowers,” he said.
I shrugged, trying not to look like I cared. “So?” I said, coming off more defensively than I’d intended.
“Well, I’m going into town soon. I can take you if you like.”
“Oh, you don’t want to look at flowers, Grant. I know you hate all that girly stuff.”
He smiled at me, and there was such warmth in that smile, such kindness, such love for me, that it took my breath away. After spending so much time with Rob, I was beginning to forget the power Grant had over my emotions.
“Sure I do,” he said, simply.
“You hate wedding stuff.”
“Look, I know you haven’t told anyone else about the proposal. So I know there’s no one else you can take. You’re stuck with me.”
I took a spoonful of ice cream and relished it. I hadn’t forgotten that he’d slobbered all over the spoon. In fact, I wanted his saliva to touch my lips.
Chapter 28
Grant
I CAN’T TELL YOU HOW beautiful she looked on that drive into the city. It was like the old days again. Lacey’s hair shone with an almost metallic sheen. She was wearing one of her little black dresses. She hadn’t bothered with all the shit Rob had been giving her, and she looked like the natural beauty that she was. She was even wearing the same perfume she used to wear back when she was in high school. I wondered if that was a coincidence or not. It drove me wild.
For a few hours, we were friends again. All the awkwardness of our frolic in the hayloft was forgotten. She played her music on the radio and I drove, winding through the valleys and vineyards she loved, skirting cliffs that looked down on the Pacific Ocean from precarious heights.
“So,” I said, “you’re really going ahead with this?”
“With what? The wedding?”
“Yeah, and your relationship with Rob.”
“Why wouldn’t I be?” she said.
I shrugged. I didn’t want to argue with her so I dropped it. It felt so good to be friends again and I wasn’t willing to ruin the morning just to tell her what I thought of her fiancé.
“Just seems to be moving fast, is all,” I said.
She nodded. She was thinking about that. I’m not sure what she felt about Rob, but from the look on her face, she had some doubts about the relationship. I changed the subject.
“Turn this song up,” I said.
“You hate pop.”
“I like it when I’m with you,” I said. “It’s more fun. It reminds me of when we were kids.”
“You always hated my music back then.”
“I didn’t.”
“You always made me turn it off and put on your stuff.”
“I was just being a jerk,” I said. “You’ve always had cool taste in music. Secretly, I liked your songs.”
She smiled and turned up the volume. I drove along, entering the edge of the city.
“So where is this flower market?” I said.
She typed into her phone and found the address. Then she entered it into the car’s GPS. It was down near the port. I guess they exported and imported a lot of plants. As we drove toward it, we passed through some of the most rundown neighborhoods of the city.
“We’re very lucky,” she said.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, we live in a beautiful, big house, surrounded by some of the finest vineyards in the country.”
“We do live in luxury,” I said.
“And now I’m going to marry a rich, plastic surgeon.”
“Living the dream,” I said.
She shook her head. “We’ve done some good things though, haven’t we?”
“Sure we have,” I said.
“I hope I’ve lived a good life,” she said.
I looked at her. There was an expression of seriousness on her face that I hadn’t seen before.
“What’s got you feeling so melancholy?” I asked.
“I don’t feel melancholy.”
“You’re talking as if your life is already over, Lacey.”
“Well,” she said, “I guess getting married to Rob has got me thinking like that. It definitely means my youth is over. Once I’m married, I’ll be a woman. Anything I wanted to achieve on my own will be over. I’ll be with him from now on, helping him pursue his goals and dreams.”
“Well, ideally, you’d both be helping each other pursue both of your goals.”
She nodded.
“What are Rob’s goals, anyway?” I said.
“I don’t know.”
I turned off the freeway even though it wasn’t our exit. I had an instinct that she wanted to drive through a few real neighborhoods. She always liked doing that. We passed rows of brick residential buildings. They were mostly African American or Hispanic, clearly rundown.
“Pull over here,” she said, outside a big, old mansion that looked like it had been the grandest house on the street a century ago. Now it looked more like an abandoned, haunted house.
I pulled over to the curb and looked up and down the street, making sure it was safe. Lacey opened her door and got out. I watched from my window as she walked up to the gate of the house. There were some kids on the front porch, six boys, all of them in their teens. I opened the passenger window to hear what she wanted to say to them.
“What is this place?” she said.
“Who’s asking?” one of the kids said back to her.
“I am,” she said, and smiled at the kid, taking the charm approach.
The kid who’d spoken to her climbed down from the porch. His friends watched.
“It’s a house.”
“Your house?” Lacey said.
“Yeah.”
“Are those boys your brothers?”
“Yeah, they’re my brothers.”
“You must be all twins,” Lacey said.
“They’re my brothers from other mothers, lady,” the kid said.
“I see. And I suppose you all live in this house together?”
“Yeah, until the ci
ty kicks us out. Then they’ll take us to child services.”
“What about your parents?”
“Lady, eight boys live in this house. If any of us had parents, we wouldn’t be here.”
“I see,” Lacey said.
One of the other boys pointed at me. “Who’s the stiff?” he said.
Lacey looked back at me. “Oh, him. He’s my brother.”
“Your real brother?”
Lacey laughed. “No. He’s my brother from another mother.”
The boys looked at each other. “Not so different from us then?”
“Not so different,” Lacey agreed.
Then she came back to the car.
“Let’s go,” she said.
I looked at her. She’d always been a thoughtful person, but I hadn’t seen her in a mood like this in quite a while. It was as if she was questioning her life, and her role in the world.
“You like those kids?” I asked as we rounded the corner. I mostly said it to break the silence.
“My father went out looking for boys like that,” she said. “After my mother died, and it was just me and him, he decided that he had to find a new purpose in his life.”
“I know it,” I said. “If it wasn’t for him, I’d be dead now. Or in prison.”
“He found you, Grady, Forrester, and Jackson. Four boys.”
“He saved our lives,” I said.
“I know,” she said. “And in the process, he saved his own life, and mine. Who knows how things would have ended up for him and I if it hadn’t been for you and the brothers coming to join us. It was the four of you that completed our family.”
I nodded. “Do you feel like you should do something similar?” I asked.
“I don’t know. I mean, I guess I’ll start a family.” Her hand was on her belly as she said it.
The image flashed across my mind of the night in the hayloft. What had I been thinking? I’d made her let me do it without a condom. It was crazy. It was almost as if I’d wanted to create a situation that would force us together. I’d wanted fate to take over, to bring us together, to fuse us. I’d made her call me husband too. And I’d called her wife.
I was in love with her. As I looked at her, sitting there, thinking about her life, I knew I was in love with her. I looked at her hand on her belly. What if I’d made her pregnant that night? I mean, I presumed I hadn’t. She’d have found out by now, and she’d have said something to me. She sure as hell wouldn’t have accepted a proposal from Rob if she was carrying my child. I was certain of that much. At least, I thought I was.
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