Incite

by Heather Leigh

  “Adam.” My voice wavers, barely a whisper.

  He stands and leads me to my room, closing the door behind us. “How long until your parents are back?”

  The look he gives me sends tremors down my spine, his pupils blown so that the hazel is barely visible. “A few hours at least.”

  Adam closes the gap between us, pulling off my shirt and throwing it to the floor. He grabs his own, tugs it over his head and wraps his arms around my waist, needing the feel of our skin rubbing together. The heat, the softness of my body against the hard planes of his.

  “Jesus…” He takes my mouth in another passionate kiss. We break apart only long enough to shed the rest of our clothes and fall onto the bed. “I need you, El. I…”

  “I know, Adam.” And I do know. I feel it too. I need the closeness of him physically, the connection of him moving inside me.

  Adam’s lips follow the lines of my body, his light stubble scraping against my sensitive skin as he trails wet kisses over my breasts and stomach until he reaches the apex of my thighs. His tongue swipes over the delicate folds and the breath is sucked from my lungs.

  “Adam…” My back arches and I fist the sheets, needing something to ground me as his touch sends me flying. He takes his time, exploring every part of me, bringing me to the brink of something impossibly perfect. “Oh God, oh God…” My voice is stolen when Adam’s tongue flicks over that sizzling spot one last time and I fall, brilliant white sparks flashing behind my eyes.

  Panting, I open my eyes to see Adam kneeling on the bed, quickly rolling a condom on his hard length. His eyes meet mine and I shudder. He always looks at me as if I’m the sexiest woman on earth, like he wants to devour me and fill me up until we’re both sweaty and sated.

  “El…” My whispered name is reverent, the love he has clear in just that one word.

  Adam lays over me, brushing his mouth over mine, skimming his tongue over my lips, and enters me with one desperate thrust.

  “God El.” His head drops to my shoulder as he chokes on his words. “I love you so much.”

  My fingers caress his neck, finding their way into his hair. I tug on it to bring his mouth back to mine so I can whisper against his lips. “I love you, Adam.”

  The kisses become insistent and we move, our sweat-slicked bodies finding the perfect rhythm. Our moans become louder, the words we say turn into unintelligible mumbling, and then… bliss. Electricity hums across my skin, every nerve ending exploding with pleasure. It builds up in my core and unleashes in a burst of ecstasy, my body thrashing and writhing as Adam thrusts to his own completion.

  We lay tangled up in the sheets, my head on his chest so I can listen to the steady beating of his heart. Adam strokes my hair, pulling his fingers through it and sending shivers across my neck.

  He presses a kiss to the top of my head. “It will all work out, Sweetheart.”

  I want so badly to believe him, to have something I haven’t had in a long time. Hope. A future. A life worth living.

  chapter 17

  Adam

  The loud bass wakes me from a fitful sleep. I’d never flown before yesterday, or maybe it was today. I can’t be sure, but I did find out that jet lag is a complete bitch. I couldn’t sleep at all on the plane. I was too worried at the thought of leaving Ellie behind, of not being there to make sure she’s safe, that by the time we landed twelve hours later I’d been up for twenty-four hours straight. I check the small digital clock next to the bed, midnight, and someone is in my flat, ready to party.

  The past week has been the longest and the shortest one in my life. It seemed as if I didn’t have enough time with Ellie, between studying for her final exams and her mum’s illness, I was relegated to a few spare minutes in between everything. I took what I could get from her, greedy to spend our last days in her bed, wrapped around each other.

  “Shut your bloody noise holes!” Dax yells from the bed next to mine, startling me. I whip my head around just in time to see him cover his face with a pillow. Dax can be a bit of a bastard when he doesn’t get enough sleep.

  The music gets louder when someone opens the door to our room. “Hey idiots, come out here and meet everyone,” Hawke says. I can tell he’s already had a few drinks from the slight slurring of his words and his crooked grin, plus, he has a half-empty beer in his hand, which he finishes while waiting for our answer.

  “We’re fucking tired, shit for brains!” Dax shouts, his voice muffled by his refusal to remove his head from under the pillow.

  Hawke laughs and turns to me. “What about you? You coming?” he asks, pointing at me with his empty bottle.

  I sigh and drag my hands down my face. There’s no way I’ll get any sleep with all of the noise on the other side of the door. I’ll probably just lie here and think about Ellie. I may as well get up and get my body adjusted to Los Angeles time, even though I feel as though I could sleep for days. “Sure, I’m coming.”

  There’s a knock on the front door and the amount of noise in the main area of the flat doubles. I can hear the squealing of girls and the deep voices of guys that greet each other with back slaps and laughs. Great, it hadn’t occurred to me that Gavin and Hawke were the party-hosting type. Guess I should have asked before agreeing to share a flat with them, not that I’m not used to being constantly surrounded by noise. In my old flat, it was every single night, and it usually only ended when someone was silenced with fists.

  I get up and leave the bedroom, ready to get used my new life and leave the crappy one behind. Even if I’m only surviving by counting down the days until El joins me here.

  Turns out Hawke’s uncle is pretty good at his job. He got us booked into a bunch of bars around L.A. by playing a digital sampling of our work to different club managers. We’re able to make money playing our gigs, but divided four ways it’s barely enough to cover all of the living expenses. Apparently L.A. is just as expensive as London, and way more expensive than a craphole like Hackney.

  I can only afford to ring Ellie every few days, the charges are too expensive for more. I glance at the clock for the millionth time today, knowing I’ll be speaking to El in a few more hours.

  “Chill out Adam. You keep looking at that clock and I’m gonna knock your teeth out,” Dax growls. “Pay attention to rehearsal or we’re gonna look like a bunch of duffers on Saturday.”

  We practice at Hawke’s uncle’s big house a few miles from our place. Hawke has his drums there and there’s a soundproofed room and everything. There’s something slightly odd about Hawke’s family situation, but I’m not exactly sure what it is except that he’s apparently been raised by his uncle. I can tell he doesn’t want to discuss it, so I never bother to bring it up.

  “Easy for you to say, Davies. You’re getting laid left and right. My girl isn’t here yet, so sod off,” I scold him.

  Turns out, Dax is a party guy too, we just never knew it until we moved to L.A., where the parties are over the top and happen every single night. Me? I’d rather have my girl here and go somewhere quiet together. Since she’s not here, I’ve become a party guy by default. Forced to interact with everyone that Gavin and Hawke invite over, and they invite over loads of people.

  Dax shrugs at my statement. “I would tell you that you could get laid too, but I know you won’t, so there’s no point.”

  I give him a look of disbelief and he raises an eyebrow back at me. “What? Cheat on Ellie?” I ask, making a disgusted noise. “Never, so you’re right. Don’t bother.”

  He shrugs again and returns his focus to his guitar. I shake my head. No conscious, that one.

  “Come on you two, cut the shit and let’s finish this. I have plans tonight,” Hawke calls out from behind the drums.

  I smirk at him, “You have plans every night, Evans. Your social calendar is as busy as the King’s Cross station at rush hour.”

  Everyone laughs and we get to business working on new songs to add to our set tonight.

  It’s so hot in the cl
ub that I have to keep using the hem of my T-shirt to wipe the sweat out of my eyes so I can see. I knew I should have gone straight home after the gig, but the rest of the guys wanted to go out, and Hawke had the only car. A taxi ride home would have cost a fortune, which I don’t have.

  “Hey gorgeous,” a sexy female voice purrs.

  I startle when I feel small hands caress my exposed abs. Dropping the edge of the shirt, I see a stunning blonde in a skimpy red dress in front of me, her arms extended under my clothes. She drags her fingers across my skin, following the line of my jeans to the button at the fly. Jesus, I start to get hard from the proximity of her fingers to my dick.

  I shiver at the touch, and make eye contact with the girl. Blue. Her eyes are the same clear, deep blue as Ellie’s. The girl I love. The only girl I can ever imagine loving, even though I’m so angry with her right now that I could scream. Collecting my thoughts, which are slower than usual due to the copious amounts of alcohol coursing through my blood, I take the girl’s hands in mine and gently remove them from my hips.

  “Sorry, love. Not interested,” I tell her, smiling to lessen the blow.

  She tilts her head and looks at me curiously. “Are you sure? Because your body says you are interested.” She gestures towards the bulge in the front of my jeans and smirks.

  “Definitely not interested,” I chuckle, “regardless of what my body thinks.”

  “Well, maybe some other time,” she says, reaching out and sliding a finger over my lips before she turns and walks away.

  I watch her tempting backside sway as her long, tan legs bring her back to her friends at the bar.

  “Whoa! Couldn’t close the deal, huh Reynolds?” Hawke’s hand smacks my back and he doubles over with laughter.

  “Hardly,” I scoff. And it’s true. In L.A., the girls are not only easier than they are back home, but they practically fling themselves naked at me and Dax because of our ‘sexy British accents’. “If I were single, my dick would probably light on fire and fall off from overuse,” I joke, throwing in a dark glare to let Hawke know I’m not in the mood for his jokes.

  “I’m just kidding bro. Take it easy!” Hawke says. “She didn’t answer again, huh?” he asks, handing me one of the fresh beers he’s clutching in one hand.

  I bristle at the question. “I don’t want to discuss it,” I snap, gritting my teeth together. Ellie hasn’t answered my calls the last three days in a row. She’s due to be here on Monday, just two days from now, and I haven’t spoken to her in almost a week, no matter how many times I’ve rung her. Hawke knows this, and he’s pushing me, and after a few drinks I’m thoroughly pissed off.

  “Dude! No big deal! I’m just seeing how you are and I’m not doing a good job of it, obviously,” Hawke says, holding his hands up to calm me down.

  “It’s fine, I’m just knackered. I shouldn’t be drinking when I’m this tired.” I rub my hand down my face. “If I could just reach her…” I stop, reminding myself that I don’t want to talk about it.

  “Well, the good news is that my uncle called after we left the gig tonight. He’s got us booked into the Troubadour next month for two nights,” Hawke grins. “That’s why I was looking for you.”

  “That’s brilliant,” I reply, a smile replacing my perma-scowl for the first time in several days.

  “Yep, things are looking good for us, my man.” Hawke holds up his bottle, bumping it with mine. “Well, gotta find a nice hottie or two for tonight. Catch ya later!” He chugs his beer and disappears into the crowded dance floor.

  “Hey sexy.” I see a tiny brunette in a dress so small that it must double as a tube top. She gets in my personal space and bumps my arm with her obviously fake breasts.

  I sigh. These L.A. girls are so fucking grabby and desperate. It’s going to be a long two days waiting to hold Ellie in my arms. I guzzle down the rest of the beer that Hawke bought me and push the girl away in disgust.

  My nerves are shot, I’m exhausted from lack of sleep and constant partying, and I’m drunk. Again.

  I really need Ellie to keep me sane. Or else I may lose myself in this bullshit town.

  chapter 18

  Ellie

  I hold my tiny, fragile mum against my body, using my strength to keep her on her feet. She’s so small now, from all of the chemo, that it doesn’t take much effort for me to hold her up.

  We greet all of our friends, neighbors from our old town, Kate’s parents, my dad’s sister and her kids who are older than me, and mum’s cousin, the only family she has left in the U.K.

  “Elizabeth, I’m so sorry,” my aunt says to my mum. “It’s so horrible what happened to Jack.” She sniffs and pulls out a handkerchief to wipe her eyes. “My brother,” Aunt Jessie chokes up, “he loved you both dearly.” She clutches my mum to her large breasts, forcing me to release my grip so she can pull her into an embrace. “You ring me if you need anything. I know I don’t live close, but…”

  Mum nods and Aunt Jessie lets her go, helping to ease her back into my arms.

  “Thank you,” I tell my dad’s sister. She looks so much like him that I can’t meet her eyes. It’s too hard, especially today. We finish speaking with the remaining guests and head for home, to start our new life, one without Dad.

  Thirty minutes later, Kate’s dad is pulling into the parking space outside the crappy flats where we all live. Her parents, the Campbell’s, graciously offered to drive us to and from the cemetery since we don’t own a car. We all silently get out of the car, no one feeling comfortable enough to speak, and really, there’s nothing to be said.

  Kate’s dad helps me get Mum to our flat, since there’s no lift in our building and we live two floors up. Once she’s settled on the sofa, so exhausted that she’s almost asleep as soon as she sits, I walk him to the door and thank him for the ride.

  “Ellie, it’s no bother. Will you and your mum be okay?” he asks, a now familiar look of pity in his eyes.

  “No, Mr. Campbell, but we’ll manage,” I respond honestly. I mean, how are we supposed to be okay? Our world ended four days ago when a drunk on a piss up ran my dad down as he crossed the street. Nothing will ever be okay again.

  “I’m so sorry, Ellie. Really. We’re just upstairs if you need anything. Please don’t hesitate,” Kate’s dad says kindly. He leans in and hugs me tight. “Ring Kate when you’re up to it, she’d want to hear from you.”

  I nod into his chest, knowing that I won’t bother Kate with the problems she left behind. She got out, has a chance at a real life. Once she’s done with her summer football tour in the U.S., she starts university straight away.

  My heart constricts at the thought of Kate in Los Angeles, going to the University of California without me. I manage not to think about Adam and what I’m giving up, just long enough to get Mum comfortable, before I hide under my covers and sob.

  Everything’s gone. Dad. Kate. Adam. My life. My future. I have nothing. The only thing that keeps me going is Mum. I can’t let her down, I have to be strong for her. I will get her through this, then worry about myself and the flight I missed yesterday. Once my mum is better, I promise to myself.

  I fall asleep and dream of warm, sandy California beaches and bright, hazel eyes.

  I hurry to unlock the dead bolts on the door to our flat, hearing the phone ringing angrily on the other side. Shoving it open, I dump my handbag and run to the side table to answer.

  When I see the number on the caller ID, I jerk my hand back as if the phone burned me.

  Adam’s ringing, again. My eyes sting with unshed tears and I pull in a shaky breath. I can’t deal with him yet. I know it’s cruel and he doesn’t deserve it, but speaking to him and making it final will make everything real. I’m not strong enough yet to do what I know I have to do.

  I vow to pick up when he rings tomorrow, and instead, sit at the table and fill out the forms that I picked up from the local School of Community and Health Sciences to enroll in the nursing program. Mum refuses to discuss
me holding off school and getting a job. She insists that the benefits we receive from the government will be enough to get us by. I managed to get a small student loan, so our budget will be tight, but doable.

  My mum doesn’t know, but I also got a part-time job at the hospital to help pay for my books and other fees not covered by the loan. By the time summer’s over and first term starts, I should have a tidy sum to use on other expenses.

  Mum will be home from the doctor soon, it’s just a follow up, so she demanded that she go alone. With nothing to do but sit around and feel sorry for myself, I make a quick dinner and try to thumb through the university’s student conduct code, but I can’t concentrate. Overwhelming sorrow washes over me, draining my mind of hope and my body of its spirit. I thought moving to Hackney was hard and lonely, but it was a walk in the park compared to this. I’d suffer a thousand times the sadness I felt when we left Shepherd’s Bush for the East End if it meant never suffering through this kind of pain again.

  I have never been more alone in my life.

  The next day is long and grueling. Two appointments with Mum and a trip to the school to drop off my paperwork. I’m dead on my feet by dinnertime. I order a takeaway because I’m too knackered to cook. We eat our food silently in front of the telly. Well, I eat, Mum picks at hers, unable to eat much of anything.

  After an hour-long bout of nausea, Mum is finally tucked into bed. I let her know I’m going to pop over to Tesco’s to get some shopping. I pull on my shoes and grab some money from the jar near the sink, stuffing it in my pocket.

  Just as I grab the doorknob, the shrill sound of the phone echoes through the tiny flat. My stomach lurches at the realization that I can’t put this off any longer. Adam deserves to move on with his life. I won’t be the one to keep him from reaching his dream. I can’t let him come back here to his pitiful flat and his dreadful family, not for me.