Incite

by Heather Leigh

  “Fuck.” I wipe my damp eyes on the hem of my shirt. “Do you have her number? Can I ring her and explain that I didn’t mean it?”

  Kate gets up and crosses over to me, sitting down on my left. She takes my hand and squeezes it tightly, about to drop that axe. “Adam, I’ve been trying. Her phone has been disconnected. I have no idea how to reach her. She’s gone.”

  Hopeless and irrevocably damaged, I lay my head down in Kate’s lap and let her comfort me as I cry for the first time since I was twelve years old.

  chapter 24

  Ellie

  “C’mon love, I have a surprise for you.”

  I take James’ outstretched hand and scrunch my brows together. “But the show isn’t over yet. There’s always an encore at these things.”

  He smiles and nods as he leads me through the cheering crowd. The noise of almost 90,000 people clapping and hollering for more is near deafening. I actually have to fight the urge to cover my ears as I follow James down the steps of our section and over to the side of the main stage.

  “Black, I wasn’t sure if you were coming,” an intimidating, uniformed cop says to James.

  “Told you I’d be here. Sean, this is my fiancée, Ellie. Ellie, this is my old partner, Sean Hamilton.”

  “Nice to meet you, Ellie,” the large man says. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out two black cards on bright orange lanyards and hands them to James. “Put these on and you’ll be set.”

  James turns and puts one over my head and does the same to himself with the other one. “What’s this?” I flip the card up to read the bold white print over the background of flames.

  Sean steps aside and opens a door leading to a poorly lit hall under the stage and James tugs me inside as I make out the writing on the card.

  INCITE

  Backstage Pass

  All Access

  Sphere of Irony

  Oct. 14, Wembley Stadium

  I tense up, digging my heels in as Sean closes the door behind us. “What? Backstage! I don’t think…” I’m suddenly and horrifically jolted out of my comforting buzz.

  James shushes me before I can finish telling him that this is the worst idea ever. He pushes me up against the wall of the dark hallway and silences me with a kiss. I’m too shocked to stop him or respond to his probing tongue. I simply let him kiss me until he’s finished.

  “I arranged this for you so you could see your old mates,” he whispers into my neck, skimming his teeth over my skin.

  “But…” I croak, gooseflesh breaking out all over my body, and not from James’ kisses. I’m scared to death to be here, to possibly come face to face with Adam for the first time since he let me know exactly how much he hated me.

  “But what, love? Aren’t you excited?” He pulls back and looks down at me, anticipation and adoration shining in his dark eyes. He did this for me, because he loves me and thinks it will make me happy. It’s my fault really, for never telling him the details of mine and Adam’s relationship. He has no idea that we broke each other’s hearts or that I’ll probably never be able to love anyone else, including him.

  I smile half-heartedly, hoping it doesn’t look as fake as it feels. “Yeah, great. I’m really excited.”

  The lie rings false in my ears, but James doesn’t question it. He grins and takes my hand again, leading me under the stage and up a flight of stairs to the backstage area. It’s much brighter up here, off to the side of the main stage. There are people scurrying about everywhere, and the noise level is almost painful, but all I can hear is the rapid whooshing of my heart pounding in my ears. The thumbnail on my free hand starts to ache when I bite it down too low from worrying on it as James drags me closer to my past.

  He doesn’t stop until we’re just off stage, right on the edge of being in view of the audience. The band is already back out for the encore. I watch as Adam grabs his guitar and lifts the strap over his head.

  “Alright London! One more for the road, yeah?” Adam’s smooth, sensual voice reverberates throughout the arena, striking me right in my core and making me weak in the knees. When he begins to sing, I nearly collapse on the spot. He makes eye contact with each person along the front row, making them feel as if he’s singing in his sexy voice just for them.

  Shit! This is bad. So very very bad.

  I pray that Adam exits the stage to the opposite side of where we’re standing. Then I pray that if he does come this way, he doesn’t see me here. After that, I pray that if he does see me, he doesn’t tell me to fuck off like he did the last time he saw me. Mostly, I pray that I don’t throw myself at him and beg him to forgive me for making the biggest mistake of my life.

  “Here they come, Ellie.” My head snaps up and I see four familiar faces headed straight for us.

  “Oh, fuck,” I whisper much too low for James to hear.

  Dax passes by first, his sweaty white T-shirt sticking to each of his rippling muscles. Hawke follows him, too engrossed in conversation with a guy in a headset to notice anyone else. Adam has stopped before reaching us, so he can hand off his guitar to a tall man in a black Sphere of Irony / INCITE Tour Crew shirt. As he lifts his arms and removes the strap, a sliver of skin peeks out from his waistband. I gasp at the glimpse of his tight abs and the sexy trail of dark hair that disappears into his worn jeans, a trail I’ve followed more than once with my mouth and tongue.

  Gavin. Of course Gavin is the one I should have worried about. The man misses nothing. Miraculously, he looks even more stunning now than he did at nineteen.

  “Ellie? Ellie Palmer?” he says incredulously. “Is it really you?”

  Gaping and red-faced from Adam’s little peep show, I nod like an idiot, too tongue-tied to say anything else.

  “Holy shit! It is you!” he shouts. Gavin rushes over and grabs me in a giant, crushing hug as I squeal in surprise.

  Gavin says my name so loud that Adam’s head whips around in our direction. I watch over Gavin’s shoulder as Adam’s gorgeous face goes from shocked, to confused, to determined. Adam is braver than I am, because once he gets his emotions under control, he walks right up to us, waiting for Gavin to release me.

  “Sorry El. I couldn’t help myself,” Gavin says as he puts me back on my feet.

  I laugh nervously, “Right, I’m sure you couldn’t.” I look around, blatantly avoiding eye contact with Adam.

  Adam edges closer and I notice that Hawke and Dax have come over as well.

  “I’ll be damned, Ellie’s here!” Hawke exclaims, leaning in for a quick hug and a peck on the cheek.

  “Christ, El. I can’t believe you’re here,” Dax tells me, wrapping me up in his muscular arms before stepping back so he can see me.

  “Well, I do live here you know. Actually, James here got us the tickets.” I step aside so the guys can see my hulking, handsome, detective fiancé, who has been standing back and waiting patiently while we have our mini-reunion.

  If I weren’t on the verge of throwing up from nervousness, the looks on the guys’ faces would actually be funny. They take in James, tall and wide, as big as Dax even, and their eyes nearly pop out of their heads.

  “Hello, I’m Ellie’s fiancé, James Black,” he says, smiling, completely oblivious to the awkward situation.

  Dax, Hawke, and Gavin all stand gaping before composing themselves to shake hands with James. I sneak a look at Adam and see that he’s turned a dark shade of red and his teeth are clenching, making the muscles in his jaw pulsate under the sexy stubble he has. I notice that one of his arms is covered in black tattoos, but I don’t want to be caught staring, so I can’t look long enough to be able to tell what they are.

  Adam makes no move to meet James. His eyes flick down to my left hand. I know the exact second he finds my engagement ring because the hazel may as well be black from the dark look he gives it.

  “Well, I’m sure you’re busy and all…” I uncomfortably stuff my left hand in my pocket, eager to get out of here and put this behind me before I
have to say anything to Adam.

  James ignores my cue and walks right up to Adam and speaks directly to him. “Ellie tells me you were mates back in school,” he says, putting his hand out for Adam to shake. “James Black, Ellie’s fiancé.”

  Did James just do that on purpose? Did he sense Adam’s anger and feel like he had to mark his territory, namely me?

  Not having a choice unless he wants to be a giant wanker in front of everyone, Adam puts his hand in James’ and shakes it. “Adam Reynolds. Yeah, you could say we were mates,” he says sarcastically. “Hello Ellie.” He speaks to me in a much kinder manner than I had expected. “You’re looking well.” His hazel eyes, the same eyes that locked onto mine during each of the countless times we made love, scan up and down my body, assessing every inch.

  I heat up under his scrutinizing gaze feeling it penetrate straight into me in a way I haven’t felt in years, turning my insides hot and my mind to mush.

  “You too.” I shift my feet so I can press my thighs together to ease the ache that has begun to take root. I hope like hell that James doesn’t notice the sexual tension between me and Adam, the greedy way his eyes take me in, the way he makes me squirm and blush like I’m an eighteen year-old schoolgirl again, the way my pulse flutters when I’m near him.

  Gavin, perceptive as always, doesn’t miss the electricity crackling around the two of us. He clears his throat and breaks the thick tension. “So, James, Ellie, want a tour around backstage? I can show you all the secrets that make us look good.” He grins, pulling my attention from Adam.

  “Uhhh….” My brain is too muddled with images of Adam’s mouth sucking on every sensitive spot on my body as I pant and writhe beneath him.

  “That’d be great,” James says, a little less enthusiastically than he had been a few minutes ago. “Right El?” He eyes me curiously, waiting to see what my answer will be.

  “Right,” I mutter, unable to come up with the proper amount of excitement for a stupid tour. What I want to do is run out of here and pretend my fiancé didn’t just meet my first and only love.

  “Well, let’s hurry then,” Gavin says. “The crew will begin tear down as soon as the last guest has left the stadium. Once that starts, it’s better to get out of the way or else you may find yourself packed up and shipped in a box to our next venue.”

  James laughs with him, not realizing that everyone else is still frozen in place, too stunned either by my presence or Adam’s calm response to me, or maybe the blatant sexual tension that my fiancé has yet to observe. What kind of detective is he that he doesn’t notice how uncomfortable this is? Or maybe he does and is a better actor than me.

  “Gavin, a word before you take off,” Adam says. He motions with his head for Gavin to join him a few steps away. They chat for a moment, Gavin nodding at whatever Adam says to him, then Gavin trots back over to our little group.

  “Bye El, good to see you again.” Adam is next to me, holding out his hand.

  He wants to shake hands? After everything we’ve been through? This may be my last chance, so I go for it. I take his hand and shove it away, then wrap my arms around his neck and yank him into an embrace. I can’t see his face, whether he’s happy or angry with me for hugging him, so I take this moment and do something purely for myself. I turn my head into his neck and inhale his scent, the scent that drove me crazy as a naïve teenage girl. The scent that I’ve been dreaming about nightly for the past six years. The scent that I try to find on my pillows after sex with James and feel like I’m falling apart all over again when I realize it’s not there.

  God I’ve missed him.

  “Take care El,” Adam whispers in my ear before releasing me and stepping back.

  Adam doesn’t say anything else. He gives me one last lingering look then spins on his heel and disappears into the bustling backstage crowd, taking my heart with him.

  “Good to see you El,” Dax says. “Nice to meet you, James,” he nods at my fiancé then follows Adam.

  “Bye El. You look great.” Hawke gives me one last, brief hug and goes with the other men.

  “Well, let’s do this!” Gavin says, trying his best to infuse some cheerfulness into what has been an excruciating reunion.

  James is delighted with our tour, asking Gavin loads of questions at every turn. Gavin, being the kind, generous man that he is, patiently answers every last one of them. By the time we’re done, I’m a nervous, sweaty wreck from my encounter with Adam. All I want right now is to be alone, so I can think about everything that I felt between us and what it means.

  “So El, are we friends again?” Gavin asks quietly.

  I scan the room for James, finding him chatting with the guy who runs all of the security for the arena. They’re deep in conversation, not likely to be done anytime soon if the wild gesturing and laughing both men are doing is any indication.

  Looking back at Gavin, I see his bright blue eyes shimmering with hope and can’t bear to hurt him by saying no. He always was such a kind soul. “Yeah, we’re friends Gavin.”

  The wide smile he gives me is breathtaking, all dimples and white teeth, his blonde hair moving softly as he runs a hand through it. “Great, then we can exchange numbers, right? That way we won’t lose touch again. Here…” He holds his hand out. “Give me your phone and I’ll put my number in.”

  “But…” I hesitate, not sure if this is such a good idea.

  “El, come on. You were one of my best friends. I miss you.” He turns up the charm and I melt under his pleading stare. I swear he could charm the skin off of a snake.

  “Fine,” I huff. “Put your number in.” I yank my phone out of my pocket and hand it to him. Gavin punches in a few numbers then gives it back to me.

  “I called myself from your phone so now I have your number too.”

  “Lovely, so now I have a massive charge to a U.S. phone number? Thanks,” I joke.

  “Yep,” he chuckles, then turns serious. “You sure do look good, Ellie. I hope you’re happy.”

  “Ummmm, yeah. I am, Gavin. Don’t worry about me.” I nervously tuck my hair behind my ear.

  Gavin takes my hand and squeezes it tight. “I’ll always worry about you, El.”

  “Ready to go?” James’ loud voice ends the emotional moment as quickly as it began.

  “Yes, I’m tired.”

  “Good to see you,” Gavin says, giving me one last hug before walking away.

  “So…” James is behind the wheel as we head home from the concert and I know whatever conversation he’s about to start is one I’d rather not have. “When were you going to tell me you used to fuck Adam Reynolds?”

  I nearly choke as James’ words hit me. I was resting my eyes in the passenger seat of his car, but now I’m sitting up straight and glaring at him. I hadn’t expected him to be that direct.

  “Christ, James! What the hell kind of question is that?”

  “I’m a detective Ellie. I know what I saw. I’m not angry, well, that’s not entirely true. I’m fucking pissed. But really, I’m wondering when you were going to mention that you used to sleep with one of the biggest rock stars on the planet.”

  I glance over to see his hands clenched tightly around the steering wheel, his face twisted into a scowl. He’s angry alright, and that makes me mad.

  “Sod off, James! It’s none of your business who I’ve been with!” The nerve of him! “You’re the one that surprised me with the tickets, remember? And the special backstage passes. Tonight was not my idea, it was yours.” There is no way he’s going to blame me for something that isn’t my fault, let alone be jealous about a relationship that ended years ago.

  “I wouldn’t have brought you had I known you used to fuck him!” James snaps back viciously.

  “How dare you!” I shout, my face heated in defiance. “Take me home, I refuse to discuss this with you.” I turn toward the window and swallow back the lump in my throat. I can’t take the stress, not tonight. A surprise reunion with Adam and now my fianc
é wants to fight about it? No thank you.

  “El…” James begins.

  “You have no right to be upset about anything here. I’m not saying another word to you. Just take me home.”

  James pulls in front of my building and starts to speak.

  “No,” I interrupt. “I’m so bloody angry at you James, I don’t know if I want to speak to you any time soon. Don’t call me, you’ll hear from me when I’m bloody ready, if I’m ever ready!”

  I slam the door in his face and stomp upstairs. I don’t know if I have the courage to leave James. I don’t love him, not like I should. It’s more like I need him, his presence, I’m too much of a coward to be on my own. I’m entirely dependent on James.

  When I let myself into my flat, I’m still trying to decide why I’m so upset. Is it because James and I might be over or because I miss Adam so damn much that it hurts? I stare at the obscenely large diamond on my left hand. What do I want? What do I deserve?

  Confused and tired, I slip off the ring and put it on top of my jewelry box. I’m too tired to think about this tonight, so I sink into my bed and vow to deal with all of this in the morning.

  chapter 25

  Adam

  I take out my phone for the hundredth time this morning to stare at the number on the screen. Gavin got Ellie’s number for me last night like I asked him to, now I need to man up and ring her so I can apologize for my behavior the last time I saw her. Well, she saw me. I don’t remember a fucking thing from that night, but according to everyone I know, I acted like a total bastard.

  It’s not as though I didn’t try my best to scrape together enough money to fly home and find her, but between paying Danny to watch out for Callum Murray and the massive expense of living in Los Angeles, I could never manage to get ahead and by the time I could afford the trip, it seemed as if it were too late.