How could I? He made me recite those exact words every time I was with him. And I never even questioned it. Not once.
“What are you wearing?”
I pull a face. “Just jeans and a top.”
“You’re going to have to work on your sex talk.”
“S-sex talk?” I stammer.
“We’re miles apart, and there are things I want you to do for me. You know, to keep me happy.”
“Like what?”
“Take off your top and send me a picture.”
“I’m not doing that.”
“Why not? Don’t you trust me?”
“Yes,” I whisper, “of course I do. It’s just that … once the image is out there. Who knows where it will end up?”
“Laura, I asked you nicely. I won’t ask you again.”
“No. I’m not doing it.”
“You little bitch! You think you can just drive around in my sports car with that massive rock on your finger and not expect to repay me somehow? After all that I’ve done for you and am about to do for your parents?”
Tears well in my eyes. “Why are you being so hostile towards me, Hugo? I don’t like it.”
“What you like and don’t like don’t really matter anymore now, does it? I’d hate to see you back out on the street again, along with your parents. But times are tough. You never know what could happen.”
“How dare you threaten me? I’m marrying you. I told you that.”
“I know you did, darling, and I’m very pleased about it. But honestly, you hurt me very deeply, and it’s going to take some time for me to get over it.”
“You get over it?” I gasp. “Can you hear yourself right now?”
“You drive me crazy, doll. I’ve already told you that. You make me want to do crazy things because I love you. It’s all these endorphins—they’re messing with my mind. I’m sorry if I upset you. I just want to see you, that’s all. I miss you Laura. I miss us.”
“I’m sorry for snapping.”
“It’s okay. I know you’re hurting too. So …”
“So what?”
“Can I see them?”
I pull my t-shirt up and take a selfie. “I’m sending it through now.”
“I just got it, doll. But let’s see a little more skin this time. Yes?”
I flick the bra clasp between my breasts and watch as the material falls away. “I feel silly, Hugo.”
“Take it and send it to me. Make sure you get in your face.”
“But it’s covered in bruises. I look awful.”
“No, you look very sexy, Laura. Like a ragdoll.”
A tiny voice screams in my mind not to do it, but I ignore it and take the photo anyway. I hear his phone beep seconds later, but he says nothing.
“So you got the pic?”
“Yeah, babe, but I’ve got an incoming call, so I should go.”
“But what about the pic?”
“You look sexy as fuck.”
“It’s just for your eyes though, right?”
“Of course. Try and behave for me, yes? I wouldn’t want to add to the bruises.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Someone has to keep you in line. If you misbehave, there will be consequences.”
“But that’s abuse.”
“No, baby, that’s love.”
It’s not that I don’t love him. Because deep down, under all the layers, I guess I do. Am I in love with him? No. Am I grateful for what he’s going to do for my family? Yes, of course. I would do anything for them, and financially, if I were in the position Hugo is in, I’d do it myself. Pay off the house. Pay off the bills. Make things easy so they never have to worry about anything, ever again.
But life’s not like that. I’ve come from nothing. I’ve still got nothing, apart from Hugo. I know it’s not ethically right, but the thought of my parents losing everything makes me forget my ethics. I can’t stand by and watch that happen to them while I run around town with some guy I hardly know, bonking until dawn. That’s just not practical. It’s not sensible. It’s not the right thing to do.
Family comes first. It always has, and it always will. I love them with all my heart, and hopefully, with time, I’ll fall in love with Hugo all over again. If I don’t, I guess I’ll just be another unhappy housewife surrounded by flash cars and diamonds. I wouldn’t be the first, and I sure won’t be the last.
SIX
The next day …
Now that I’m here, I’m not quite sure what my reason was for returning. Mel has been acting funny ever since I got back, and I’m finding it hard to concentrate on my assignments. To make things worse, I’ve missed over a week’s worth of lectures. The thing is, the swelling is so bad that if I had shown up sooner, I know it’d cause a scene. I mean sure, I guess I could have gone and acted like everything was normal, but if they’d seen my face—someone would have called my parents. Even now, there’s still a chance they will. I mean, it’s a miracle Mel hasn’t called the police about what happened.
God. What am I doing? Did I lose my mind when I went back to Ash’s place? Or have I lost my mind getting back with Hugo? I still can’t come to a definitive answer. As for my red-faced monkey, he’s taken to jumping from one side of my brain to the other. Even his tail is a blur, so it’s no use trying to grab it now because I know I’ll only fall.
Ash has called me at least three times, but I haven’t picked up. I can’t. I don’t know what to say. Things are just too messy. I shouldn’t have slept with him. I mean, even though I took off the ring, it’s not like I wasn’t engaged. I was. And I cheated on Hugo. I fucked someone else. More than once.
It wasn’t like I was drunk, either. And what’s more, I enjoyed it. Like, really, really enjoyed it. I mean, if I think about it, now I’m no better than Hugo. And that upsets me. Sure, I could make an excuse for myself and say that people cheat all the time, but I don’t. Animal instinct took over, and lust fueled what I did. I lost my mind for a day … okay, maybe a few days. I thought I didn’t need Hugo, but I was wrong. I need him in ways I never thought possible.
Anyway, I thought about it all night, and today, I’m gonna go back to class. Chances are, Ash won’t be there anyway. Knowing him, he’ll be out scaling some building so he gets his superhero fix before the weekend.
Gosh, why can’t he just grow up and be sensible? It’s almost embarrassing how he carries on. Well, if I think about it, it is. A grown man, in his thirties, climbing buildings? Who does that? Then there’s his reckless driving on a piece of machinery so expensive it makes the Hugo-mobile look cheap. And after all that wasteful expense, he’s still never on time. Always late, and for what? Just so he can be seen to not give a damn? What a jerk. He needs to grow up. That’s what he needs to do. And he needs to get out of my head because the more I think about him, the more irritated I get.
***
I slip into the lecture late for the first time in my life. Strangely, I don’t even feel guilty. I slide down into the nearest seat I can find—right in the front row but in the corner where it’s nice and dark. The professor smiles at me warmly but doesn’t say a word. I’m so grateful I just about squeal, but I manage to keep my mouth shut.
My stomach churns as the coolness of a pair of steel grey eyes pierce through my skin. Yeah, Ash is here. I saw him sitting in the back row the moment I stepped into the room. He’s kinda hard to ignore, but I do it. I’m here to get my notes, hand in my assignments, and get out. Should be fairly simple, seeing as I’m right next to the door.
The lecture finishes earlier than I expect, but I’m just grateful to have my mind on something other than the past couple of weeks. Taking notes from Dr. Pritchard’s monotonous dribble seems like therapy now—it’s almost relaxing. I’m in another world, still scrawling as the professor stops by my desk on the way out the door. “Are you okay, Miss Hemsworth?”
“Sure am.” I smile, handing him my assignments. “Thanks for not making a big deal about my
lateness.”
“There’s a first for everything.” He smiles warmly. “Thought I’d be hip and let it go. I know how much of a good student you are. Welcome back. I’ve missed seeing your smiling face.”
“Oh um, th-thanks, Dr. Pritchard,” I stammer, gathering my things up from the desk as he saunters out of the room. The guy must be in his sixties. Him “missing” my face is wrong on so many levels I can’t help but shudder. Ick.
“Hey, baby girl.”
A chill runs down my spine. Shit. That deep, sexy voice. All I had to do was walk out the door, that’s all. But because of Dr. Pritchard, my escape plan was foiled. And now I’m stuck here having to face the music.
“Ra?”
His deep, raspy tones caress my senses, and my body quivers. But I have to stay calm. I’m not gonna get in a flutter. How I feel about him is just a crush. A crush because he’s different. So different than anything I’ve ever experienced. Our first kiss flashes back into my mind. I swallow, and my knees wobble beneath me. Pull it together, Laura. He’s just a guy that you had sex with. Nothing more. Nothing less. “Oh, hey,” I mumble, dragging my bag up and off the ground.
“How are you, stranger? You’ve been gone forever.”
I smile weakly. That’s exactly how I feel—like a stranger, now that I’m back. Maybe I should have left with Hugo when I had the chance. Gone back to everything that’s familiar. I should be finalizing the last parts of the wedding anyway; that’s where my focus should be—on the happiest day of my life. Not my studies. Not on trying to avoid a guy that I’m so into I’m scared of what I’ll do if I’m alone with him.
“Aren’t you hot? Why are you wearing so many layers?”
I shrug, my eyes darting away from his. “The air conditioner makes me cold.”
“You were late. You’ve never been late in your life, have you?”
“No, Ash,” I sigh. “That was the first time.”
“You wanna look at me? What have I done to you?”
“Nothing.”
“Then why haven’t you been returning my calls?”
“I’ve had a lot on my mind lately.”
“You gonna take off your sunglasses?”
“No.”
He pulls them from my face, and his face splits in two. “Fuck. I’ll kill him.”
“Ash, don’t.”
“What happened to you?” he snarls, pulling me to him.
“Ouch, don’t. Please, be gentle with me.”
He pulls off the cardigan that’s draped around my shoulders. His eyes dart down and across the cuts and bruises that blemish my pale skin. “Christ! Tell me where that thug is, and I’ll see how he likes getting smacked up.”
I shake my head. “It’s not a big deal, Ash.”
“Not a big deal?”
“He—he lost his cool, okay? I don’t want to talk about it.”
“You look like you’ve been hit by a truck, and you want me to sit back and let the police deal with it? What the hell are they going to do? You know how useless they are. They can’t even stop me from climbing.”
“I just want you to forget what you’ve seen. It doesn’t matter.”
“You can’t be serious, Ra. You’re a fucking mess.”
“I am serious. I’m not pressing charges. It was all my fault anyway. I resisted, and well, things got heated.”
“What are you going to say if someone does report it?”
I shrug. “I was drunk. I walked into a door. Case closed.”
He can’t stop laughing. “Laura, please. You walked into a door if the door was over six foot and human. I know domestic violence when I see it. The bruises on your arms, the damage to your face, that didn’t happen because of a door.”
“I’m clumsy when I’m sober. I didn’t bother turning on the light, and I should’ve. That’s believable isn’t it?”
“Why are you doing this? Who are you trying to protect?”
“No one.”
“Ra, look at me and tell me again because I answered the phone when you called me on Sunday. And I heard you scream my name before the phone cut out.”
My eyes lock with his. “You did?”
“Yeah, I did,” he whispers. “And I’m worried about you.”
“You don’t have to be.”
“I don’t have a choice, Ra. Let me protect you.”
“Stop trying to be some superhero, Ash. They don’t exist. Got it? There’s no good guy/bad guy thing going on here.”
His lips turn up as he leans in towards my lips. “There’s that fire that I love. It’s still burning, no matter how much he tried to snuff it out.”
“Stop it. I’ve got to go to my next class,” I snap, pulling away from him.
“Do you know what it was like hearing you scream and not being able to do anything about it? I’ve never felt so out of control in all my life. Do you have any idea what you do to me?”
I look back over my shoulder, my eyes wandering down over his hoody. “I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”
“As soon as I heard you scream, I got on my bike and rode back to your place. But by the time I arrived, you were gone. I don’t know how long I stood there, banging on the door.”
Great, now my eyes are filling with tears. I try and look away from his eyes, but I can’t.
“Who are you trying to protect?”
My voice cracks. “I don’t know … Ash, please, just let it go.”
“Who?” he whispers, stepping closer.
“Myself.”
“From who? Who did this to you?”
I pull my hand out of my pocket and look down at the ring.
“You’re not serious. You’re not back with him, are you?”
I shrug. “It’s easier this way.”
“Easier?”
“Y–yeah,” I stammer, “easier.”
“Just because it’s easier doesn’t make it right.”
“I’m sorry, but I can’t do this right now, Ash. Just forget about it. Forget about what you heard. I was overreacting. I was being crazy. I’ve got issues.”
“Issues? Laura, who doesn’t have issues? Are you fucking kidding me right now?”
“No, I’m not. I had to go to a psychologist for years to get over them. Even now I still have flashbacks.”
“Get over who?”
“I lost my biological parents, okay? They died in car accident when I was a child, and from there, I went from foster home to foster home. If it weren’t for my parents adopting me and Hugo and his family taking me under their wing, who knows what would have happened?”
“Why are you only telling me this now?”
I shrug. “I dunno. I come with a lot of baggage, that’s all. And you don’t want to get caught up in that.”
“I don’t care about your baggage, Laura. We’ve all got it—that’s just part of life.”
“Goodbye, Ash.”
“But what about us? It wasn’t a mistake. I know what I felt; I know what I feel. That doesn’t just happen.”
“I’m engaged. I’m supposed to be getting married this spring. My fiancé was there for me through many tough times, and I know he’s made some mistakes—some really horrible ones—but he’s human.”
“Human? Have you looked at yourself in a mirror? Can’t you see what he did to you? No man should ever hold a woman against her will, let alone lay a hand on her. And your fiancé did both.”
“He knows that, and he’s sorry.”
“Is he though, Ra? Or is he just saying what you want to hear?”
“Please, just leave me alone. I made a mistake being with you. I hope we can just forget all about it.”
“Forget this?” He leans in, pulling my bruised and battered body into his arms. “I know you feel it. I know your heartbeat is racing now that you’re against me. And I feel it too. I can’t get you out of my mind. You’re all I think about.”
“I’m engaged. Don’t you see this ring? That’s his promise to me and my promise to him.
” Ash puts his hand on my heart, and I flinch. I can’t stop it from racing—I can’t stop myself from reacting to his touch. I look up, my eyes locking with his. “Ash, please,” I whimper. “I want you to forget about what we did. I wasn’t thinking straight.”
“So what were you thinking?”
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