“And you seriously believe that?”
“Yes, Mel,” I sigh, “I do.”
“If your parents knew what he did to you, they would be devastated. You realize that, right?”
“For your information, they want us to work things out. I spoke to Dad last night, and he has forgiven Hugo for what he did to me. They just want us to be happy.”
“Well, they obviously don’t know the full story.”
I clench my jaw before I say something I’ll regret. Why can’t she just be happy for me? Why can’t she let things be? “I’m taking a shower.” I sigh, turning my back on her.
“Why? So you can wash away all the blood and bruises?”
“Fuck you.”
“Laura, please, can’t we talk about this?”
I shake my head, slamming the door of the bathroom. “There’s nothing to talk about! This is my choice, and whatever I choose to do, I hope you’ll support me.”
“Well,” her voice cracks. “I don’t know if I’m gonna be as good a friend as you need me to be then.”
FOUR
Later that night …
Beep. Beep.
The phone alert almost makes me jump out of my skin. Yeah, I guess you could say I’m rather on edge at the moment, more so than I’ve been for some time. Confusion mixed with guilt sure is a funny concoction. I stare at my phone from across the room, willing myself to get out of bed and go read the stupid message.
But I don’t want to. Like, I do … but mainly, I don’t. I guesstimate it’ll take me at least five minutes to pull myself together before I can bear to look at it. And honestly, I don’t know why I’m putting myself through this crap because I don’t actually care who it’s from. Well, I do. But I don’t. Urgh. Breathe, Laura, breathe. The problem is, there are only two possibilities, and it’s that annoying little thought that’s turning my insides into a nitty, knotty knot!
Possibility 1—the guy I wanna run away with.
Possibility 2—the guy I’m possibly going to marry for no other reason than my own stupidity.
Of course, I try to tell myself that it could be someone else—Mom, Mel, someone I don’t even know—but I’m guessing, the way my insides are making such a big deal out of this, that it’s either my heartthrob or my heartache.
Okay, enough torture, I’m doing it! Like a bandage that’s been stuck on too long, I’m ripping my phone off the dresser and staring at the wound. Good or bad, I can’t take the suspense any longer.
Ash: Ra? Don’t ignore me. You’re better than that.
Me: Am I?
Ash: Just tell me you’re okay.
Me: It’s not that simple.
Ash: I can’t get you out of my head.
Me: Maybe you should see someone.
Ash: What, like a shrink?
Me: Yeah.
Ash: Fuck that.
Me: Leave me alone.
Ash: Nice.
Me: Sorry.
Shit, why did I say “sorry”? I’m not sorry. I’m just saying it how it is. He shouldn’t be offended. I don’t even know why he cares. I shuffle back to my bed and sink down into the mattress.
Ash: Ra?
Minutes pass, and my plan is to ignore him. Of course, it doesn’t work.
Ash: You still there?
Me: Did you hear me let out a giant sigh?
Ash: Yeah, half the leaves on my street just blew away. Thanks. It’s not even fall yet!
Me: Turn it up.
Ash: IT’S NOT EVEN FALL YET!
Oh, ha ha. Now he’s being comical. I crack a smile, but I’m not amused. Well, not really. I don’t know why I’m being so hostile towards the guy. It’s not like it’s his fault that I’m in this position. He doesn’t have a clue what’s going on, and I’m just being a snarky little so and so. For apparently no reason at all. Or at least, that’s what he’ll be thinking. The last time I was with him, I couldn’t stop screaming his name in pleasure. But now … now I’m like a tray full of ice. No wonder guys think women are off their heads half the time. We are. We SO are.
Ash: Ra?
Me: What?
Ash: If you’re not going to talk to me, can you at least tell Fire Boy to leave me alone? He thinks I killed you or something, and has been at me all day. I don’t need this shit.
Me: You don’t need this shit? Thanks a lot.
Ash: You know what I mean.
Me: Why’d you even bother going to class? It’s not like you care.
Ash: You know why.
Me: …
I so shouldn’t have written “dot dot dot.” Why did I do that? Continuing on the conversation when I shouldn’t be having it in the first place is just asking for trouble. He’s bad for me. So bad. I knew it way back when, and I know it now. So does he and half of campus. It’s not like it’s a secret. Hell no, it’s a fact. And yet here I am, late at night, texting away “dot dot dot,” encouraging whatever this moment is to keep going. And I didn’t even pause to think about sending the dots; I just did it! Stop it, Laura! Stop it right now.
Ash: Do you wanna go there? ‘Cause you know I will.
Me: …
Shit! I did it again. It was supposed to be a relaxing night, and instead, this has turned into a sticky, heart-thumping one, and we’re not even saying anything. Well, not really. But every time my phone beeps, my heart reacts like I’m in the middle of a thriller. OMG. This is bad. So bad.
Ash: I can see you, Laura. In front of me. Blushing like you always do.
Ash: You’re on the couch … looking out at the view of the city, trying to stay calm. Trying to breathe. Trying to avoid my stares, but I know you want it as much as I do.
Ash: Sure you may act like you don’t, but you do.
Ash: And I can’t help myself.
Ash: I want you.
Ash. ALL
Ash: OF
Ash: YOU
My pulse is racing. My hands are shaking. I can barely hold onto the phone my hands are so sweaty. But I don’t let it slip from my fingers. I don’t want to miss a word. I wait for his next message, squirming against my sheets as I read it.
Ash: I want your lips.
Ash: I want your ragged breath against my neck as you dig your nails into my skin. You like that, baby, don’t you? You like me feeling down your body. Over your breasts, down your stomach, and then down further.
Ash: Mmm. What do we have here?
Me: …
Ash: You might not be saying anything, but you don’t have to.
Ash: She’s telling me everything I need to know.
Ash: You’re blushing again, beautiful. I can see the hotness in your cheeks.
Ash: Let me …
Oh gawd. Let you what? What Ash? Don’t stop texting now, please.
Ash: Surrender this wall of resistance, and let me…
Ash: T
Ash: A
Ash: S
Ash: T
Ash: E
Ash: You
I close my eyes, letting the phone slip from my fingers. I can see everything in crystal clear detail. She’s so ready—he’s right. My fingers rub against the moist material of my panties. “Push down your panties.” I can hear his deep, gravelly voice whisper in my ear. He’s smiling, pulling the sheets down and off my body. “Spread your legs apart,” he commands. “Now, rest them on my shoulders.”
I do as he says. He leans into my ear, his voice commanding and dark. “Don’t ever resist me again,” he growls, moving lower to flick his tongue over my nipples. “I don’t want to have to tell you twice.”
“You won’t,” I whisper. “I’m yours, Ash. All yours.” I buck against the mattress, writhing in pleasure. “Ashhh,” I breathe into my pillow, “do it again. Fuck me again.”
Ring. Ring.
Shitty, shit! If I thought my palms were sweaty before, they’re a million times worse now. His name is flashing across the screen, but all I can do is stare at it. I’m the press of a button away from hearing his voice again. His beaut
iful, deep, sexy voice. But I can’t do it to myself. If I pick up, I’ll crumble. I’ll run to his house or beg him to come over. Every part of me wants to speak to him, but I can’t. I can’t trust myself to be around him.
Ring. Ring.
Mel thumps the wall dividing our bedrooms. Then she yells. Really loudly. Man, someone sure stepped on her tail. “Are you gonna get that, Laura?”
“No, Mel.” I rub my eyes, rolling across the mattress as I grizzle at the papered wall. “No, I’m not.”
“Well, can you turn off your frickin’ phone then? I’m trying to get some sleep.”
“Are you? Or are you trying to get it on with your vibrator?”
“Shut up.”
“No, you shut up, Mel.” I laugh loudly. “Ya horny mole!”
“What’s your problem? Missing the beating?”
I throw the covers back, sitting straight up in bed. “Are you out of your mind? What did you just say?”
“You heard me!”
“Shit, are we actually fighting through the wall, blondie?”
Ring. Ring.
“Answer your damn phone!”
“So we are?” I giggle.
“Yeah, looks like it.”
Ring. Ring.
“Well, this sucks!” I yell out.
Ring. Ring.
“LAURA! Pick up your phone or throw it out the window. You choose.”
“Not gonna happen!”
“Why not?”
“‘Cause it’s him, okay, and I don’t want to speak to him.”
“Of course not, you just want to fuck him. Harder, harder, yeah, ooh Ashhh.”
“Shut up, Mel, shut up!” I scream, covering my burning ears.
“You know it’s true,” she laughs.
I turn off the phone and pull the covers over my head. Sleep cannot come fast enough.
FIVE
Thursday
“Hi, doll. How are you?” This is what I’ve been dreading all week. Hearing his voice again, deciding whether to take the ring off and be selfish for what I want or doing what’s best for my family and, probably, me in the long run. “You there?”
“Hey, Hugo.” I exhale, closing my bedroom door behind me. “Yup, I’m here. How are you?”
“We just got in a new shipment of diamonds from Russia. I’m sure a diamond necklace would go very nice with your new ring, don’t you think?” I don’t need any more diamonds. The one I’m wearing is a big enough eyesore as it is. “How’s your week been?”
My eyes drift out the window and onto the driveway. There it is. The shining Hugo-mobile. People still gape and stare at my car but not because it’s painted in flowers and is brighter than the sun—oh no. Now, it’s because it’s so expensive it looks like I stole the thing.
“Laura.” He clears his throat. “Is this a bad line or something? How has your week been?”
“Confusing.”
He laughs. “Do you want me to give you more time? I can do that. I’ll give you as much time as you need.”
“No, it’s okay. I’ve thought about it long enough, and when I weigh all the options, it seems like a no-brainer.”
“I always knew you were a smart girl.” Smart? Not smart enough. If I were smarter, I never would have gotten myself into this situation in the first place. “So—?”
“I will marry you, Hugo, and I’m sure it will be an amazing day, but—”
“Don’t disappoint me, Laura. Why does there have to be a but?”
“But,” I chew down on the edge of my lip, “I want to spend the rest of the semester here.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m sick of moving around, and I just want to finish my classes and then move back.”
“How can I trust you not to fuck that guy again?”
It was a lot more than that … way more. “How can I trust you?” I snarl, without even thinking.
“Well-played, Laura.”
“I’m not playing; I’m just asking. And under the circumstances, I think it’s a fairly reasonable question.”
“I’ll keep my dick purely for your panties. Does that make you happy?”
Not really, but it’s not about that, I guess. “Promise?”
“Yes, doll. No more pussy other than yours.”
“Don’t be nasty.”
“Nasty?” he sniggers. “Well, you’d know all about that, wouldn’t you?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Do you give me your word there’ll be no more hickeys on your neck?”
“Yes, Hugo.” I roll my eyes. “I promise. I’m just gonna focus on my studies for the rest of the year, and then I’ll come home at Christmas.”
“You don’t know how happy this makes me, Laura. I’m going to take care of you. I’m going to take care of everything.”
“Everything, meaning …”
“Yes, dollface. I’ll call the bank as soon as I get off the phone and transfer all the money they are chasing. Your parents won’t lose the house; they won’t lose anything—I give you my word.”
“Thank you, Hugo,” I whisper. “I can’t tell you how grateful I am to hear you say that.”
“Well,” he chuckles. “Perhaps you can show me your gratitude.”
“Meaning?”
“Don’t play dumb.”
I lean against the oak wardrobe, the room suddenly spinning around me. Shit. What have I done? Sold myself out for what? And then I think about it, and even though I shouldn’t have done this, I love my family. I love them more than anything. How could I have walked away? Ran off with some rebel and forgotten the people I love the most? I couldn’t. I can’t.
“Do you think you can keep me satisfied, Laura? You know, fulfill my needs?”
My heart sinks, but I have no other choice. I’m gonna marry this guy, and in time, maybe I’ll learn to love him again, or maybe I won’t. But right at this moment, none of that makes any difference anyway. “I’ll do all I can because I know how much you’re doing for me, and I’m very grateful to you.”
“Correct.” He laughs. “And really, on the big scale of things, it’s the least I could do. I know how much I hurt you, and I’m sorry. I realize you could have contacted the police over the other afternoon, but you didn’t. You were good. And good girls should get rewarded. And you will. I’ll make sure of that. You and your family will never have to worry about anything ever again.”
There is a lump so big in my throat that I struggle to speak. “Thank you,” I mumble. “I’ll be forever grateful.”
“Have you told Mel about the dinner?”
“Yes.”
“Is she excited?”
I smirk. “Um … not really.”
“She needs a man; that’s her problem.”
“I think she enjoys her independence.”
“You mean sex with whomever she wants?”
I giggle. “That too. Dating is a lot of fun, and you learn new stuff along the way.”
His voice tightens. “Stuff meaning what, exactly?”
Fudge. Me and my big mouth. “I don’t know, Hugo.”
“Of course you know. Spit it out.”
“Positions and stuff, okay?”
“No! It’s not okay, Laura,” he snarls. “Do you hear me? I don’t like her brainwashing you. I’ve never heard you speak like that. You were a good girl before you moved in with her.”
“It’s okay, Hugo. I’m going to be your bride. I made that promise, and I’ll stick to it. You don’t have to worry about me doing anything that I shouldn’t. I’m still a good girl.”
“Are you, though?” he growls. “Say what I want to hear.”
“I’m your little virgin, Hugo, and my body belongs to you.”
“I’m pleased to hear you haven’t forgotten.”
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