by Ali Parker
“Okay,” she said at last, her voice small.
The drive to the park was a quiet one. When we arrived, I parked and led her over to a nearby picnic table. The sun was bright, but a breeze made the temperature comfortable.
We sat there for a moment, staring at each other, and it was clear that I would have to start the ball rolling. So I asked the only question on my mind.
“Why did you leave in the middle of the night?”
And then I waited to hear the answer.
Chapter 16
Madlyn
I felt shame wash over me and I hung my head. I hadn’t expected Connor to confront me. Sure, I’d thought he might talk to me at work, but I hadn’t really expected him to push the issue so hard.
It had been a rough morning, and Bennie hadn’t wanted to go to daycare. I’d been late dropping him off, then a traffic accident on the freeway had made me late to get into work. I’d hidden out in the archives all morning, trying to build up the courage to return to my desk and act like everything was normal.
I’d thought Connor would maybe bring up the evening in passing, but instead he’d forced the issue, which was strange. He was a younger guy, weren’t they used to hookups with no strings attached?
Sitting at the picnic table, although the sun was warm against my skin, I still felt cold. How could I answer the question he was asking? And why was he even asking it at all?
“I’m sorry,” I blurted out. It was the only thing I could think to say. And it was the truth. “I should have woken you up before I left. I hadn’t intended to stay out all night, and I wanted to be home when my son woke up in the morning.”
“You should have woken me up,” he said, nodding in agreement. “So why didn’t you?”
Damn, he’s not going to go easy on me at all. What gives?
“I just thought it would be easier to go while you were asleep. If I’d have woken you up, I didn’t know what to say.”
“You could have said just what you told me. That you needed to be home before your son woke up. I would have understood, would have walked you to the door and made sure you got to your car safely, would have kissed you goodbye, and then gone back to bed.”
His version of events sounded better than what had actually happened. Better than me groping around in the dark for my clothes, getting dressed silently, afraid the whole time that he would wake up and try to stop me. I felt like an asshole.
His face grew tense. “Instead I woke up in the middle of the night and tried to find you. I didn’t like not knowing that you’d gone.”
“I’m sorry,” I said again, and I meant it. Then I dug deep, and started to say what I had to say.
“Connor, I think you’re a wonderful guy, but you know this can’t work.”
His mouth dropped open. “It can’t?”
I shook my head. “What happened after the party was a one-time thing. It won’t be repeated.”
His eyes narrowed. “Why? Are you not into me?”
I tried on a smile but it fell flat. “What’s not to be into? You’re smart, funny, sexy as hell.”
“Let me guess. It’s not me, it’s you.”
My grin was wry. “Yeah. I know it’s cliché, but in this case, it’s true. I don’t have time for a relationship. Bennie is my whole world, and that leaves no space for anyone else.”
“Respectfully, Madlyn, I think that’s a crock of shit.”
Now it was my turn for my mouth to drop open. “What?”
“I’m not saying you’re not busy, anyone can see that, but I think you’re missing a big advantage that comes with being in a relationship. There’s no longer one person, there’s two. Which means two people to work, two people to run errands, two people to tackle that giant pile of dirty laundry.”
I raised my hands up defensively. “Whoa, slow down there, cowboy. You’re assuming a lot. A relationship? No one mentioned that?”
“Why not?” he replied. “I know I’m ready for one. I’ve wanted you since the day I first met you, and the time we spent on Friday only cemented the way I feel.”
“But you barely know me,” I said. “It was one night.”
“One phenomenal fucking night,” he corrected. “And I know everything I need to about you. You’re kind to others. You’re a good mother. You put your son’s concerns first and take care of him. Now it’s time for someone to help take care of you.”
What he was saying was making my stomach tie itself in knots. “You can’t be serious. You’re a young man—”
“Not that young,” he interrupted with force.
“Still, you can’t know what you’re saying. Being in a relationship with me would be like working another full-time job.”
“Then sign me up.”
My eyes were wide as saucers. “It doesn’t work like that!”
“Why not?”
I covered his mouth with my hand. “Stop, Connor. You’re biting off more than you can chew. You can’t just jump into my life because you think you want to. It’s more complicated than that.”
He moved my hand, kissing the palm and then holding it on his lap. “Look, I know you think I haven’t thought things through, but that’s not true. I might be younger than you, but the age difference is only a few years, and I know what I want. I’m not some kid who thinks it would be fun to play house with you. I want what we have to be real.”
His face softened. “I know it’s going to be an adjustment, and I’m willing to put in the work. I just need you to give me a chance.”
I shook my head sadly. What he was saying was so tempting that I almost gave in. I could feel tears pricking my eyelids.
“Connor, my marriage before was...difficult. We got married quickly, were passionately in love, but it quickly fizzled out. When Bennie came, he completely checked out, started stepping out on me, wasn’t willing to lift a hand to help.”
He squeezed my hand and I appreciated him more than I ever had before in that moment. It gave me the strength to continue. “Even though what we have between us now is burning bright, I don’t want it to fade to embers once you’ve decided to be a part of my life. I can’t risk the hurt, not just to me, but to my son.”
The tears picked that moment to fall, and Connor pulled me in tight. I burrowed into his neck and breathed in the scent of him. It was warm, like freshly cut grass. I wanted so badly to melt into that embrace, to let him pick up the broken pieces, to believe every promise he made, even when in the back of my mind I knew it wouldn’t end the way I wanted.
But I wasn’t the type of woman to let a man pick up the pieces. I would rebuild myself. Wiping my tears, I pulled away. “I’m sorry, Connor. But it has to be this way.”
I moved to stand, but he wouldn’t let go of my hand. Connor pulled me back in, enfolding me into his strong arms, and this time, I didn’t have the strength to fight back.
“I listened to what you had to say, now you’re going to listen to me.”
I knew it was only fair, but I was afraid of what he was going to say. I was barely hanging on by a thread, my desire to give in and give him what he wanted threatening to overwhelm my rational mind.
If I listened, if I allowed myself to let even a sliver of hope to enter my heart, I wouldn’t be able to deny him. I looked into his eyes, at the warmth I saw there, and decided he was worth the risk.
Chapter 17
Connor
I could feel her start to tremble in my arms and I pulled her closer. Her dark eyes were filled with some emotion I couldn’t read. I knew she was scared to let me in, afraid that I would make the same mistakes her idiot ex-husband did.
What she didn’t realize was, I’d never do what he did. If Madlyn ever truly invited me into her life, I didn’t think I’d ever be able to leave her. It was a frightening thought, and I began to understand some of the fear she was facing.
But something about Madlyn made me brave. Made me want to fight for her, fight for us. Even if this was only the first of many battles.
I took a deep breath, then started. “I appreciate you telling me these things about your life. I want to know you better, to know all about you, and so I am grateful that you are opening up to me. I want you to understand that.”
I felt her burrow in closer, her hands sliding inside my jacket. I pressed her closer into my chest, then kissed the top of her head. Her hair smelled faintly of coconuts and sunshine. It was an addicting scent, but I couldn’t afford to get distracted now.
“I’m sorry that your first marriage went down the way it did. It sounds like you rushed into something before you both knew each other, or even knew what you wanted. We all make mistakes.”
I squeezed her tighter for the next part, mostly because I needed my hands to be doing something. They wanted to ring her ex’s fucking neck. “That being said, that doesn’t excuse your ex-husband’s actions. Nothing does. He was an abusive asshole, and if you’ll give me his address, I’d be happy to drive over to his house and kick his ass for you.”
Madlyn looked up at me, a shy smile on her face. I brushed her hair back from her forehead and kissed her gently. “I know you’re worried about making the same mistake again. But I can promise you, I’m not him. Yes, our attraction to each other is undeniable, and yes, the sex is fucking off the charts, but that’s not the only reason I’m into you.”
I looked into her eyes, trying to broadcast the truth of what I was saying. “You’re an amazing woman. You’re strong, a fighter who doesn’t give up. And that’s where we’re the same. I’m not going to give up on you.”
I could see the tears starting to well in her eyes again and it made my chest ache. I wished I could take her pain away, all of it. The pain of her past. The pain of her present. Of working so hard to take care of her son. Of having no one working that hard to take care of her. The pain of doubt, of regret. Of loneliness.
Not anymore, I swore to myself. The pain ends here, ends now. Whatever I have to do to make this woman smile every day, I will do it. No matter what it costs.
“Connor, I appreciate what you’re saying, but I don’t think you understand. You’re young—”
“Don’t even say it,” I said through gritted teeth. “Never say it again. Sure, I might be young, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know what I want.”
I took her head in my hands and drew closer. “Listen to me very closely, Madlyn. I’m old enough to make my own decisions, to know my own mind. I want you. I’ve wanted you since the moment I laid eyes on you, and I will keep saying it until you fucking believe me.”
Her eyes were wide, tears spilling down her cheeks, and I softened my tone. “Just because you made a mistake when you were my age doesn’t mean I’m going to make the same mistake.”
“But it won’t be the same mistake,” she said, her voice cracking, causing an echoing crack in my heart. “It will be a worse one. If you come into my life, if you get close to me, you’ll be getting close to my son. And he’ll be the one to pay the price when you decide to finally leave.”
I shook my head. “Baby, who’s talking about leaving? You haven’t even invited me in yet.”
The corners of her mouth turned up and I grinned back at her. “I know you think a family is too much for me, that I don’t know what I’m getting into, but you’re wrong. Bennie is a part of this for me. A big part.”
If she’d been brave enough to open up to me, then I could return the favor. “I want to have a family, to settle down. To have someone to spend my life with. Someone to wake up with in the morning and to go to sleep with at night. Someone to laugh with, to feed me soup when I’m sick. And if I get two someones for the price of one, I call that a good deal.”
Her smile got a little wider. “I’m serious, though,” I said. “I want the chance to get to know your son, just like I want to get to know you. All I need is a chance to prove it to you. Will you give me that chance, Madlyn? Please?”
She stared up at me, and I could see that my words were having an effect. Still, doubt was written large on her beautiful face. I stroked her cheek, then bent in to kiss her.
The kiss started off gentle and soft. I wanted to reassure her, to ground her in the world and in my desire to be with her. But it quickly took on a life of its own, as I assumed it always would when we came together.
I wanted her so badly, I couldn’t hold myself back. She let out a little moan and it was all the invitation I needed. I deepened the kiss, my tongue slipping into her mouth. And then she was kissing me back, her tongue dueling mine, making the hairs on my arms stand up and my cock start to throb in my pants.
I knew that things were getting out of hand so I tried to bring us back to Earth slowly. I kissed my way across her cheek and to her ear. I whispered that I would never treat her like her ex-husband, and that I would cherish any moment she chose to share with me. “I just want to be with you, spend time with you, get to know you and Bennie.”
I pulled back and stared into those eyes like dark pools a man could drown in. “Will you please give me that chance?”
She blinked up at me. “We’d have to take things slow,” she said at last, and my heart did a cartwheel in my chest.
“I can do slow,” I said softly, stroking her hair.
“And I won’t do anything that I think might hurt Bennie in the long run.”
I nodded. “I know. You’re a fierce Mama Bear and I promise I won’t do anything to endanger your cub.”
She laughed a little and I felt like the sun had just come out of hiding after a long winter’s cold. This was happening. Madlyn was giving me the chance I needed.
“I promise I won’t let you down,” I told her, kissing her again. Although she was a tough woman, in my arms she suddenly felt so small and damaged. I swore to do everything in my power to protect her, to make sure she was well taken care of, her and her little boy.
Madlyn pulled out her phone to check the time, then jumped off the bench. “We’re late,” she said, frowning. “That’s twice in one day.”
“Don’t worry,” I said with a laugh. “If anyone notices, you can say I kidnapped you. I’ll take the blame.”
She gave me a wry smile. “Yeah, and they’ll believe that too, after the Secret Santa gift you gave me.”
I chuckled. “If I’d known that was all I needed to spirit you away for days of never ending pleasure, I’d have bought the handcuffs long ago.”
Madlyn punched me lightly on the arm. “You’re lucky you didn’t draw Frieda’s name. She might have kidnapped you instead.”
“Would you come rescue me?”
Madlyn shook her head, sending me an evil grin. “You’d have been asking for it.”
I chuckled. “I don’t think we need to worry about Frieda.”
“Why is that?”
“Well, while you were locked away in the archives all morning, you missed the little hubbub in HR.”
Madlyn cocked an eyebrow at me. “Ooh, office gossip. Do tell.”
I’d been sitting at my desk watching the door to the archives room when Frieda stormed by. She’d slammed out of the office doors so hard, the glass had shaken and been close to shattering. “Well, the grapevine said Frieda went to Brad to make a stink about the Singles Secret Santa. He’d tried to calm her down, but she was insistent that someone lose their job over it. When she’d ordered him to file a formal complaint, he’d pulled out a file of complaints about her.”
Madlyn’s eyes widened. “I knew people had a problem with her, but I didn’t know it was so bad.”
“Apparently, the file stretched back a decade. Brad said if he filed a complaint about the Secret Santa, he was also going to issue a formal complaint about her own behavior. They fought, but Brad wouldn’t back down, so Frieda finally settled on a leave of absence. I kind of hope it’s a long one.”
Madlyn nodded her head in admiration. “Good for Brad. Maybe Bec should finally give him the shot he’s been begging for.” She turned to me, putting a hand on my arm. “Alright, you’ve chang
ed my mind. If Frieda kidnaps you, I’ll help you out.”
I smiled. “I feel safer already, knowing you’d come rescue me.”
“I don’t know about that,” Madlyn said with a giggle. “But I’ll be sure to file a complaint with HR.”
We laughed all the way back to work. I’d never felt so happy going back to the office.
Chapter 18
Madlyn
It was almost seven o’clock, and everything that could go wrong, was going wrong. Bennie was running around the house yelling, his top half attired in his super hero t-shirt and his cape, his bottom half naked as the proverbial jay bird.
I heard the oven beep but I had my hands full, trying to stuff the last pile of laundry into the washer to get it out of the way before Connor arrived. I’d invited him over to dinner tonight to formally meet my son, but I was already second-guessing my decision.
I wasn’t sure I was ready to let him see what my life was really like. He’d said some wonderful things in the park and since, but that was before he actually got a glimpse of what he was walking into. Would he still feel the same after dinner tonight?
Speaking of dinner, I could smell something burning. Shoving with all my might, I managed to get the washer door closed. I sprinted to the kitchen, turning off the oven and managing to grab Bennie as he did a lap around the table.
“Hold still,” I ordered while I pulled the pan out of the oven. Then I immediately hustled him into his room, finding him some pants and fighting to get them on his little behind.
The doorbell rang and I thought my heart would leap through my ribcage. Damn. Was I ready for this? It was too late now.
Tonight might be a disaster, but at least I could say that I tried.
I answered the door, unable to stop myself from smiling. Connor stood on the doorstep, attired in a white cable knit sweater and a pair of nice-fitting jeans. “Hi.”