“That’s why you kept encouraging me to sign the papers and take the money?”
She didn’t know why she was even bothering to ask. The answer was obvious. But she could feel herself shaking, and somehow had to find a way to get her emotions under control.
“Yes,” Alexander said. “He’s running for the US Senate, and he’s afraid that if people find out about Sam, it will hurt his chances of election. All he wants is for you to remain quiet, and the blackmail to stop.”
That was the second time he’d mentioned blackmail.
“But I’m not blackmailing him,” she said.
He ran his fingers through his hair and plopped down on the couch. “I know. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell him. He’s desperate for your signature, and I don’t know how to convince him that someone else is behind this.”
She almost believed him. But, of course, she would, because this whole time, she had believed in his sincerity about Sam deserving support. About wanting to help her.
“So everything you told me was a lie,” she said.
He looked up at her, and if she didn’t know he was a first-class actor, she’d almost believe the forlorn expression on his face.
“I never lied to you. Yes, I deliberately withheld the truth from you on some things, but I always avoided lying. Everything I told you was the truth.”
Wow. He was an even better manipulator than Bucky, and that was saying something.
“News flash. Deliberately misleading someone is still a lie.”
The pathetic look on his face remained as he said, “The only things I misled you on were who I worked for and the fact that I already knew who Sam’s father was. Everything else was the absolute truth.”
Did he even know the meaning of the word? Probably not, working for the senator, who definitely did not. To him, the truth was whatever he wanted it to be at the time. As a loyal employee of the senator, Alexander would be no different.
How could she have been so fooled by him? She’d worked so hard to protect her heart, and somehow, Alexander had found a way to slither in and get her where she was most vulnerable. The Bible said that wolves often came disguised in sheep’s clothing, and until now, she had no idea how true it was.
Alexander stood, then looked at her. “I know I have a lot to make up for. But I’m on your side. Like I said, I don’t believe you’re blackmailing him.”
He pulled out his phone and scrolled, then showed her a picture of a blackmail note. “Any idea who could have written this?”
She glanced at it briefly, then shook her head. “No. And I don’t know who would pretend to be me. I’ve told you a thousand times. I have not told anyone about the situation. You were the first person I trusted enough to tell, and look where it got me.”
That was the kicker. All the things she thought the Lord was doing in her heart, all the ways she was trying to open up. And for what? To be lied to again?
“I’m sorry,” Alexander said. “I didn’t know you when I first came here. I was under the impression that you were a lying blackmailer. But as I got to know you, I quickly realized it was wrong. I knew there had to be a misunderstanding, and I’ve been trying to talk to you, to find ways to make the information I had about you make sense.”
Just like Bucky. Always trying to justify himself and his lies. “And you couldn’t have said something like, ‘hey, I heard you were blackmailing the senator, do you think you can tell me your side of the story’?”
She probably sounded a little hysterical, but she felt that way. She’d hated it when that investigator came to see her, but at least he was honest. He told her exactly what he wanted, and he left when she told him no. But that didn’t seem to be how Alexander operated.
“After hearing your pain at the mention of Sam’s father, I didn’t think you’d be open with me.”
Did he actually hear his own words?
“Of course I wasn’t going to be open with you. You worked for the senator. And so you think manipulating me was the better option? You have some nerve.”
“Does it matter to you at all that I think you’re innocent?” he asked. “I’ve been trying to understand how anyone could think you guilty. Or who would be posing as you, because they have to know enough about you and the situation to be blackmailing the senator. Whoever it is knows exactly how much money you were offered. You’re sure you haven’t told anyone?”
Did he honestly think she was dumb enough to believe that he was trying to help her? No, he was probably just trying to find out if she’d let it slip to anyone. Which she hadn’t.
“How many times do I have to tell you that I have told no one before you will believe me? Then again, someone who lies for a living probably wouldn’t know the truth if it slapped him in the face.”
Alexander sighed. “I get it. And I believe you when you say you haven’t told anyone. But is there any way someone could have come across papers you have, or copies of the agreement the investigator wanted you to sign?”
Fine. If he wanted to play this game, she’d bite.
“I have nothing. The investigator took the agreement with him when he left. I was home alone when he came, and I was about ready to go to my mom’s house to sit with her. No one else was around. Sam was spending the night at Ryan’s so I could take care of my mom when the nurse went home.”
She hated how well she knew the thoughtful look on his face. She could tell he was processing information, trying to understand.
“What about your friends from college? Are you in touch with any of them? Any of them know about you and Bucky?”
Janie shook her head. “No. I had a few friends, but no one very close. Most of them warned me off about Bucky, and when I found out they were right, I was too embarrassed to admit it. I left school, and didn’t stay in touch with anyone.”
Funny, she hadn’t thought about most of those people in a long time. Sad to think that none of them had gotten in touch with her, or tried to see how she was doing.
“Who knew you were pregnant?” Alexander asked.
It was strange, going back to a time she’d just as soon forget.
“No one. I didn’t realize I was pregnant until just before summer break, and I never went back. No one on my end can connect me to Bucky.”
Put that way, it sounded kind of sad.
Alexander looked like he wanted to reach out to her and offer comfort, as he’d done so many times before, but he must’ve caught her glare because he took a step back.
“What about Bucky and his friends? Did you get to know them while you were dating?”
She didn’t have to stand here and answer his questions, but it felt good to finally let it all out. And there was a small part of her that wanted him to know the truth, not whatever lies had been told about her.
“Not really. I was dumb enough to believe Bucky when he said that what we had was special, and that he wasn’t ready to tell his friends because they were jerks and they didn’t understand what real love was.”
She looked at Alexander. Even now, she wasn’t sure she knew how to tell the difference between reality and fantasy. Unlike Bucky, at least Alexander had warned her. He’d been telling her all along that things weren’t what they seemed, but it hadn’t occurred to her just how wrong everything was.
“I’m sorry,” Alexander said. “I can’t imagine how painful that must be. I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but I’m on your side. I was hoping you could give me some clue as to who might be blackmailing the senator using your name. It sounds like I’m back to square one.”
Then he shook his head. “I truly am sorry for the pain I caused you. And I will get to the bottom of this. Regardless of what you think of him, the senator doesn’t deserve to be blackmailed. He’s a good man, trying to do the right thing for the country.”
Janie tried not to laugh bitterly,
but she didn’t succeed.
“A good man? Boy, does he have you fooled. Do you know what happened when I told Bucky I was pregnant?”
She didn’t wait for an answer before continuing. “He threw a hundred-dollar bill at me and told me to take care of it. I went to his father because I thought that his family would want to know about a potential grandchild. He asked me how much money it would take to get me to go away. I didn’t take his money then, and I’m not taking his money now.”
It felt good to get that out. To remind herself of the inner strength that had been guiding her all these years. She didn’t care what Alexander thought of her. Looking at the disappointment on his face, she had to wonder if perhaps he was one of the ones misled by the senator as well.
“Let me ask you something,” Janie said. “How close are you to the senator?”
Alexander shrugged. “I work for him. But I wouldn’t call him a friend, if that’s what you’re asking. We don’t socialize outside work events, but I don’t socialize with many of my coworkers.”
He sounded awkward, like the questions made him uncomfortable. And maybe they should. Maybe what he needed to do was examine the senator’s motivations in the situation.
“Does he often send you on special projects like this one to search out his son’s baby mama?”
Alexander shrugged. “As far as I know, you’re the only one. This isn’t common knowledge around the office. I think only his closest aides know about this, and I couldn’t even tell you which ones.”
In a way, Alexander was describing exactly what it felt like to be Bucky’s girlfriend. He’d made her feel like their relationship was so special, it had to be a secret. Did Alexander think he was special to the senator?
“Until you got the assignment to track me down, would you have considered yourself one of the senator’s closest advisers?” she asked.
Alexander looked confused, but then he said, “No, I guess I wouldn’t. This assignment was a promotion. The senator said he was impressed with all the work I’ve been doing. I was flattered that he thought me capable. I know I let him down by not completing the assignment, but I thought I could do some good here.”
It didn’t excuse the fact that he’d deceived her, but seeing the disappointment on his face as he put the pieces together to realize that he, too, had been used, made her heart hurt for him. Maybe people like Alexander and the senator could turn off their feelings, but as angry as Janie was, she couldn’t simply pretend that she didn’t care—but she also didn’t need to tell him that.
“Do you think it was just a coincidence that you had family here when you were chosen for this job? Had you told the senator about your connection?”
She hated the expression on his face that told her her point had hit home. Her heart ached for him, and she wished she hadn’t been the one to cause him the pain. As much as he’d hurt her, she didn’t think it was fair to do the same to him.
“No,” he said. “I didn’t. I was ashamed of how my family was so broken, and I didn’t want to admit that everything wasn’t so perfect after all. It didn’t occur to me until now that he had me investigated and used what he found to get what he wanted.”
“It doesn’t feel so good, does it?” she asked. “You were used. Just like you used me. Just like you used everyone else in this town with your helpful act to make them think you were on their side. All to get me to sign some stupid piece of paper that says I’m not going to do what I wasn’t going to do already. Was it worth it? All the ways you compromised yourself to get a stupid signature?”
If she’d known she was going to have to go through so much heartbreak over the signature, she would have just signed it when the investigator was there and saved them all a lot of trouble.
“Do you have the agreement?” she asked.
Alexander nodded.
“Get it. I’ll sign.”
He stared at her like she’d spoken in a different language. But she was done with this nightmare. If they wanted to go to all this trouble to get her signature and give her a bunch of money, fine.
“What about your ability to tell Sam?”
While she longed to tell her son the truth, hopefully he would understand when she told him the lengths of deception his father had gone to to keep him from finding out who he was.
She just wasn’t sure how she was going to break it to him that the man he’d hoped would be his dad was cut from the same lying mold. Clearly, in all these years, Janie hadn’t learned how to pick a winner.
“I’ll tell him as much of the truth as I’m able. Including the part about the lying jerk he asked to be his dad, and his role in it. Sam might not get his father’s name from me, but he’s a smart kid, and from the details I do share he’ll probably figure it out on his own.”
Her answer seemed to satisfy Alexander, or at least he finally realized that arguing would do him no good, because he walked over to the side of the couch and grabbed the folder out of a briefcase, then handed it to her.
“If you don’t mind, I’m going to take this and have Ty go over it. Having your best friend married to a lawyer has its perks. I’ll be in touch. In the meantime, stay out of my way. If we happen to run into each other, I would appreciate the courtesy of you not trying to engage me.”
He nodded slowly, like he understood but didn’t like it. What else had he expected? That she’d learn the truth and somehow everything would be okay?
“Thank you,” he said. “I truly am sorry.”
She didn’t believe him, and she knew he didn’t expect her to. But she supposed he felt obligated to say the words anyway.
She’d put on a brave face, make her excuses to Ricky, take her son and retreat to Rachel’s where, once the kids were put to bed, she could finally confess the pain in her heart to her friend, someone she could count on to never betray her.
Maybe the lesson God was teaching her about opening up was really about recognizing the safe people she had in her life and giving them a chance at her heart. She hadn’t been able to talk to her mother, and she regretted it. But it wasn’t too late to start with friends like Rachel.
* * *
Alexander watched Janie leave, wishing he could call her back and beg her to stay. Part of him wanted to chase after her and take the agreement out of her hands and rip it up, telling her it wasn’t worth it.
But it wouldn’t win her back, and it wouldn’t stop the senator. He’d just send someone else. Ricky and Janie’s father entered the den.
“What’s wrong with Janie?” Ricky asked. “She said she was fine, but she looked upset when she left here.”
Ordinarily, he’d let the other person share their side. But he had to own up to what he’d done. He gestured at the couch before settling in on one of the comfortable chairs.
“Have a seat. It’s a long story, and I don’t think you’re going to like it.”
He told them everything, not omitting his role and making it clear that he’d known what he was doing was wrong. Neither man interrupted him, but they listened, letting him tell his side of the story. He supposed it was a good thing Janie’s father was a pastor—maybe he’d show some kindness Alexander didn’t deserve.
However, out of courtesy to both the senator and Bucky, but more importantly to Janie, he didn’t share the senator’s name or Bucky’s. He just told both men that he was an important person, and that he wouldn’t share the names unless Janie chose to do so.
He didn’t care anymore about the senator’s privacy. Technically, yes, Alexander had signed a nondisclosure agreement. And part of this probably violated that agreement. But Alexander couldn’t live with this on his conscience anymore. He didn’t know how Janie had been able to handle keeping it all to herself for so long. It must have been incredibly lonely, and once again, he felt terrible for having earned her trust and betrayed it. It wasn’t just the pain of losing her, but
of knowing how deeply he’d wounded somebody he genuinely cared about.
He’d known he was going to hurt her; he just hadn’t known how badly it would hurt them both.
When he was done telling them what happened, Alexander reached into his pocket for the precious coin Ricky had just given him. He held it out to the older man.
“Here you go, sir. I know I abused your trust, and I don’t deserve this. It meant a lot to me to be part of your family, even if just for a short time.”
Ricky brushed his hand away. “The last time I spoke to Cinco, I told him I was ashamed of him. Sometimes at night, those words come back to me, and I would give anything to take them back.”
As the old man’s eyes teared up, Alexander felt a lump forming in his throat. He’d never intended to hurt anyone, and he hadn’t known just how deeply he would feel about it all.
“You keep that coin, son. You’re still part of this family. I know you messed up, but there’s not one of us who hasn’t. Unlike your father, you’ve chosen to man up and own your mistakes.”
Alexander looked down at the coin, studying it, thinking about all the men who’d come before him in the family. He didn’t know any of them, but he felt a connection.
“I just wish I knew how to make it better,” he said. “Like I told Janie, the man isn’t going to give up until he has her signature. I don’t believe Janie is guilty of blackmail, but I don’t know who else it could be.”
He turned to Janie’s father. “I believe Janie when she said she didn’t tell you any of this. But did you have any idea? Any clue? Could she have said or done anything that would’ve tipped anyone off?”
Janie’s father shook his head. “I’m sorry, but all of this has come as a complete surprise to me. I had no idea she was carrying such a heavy burden, and I wish she would have confided in me.”
The sadness on his face made Alexander feel even worse. “I’m sorry if I spoke out of turn. But I wanted to take ownership of the things I have done wrong, even if it means losing the people who have come to be very dear to me.”
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