He sank back in the chair and took a deep breath. “Janie used to tell me all the time about Jesus, how He loves us. I’ve tried praying, but I don’t think it ever worked, not knowing how I was deceiving her. The Lord wouldn’t be interested in a guy like me.”
He looked up at the pastor. “But I want you to know that she did a really good job. If I weren’t such a terrible human being, she would have added to your flock.”
His whole life, all he’d wanted to do was help people make a difference. But maybe he didn’t know what that was.
“I thought I was doing this for the right reasons,” Alexander continued. “I thought doing my job, helping someone I believed could make a real difference and help people, was worth it. And then, when my time came, I would be able to do the same thing. But now I don’t know. Is it worth giving up my integrity? All along, I said I had integrity.”
He took a deep breath as he remembered all the ways he’d been justifying his deception.
“I told myself that because I never outright lied, just hid the truth or omitted a few facts, that my integrity was intact. But it wasn’t. I know that now, and I have to wonder if I’m capable of achieving the great plans I had for the future.”
The pastor leaned forward and touched Alexander’s arm, just like Janie used to do. “It seems to me that you’re exactly the right person for the job. God didn’t come to heal the perfect people. He came for the broken, the sick. He wants to mold you, just as you are. The question isn’t whether or not you are worthy, but whether or not you’re willing to let Him in.”
Tears filled Alexander’s eyes. His entire life had been about performance. About always doing the right thing.
“I do want to let Him in,” Alexander said. “I see the strength Janie has had through all of this, and while I know some of it is because of what an exceptional woman she is, I also know that a lot of it is from God. Do you think He would give the same strength to me?”
It felt strange, being this vulnerable with the two men before him. He’d spent so many years hiding his weaknesses that sharing them felt wrong. But the more he spoke and shared his heart, the more weight fell off his shoulders.
His life was in shambles. Even if he continued to have a job, he’d lost the trust of the senator, though he wasn’t even sure he still wanted it. The woman he loved hated him.
Wait. The woman he loved?
Alexander took a deep breath. Yes. He loved Janie. He was in love for the first time in his life, and he’d messed it up before he’d even had the chance to realize it.
The pastor stood and squeezed Alexander’s shoulders. “The Lord gives His mercy to all who ask for it. If you ask for His forgiveness, He will grant it to you, no matter what or how great your sins. And if you ask Him to be part of your life, He will be there.”
He looked over at Ricky. “Did you not hear this man’s confession?”
Ricky nodded. “Not only did I hear his confession, I heard his deep repentance and his desire to turn to the Lord.”
It was strange, hearing acceptance for how badly he’d messed up.
“The question is,” the pastor said, “do you believe? The Bible says that if you believe in God and the power of His forgiveness over your sins, then you belong to Him.”
His words reminded him of how Janie had been embodying everything she’d spoken to him about the entire time they’d known one another.
“I do,” Alexander said. “Now what?”
“Can we pray with you?” the pastor asked.
“I’d like that,” Alexander said. “I never understood the power of prayer until now, but I know that the prayers of the people in this community have sustained me, even when I didn’t think I believed it. But I do now.”
Ricky came over and put his hand on his other shoulder, and both Ricky and Janie’s father prayed over Alexander. As their words came over him, he felt the pain and the shame lift away. Though he knew he still had a long way to go in making things right with Janie, and he still didn’t know how it would all work out, he felt stronger and more confident of the future than he ever had before.
Chapter Eleven
The upside of having your house burn down and being forced to live with your best friend was that nothing was stopping you from staying up all night talking and having a good cry over getting your heart broken in the worst possible way.
When she’d gotten pregnant with Sam, she had been so ashamed that she hadn’t confided in anyone. That, and she hadn’t had a close friend like Rachel. So when she confessed everything that had happened, it wasn’t just about the situation with Alexander, but how Bucky had betrayed her, how alone she’d felt and how, after all these years, she’d started opening up again only to be betrayed. Even though Janie felt like there was so much left to do today, Rachel had taken the kids and told Janie to spend the day relaxing.
Which she was trying to do as she sat in the kitchen with a cup of coffee.
“Hey, Janie,” Ty said, entering the room. He poured himself a cup of coffee, then sat at the table with her.
Last night, she’d managed to mostly keep it together until she got into their cabin and sent the kids into the other room to play. But when she let everything out, she looked like a blubbering fool. At some point she had the presence of mind to hand Ty the nondisclosure agreement and ask him to take a look at it, but still, she felt like the world’s biggest idiot.
“How are you feeling today?” he asked.
Janie shrugged. “Embarrassed. I can’t believe I came apart like that. And I can’t believe I let myself fall for it again.”
“None of us saw this coming. He seemed like a great guy,” Ty said. He took a sip of his coffee, then looked at her. “And you forget, I knew you back then. Even though I promised you we’d never talk about it again, that night that I saw you out with Bucky, I knew he was a loser. If you recall, I told you that.”
Janie nodded. “I know. And you were good enough never to say I told you so when I came home. You were supportive, and I don’t think I gave you enough credit for that back then. I was too busy pushing everyone away in my shame.”
As much as she’d always thought she’d been completely alone during that time, she did have people like Ty. But she hadn’t let him in the way she should have, just like she’d kept a lot of others at arm’s length, like her parents.
“What good would it have done for me to do that? You were already hurting, and you didn’t need to get beaten up with the truth so I could feel better about the fact that my warning came true. I didn’t feel good about that. It felt awful, being right.”
He gestured at the folder containing the nondisclosure agreement. “And it feels more awful to have to face this. You should have told me. I know you don’t want to be a bother, but this is the kind of stuff you need to rely on your friends for. I have the legal expertise, and you shouldn’t be afraid to use it.”
That was one of the positive things that had come out of last night. Somehow, in all the tears, she’d found something deep inside her that was tired of being the victim.
“I’m not. From the time I became involved with Bucky until now, he’s been the one in control. He would dictate when I got to see him, or if he had time to talk. And then he was the one to end the relationship when he’d gotten what he wanted from me. He controlled whether or not my son had a father, and the fact that I had no support. And now, because his father is running for a higher office, he wants to control that narrative, too. I’m done with that.”
She looked over at the papers. “I will sign them, and I will accept his blood money. It’s the least he can do after all this time. I can use it to do some good, not just for Sam and me, but it would give the community center some needed funds. But I also want you to go through the agreement with a fine-tooth comb to make sure that it’s not just Bucky’s interests that are protected, but mine as well.”
Ty t
apped on the folder. “It’s pretty standard. But I’ll make sure to be added to this as your attorney on record so that any further communication will go through me. You don’t have to put up with this harassment anymore.”
It felt good to have an ally. A true ally, not a fake friend like Alexander. Her stomach ached at the thought. She’d truly believed that he cared for her. They’d worked so well together, and she’d thought he was her friend. It was hard looking back on what she thought were genuine moments of connection and wondering how much of it had been real.
“You’re a guy. Do you think he actually cared for me?”
He looked thoughtful for a moment, then said, “Honestly, I wouldn’t have believed it of him. Until you came in here last night, I would have said I’d never met a more standup guy.”
His words made her feel slightly better. Ty was one of the most suspicious people she knew because of his profession. He was even more mistrustful of others than she was, so if he hadn’t seen Alexander’s deception coming, then maybe she wasn’t as hopeless a judge of character after all.
A knock sounded at the door. Ty looked at Janie. “If it’s Alexander, do you want me to tell him to go away?”
Janie shrugged. “Just tell him you haven’t had time to fully go over the agreement yet, and I will call him when it’s ready.”
Ty shook his head. “I have a better idea. I’m officially your attorney. Anything he needs to say will go through me, unless you choose to talk to him. I’ll handle the agreement, and you just focus on doing what you need to do to feel better.”
Hearing Ty’s defense of her strengthened her in a way she hadn’t expected. Once again, she was reminded that she didn’t have to do this alone. She just wished her mother could have been here to be part of it.
When Ty opened the door, it wasn’t Alexander, but her father.
“I wanted to see how you’re doing after last night,” he said.
Janie smiled at him, wishing she didn’t look like such a wreck. Even though she’d told Rachel and Ty, and she’d already promised herself to be more open with others in her life, she wasn’t sure she was ready to talk to her father about this.
“I’m sorry I rushed out of there like that,” she said. “I had a lot on my mind.”
Ty held up a coffee cup. “Would you like some?”
Her father nodded. “Please. I had a long night as well.”
He took the cup Ty offered, then joined Janie at the table. “I know what happened between you and Alexander. He told us everything.”
Janie stared at him. Everything? She wasn’t sure she could believe that. Alexander was a master manipulator who knew how to tell just enough of the truth to make himself look good.
“I hope you’re not here to defend him,” Ty said. “Don’t you think Janie has been through enough?”
Her father nodded. “She has been through a lot.”
Then he turned to Janie. “Which is why I wanted to see if you’re okay. I can’t imagine how difficult all of this must have been for you, having a powerful man and his son coming after you. Alexander didn’t tell us who they were, but they must be pretty powerful to have both of you so scared.”
Scared? Janie half laughed at the thought of Alexander being scared. “He was just doing his job,” she said.
Her father nodded. “He was. And while I’m not here to defend Alexander’s actions, I want you to know that all the things you said to him had an impact. He accepted Christ last night, and I believe that God was working in his heart the entire time.”
“You believe him?” Ty asked.
Her father nodded. “I do. My point of sharing that isn’t to try to convince you to see things from his side, but to let you know that the time you spent with him wasn’t in vain. I know what happened hurts, and I pray that God will give you the healing you need. But I hope you find a little comfort in the fact that some of what you went through, God used for good.”
Funny that that was the first part of the Bible Janie had ever quoted to Alexander. The worst part was, hearing God’s word, especially as it applied to her situation, made it almost impossible to hold a grudge.
“I suppose I’m expected to just forgive him, is that it?” she asked.
Her father put his arm around her. “I didn’t say that. Joseph didn’t forgive his brothers overnight. It was a process, just like you’re going to have to figure out whatever process it will take for you to get through this. And you will get through this.”
He hugged her tight to him and kissed her on top of the head. “And I hope, this time, you will let us be there for you through it.”
Once again, she was reminded of the fact that all the times she’d thought she was on her own, she didn’t have to be. Her father loved her, just as Rachel and Ty did.
“I know,” Janie said. “I just wish Mom were here so I could tell her that, too. So many times the past couple of weeks, I’ve wanted to talk to her about this. I hate that it took me until it’s too late to realize that.”
Her father hugged her again. “I’m sure she knew how much we loved her, and that’s what matters. I miss her, too. We’ve kept busy with the fire recovery efforts, saying it’s what she would have wanted, and what she would have done. But she also believed in a time for everything, and we haven’t taken our time to mourn. So how about you go get dressed, we’ll drive to that little café she liked in Storm Valley, and let’s spend the day together, mourning your mother, mourning the past and mourning your feelings about Alexander.”
All this time, Janie had been avoiding her feelings. Everyone kept telling her she needed to deal with them, and as she looked at the light in her father’s eyes and saw the love he felt for her, she knew it was time.
“Sounds good,” she said. Even though what she wanted to do most was find some way to stay busy to avoid dealing with all of this, everyone was right. She’d have breakfast with her father, mourn her mother and deal with the pain of losing so much all at once.
* * *
As much as Alexander wanted to fix things with Janie, both her father and Ricky had told him to give her space. But they still had a Thanksgiving dinner to plan, and since the senator had been unwilling to consider his idea, Alexander needed to find turkeys for the community. Part of him just wanted to turn tail and go home now, but he’d made a commitment to the community, and the senator had given him until after Thanksgiving. It would also allow him time to think about who could be blackmailing the senator.
He went through the file again, looking for clues. The address on the envelope, as well as the one the senator was directed to send payments to, was a PO box here in Columbine Springs. Thankfully, the post office hadn’t suffered any damage from the fire, being on the opposite end of the town.
Even though it was technically against postal code for them to give out information about box holders, maybe the sweet lady who worked at the post office, Cheryl, could help him figure out a way to identify the person without breaking the law.
It felt weird driving into town without Janie. She’d been his constant companion the past couple weeks, and she and Sam always had interesting ways to keep him entertained on the drive. He prayed again for wisdom on how to handle the situation, and promised that if God would be so merciful as to give him a second chance with her, then Alexander would spend the rest of his life making it up to her.
As he turned the corner leading to the post office, he saw a familiar figure entering.
Janie?
He parked the truck and went in. Janie’s back was to him as she went through the PO box. Even at a distance, he could tell it was the same box number as the one that had appeared in all of the blackmail letters. But as he got closer, he realized that while the woman’s shape was similar to Janie’s, it wasn’t her.
Though the woman wore a hat and a large coat, they were clearly designer, not the off brands Janie ten
ded to wear. So who was this woman?
“Excuse me,” he said, tapping her on the shoulder. She turned, and though her face was shielded with large sunglasses, he recognized her immediately.
Corrine, Bucky’s fiancée.
Alexander had never met her in person, but he’d seen her from a distance and seen enough photos of her that he knew who she was. She and Bucky had been on-again off-again for years, but with the election coming up, they’d formalized things with an engagement.
“Corrine? What are you doing here?”
She stared down her glasses at him. “Do I know you?”
“Not exactly, no. I’m just surprised to see you here.”
She shrugged. “Just running errands for a friend.” She held up a stack of envelopes. “But they’re all junk. It seems I wasted my time.”
He stared at her, hard. “He’s not going to send any more money until he gets a signed nondisclosure agreement. Did you think about that?”
The startled expression on her face told him all he needed to know. Before he could ask any more questions, Bucky burst into the post office.
“Did you get it? We’ve got to go. We’re going to be late to Dad’s fund-raiser if we don’t hurry.”
Then Bucky stopped and stared at him. “Do I know you?”
Alexander nodded. “I’m the man your father hired to get Janie’s signature on the nondisclosure agreement so she would stop blackmailing him. But she’s not the one blackmailing him, is she?”
He watched as Bucky and Corrine exchanged nervous glances, but then Corrine shrugged. “You might as well tell him. He’s right about your dad not sending any more money until she signs that stupid agreement. Why did he have to send someone to do it in person? He was supposed to just mail it to her so we could forge a signature and get that money.”
“Shut up, Corrine,” Bucky said.
Alexander couldn’t help the disgusted look he gave Bucky. “Why would you do that? You have everything. All this time, you’ve been close enough to visit your son and get to know him, and all you cared about was stealing your father’s money?”
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