A Dream for Hannah (Hannah's Heart 1)

by Jerry S. Eicher

  Jake looked at her with a question on his face. “You love to ride,” Jake said. “I thought we might go together.”

  Hannah fumbled for the right answer. “I…I guess we could.”

  “Then it suits,” he said. “Is Prince in?”

  “Yes,” Hannah said, “both he and Mandy are in the barn.”

  “So you were waiting for me?” he asked and grinned.

  “No…Yes…I mean, I expected you to come. You often stop by on your Saturdays.”

  “Well,” he said, “let’s get going, or do you have to wait for your riders to come back?”

  “Someone has to,” she said. It occurred to her that if Betty were told about the ride with Jake now, this would be much easier than when she came back. Why not ask her to take care of the returning group and break the news that way?

  “I’ll ask Betty,” Hannah said and turned toward the house.

  Hannah entered the house and found Betty folding laundry. As casually as she could, Hannah said, “Would you mind taking care of the last group of riders when they come back?”

  Betty looked questioningly at her. “You’re not going to be here?”

  “Well…Jake asked me to ride with him,” she said, sure her cheeks were red.

  “No,” Betty said firmly, “you can’t do that. You’re writing.”

  “But it’s not like that,” Hannah assured her. “If Jake asks for anything such as bringing me home on Sunday night, I’ll say ‘no’ right away. This is just a ride. I think it would be rude not to go with him.”

  Betty didn’t look convinced.

  Hannah couldn’t help the flow of words from her mouth. “I can’t hurt Jake’s feelings. He’s down here by himself…away from his family. He’s not been untoward at all. He’ll think I have something against him if I don’t go.”

  Betty thought for a long moment while Hannah held her breath.

  “Well, I guess,” she said finally. “You have both behaved yourselves. Yes, I’ll take care of your riders, but don’t get any ideas about Jake. Okay?”

  Hannah nodded and quickly went out before Betty could change her mind.

  Jake had both horses ready as she approached. He gave Mandy’s reins to her and then climbed onto Prince. Hannah mounted Mandy, careful to keep her eyes away from Jake.

  Together they rode in the direction of the river with Jake leading the way.

  At the river they met the other riders on their way back. Hannah told them about the arrangement with Betty, to which they readily agreed.

  Both had grins on their faces as if they knew more went on between the couple than what Hannah admitted to. Hannah told herself they were wrong. She wished to speak the protestation out loud, but figured that would just make matters worse.

  With a press of her reins she followed Jake, who was already heading down to the river. The riders would just have to think what they wanted to. She had plans to be good girl. Of this, she was determined.

  “Let’s go,” Jake yelled over his shoulder as he approached the open stretch by the river. He waited momentarily until Hannah caught up, and then he let the reins out on Prince. With only a brief backward glance, Jake rode Prince in a wide-open gallop.

  Jake assumed a lot, Hannah thought as they raced along the river. How did he know she could ride this well? She had never ridden with him before, nor mentioned her ability. Yet, the fact that he felt she was that good was obvious by his actions. Her heart throbbed with the pleasure of his confidence in her.

  Hannah kicked Mandy lightly in the ribs and thrills ran up and down her spine. It wasn’t just the speed she quickly achieved or the rhythm of a horse under her. She knew it was more than the wind whistling through her hair. It was Jake, bent over on his horse, his legs firm in the stirrups. He was a dream, after all, in so many ways. Yet Hannah knew she could never admit this—not to herself, not to God, and especially not to Jake himself. Jake was forbidden to her by forces beyond her control. There was a line between them that could never be crossed.

  When Jake pulled Prince in, Hannah did the same with Mandy and came to a stop just behind him.

  “Wow, that was something!” he exclaimed. “You do know how to ride.”

  Hannah shrugged. “Of course, I do. We have horses in Indiana.”

  “Is that where you learned to ride like that?” Jake asked.

  “Yes. I’ve had a pony since I was small,” she said. Then she added, “I fell off of him shortly before I came here…broke my collarbone. Things like that help you learn.”

  “How did it happen?”

  “Honey, my horse, stepped into a groundhog hole,” Hannah said and almost added, “Sam was there.” But that wouldn’t do. Jake wouldn’t understand. She was to be married to Sam, the same Sam who had stood there by the fence with his mouth open and watched her. She was to be Sam’s wife someday, but now—here as she rode with Jake—her heart was beating furiously. Things were strange, indeed, in how they worked out. Hannah supposed it would all be okay once she was married. It seemed to be so for others once they said yes to the bishop’s questions. Maybe then all these silly love dreams would cease, and she could be what she was supposed to be—obedient to her parents and a good wife to Sam.

  “Did it hurt the horse?” Jake had apparently asked the question already, but she hadn’t noticed.

  “Oh, no,” Hannah said, her face blushing. Why did she have to be so clumsy? What if he knew what she’d been thinking?

  “How did he keep from breaking his leg?” Jake asked.

  Hannah willed her brain to stop its spin and tried to form words that made sense. “He…I don’t know. It happened so fast. I suppose we were going slowly enough that he had time to pull it out.”

  “Still he was going fast enough to break your collarbone?”

  “Yes,” she said. “He threw me against a fence post. It doesn’t take much speed when you add in the fall.”

  “I’m glad you weren’t hurt worse.”

  Hannah nodded her thanks.

  They rode on in silence for a while, just admiring the surrounding beauty.

  Finally Jake said, “I suppose we should head back now?”

  Hannah nodded, and they rode back to the barn in silence.

  Betty said nothing about the subject that night, and Hannah did her best to ignore Jake in church the next morning. Hannah again got the distinct feeling that ignoring him might just have made things worse, but there seemed to be little she could do about it.

  Twenty-six

  As July quickly faded, Hannah realized there were only a few more weeks left of her stay in Montana. Her baptism would take place on the last Sunday she was here.

  She’d miss this place with its beautiful mountains, peace, brisk air, and, of course, the people she had met. At the bottom of it all, she admitted—just once and then quickly shoved the thought away—she’d be sad not to see Jake anymore.

  There were two Saturdays yet when he would likely stop in for a ride. If he didn’t, that would certainly solve her problem. But deep down, in spite of the potential for pain, she hoped he would drop by again.

  Turning her mind where it belonged—to Sam—she sat down on Friday night to write him a letter. She told him all the news she could think of—the riders, the horses, how beautiful the approach of fall weather was here, and of her planned trip home.

  In the morning Hannah got up early to start the day, but the riders made a slow start of things. Few showed.

  “It’s getting toward the end of summer, and the weather is beginning to cool,” Betty said when Hannah came back into the house at ten o’clock. “We always slow down about this time of the year.”

  Hannah had little to do after lunch and was glad to see that Jake was indeed coming by today. This time he rode out alone on Prince. She watched him go, and emotions throbbed through her. Why hadn’t he invited her along? Was he mad at her? Had she offended him? Then she realized what she was thinking and spoke harshly to herself, “Stop it right now. It doesn’t
matter. It’s none of my business how he’s feeling. It could just be his work or something. And I’ll be leaving soon…very soon.”

  Startled to hear the kitchen door open, Hannah glanced up. It was just Betty, who waved and then went back inside. The gesture was unmistakable. Betty had just checked up on her. She doesn’t trust me anymore. She thinks I am going riding with Jake again and am up to something.

  Hannah pressed her hand against her head. To distract herself, she went into the barn and brushed Mandy down and then released her into the pasture. She didn’t want to go inside yet, and so she waited out of Betty’s sight until the sound of Prince’s hooves came back down the trail.

  “It’s getting a little chilly,” Jake commented as he dismounted. “Fall comes early in this country.” He didn’t look at her.

  “That’s what Betty said,” Hannah said as a feeling of desperation flowed through her. She wished he would look at her. How would she stand it if Jake was mad at her for some reason?

  “Well, I should be going,” he muttered. “John has some work for me to do yet before dark.”

  Hannah tried to think of what she could say and came up with nothing. Jake nodded and was gone. She watched his back retreat slowly down the lane and then down the road. It was a full ten minutes before Hannah could move again. Her face ashen, she found her way to the house.

  Betty couldn’t help but notice Hannah’s composure when she came in. “Are you okay?” she asked.

  Hannah nodded, apparently unconvincingly.

  “Was there a problem with the horses?” Betty probed.

  Hannah shook her head, “No, they’re fine.”

  “What is it then? You look positively white.”

  Hannah didn’t trust her voice, and so she simply flopped down on the couch. The house was silent as Betty looked at her.

  “I guess it’s that Jake,” Betty finally concluded. “You haven’t agreed to see him, have you?”

  Hannah shook her head.

  “Did he ask?”

  “No,” Hannah managed to say.

  “This isn’t turning into something it shouldn’t be, is it?” Betty’s eyes bored into Hannah’s.

  “I don’t think so,” Hannah ventured.

  Betty raised her eyebrows. “I think your heart is straying again. That’s really what’s happening. You must stop this, Hannah. You know that, don’t you?”

  Hannah nodded numbly. She did know it, but she was helpless to do anything about it.

  “Well, I’m glad to hear you say it.” Betty’s voice reached her as if from a great distance. “Thankfully, there are only two more weeks, and then this thing will be over. I want to get you safely home to your mother.”

  Hannah tried to smile, but the effort wasn’t very successful. It seemed to satisfy Betty. She patted Hannah on the head as if she were a five-year-old.

  “I’ll try real hard,” Hannah said. “And I’m looking forward to getting back home. I will miss this place, though, and the people out here.”

  Betty smiled now. “We will miss you too, and maybe that’s part of your problem. Leaving and going home like this. Well, you can always come back for a visit.”

  “It’s pretty far,” Hannah said. “It’s expensive too.”

  “That it is, but we will just have to see. Well, I must get busy. Sunday’s coming on fast.” She then headed for the kitchen and her work. Hannah soon followed her, tackling the day’s stack of dishes without being told. The splash of the water and the slush of the soap soon joined her thoughts of Jake in one mixed-up, jumbled mess.

  After supper Hannah went to bed early. She could see that Betty approved of this because the whole family liked an early bedtime on a Saturday night. Hannah had tried to comply once she understood the custom. And tonight it was no sacrifice. She was ready for sleep.

  Thankfully no dreams came, and she woke refreshed. That morning at church, Hannah sat on the church bench facing the line of teenage boys as usual. Jake sat all the way over on the end. To her dismay, Hannah couldn’t keep from looking in Jake’s direction. All her resolve to control her feelings and to obey her parents waved around like a stalk of dry wheat blowing in the wind.

  When Jake finally looked at her, the dam broke. She could hide it no longer. Hannah let him see every feeling she had for him. Every desire that her dream had inspired passed from her eyes to his. And she knew it could never be taken back. Jake now knew.

  What she expected the next time she looked in his direction, she wasn’t certain. Feelings of guilt rushed over her, but she couldn’t help herself. Jake would now ask her home, of that she was sure. When or how didn’t matter. Hannah also knew her answer would be, “Yes.”

  That would involve so many things, confessions to Betty and to her mother topped the list. It would also mean a letter to Sam, or perhaps she would wait and tell him when she got home. The thought of his mouth dropping open in shock and disbelief caused her no joy. Instead her sorrow increased. How could one do something one knew wasn’t right and still be unable to stop it?

  Maybe God will help me yet, Hannah thought. That brightened her spirits a little. He always had before, had He not? Yes, that’s what she would do. She would pray and ask for help. Surely the Almighty God in heaven, who knew so much and could run the whole world, could figure this all out.

  But does He have time? The thought startled her. Hannah had no idea what the answer was. Suppose He doesn’t and I’m on my own? Panic struck her, and she prayed all the more for God to help her—somehow.

  Around her, the church service continued. Bishop John had the main sermon, and Hannah tried to focus her attention. The desire to look at Jake was somehow gone now that she knew he knew.

  Whether or not Jake paid her any attention, she felt no desire to know. It was only a matter of time now when she would say yes. Beyond that the world looked far more fearful than she would ever have thought possible. Her future would have to rest with what God would do for her.

  When there was no sign of Jake after the service, peace still stayed with her. God would surely supply help in some way.

  At his cabin and surrounded by the presence of the Cabinet Mountains, Jake went through his plans. His time to leave was approaching, but the looming question was what to do about Hannah? She cared for him—a lot—he now knew for certain.

  But what could he do about it? Could he ask Hannah for a relationship? He wasn’t sure. For all his efforts to the contrary, there remained a residue of anger for what Eliza had done to his emotions. No doubt by now, she and his cousin were even talking of marriage. His cousin was now the one who looked into the blue eyes that Jake had once thought he would spend a lifetime gazing into. The two of them would marry and live out their happiness right in front of him.

  No, his pain was not as sharp as it once was. Likely Hannah was responsible for that. She had given him a completely new vision of what a girl could be, and he admitted that he liked that vision better.

  Jake started getting some of his things together, but he wouldn’t pack until Thursday of the next week. There was little to pack, and most of his things could be easily thrown into his duffel bag. On Friday he would hitch a ride down to town for his final paycheck.

  That left the question of whether he should stay at the Nisley’s for one more weekend or return home right away. The Nisleys would think nothing of his early departure, and his parents would be glad to see him.

  Jake decided without too much thought that he would go back to church for one more weekend, and he would ask Hannah about their new relationship. That thought brought a smile to his face. How wonderful God was, and His ways were truly mysterious. Here he had thought the world had ended when Eliza betrayed him, but, instead, it had just begun in a completely fresh and new way.

  Visions of a letter writing relationship with Hannah and perhaps visits to her community arose in Jake’s mind. Suddenly he remembered that he wasn’t quite certain where she lived. He knew she grew up somewhere in Indiana, but the Indian
a Amish community was vast. He would have to ask her this along with the many other things that he was now curious about.

  With the matter decided, he squared his shoulders, walked out to highway 2, and raised his thumb to hitch a ride. The second car pulled over, and twenty minutes later, he stood beneath the sign with the words “Horse Rides” printed above the phrase “Will Take Care of Children” in smaller letters.

  Twenty-seven

  From her seat in the living room, Hannah saw Jake arrive. There had been no riders all day except for one at eleven. Now that the Saturday housework was caught up, she and Betty were resting for a moment and savoring their last few hours together. Sunday would be the baptism, and Monday morning would find Hannah on the Greyhound bus to Indiana.

  “It’s Jake,” Hannah said, startling Betty who had her back to the window.

  “I was wondering if he’d stop by,” Betty said dryly. “It’s his last weekend also, isn’t it?”

  “Yes. He probably wants to ride Prince for one last time,” Hannah said. She avoided Betty’s eyes. Whatever miracle the Lord planned to do, He needed to do it fast.

  “Let him get Prince by himself,” Betty told her. “He’s capable.”

  “I should be out there,” Hannah insisted. “It’s the last weekend.”

  Betty shrugged but didn’t look very happy. “I guess it can do no harm now.”

  Hannah was out the door in a flash, much too fast she knew, but she couldn’t help herself.

  “Hi,” Hannah said. Jake was standing by the barn door as if waiting for her.

  “Hi.” Jake turned and met her eyes. They were as warm and soft as Hannah had ever seen them.

  Hannah felt her insides soften and looked quickly at the ground. Her guess had been right. He was going to ask her before he left. Wasn’t that why he was here? The confirmation came quickly.

  “You want to ride with me?” Jake asked, his smile steady.

  She nodded, glancing quickly up at him before she went to get the horses.

  “I’ll saddle both horses.” Jake’s voice stopped her.