Joker

by M. A. Stone

  “What about you?” I asked, as Moe sipped her wine.

  “Me?”

  “What do you want?” I asked. Moe smiled and got this far away look in her eyes.

  “Hmmm, good question. I want someone who’ll be my partner. Honest, loyal and a true gentleman. He has to be smart, funny and love to be around family. And he must like children,” she started. I smiled.

  “Who doesn’t like children?” I asked. A serious expression came over her face and she sighed.

  “Not everyone. I know it’s a cliché, men or women saying things…specific things to get into your pants, but its true. There are people out there who pretend to like children, or they just tolerate them and don’t really like them. I made a career out of being around kids. I want a whole bunch of them. If the man who intends to be with me doesn’t like kids . . . it’s a deal breaker,” she said seriously. I nodded.

  “I get that. I know this is bad dating etiquette, but I feel the need to share something with you. You can hit the hills after you hear this or maybe you won’t. I know that we work together and all, but I think there are only two co-workers of ours that even know this little tidbit of information. I was married,” I tell her. The information sinks in and her jaw drops.

  “Married?” she asks in this faraway voice.

  “Yes. For about two years. Her name was Calliope,” I told her. She nodded.

  “Is she dead?” she asked, a look of abject horror on her face. I laughed loudly, grabbing the attention of the restaurant patrons around us. Moe frowned.

  “No. She’s not dead. She’s very much alive and living on the west coast somewhere. She’s a surgeon,” I replied. Moe looked relieved.

  “Why didn’t it work out?” she asked. I opened my mouth and the waitress came back to take our order.

  “You folks about ready to order?” she asked sweetly. I nodded along with Moe.

  “I’m going to have the Atlantic salmon, please,” stated Moe. The waitress smiled and turned to me. I shifted in my seat and looked down at my menu.

  “I’m going with the duck, please,” I told her. She wrote everything down, nodded and took our menus. She came back a few minutes later and refilled Moe’s glass of wine. Moe took a sip and smiled.

  “So, to answer your question, I wanted kids and I thought she did. Its funny how you said that whole spiel about people saying things to get into your pants. She got me with her line . . . like a fish on a hook. I courted her for a year, we got engaged, married and I thought after the honeymoon she’d either tell me she was pregnant or that she wanted to start trying. What she told me was even worse,” I replied, toying with the corner of the tablecloth. Moe propped her chin on her hand and raised an eyebrow.

  “Hit me with it,” she muttered. I took a deep breath and let it out slow, trying not to let the bullshit emotions cloud what I wanted to say.

  “One day, after dinner at Mama’s and questions about whether or not we were going to give her any grandchildren, Calliope sat me down and hit me with it. After we’d gotten engaged, she’d had her tubes tied. While I was away on a two-week long soccer tournament for the high school, she went in and voluntarily had it done,” I replied. Moe sat up and then fell back in her chair. A hundred different emotions crossed her beautiful features until an angry expression stuck.

  “What! How could she do that? Who does that?!” she hissed. I laughed despite myself.

  “A very selfish person. She figured she’d be able to wear me down about not having kids. Or that we’d try and once we couldn’t get pregnant, I’d give up,” I explained. Moe shook her head.

  “Of all the low-down, sneaky, shady things to do to another human being!”she hissed. I nodded.

  “I agree one hundred percent. So, I packed up that evening, moved back home and served her with divorce papers,” I said calmly. Moe drummed her fingers on the table and shook her head.

  “Jacoby, I want kids. A whole bunch of them! And a goat and some pigs and possibly a rhino,” she told me, making me chuckle.

  “Oh, you think I’m kidding? I can’t wait to have a family. My sister thinks I’m nuts. She treats her kids like an afterthought. Don’t get me wrong, she loves them, but she’s not super maternal. I’ve always wanted to be surrounded by kids. Is this weird to talk about on a first date?” she asked.

  “Seeing as how this is technically our third date…I think you’re in the clear,” I told her. She smiled.

  “I have a confession to make too,” she said sweetly. I nodded for her to continue.

  “I would watch you at work, but I was too shy to approach you. You were always walking around looking polished and posh and there I was, looking like a messy art teacher. Even though we were together at school functions, I felt like I was invisible. You on the other hand, were on everyone’s radar. And let me tell you, the other teachers think you’re quite the catch,” she giggled as she took another sip of wine.

  “Oh, do they?” I teased. She nodded and smiled.

  “They do. But unlike my sister who isn’t afraid of anything, I was too shy to ask you out. I’m so glad I bid on you. I mean, I bid on the date, the Zoo is one of my favorite places. But I was so happy when it was you, because . . . well . . . you are so nice,” she gushed and then took another gulp of wine. Looking at the expression on her face, I had a sneaking suspicion that my date couldn’t hold her alcohol. She’d had two glasses of wine and one very strong mixed drink when we were at the zoo.

  “I have to use the restroom, I’ll be right back. Drink my water while I’m gone,” I told her. She nodded solemnly and saluted me. I walked over to the bar and got the attention of our waitress.

  “Collette? Do you think you could box everything up for us? My girlfriend is a lightweight when it comes to alcohol and she’s reached her limit,” I told her. Collette smiled and nodded. I looked over my shoulder and sighed in relief as I saw Moe drinking water.

  “Are you sure you’re okay?” I asked Moe as we walked into my house. I didn’t want to take her home like this, so I invited her to spend the night. I planned on sleeping on the couch. Moe nodded, a bit soberer than she was before. I shut the door to the back porch and nearly jumped out of my clothes as Moe shrieked. Rushing to her, and pushing her behind me, I yelled in shock at what I saw before me in the kitchen.

  “Mama! What the fuck!” I bellowed as I saw my mother, butt ass naked, on the kitchen table with our landscaper, Sandore. She was riding the man like she was auditioning for the Texas rodeo. Mama turned from where she was on top of him and covered her chest with her arms. Sandore’s hands gripped her hips and all I could see was his naked, tanned legs and bright red socks.

  “Jacoby! Language!” she yelled back, not missing a beat. Moe snickered behind me and then bent over at the waist, belly laughing.

  “Really, Mama?! Language? You’re ridin’ that man like he’s your ticket to Mars. On the table . . . where your grandson eats!” I scolded her. Shaking my head and fixing my Mama with the best scornful look I could, I hustled Moe to my bedroom at the back of the house. Moe giggled the whole way down the hallway. I pushed her gently into my bedroom and shut the door behind us.

  “Oh, sweet Jesus in a cradle…you were worried about your Mama findin’ someone. I think she found someone alright! His socks were red, and she was ridin’ him off into the sunset!” laughed Moe as she fell back on my king-sized bed. I shook my head and kicked off my dress shoes.

  “I’m never, ever eatin’ on that table again. We say grace at the table!” I muttered, which just made Moe laugh even harder. She clutched her belly and giggle snorted, making it hard for me not to crack a smile.

  “She was definitely calling out the Lord’s name,” giggled Moe as she flung her arms above her head.

  “Oh, it hurts . . . it hurts to laugh,” she breathed as she continued to laugh even harder. Sitting down on the bed next to her, I shook my head.

  “I’m so glad that you find this funny,” I grumbled. Moe propped herself up on her elbo
ws and shook her head; cheeks red from laughing.

  “You should see your face! You’re so mad. But why?” she asked.

  “Are you kidding? My Mama was doing the landscaper on the kitchen table. The table!” I yelled. Moe flinched and then sighed.

  “If I recall, you were trying to seduce me against the wall of my sister’s place of business and outside this very house under a tree. So, who are you to judge? At least you didn’t see his dick,” she stated. I loosened my tie and stared at her for a moment.

  “No, I just saw my Mama’s naked ass and side boob. My night is complete,” I told her sarcastically, making her laugh.

  “You need to lighten up, Jacoby,” she giggled, drawing out my name. I unbuttoned my dress shirt and tossed it on the chair next to my bed; sitting there in my white t-shirt and dress pants.

  “I had a nice time with you tonight. It was the first time in a long time that I just laughed and didn’t have to worry about saying the wrong thing. Thank you,” she whispered, turning on her side to look at me. Her green eyes were clear and ringed with the longest lashes I’d ever seen.

  “I could stare at you for days,” I whispered to her. She smiled, showing a dimple in her left cheek.

  “With you, I don’t have to worry if I sound like a dork or not masculine enough. I don’t have to be a ‘guy’ around you. I can just be me. I can tell you that I wish they made comforters for adults with glow- in- the- dark stars on them so when you go to sleep, it’s like sleepin’ under the stars, literally,” I told her. She grinned widely and batted those amazing eyelashes.

  “My whole ceiling in my bedroom is covered in tiny glow-in-the dark stars. It’s the last thing I see every night before I go to sleep,” she replied. I laid on my side, next to her on the bed and cupped her face. Looking deep in to her eyes, I nuzzled my nose against hers. Moe sighed, her breath skating across my lips. Leaning in, I brushed my lips against hers as her fingers found their way up the back of my neck and into my hair. Clinging to her, I deepened the kiss as my cock stirred and hardened. Moe moaned, her mouth opening to me; our tongues entangling as her fingertips pressed into my neck. I grabbed her hips and ground my pelvis into hers, letting her feel just how happy I was to have her in my bed. She gasped and broke the kiss.

  “You. I need you to touch me everywhere…right now,” she whispered before she kissed my throat with her hot mouth. Her greedy fingers found their way under my t-shirt and I moaned as she touched my feverish skin. Pushing her back, I smiled down at her and chuckled as she shook her head. Getting on her knees on my bed, she reached up behind her and let the ties to her halter dress come undone; promptly displaying the most amazing pair of breasts I’d ever seen. I moved toward her, and she held out her hand as she shimmied out of the dress and kicked it on the floor. The perfect, tanned globes of her juicy ass were restrained by the sexiest pair of lacy, gold bikini underwear I’d ever seen, and I groaned loudly.

  “That ass. I swear before the night is over, I’m gonna take a bite out of it, Moe,” I said as I yanked my t-shirt up over my head and tossed it on the floor. I yanked at my belt and stepped out of my pants. Wearing only my boxer-briefs, I hopped back on the bed with zero finesse as I enjoyed her wide-eyed gaze.

  “Something wrong?” I asked, my voice light and full of teasing. Moe swallowed and shook her head.

  “You have a ‘V’ and you are totally covered in ink. I had no idea. I mean, I’d hoped but now that I see you in the flesh . . . wow,” she whispered as her fingers trailed over her hips. I smiled.

  “If it’s a turn-off, I can always put my clothes back on. I wouldn’t want to offend you,” I told her, causing her to frown and shake her head. She licked her lips and came over to me, her hot skin making contact with mine; causing us both to sigh.

  “Don’t you dare put your clothes back on. I’m not even close to kiddin’ right now. In fact, I think you should be naked all day, every day,” she stated. I chuckled.

  “We don’t have to do this. What about your rules?” I asked. She nibbled a path up to my ear and then sucked on it a bit before answering. My toes curled at the sensation.

  “Hush. I want you . . . all of you,” she said, her face serious and her eyes full of lust.

  “Just checkin’,” I replied before moving quickly and pinning her under me. I took her in, every inch of beautiful skin, perfect breasts tipped with dusky, pink nipples, wide hips and thick, creamy thighs; all for me to feast upon. Reaching between us, I cupped her through her panties and smiled as her back arched; her heat against my fingers. Lying on my right side, her facing me, I cupped one breast in my hand, rubbing the pad of my thumb over her nipple; making her bite down on her bottom lip and her eyes close. Leaning forward, I brought her breast to my lips, breathing on her nipple and causing it to pebble. Slowly, I took it in between my lips, rolling the tip of my tongue against it and smiling as she moaned softly. I did this again and again, enjoying the soft moans and mewls I extracted from her. After a few minutes, I switched to her other breast, grinning as her legs fell open unabashed. Pushing her onto her back, I hovered over her once more as I grabbed the sides of her panties with my hands and yanked them down; causing her to squeal and grin. After I’d tossed her skimpy panties to the floor, I ran my fingers down her hips, her thighs, all the way to her ankles before skimming up the insides; causing goose pimples to appear all over her skin. Moe licked her lips as she watched me, her hands cupping her ample breasts. With my thumbs, I parted the lips of her sex, smiling at the glistening sheen of her wetness. Slowly, I traced my middle finger up her seam, her loud moan filling the room. I added another finger, her heat drawing me in.

  “Damn, baby. You have no idea how badly I wanna slide both of these fingers inside you and feel you come apart,” I told her. She moaned and wiggled as I played with her clit.

  “Do it, please. I’ve been thinkin’ about it all night,” she whispered huskily. Shaking my head, I slid my middle finger inside of her and had to adjust my throbbing cock in my boxers. My side hurt from the angle of how I was, and I adjusted as best I could. Moe slid along on my finger as I used the other one to thrum steadily against her clit; mimicking what I’d like to do with my tongue. She pulled on her nipples as I fucked her with my fingers and I was doing everything I could not to come like a horny teenager.

  “Make me come, Jacoby,” she moaned as she drew her legs up, exposing herself to me even more. Her wet pussy open for me, I could smell how sweet she was. I slid both my index and middle finger inside of her and out; her moans filling the room as my thumb caressed her swollen nub. I felt her begin to tighten around my fingers and I knew I had to feel that around my cock. Pulling my fingers out, I looked down at her as I licked them clean. I was right, she was amazingly sweet.

  “You taste so fucking good, Moe,” I told her. She licked her lips and smiled. I bent down, my hands on the insides of her thighs as I traced her pretty, pink pussy with my tongue, her pelvis tilting up to meet my mouth. Her soft moans filled the room as I licked and sucked her hot, wet sex; her clit throbbing against my tongue. I lapped at her again and again, enjoying the sweet taste of her. Her fingers gripped and tore into the sheets as I loved her with my mouth. Her eyes watched me as I speared her with my tongue over and over.

  “I want you in me, please?” she moaned. I nodded, licked my lips and stood up; sliding out of my boxers quicker than a wink. Leaning down, I kissed her, and she moaned as she tasted herself on my tongue. Her hands left her breasts and one caressed my cheek while the other gripped my length; making me nearly go cross-eyed. She pumped the shaft of my cock and I had to reach in between us and still her movements.

  “Baby, you’re gonna make me come before we even get started,” I told her. She pouted, and I kissed her swollen lips. I arched my back as I felt another cramp and wondered if I’d overdid it at the gym. Shaking my head, I arched up on my hands like I was doing a push up and looked down at her pretty, pink pussy. Grabbing my cock, I positioned it at her entrance, rubbi
ng the head against her hot folds.

  “You sure you want this?” I asked. She looked down and nodded; eyes wide.

  “Will it fit?” she asked, looking back up at me. I chuckled as I rubbed the head of my cock against her clit, causing her eyes to close a bit and her mouth to fall open. God damn, she looked fucking sexy as hell.

  “Yeah baby, it’ll fit,” I told her; leaning down to kiss her mouth as I plunged my cock in. Moe groaned against my mouth as my eyes closed. Holy shit, she was fucking tight and so hot.

  “Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit,” she whispered as she clutched at my back. I opened my eyes and looked at her. Her eyes were squeezed shut and her mouth was open again.

  “Fuck, are you okay?” I asked. Moe’s eyes snapped open and she smiled.

  “For the love of God, don’t you dare stop. Fuck me, Jacoby,” she replied, moving her hips to emphasize her point.

  “Yes, Ma’am,” I replied as I slowly slid in and out of her. Her pussy had a vice- like grip on my cock and I knew it wasn’t going to be long before I lost all control and came. Moe wrapped her legs around me; her thick thighs and big breasts pressed against my skin; her nipples raking against my chest. Her moans mixed with mine as I fucked her deep and slow. Her pussy grew tighter with each thrust.

  “Going to come,” she moaned softly. Smiling, I kissed her neck as I reached between us and rubbed my finger over her clit, making her cry out as her pussy clamped down on my cock. She moved like a fiend, her hips jerking as she rode out her climax.

  “That’s it, honey. Come for me. Come all over my cock,” I told her as I gripped her hips and pulled them up a bit, going deeper than before. Moe’s eyes widened as she cried out.

  “Fuck this,” I yelled as I grabbed her hips and flipped us both over until she was on top. My cock slid up in her deep and she moaned, mouth open. There were other people in the house but fuck them. I was balls deep in my girl and I didn’t give a fuck.

  “Come on, baby. Ride that cock,” I moaned as I gripped her hips tightly in my hands. She rolled her hips and I saw stars.