Express Duet

by Jody Day

  I woke up later to knocking on the door. I ignored it. Maybe they’ll go away.

  “Scott, I know you’re in there. It’s Pastor Jack.”

  “Coming.” I rolled out of bed, threw the covers in some semblance of order, and then opened the door.

  “You all right, man?” Jack shook my hand.

  “Full of dinner, I guess, and took a nap.” I motioned Jack to take a seat at my small kitchen table.

  “Great food and fellowship. How ‘bout that uncle of yours? Snagged a beauty, looks like.” He snapped his fingers.

  “She’s great. I’m happy for them.” I looked at the floor rather than the probing eyes of Pastor Jack.

  “What’s going on with you, Scott?” Jack crossed one boot on his other knee and sat back as if he expected me to spill it all.

  My heart said to tell him everything, but my head said otherwise.

  “I’ve known you, Scott, since you were little. Might as well shoot straight with me. How about just jumpin’ off the bottom line and see where we land?” He clapped his hands once, then rubbed them together as if he was about to take on a bear.

  “Bottom line is I don’t want to die and leave Bailey, or worse, have another heart attack and then have her have to take care of a sick man. Period.” I sat back and crossed my arms. Who could argue with that?

  Jack shook his head. He blew a short breath and then pursed his lips. “Nope, that’s not the bottom line. You’re kiddin’ yourself. Try again.” He leaned toward me.

  What did he know about it? “That’s it, Pastor Jack. She’s the best thing that ever happened to me, but I won’t do it to her. I won’t.”

  “Oh, come on, buddy. That sounds all noble and heroic, but that’s not it. You’re scared. Period.” He reached across the table and laid his hand on my arm. “First your mom, then your dad. Your whole world came crashin’ down, yet you held it together. God brings you a gift so you don’t have to be alone, and you hold it at arm’s length. You’re afraid of bein’ left alone. You push her away because of fear for yourself.”

  I balled my hand into a fist. “I can’t do this right now.” Please leave me alone.

  “Why not? Haven’t you figured out through all this how quickly life passes by? Your uncle seems to understand that. He reached out in faith for love and he knows as well as anyone that we don’t know what tomorrow brings. The older we get, the word ‘now’ becomes very important.”

  “That’s just it, where’s my faith? I can’t even pray anymore.” I bumped the table with my fist.

  “I’d say faith’s something you have to practice. I think you’re being tested in areas where you trusted in yourself. Youth and strength made you feel invincible. It was easy to trust then. But when life happens with death and sickness, faith must grow to a whole new level. Remember the Father said, ‘I will never leave you or forsake you.’”

  The words I’d heard in my sleep for weeks. I closed my eyes. “The dream.”

  “What dream?” Jack asked.

  “I keep having these two dreams. The first is Mom standing before me. She doesn’t speak, but I hear her voice saying those words. It makes no sense since she did leave, and so did Dad. I never thought of Jesus’ words from the Bible.

  “Actually, God said that in several references. Deuteronomy and Hebrews. What Jesus actually said was “I am with you always. Present tense.”

  I filled my lungs and slowly exhaled. Present tense.

  “He’s with you now. So you can live now, love now, and trust Him for the future.”

  “Why can’t I do that? Why can’t I trust Him?”

  “Lots of reasons, I’m sure. Scott, your parents raised you in an almost idyllic spot, full of love and laughter. Look how you only wanted to stay here and work after you grew up. Then bam, it’s gone.”

  I put my head in my hands. “It seemed that way. But I thought I had a handle on it. I took care of things.”

  “Yeah, you took care of things, but you never grieved. You handled things and took care of everyone. It gave you something else to think about. You wouldn’t let anyone help you.”

  “Then Bailey came.”

  “A gift.” Jack rapped his knuckles on the table once.

  “Bailey.” I squeezed my eyes with my thumb and forefinger.

  Pastor Jack rapped his knuckles twice. “She’s a very understanding woman.”

  “That and much, much more.” I laid my head down on the table. A dam welled up in my chest and broke.

  Jack’s hand rested on my head. “Father,” Jack prayed. “I think Scott’s ready to give You his sorrow. Please let him know You’re here.”

  A couple of knocks sounded at the door. Toppy slipped in.

  I laid my head back down.

  The waves crashing in my heart consumed me.

  Toppy’s arm reach around me. “Come here, boy.” He embraced me.

  I couldn’t control the shaking and tears. The harder I cried, the better I felt. The tightness in my chest eased.

  Toppy held on until I pulled away.

  My pastor still prayed.

  Toppy went to the sink and ran water over a dishcloth and pressed it to my face.

  Jack patted me on the back and shook my hand.

  I put my arm around Jack and Toppy. “Thanks, guys.”

  “It’s just a start, son. Let your loved ones be there for you.”

  “Not the best time to mention this, maybe, but I heard Bailey say something about packing. Just sayin,’” Toppy said.

  I sprinted out the door.

  ~*~

  “Seems I found you like this once before,” I said. I’d never forget when she first came to Exit 477, and I found her crying out to God in this very spot.

  Bailey knelt at a bench on the gazebo. She wiped her eyes and sat up on the bench. “Just...just saying goodbye.” She didn’t look at me but walked toward the steps.

  I took a step toward her. “Bailey, wait.” I reached for her hand.

  She put both hands behind her and stepped back.

  “Is it too late? Have I lost you forever?” I placed my hands on her shoulders.

  “What? I’m just doing what you asked. I’m leaving.” She wrenched from my grasp and pulled her sweater closed against the chill.

  “I know, but please don’t go.” I held out both my hands.

  She lifted her eyes to mine. She flinched.

  “Yeah, I know. Red eyes and nose.”

  “Scott.” She lifted her hands to my face and stroked my swollen eyes. She slipped her hand behind my head and pulled it to her shoulder.

  I rested there a moment and then raised my head and looked at her. I brushed her lips with mine. “I’m so sorry. I love you. Please forgive me, give me another chance.” I pulled her over to the bench and sat beside her. I slid to my knees on the floor and laid my head in her lap. The waves crashed over me again.

  She rubbed my shaking shoulders.

  22

  “I’m rethinking my wedding plans. Just as well, since I’ve lost my wedding planner. Even though Scott’s better, we haven’t talked about the wedding date yet. So it’s a chance for me to make some changes.”

  “Rethink? Changes?” Tracy let her hand, sandwich and all, drop into her lap.

  “Yeah, I’m not sure why I didn’t say so at first, but I want to get married in the prayer garden under the gazebo. You know, lots of twinkling lights, red and green, snow. Of course the snow isn’t likely to happen, but I can dream.”

  “You want to get married at the gazebo?” Tracy took a drink of her ice water.

  “Yes. I suppose I just kept hearing Gran’s voice. ‘I don’t cotton to all this crazy way people do weddings now. People should get married in church. It’s a holy union.’ She’d have a conniption if she could see the way people dance down the aisles now.” I giggled until I saw Tracy’s red face.

  “Tracy, did you swallow down the wrong hole or something? What’s the matter?”

  “Uh, yeah.” She coughed into
her napkin and stood. “I just remembered something I have to do for Mom. Sorry, I gotta go.” She walked quickly to the front door, sandwich in one hand and digging in her purse with the other.

  “What, you haven’t finished your lunch, and what about our visit?” I followed her to the front door.

  “I’ll eat on the way, bye.” Tracy waved and bounded out the door and down the steps, muttering in Spanish. As soon as her feet hit the driveway, she whipped out her cell phone.

  “Bye, then,” I said to the air, and let the wind close the door. So much for that. Oh, well, I couldn’t fault the girl. She worked so much at the diner for Scott, it’s no wonder she forgot an errand for Liz.

  ~*~

  I finished my shift at the diner on Saturday afternoon. I took off my apron, poured myself a cup of coffee, and sat down at the counter.

  The diner still buzzed with activity, but Tracy had it all under control.

  I blew out a puff of air, sending my bangs flying all over the place. The week before Christmas bustled into my life in double quick time.

  Toppy came out of the kitchen, poured a cup of coffee, and then topped mine off.

  “He’s coming home today, isn’t he?” Toppy asked sitting down beside me.

  “He is. He has a follow-up appointment with Dr. Harkin first, and then we’re going out to dinner.” I could feel the smile spread all over my face as I ran my hand back and forth over the rising steam from my cup.

  “Dr. Harkin sees patients on Saturday?” Toppy asked.

  “Not in his office. He’s helping out in the ER this weekend. It’s like him to fill in so the staff can take time off for the holidays. Melissa, too. Dr. Harkin told him to just come to the ER, and he’d check him out.”

  “I’m so glad Jack convinced him to go to that Grief Counseling retreat for a week. I talked to him last night. He sounds prayed up and rarin’ to go. Wedding back on?” Toppy patted my hand.

  His hopeful eyes tickled me. Everyone wanted it as much as we did.

  “We haven’t talked much about it yet. Just letting him deal with stuff is enough right now. It’s great to be back on the same page though.” Would he ask me again soon? I wouldn’t press it. His getting better topped the priority list.

  “Good to hear,” Toppy said and reached for a high five.

  A crash came from the kitchen.

  Toppy and I rushed in.

  Tracy sat on the floor with a box of Christmas lights, strings of bulbs sprawled all around her.

  “Are you all right? Did you fall?” Toppy bent to help her up.

  I tried to worry the lights back into the box.

  “I’m fine. Tripped on my own two feet. Just borrowing some lights. Thanks. Here, let me have that box,” she said, grabbing it and rushing out the back door.

  Christmas. The upheaval around Exit 477 had made it impossible for me to wrap my brain around the holiday. At least Tracy had Christmas on her mind. I tried not to think of my wedding that was to have happened the next day. God’s timing would be perfect, though.

  “I’m so glad to have the boy feeling better; mentally, spiritually, and physically.” Toppy stretched his neck as though it was sore. No doubt his head had been bowed a lot recently.

  “Me, too.” I drained the coffee. “I’m off. See you later.”

  Toppy saluted with one hand and rubbed his neck with the other.

  He must have a headache or something. He’d been taking up the slack for Scott lately. I’d have to talk to him later about taking some time off. Mom seemed preoccupied these days as well. Christmas was happening all around me.

  I bopped out of the diner and into my car. Time to greet my love.

  23

  Had I had another heart attack and gone to heaven? Where was that music coming from? And that heavenly soprano, almost like my mom’s voice. Nope, not dead. My groggy brain had clean forgotten that church services would begin again today downstairs in the diner that morning. But who was that singing?

  Descending the stairs a few moments later, I saw.

  Toppy strummed a familiar chorus on guitar.

  That incredibly crystalline voice belonged to my own sweet Bailey. Wow. She’d mentioned several times that she had been involved in choir in high school and church. I should have paid more attention. My loved ones only rehearsed, but something about that voice made me want to worship.

  I saw a car passing in front of the diner heading up toward the inn. Looked like Mandy and Macy. A long piece of some kind of fabric sailed out the back seat window, flapping in the breeze. What could that be about? Probably picking up Greg and Todd, whose house was another mile past the inn.

  ‘Bout time you got down here.” Tracy mocked a mad face at me as she passed with a tray of donuts. “How about you make the coffee before everyone gets here.”

  “Sure.” I put the coffee on and took a seat.

  Bailey sang an updated version of “Trust and Obey.”

  Trust. Everyone threw that word around a lot lately when trying to encourage me. I was still trying to put all my trust in God. I felt better, closer to the Father, but I had a ways to go.

  “For there’s no other way...”

  No other way. I closed my eyes and let the music fill my heart and mind. The spirit of the voice pierced my mood. My healing heart thrilled to the music.

  Bailey’s mom came in bringing the cold wind inside with her.

  Bailey smiled. She thrived on this weather, this time of year. No wonder she’d picked a Christmas wedding. I’d ruined that, but I planned to remedy that today. Maybe it wouldn’t take too long to get the plans up and running again.

  The door whooshed open again, this time with Dr. Harkin and Melissa blowing in. The blush on both their faces revealed that it wasn’t just from the cold air outside. The doctor held her hand as they pulled into the hugging, laughing group. It looked as if he’d taken my advice.

  Pastor Weatherby strode in with a few truck drivers alongside. So good to see him.

  I sat watching this love fest with tears in my eyes.

  Bailey glanced over and then made her way to me. She put her arm around me. “Missing the folks?” She reached for my hand.

  “Yes, but not quite like I expected today. I can feel them smiling down on this. On me. I’m a little overwhelmed with how much love and blessing there is in my life.” My voice choked. I looked into her eyes.

  “I’m glad. Scott, I feel so much better about things. I wish we’d come to this point sooner. We’d be getting married today.”

  “I’m sorry, Bailey, my stubbornness is to blame. Let’s set a date for the moment we can get everyone together. At least you’ve got all your plans together.”

  She kissed my cheek again. “Not exactly, because I lost my wedding planner. Actually I’ve been rethinking those plans. I’m not upset about it, but it would have been a perfect day. I always wanted a winter wedding. It’s as cold and clear as I’d always imagined. Of course, I always dreamed of snow, but there’s not much hope of that around here.”

  “Welcome, everyone! So happy to be back at West House Diner for Bible study. Let’s open with prayer.” Pastor Weatherby bowed his head and began praying.

  After the ‘Amen,’ everyone gathered at tables.

  Toppy brought Pastor Jack a stool.

  “As I’ve been visiting with everyone, and meeting new folks it sure sounds like there’s just as much love around here as there always was.” He sat down on the stool and laid his open Bible on the end of the table. “It was good to be with you folks at Thanksgiving. My work kept me up north for months. I hated missing Paul West’s funeral. My heart rejoices, though, to see love still reigns here and has grown. I talk to people everywhere I go. You know me, if it has at least one ear, I’m gonna talk at it.” He sniffed and grinned at his own joke.

  Laughter rippled through the group.

  “Nearly everybody sayin’ they’re afraid of somethin’. Breaks your heart. It’s like a wild horse jumpin’ into the corral instea
d of fightin’ to git out. That fear’s like a rope around your neck. Take a look over there in 1 John 4:18.” He waited for those with Bibles to locate the verse. I’d grown used to the way his voice changed when he preached. He could get really worked up.

  “There ain’t but one thing that gets rid of fear, an’ that’s love, perfect love. Now Jesus’ love is the only perfect one, and if you have that, then fear should be scootin’ down a snake hole. But looks to me like people are huggin’ up to it instead of gettin’ rid of it.” He shut his Bible. “Now don’t make me have to go chasin’ rabbits about what kind of love is right or wrong. I have a feelin’ you good folks know the difference. But if you’re holdin’ out on givin’ or receivin’ love because you are afraid of somethin’, well then...” he stopped and closed his eyes, as though looking for a word. “Well, then, stop it!”

  Pin drop silence followed this impassioned plea.

  “I didn’t mean to sound like that. It’s just that I’m tired of God’s people holdin’ hands with fear. Heard tell of a widow up north that wouldn’t git married again. Said she didn’t want the hurt of losin’ another. That old coot of a suitor was crazy about her and had the change in his boots to take care of her. But she died alone. I can almost hear the old devil laughin’.

  “Stuff happens. We know from the good book that we’ll have trials and suffering. But why take on more than your lot? That’s all I got to say today. Read your Bibles and pray about your fears. Let Jesus’ perfect love cast it out for you.” He bowed his head and nearly everyone followed suit.

  Had Pastor Jack chosen that sermon for my sake? Either way, everyone needed to hear it. I prayed. Something solidified in my mind.

  Toppy stood with his guitar, and Bailey joined him.

  She lifted her voice and everyone joined in. Emotion seemed to choke everyone by the time she got to the second verse.

  “Not a burden we bear,

  not a sorrow we share,

  but our toil he doth richly repay;

  not a grief or a loss,

  not a frown or a cross,

  but is blest if we trust and obey.”

  I stood and joined her for the last chorus.