A Distant Shore

by Caryl Phillips

  “We have come this far. Let us at least take a look at the bridge.” Gabriel stares at her, but Amma will not back down. The guide turns and walks off in the direction of the glow in the sky, and his charges have little choice but to hasten after him. A few hundred yards down the road he stops abruptly and again he points.

  “Now we cross this field to the bridge.”

  The man leads them up off the road, and they begin to make their way across a deeply rutted field that is thickly overgrown with thistles and brambles. Amma reaches for her child to relieve Gabriel of the burden, but Gabriel makes it clear that he is comfortable with the boy’s weight.

  When they reach the far side of the field they see the bridge, which has a slight arch so that the middle part is higher than the rest. It is a narrow bridge, not broad enough for a car, but wide enough for two people to walk across, shoulder to shoulder. To reach the bridge the guide pulls back a piece of fencing that looks like it has already been cut. Lying discarded by this gap in the fence is an empty Coca-Cola can and a half-dozen chocolate wrappers. There are muddy footprints, which make the grass slick, but one after the other they all pass through the fence and then step onto the bridge. Gabriel looks over the edge to see how far the drop is, and he is relieved to discover that it is not nearly as far as he had feared. The two other men also look and then laugh, but theirs is a nervous laughter. The guide watches them, but he seems agitated, as though he is ready to leave. He looks first one way and then the other, but Gabriel is scrutinising this man who, for the first time, seems unsure of himself.

  “The train will come from this direction.” The guide points towards the light. “You will jump from here as it emerges on the other side.” He stands now in the middle of the small bridge and glances at his watch. “The train will be here in one minute.”

  Gabriel looks at Amma, but she seems calm. The guide continues.

  “It is better to drop down onto the train. Better than to jump. And you must land on the wagons at the rear of the train, for these are for cargo. Nobody will hear you if you drop on top of these carriages. Now please, you must get ready.”

  Amma busily ties her child securely into her bosom, wrapping yet another layer of cloth around him. The restless guide rubs the lenses of his thick glasses with his fingers.

  “You must lie flat and still on top of the train. You will pass through a long tunnel, but do not be frightened. Then it will be England, but do not get up or show yourself until you reach London. You will know that it is London, for you will be in a big station with a roof. The train will stop and doors will open and you will hear people and announcements. If the train stops before this you must not get up, do you understand?”

  The two men nod. Amma finishes binding her child to her bosom, and then they hear the noise of the train approaching. The guide jams his glasses back into place.

  “Remember you must lie flat.”

  Gabriel looks at the train as it comes into view, but he can immediately see that it is travelling too fast for Amma to jump. The two men are already hanging over the side of the bridge, and now the guide turns to Amma, but Gabriel moves to stand in front of her. The guide is flustered.

  “Quick, you must hurry.”

  Gabriel raises his voice over the noise of the approaching train. “It is going too quickly. She cannot do this.” Gabriel can see that Amma wants to speak, but he is adamant. He takes a step towards the guide and holds out his hand. “The money.”

  The guide laughs and turns from Gabriel. The train is now passing underneath the bridge. Gabriel can feel Amma tugging at his sleeve, but without bothering to turn around he simply cries, “No.” Gabriel watches as the two men let go of the bridge and fall on top of the train. They roll onto their sides and then one man reaches out and grabs the other in order to prevent him from falling. And then suddenly they are gone from sight as the train speeds into the distance. The guide turns from the train and looks at Gabriel.

  “What is the matter with you?” He holds his hands out wide. “The girl could have been on the train.”

  “It was going too fast,” says Gabriel.

  The guide laughs and begins to walk off, but Gabriel shouts.

  “The money.”

  The guide stops and turns around to face Gabriel.

  “I have to pay the guards. If there are three people, then I pay for three. If only two jump, then it is not my problem.”

  Amma takes Gabriel by the arm. “Please, the money is not important.”

  Gabriel, however, is determined. “You have stolen our money.”

  The guide walks back towards Gabriel. “Please do not call me a thief.”

  Gabriel is adamant. “You have taken Amma’s money.”

  The man now points towards Amma. “She decided not to jump. This is not my fault. If I am caught I will be imprisoned. But I take this risk.” He bangs his hand into his chest as he speaks. “I take the risk. You understand?”

  Amma turns and moves away from the bridge. She passes back through the gap in the fence and then she begins to walk across the field. Gabriel wants to say something more to this man, but he cannot take his eyes from Amma. He turns and runs after her, but when he reaches Amma she ignores him.

  “Are you angry with me?”

  Amma continues to walk.

  “I am trying to help you, yet you treat me as though I have done something that has offended you.” Amma stops in the middle of the thorny field, and for the first time Gabriel can see the tears in her eyes.

  “Why,” she asks, “do you insist on arguing with this man? He is not going to give you the money and he may be dangerous. You put us in danger. You put my child in danger.”

  Gabriel listens and he is shocked by how emotionally distraught Amma appears to be.

  “I am sorry.” He speaks quietly, and as he does so he moves to hold her arm, but she pulls away. “I did not know that you were frightened.”

  Amma’s eyes continue to blaze. “Of course I am frightened. The man can keep the money, I have a child to protect.”

  “I am sorry.”

  “Why are you sorry?” She looks contemptuously at Gabriel. “It is men like that man who raped me and made me sick.”

  “Men like that?”

  “Angry men. They killed my husband, and because of the rape his family did not want me any more. That is why I am here, just me and my child. We have nobody and we do not wish to make men angry.”

  “But you have me, Amma.”

  “I cannot have a man again, do you not understand? It is not possible. I am no use to you, no use at all.”

  Gabriel stares at her, but Amma shakes her head and then she begins to walk back in the direction of the camp. Gabriel watches her for a few moments, and then he follows.

  As they pass into the tent Gabriel notices that there are new people who look closely at both of them. However, in the far corner of the tent, he sees familiar faces. He imagines that it must be clear to them that this is not the right time to begin questioning either of their distraught-looking fellow travellers. Amma sits down and begins to free the child from the cloths which bind him to her body. Gabriel sits heavily on the cot next to hers and he stares at her. And then he whispers.

  “So what will happen with us?”

  Amma says nothing, and she will not meet Gabriel’s eyes. She lies on her side with her hands between her knees, as though she is praying, and she concentrates on her child. Knowing that he is effectively beaten, and that there is no way to make Amma talk against her will, Gabriel rolls over onto his cot and closes his eyes. He is tired, and he can feel sleep beginning to flood his body.

  And then Gabriel sees his mother crawling on all fours like a dog. She is wailing, but without making any noise. Her head is craned back and she opens her mouth and reveals toothless gums. Her eyes bulge, but it is not immediately clear why she is in so much pain. And now she is surrounded by a group of men in khaki uniforms with red bandannas wrapped around their heads. They form a huma
n circle inside of which Gabriel’s mother crawls, and as she does so they kick her. Gabriel watches at some distance, and then one of the men turns around and sees Gabriel. The man has on dark glasses, and then all of the men turn and look at Gabriel so that he can now see that they are all wearing dark glasses. Gabriel’s mother has collapsed into a heap and she is no longer able to crawl. But the men have finished with her and they stare now at Gabriel. And then Gabriel’s two sisters walk into view. They are still in their blue and white school uniforms, and they carry their satchels over one shoulder. The men notice these two girls, and the older sister stops and holds the arm of the younger sister, who screams, and the two girls turn on their heels and begin to flee. A satchel drops from a shoulder, but it is impossible to tell who it belongs to. The men take off in pursuit of the girls and leave Gabriel standing alone with his mother. He waits for a few moments, but his mother does not pick herself up from the dirt. Gabriel is not sure if he should approach her, but in the end he decides to try and help. His mother is curled in a ball with her back to him.

  “Mama?” Gabriel speaks quietly, as though not wishing to rouse her from an afternoon nap. “Mama, are you all right?”

  She says nothing in return, and so he bends down to touch her.

  “Mama?”

  “I have not had my blood in many months.”

  He hears her voice, but she does not turn around to face him. He reaches down and pulls back her shoulder in order that he might look into her eyes, but there is no face. It is as if somebody has taken a piece of cloth and rubbed out her features. Gabriel jumps back in alarm, and then he opens his eyes and sees one of his travelling companions looking down at him.

  “Gabriel, are you all right?”

  Gabriel says nothing, and he simply stares at Bright.

  “Gabriel, you were screaming. My brother, you are covered in sweat.”

  Gabriel realises where he is. Beyond this man, and beyond the people who lie idly on their cots, he can see daylight through the open flaps of the tent. It is morning. Gabriel sits upright and wipes his damp brow with the sleeve of his jacket, and then he gestures to the empty cots.

  “Where is everybody?”

  “They have gone back to Paris to try to find Joshua.”

  Gabriel looks to the cot where Amma used to lie. Bright reads his mind, and he speaks before Gabriel has time to frame the question.

  “Yes, the woman too. She seemed sad to leave you. I think she wanted to wake you to say goodbye, but you were sleeping very heavily.”

  Gabriel is disappointed with Amma, but there is little point in his letting Bright know this. Gabriel sits upright and looks around, and then Bright laughs, a loud, almost hysterical laugh, and he slaps Gabriel on the back.

  “Come, let us get some food before these people eat it all.”

  Gabriel follows Bright out of the tent. His friend is heavily built, but without being fat, and Gabriel guesses him to be in his mid-twenties. During the journey he has said very little to Gabriel, but even in the most difficult of times he has noticed a quiet determination about this man, Bright. They line up to collect their metal plate of rice and vegetables, and their hunk of bread, and then they both squat in the sunshine and eat. The ground is too muddy for them to sit, but it is too depressing to go back inside the tent. Bright eats quickly, as though unconcerned by what he is shovelling into his mouth, and when he finishes the food he tosses the plate to the ground and then turns to Gabriel.

  “I think we should try to reach England tonight. I have been speaking to one of those men.” Bright gestures towards an unusually tall Chinese man in a red woollen hat who, judging by the manner in which he pulls his thin jacket around him, appears to be suffering badly with a cold. Suddenly this man bends almost double, and begins to cough loudly into his chapped hands.

  “He told me that we can smuggle ourselves onto a boat. It is better than the trains, for everybody is trying the trains. The boats are unprotected most of the time.”

  “Bright, you are sure about this?”

  “The Chinese man told me that for those with no money, the only way into England is the boats. If we do not try, then we are defeated.” Bright pauses. “This man says that he is coming with us.” Again Bright pauses and he looks directly at Gabriel. “It is either this or Paris. But I am an Englishman. Only the white man respects us, for we do not respect ourselves. If you cut my heart open you will find it stamped with the word ‘England.’ I speak the language, therefore I am going to England to claim my house and my stipend.” For a moment Bright falls silent, and then again he begins to speak. “My brother, this is difficult to talk about, so I will just say it once and then we can forget it. In our country they put me in prison and did terrible things to me to try to make me talk. If it was not for a cousin who brought me money so I could pay the guards and eat, I would not be here. I got dysentery from the one chamber pot that fifty of us were forced to share. I got lice from the damp mattress on the floor. The half-cooked rice in palm oil soothed my pain, but it made me very sick. I know we have all been afflicted, but I, this man, cannot go back ever. I hate it. I want to forget Africa and those people. I am an Englishman now. I am English and nobody will stop me from going home. Not you, not these people, nobody.”

  Gabriel smells the sea, but he says nothing. The three of them continue to edge their way down the dark road, until they are greeted with a bank of floodlights which reveal a bustling scene of trucks and people, all of whom are bathed in the dazzling pool of bright fluorescent light. The Chinese man points to the bulk of a huge ship and then he speaks to Bright in a whisper, all the while glancing towards the vessel. Bright listens and then turns to Gabriel.

  “He says that we are to move quickly through the trucks till we get close to the ship. Then we run to the ropes that secure the ship to the harbour, take them in our hands and drop over the side. There is a ledge on the side of the ship that we put our feet on, and we must hold on to the ship.”

  Gabriel seems unconvinced.

  “When do we do this?”

  “Now.”

  The Chinese man is not listening. He looks intently all about himself, and then suddenly his red hat is moving quickly through the trucks. Bright notices that they have been abandoned and he is quick to follow. Gabriel chases after his younger friend, and the two men scamper quickly in an effort not to lose sight of the Chinese man. They hide behind the truck that is closest to the ship, and all three of them wait until they have caught their breath. Then the Chinese man points first to himself, then to Bright, and then to Gabriel so that it is clear that they are to move off in this order. Without waiting to see if his instructions have registered, the man dashes to the side of the ship and swings himself off the quayside and down into the narrow gap between the sea wall and the vessel. Gabriel and Bright look at each other, but neither says anything. Bright glances all around and then scurries off. Gabriel watches as Bright grabs a rope and then disappears over the quayside. And now Gabriel runs out, his heart pounding, and he too grabs the rope and lowers himself until he can feel the ledge beneath his feet. He releases the rope and grabs holds of a metal chain, and he follows Bright and the Chinese man, who are edging their way towards the front of the ship. Once there they edge along the far side of the ship where nobody can see them. And then they stop and wait. Gabriel looks down and can see that there is nothing between this thin ledge and the sea below, and he clings tightly to the metal chain. Occasionally he glances at Bright, but Bright’s eyes are tightly shut and he will not meet his friend’s gaze.

  Eventually, the hooter on the ship sounds a half-dozen shrill blasts and the ship begins, almost imperceptibly, to move off and into the open water. As she does so, Gabriel can feel the greasy swell lazily swinging the ship up, and then letting her down again as though having changed its mind. Gabriel notices that a terrified Bright has opened his eyes, but, as though sensing danger, he quickly shuts them again. As the ship moves out into the sea, and her movements become
more energetic, water begins to spray up and over Gabriel so that he is instantly sodden, and it is now Gabriel’s turn to close his eyes. As the ship moves forward, Gabriel can feel it hitting a tall ridge of water and then plunging down the far side of the ridge and into a trough, and for a moment he is totally submerged. Soon Gabriel can no longer feel his hands, but he fights with a soldier’s concentration to keep his mind alert.

  Gabriel hears the ship’s engines falling quiet, and he notices that the lurching of the ship is becoming less violent. He hears people shouting to each other, and then the shouting becomes increasingly urgent. For a moment Gabriel wonders if this is the afterworld, and then he realises that it is his own name that is being shouted out. He opens his eyes. The ship is approaching a coastline that looks like a long, thin black shadow decorated with speckles of white light, and Gabriel blinks repeatedly, for the sea water is burning his eyes. He can see that Bright is gesturing wildly to him, but there is no sign of the other man. Bright now clings onto the metal chain with just one hand, and with the other hand he is pointing to the black water. “Jump!” Before Gabriel has a chance to reply, Bright leaps down into the water and Gabriel jumps after him. As he hits the water Gabriel feels his leg snap back, as though it has struck something hard. The pain shoots through him like a bullet, and Gabriel opens his mouth to cry out in pain, but water rushes in. Bright is already swimming towards the shore, and Gabriel begins to flail after him although it causes him intense pain to do so. Gabriel decides to turn on his side, and he trails the leg behind him as though it were a semi-discarded article of clothing. As he thrashes his way towards the lights, the cinema of his mind fades to black and then it is suddenly flooded with disturbing, yet familiar, images.

  We were the smaller tribe. We worked hard and we did not harm anybody. We tried to do what was best for ourselves, and what was good for our young country. We wanted only to live in peace with our brothers, but it became clear that this was not possible. My father told me they were jealous of us, for our people ran many businesses; not just in the capital city, but in our tribal land to the south. We formed the backbone of the economy, and therefore we had much influence. It was only after one of our people was elected to the presidency that the real trouble began; the killings. The army rebelled, and the government troops spilled out from their barracks and cruised the streets in vehicles with machine guns pointing out of the windows. They began to drink and kill, and kill and drink, and soon my terrified father had little choice but to take me to one side.