A Distant Shore

by Caryl Phillips

  Gabriel looks around himself and he now realises that he has no idea of where he is. His dream is becoming a nightmare. He hears a voice shout to him, “Gabriel!,” but he does not know how to find this person. Suddenly the street is in total darkness and he can see nothing. Then again the voice cries out, “Gabriel!,” and he realises that he is being lured by this man. The light begins to improve, and as Gabriel follows the voice, people begin to mill about. French people. He is still in Paris. Shops and cars appear, and Gabriel feels as though he has walked from death into life. He begins to relax now and walk freely. Gabriel no longer hears the voice calling to him, but he seems to know exactly where he is walking. He crosses a busy highway and turns into a side street, where he stops by a pavement café and looks at the man who is the centre of attention. The man is surrounded by a group of fellow Africans, and they hang on his every word as he tells his tales and orchestrates their communal laughter. Then Gabriel recognises the voice that has led him out of darkness and to this present place. It is the voice of Bright. His young friend does not look across at Gabriel, he simply continues to talk, and Gabriel listens, and then Gabriel realises that none of the men can actually see him. Should he go and sit down among them, they still would not be able to see him. Bright has clearly made something of his life, but Gabriel is surprised to see him in Paris. He had imagined that Bright would, after all the effort that he had made to get to England, at least have tried to reach London. “Bright,” he says. He waits for Bright to respond, but Bright continues to ignore him. Gabriel tries again, but then Gabriel realises that, like the other men, Bright cannot hear him. He shouts one final time, “Bright!”

  When Gabriel opens his eyes he can tell that it is dawn. The birds outside are singing, and the light is weak. He feels rested now, not only from the terror of the ride on the side of the ship, but from the whole journey. He moves his leg slightly, and although it still hurts, the pain does not shoot through it in the same manner. It is only now, however, as he moves to stand, that he notices that Bright is not in the room. Gabriel walks to the door, and although it still troubles him to place his full weight on the leg, he can at least move with some freedom. He opens the door and steps outside, and then he looks up at the house. In the morning light, the true extent of its abandonment is now clear. At first he had noticed that only one window was broken, but he can now see that most of the windows are either cracked or have small holes in the panes of glass as though stones have been pelted through them. The woodwork on the house lacks paint and is peeling, and the guttering is falling from the structure. In between the bricks spout tufts of grass, and in places some bricks are either dislodged or missing altogether. Gabriel walks around the house and discovers that the dereliction is the same on all sides. However, at the back of the house the state of disrepair seems to be greater still, for not a single pane of glass is intact, and birds appear to have taken to nesting in what used to be the kitchen. To the side of the kitchen wall he notices roses climbing wildly on some rickety trelliswork, but their red splendour serves only to reinforce the misery of the place.

  Gabriel wanders round to the front of the house, and as he does so he wonders what might have happened here. England was not enduring a period of war, so why would somebody flee from a grand house like this? He walks down the short path to the road and looks first to the left and then to the right, but he can see nobody. As he turns to go back inside the house, Gabriel hears a noise behind him. For a moment he stands still, not daring to turn around.

  “It’s only me.”

  He hears Denise’s voice, and then her laughter, and then he turns to face her. He sees that she is wearing the same red uniform with black tights that she wore the previous day and she is holding a plastic bag, which Gabriel hopes contains food. She pushes past him with her tank-like body, and then she dashes up the path and into the house, and Gabriel follows her.

  “Scared you, did I?” She doesn’t wait for Gabriel to answer. “I brought you some food and some drinks. Where’s your friend?”

  “Bright?”

  “Yes, Bright. I thought he was going to be here.” Gabriel can barely take his eyes from the bag of food, which the girl now passes to him. “Take what you want, it’s for you.”

  Gabriel takes out a loaf of bread and tears off a large piece. As much as he wishes to eat slowly and with some dignity, he cannot restrain himself from cramming the bread into his mouth, for his stomach burns with hunger. Denise sits down now and stares at him.

  “Hungry, are you?” She starts to laugh, and Gabriel realises that she is laughing at him. He glares at her, but an unperturbed Denise continues to laugh. As he chews his food, Gabriel studies this girl, who appears to be younger than his own sisters, and who wears her school uniform with neither pride nor dignity. The skirt is too short and it rides up one leg so that half of the girl’s thigh is exposed. Gabriel looks at her, and her exposed thigh, and then he attempts to open the bottle of water, which starts to bubble when he finally unscrews the metal cap.

  “I don’t think Bright’s coming back, do you?” Gabriel begins to drink, but he does not answer. He decides instead to wait for her to continue. “I saw him this morning by the train station.” Gabriel stops drinking. “He didn’t tell you anything, did he?” Gabriel says nothing. “Well, don’t worry, I’ll look after you till you’re ready to go. I couldn’t find any bandages, but I haven’t told anybody that you’re here, honest.”

  Gabriel looks away from this girl. He needs time to think, but he can feel the girl’s eyes upon him. She is staring at him and waiting for him to say something, but Gabriel has nothing to say to this disrespectful girl. He does not even wish to look upon her. Gabriel can sense that she is about to ask another question and so he closes his eyes against the girl, and the bright sunlight, in an attempt to control his anger.

  The day warder unlocks the final door and moves to one side so that Gabriel can pass into the room where the woman and the man are already sitting at the table waiting for him. As he walks in, Katherine stands up and smiles. Today she is dressed formally in black, but he can see that she has not surrendered her love for men’s trousers. Stuart Lewis remains seated, his face a mask of concentration, and he studies the papers that are spread out before him. Gabriel hears the door bang shut behind him and he knows that the warder is standing guard behind his back.

  “Sit down, Gabriel,” says Katherine, gesturing to the chair on the other side of the table.

  Gabriel sits, but Stuart Lewis does not look up at him. The man continues to shuffle through the pile of papers in front of him.

  “Gabriel, we just want to know if there’s anything that you’d like to tell us before we go to court this morning.” Katherine pauses, and the man finally looks up. He adjusts his glasses.

  “Gabriel, since we last met I’ve spent some time looking through the files. Given the circumstances, there’s little point in having a barrister present.” Katherine sighs, but she remains silent. “I think that only by saying something along the lines that you ‘think’ this thing never happened will you really have a proper opportunity to help yourself. Do you understand?”

  Gabriel says nothing. The man begins now to tap his pen and then he quickly shakes his head and pushes back his chair. Katherine leans across the table.

  “Are you sure, Gabriel? I mean are you really sure that you remember nothing?”

  Gabriel lowers his eyes. Stuart Lewis stands and begins to push the papers into his briefcase. Now it is Katherine’s turn to get to her feet.

  “We’ll see you in court, Gabriel. And don’t worry, we’re on your side.” Katherine makes an attempt to look cheerful, but a disappointed Stuart Lewis does not look again in Gabriel’s direction.

  As the police van twists and turns its way through the narrow streets, Gabriel peers through the blackened windows at the English people going about their daily business. The driver and the policeman next to him talk and occasionally they throw a comment back in the direct
ion of Gabriel, who sits behind the metal grille.

  “I hear they’re gonna put you in with some nice football boys.”

  Gabriel does not understand everything they say.

  “Chelsea fans, you prefer them, do you?” The men laugh out loud, but Gabriel ignores them and continues to stare out of the window. To Gabriel’s eyes, English people look unhappy, and he notices that they walk with their heads down as though determined to avoid one another. It is strange, but nobody is looking at anybody else, and it would appear that not only are these people all strangers to one another, but they seem determined to make sure that this situation will remain unchanged.

  And then suddenly there is no longer a view. They are in a dark underground car park, and both men are now serious. They leave the van together, doors slamming on either side like noisy metal wings. Gabriel hears them unlocking the back door, and then the driver grabs Gabriel by the collar of his shirt. “Come on, sunshine, get up.” Gabriel finds it difficult to maintain his balance with his hands hand-cuffed together, and as they drag him out he bangs his head on the roof of the van. He notices others now, including a half-dozen police officers, and some men with cameras who begin to take pictures, their shutters firing like gunshots and their bright lights flashing in his face. He feels a policeman push down his head so that he is now looking at his shoes, and he is quickly pulled in the direction of an open door. Inside the building there seems to be less commotion. The policeman takes his hand from the back of Gabriel’s head, and Gabriel looks up. They are in a brightly lit corridor. At the end of the corridor, Katherine and Stuart Lewis are waiting for him. As he reaches them, Katherine pats Gabriel on the back, and he notices that since he last saw her she has unfastened her hair so that it is now drifting into her eyes.

  “We’ve got a few minutes before the hearing. Are you all right?”

  Gabriel nods and looks all about himself. The corridor is filled with policemen who are staring at him, but at least nobody is taking any pictures. Katherine points.

  “Come on, we can go in here.”

  Stuart Lewis remains in the corridor while Katherine leads the way into a small room, where Gabriel immediately notices that the fluorescent light is blinking on and off. There are a table and four chairs, but on the walls there are neither pictures nor posters, and there are no windows. Gabriel sits across the table from Katherine, and then Stuart Lewis and a policeman come in and the lawyer sits next to Gabriel. Suddenly Stuart Lewis seems relaxed, and he even smiles at Gabriel, who can now see that today the man has what looks like a slight coffee stain on his yellow tie.

  “How are we this morning?”

  Gabriel is confused by this sudden change of tone. He glances at Katherine, who also seems somewhat puzzled.

  “Everything all right, Stuart?”

  “Oh yes, everything’s all right.” The lawyer looks at his watch, and then he begins to drum his fingers against the table top.

  Katherine waits for a few moments and then she speaks again.

  “Stuart, what’s going on?”

  The policeman looks at them all in turn, and then he suddenly gets up. He opens the door and steps out into the corridor. Stuart Lewis looks at his watch and then he too stands.

  “Stuart, what on earth is going on? I think Gabriel has some right to know, don’t you?”

  The lawyer glances again at his watch, and then he looks smugly at Katherine.

  “Well, that’s it. The Crown’s lawyer has failed to turn up, and the girl is refusing to testify, so it’s over. I’ve informed the police that you’re taking care of his application for asylum, and so as long as you’ve filed his papers, he’s all yours.”

  “So all criminal charges are dropped?”

  “The chief witness for the prosecution won’t co-operate, so that’s pretty much it. The case is over, but Mr. Gabriel is not a popular man in these parts. You have filed his papers for asylum?” Katherine nods. “Well, while things are being processed, I would suggest that Mr. Gabriel get as far away from here as possible.”

  Katherine stares at Stuart Lewis, who straightens his tie and then pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

  “Are you going?”

  Stuart Lewis seems surprised by the question.

  “Of course I’m going. Without the girl there’s no case, and I’ve got other things to attend to. Is there anything else?”

  Gabriel looks now at Katherine, who seems confused. She holds her arms out in a gesture of helplessness.

  “Well, I suppose not. It’s just that it’s all a bit sudden.” The lawyer moves towards the door.

  “Good luck.” He pauses and then looks at Gabriel. “To you both, I mean.” He closes the door after he leaves, and Gabriel and Katherine are left alone.

  “Did you understand all of that?” Gabriel does not answer, so Katherine edges her way around the table and sits next to him. “Gabriel, it’s over. The girl has refused to co-operate, so the Crown has had to drop the case. You’re free to go, but Stuart is suggesting that you go far away. I think he’s right. It’s not going to be easy if you stay around here, but that’s not what you want, is it?” Gabriel shakes his head. “Look, I’ll be honest with you, love. Your application’s in and you’re supposed to stick around here, where they’ll house you and feed you as a refugee till they decide if they’ll accept you. My colleagues in the local office here will take care of you.” Katherine pauses. “But the truth is, love, with this hanging over your head, people around here are not going to forget you. You’ll not get a fair hearing.”

  Gabriel does not know what to say, and so he waits for Katherine to say something further that will break the silence. Then Katherine takes out a small notepad from her handbag and she begins to write in it.

  “Gabriel, I’m going to give you my address in London.” Katherine tears a piece of paper out of her pad and hands it to Gabriel. “Drop me a line if you need anything, but between you and me, your best bet is to do a runner. I shouldn’t be telling you this, but it’s true. Stuart’s right, the press have been all over this case. In fact, even London will be a bit dodgy, given the publicity that you’ve had. Go north. You’ve not really got any papers, so call yourself something else. Take a chance up there as they won’t know who you are.”

  “But I did nothing wrong.”

  Katherine touches his arm.

  “I’m not disputing this, Gabriel. It’s just that people always assume that there’s no smoke without fire. I know it’s unfair, but that’s how it is.”

  Gabriel looks closely at the piece of paper that Katherine has given him.

  “Can you read it?”

  Gabriel nods and Katherine smiles.

  “Well, that’s it then.”

  “Will I be going back to the prison?”

  “I shouldn’t think so. You don’t really have anything, do you?” Gabriel produces his crumpled book from his pocket. “Well, if that’s it, then you’re all set. I’d give you a lift as far as London, but I’ve got to go across to Dover for another case.” Katherine pauses. “You haven’t any money, have you?”

  He watches as Katherine reaches into her purse and takes out some notes. First the woman is sharing her private address with him, and now she is offering him money, but Gabriel will not take the money, for this is too much. He looks away, but Katherine is insistent.

  “Gabriel, I am going to leave it right here on the table and I want you to take it. You never know.”

  “I do not need your money.”

  “I beg your pardon?” Katherine’s voice is suddenly filled with indignation.

  Gabriel is shocked by his words and he speaks again. “I am sorry. Thank you.”

  “Good.” Katherine stands. “I know one of the policemen pretty well. I’ll ask him to give you a lift to the train station in the next town so you can get away from the journalists. I’ll tell him I’m meeting you there later or something. Wait until he goes, and then you’re on your own.” She momentarily stares at him.
“But I expect you’re used to that, aren’t you?”

  Gabriel stares back at her.

  “Good luck, Gabriel.” Katherine closes the door behind her.

  Gabriel sits and stares at the money. Then he reaches over and picks up the two notes and pushes them into his trouser pocket.

  Gabriel feels the weight of a hand upon his shoulder and the sour smell of a man’s breath on his face.

  “Keep it down, mate. You’ll have the whole of Scotland Yard down on our heads if you’re not careful.”

  Gabriel looks at the scruffy, unkempt man, whose straggly beard momentarily frightens him. The man’s skin is pale, almost waxen, and now that the man is sure he has Gabriel’s attention, he takes a step back. Gabriel looks around himself and he begins to remember. The policeman bundled him into the back of a car, but this policeman did not handcuff him, nor did he wait for a driver. He pulled his door closed, and then he began to drive out into the countryside. As he did so he tormented Gabriel, asking him about the girl, and what it was like, and how Gabriel would feel if he were to do the same thing to Gabriel’s sister or to his mother. Gabriel had no choice but to listen, but the longer this man talked, the more convinced Gabriel became that the man intended to beat him, or take him to a place where a group of his friends would be waiting to kill him.

  Just as Gabriel was beginning to think that in order to save his life he should open the door and jump out and run into a field, they began to approach another town. The policeman did not drive as quickly, and he stopped talking. Eventually the man turned off the engine and sauntered around to the back of the car, where he held open the door and simply said, “Get out.” Gabriel quickly stepped out and onto the pavement, and the man slammed shut the door and said nothing further. Gabriel watched as the car raced off. He felt in his pocket to make sure that he still had the money that the woman had given to him, and then he turned and walked into the train station and towards the place where people were buying tickets.