A Distant Shore

by Caryl Phillips

  “Over there, mate.” He points across the road. “Just go down the street over there. It’s on the left.”

  Gabriel thanks the man, and as he crosses the road, the London sky once again begins to weep gentle rain. He holds his gaping jacket together, and he walks cautiously down the side street until he comes to number twenty-seven. He can see that this is an affluent neighbourhood, for the houses have gardens at the front that are neat and well maintained. Also, the cars that are parked on this street are all expensive models that Gabriel recognises as the type that ministers or businessmen in his country liked to drive. However, there is one car that disturbs Gabriel, for a metal coat hanger has been twisted into the shape of a crushed diamond, then hopelessly inserted into a hole in the bonnet to serve as a radio aerial. This car suddenly reminds Gabriel of home, and of his own dreams of one day owning a vehicle, but he turns from the car and its makeshift aerial and realises that he has finally discovered the house.

  The lights are on, so Gabriel knows that Katherine is at home, but he is now unsure of what he might say to her. He unfastens the gate and walks gingerly up the path. Once he reaches the door, Gabriel presses the bell, but nothing happens, so he knocks at the door, and as he waits he hears, somewhere in the distance, the thin, high-pitched whistle of what he imagines to be a passing train. After a few moments, Katherine appears before him with a book in one hand. She is wearing dark-rimmed glasses, which make her appear older.

  “Gabriel? What are you doing here?”

  Gabriel does not know what to say. Katherine is not being particularly friendly, which only deepens his embarrassment.

  “I’m sorry,” he stammers. “I should not be disturbing you like this, but I have no money. I have been robbed.”

  Katherine looks alarmed, and then the door opens wider and a much older man with grey hair appears at Katherine’s shoulder. Katherine turns to him.

  “Leonard, this is Gabriel. The man I was telling you about from the coast. The one whose case was dismissed.”

  Leonard speaks to Katherine without taking his eyes from Gabriel. “Yes, of course I remember him. What’s he doing here?”

  Katherine is now visibly angry. “Leonard!” she snaps, but the man just turns from Gabriel and disappears inside. Katherine sighs deeply, and then she looks again at the stranger on her doorstep.

  “Just give me a minute, Gabriel.” Katherine pushes the door closed, and she leaves Gabriel by himself.

  Gabriel hears raised voices and it is clear that both people are angry, but the louder the man shouts, the more Katherine seems to be able to match him in volume and intensity. As Gabriel listens he wonders if he should just leave now, for clearly he is the cause of this conflict. As he thinks about whether to turn and walk away, Katherine reappears at the door with her coat on.

  “Come on, Gabriel.” Katherine slams the door behind her and marches down the garden path, leaving Gabriel in her wake. “Trust me, Gabriel, you don’t want to stay here.” Katherine opens the door to a small blue car and then climbs in. She leans over and pushes open the passenger door for Gabriel. “Get in, get in.”

  Gabriel folds himself into the small car and he sits next to Katherine.

  “Seat belt.” Gabriel looks blankly at her. “Put on your seat belt.” Katherine leans over and somewhat impatiently straps him into place. Gabriel feels embarrassed, for although he knows what seat belts are, he is not used to seeing people use them. Katherine lights a cigarette, and then she starts the engine. She holds the packet of cigarettes out to Gabriel, but he shakes his head. Katherine pushes them back into her bag, and then she engages the gear and swings the car out into the street and screeches away. Katherine drives for some minutes before she speaks.

  “Gabriel, I’m sorry about that. Leonard knows about the case and, like everybody else, he thinks that there’s probably something to it.”

  Gabriel says nothing and Katherine shoots him a quick glance.

  “I’m talking about the girl, Gabriel. I told him, and he also read about it in the papers.”

  Gabriel nods so that Katherine will know that he understands what she is talking about. Katherine continues to drive, and Gabriel stares out of the window, where the rain seems to be getting heavier.

  “Gabriel, I’m taking you to the motorway so that you can hitch a ride. Just ask to be put out somewhere in the north. Lorry drivers love having people to talk to, especially at night.” They stop now at a traffic light, and Katherine reaches into her bag and pulls out a single note. “You weren’t hurt when you were robbed, were you?”

  Gabriel shakes his head.

  “No, it was one of my own people. He tricked me.”

  Katherine laughs. “Welcome to England. Look, tuck this away for emergencies.” She pushes the note into Gabriel’s hand, then changes gear and pulls away from the traffic light. “It might help with food or something. I’m sure you’ll find some kind of work in the north, and you really should become somebody else, Gabriel. I know you don’t want to do this, but it will really help.” She pauses. “Unfortunately, there’s plenty of Leonards in the world.”

  Gabriel does not know what to say in reply to this, so he simply looks out of the window as they drive on in silence through the seemingly endless streets of London. Katherine turns on the radio, but the pop music only seems to deepen the sense of embarrassment that Gabriel feels. It is shameful to have placed himself at the mercy of this woman, and to have troubled her life in this manner. However, as hard as he tries, he can think of nothing he might say that would repair the damage between them. As he once more turns to look out of the window, he feels Katherine beginning to slow the car down, and then she pulls over to the left-hand side of the road.

  “I’m going to let you out here, Gabriel.” She pauses. “Not much I can do about the rain, I’m afraid.” She points now to where the road divides. “I’m going to the right, but you should just walk around the corner to the left and you’ll soon get a lift, if you start to hitch. You know, put out your thumb, like this.” Katherine demonstrates. “Just remember you want to go north.” Gabriel nods. “Gabriel, I’m sorry I can’t do more for you than this, but as you can see I’ve got things to sort out at home.”

  Gabriel prepares to open the door to the car. Although he knows that Katherine is dismissing him, he is not angry.

  “Thank you, Katherine.”

  She smiles at Gabriel. “I’m sorry, love.” Katherine points to the copies of Jimmy’s magazine. “You can leave them. You won’t be needing them where you’re going.”

  Gabriel takes them from his pocket, hands them to Katherine, and then he climbs out of the car and into the rain.

  “Good luck.” Katherine tosses the magazines onto the now empty passenger seat, then she leans over and blows Gabriel a kiss. “I feel bad putting you out in this weather, but don’t you worry, somebody will soon take pity.” Katherine pulls in the car door. Gabriel stands and watches as Katherine indicates, then moves out and into the traffic. He stares at her small blue car until it disappears around the corner and out of sight.

  Gabriel walks towards the point where the road divides. There are no other people in sight, only cars and lorries that roar past him at high speed. Gabriel sees a figure in the windswept, sodden gloom with a thumb turned up in the manner that Katherine demonstrated. This makes Gabriel feel somewhat better as he has no desire to be alone in this desolate place. However, as he moves closer he can see that his fellow hitch-hiker is a young woman, and as she notices Gabriel moving towards her, the alarm in her eyes is unmistakable. Her mouth half-opens, as though a cry is being stifled somewhere at the back of her throat, but Gabriel has little choice but to lower his eyes and continue to walk towards her.

  The girl points again to the plastic bag that Gabriel is holding on his lap.

  “Well, go on then. Have some more food. What’s the matter with you?”

  Gabriel shakes his head, then he shields his eyes from the light that is spilling in through the
cracked windows.

  “No, thank you. I am fine.”

  He bristles with anger at the way this girl is speaking to him, but he tries hard to control these feelings and to recognise that the girl has been generous for, as promised, she has returned with food. However, he finds her manner irritating, and her appearance, with her dirty, unwashed blonde hair, and her skirt riding up her thigh, is unacceptable.

  “You’re not hungry any more, is that it?” Now she seems child-like, and almost hurt.

  Gabriel puts the bag on the floor and looks at the girl.

  “Do you have parents? And please, do they know that you are not at school?”

  She laughs and tosses her head as though to indicate the stupidity of the question.

  “I already told you, my dad’s unemployed and my mum left ages ago. I don’t know where she is. Got no idea.”

  “But does your father not want you to go to school?”

  “He doesn’t care, does he? I sometimes work at McDonald’s and he likes that because it means if he fancies a Big Mac and fries, he doesn’t have to pay for it. He spends nearly all his giro on booze. Why should he care if I go to school or not?”

  Gabriel suspects that this line of questioning is annoying her, so he says nothing further. They fall into silence, which she finally breaks by pointing to his leg.

  “Is it better now?”

  Gabriel taps his leg, as though to reassure himself.

  “Yes, it is much better, thank you. I think it will be fine.”

  “You got here on a boat, didn’t you? One of the cross-Channel ferries.”

  “I hurt myself when I jumped into the water.” She shakes her head now.

  “It’s a wonder you’re alive. It’s bleeding freezing out there. I wouldn’t go in that water if you paid me. Barry, he used to be a lifeboat man. I told him he’s mad doing something like that, but he wouldn’t listen. He’s my old boyfriend. But he dumped me because I suppose he got frightened on account of my being too young. He could have gone to prison, but I didn’t care. Anyhow that’s all he wanted to do, just start on right away, then get to the pub.” Gabriel continues to listen to her, but she is no longer making any sense. “What’s Africa like? It’s not really jungle and animals, is it? I know that much. My dad probably thinks it is, but he’s never been anywhere in his life. Claims he once went to Southampton, but that’s about it. He says if you live by the water you don’t need to go anywhere because all the world comes to you, but that’s a load of rubbish. That’s just his excuse for being a lazy sod.”

  Gabriel has no idea how to participate in this conversation, but he has no desire to embarrass the girl with his silence. And then, as though sensing Gabriel’s bewilderment, the girl gets to her feet and announces that she has to go now.

  “I can come back later, if you like. You ever had fish and chips? I can bring you some.”

  Gabriel looks at the girl standing before him in her school uniform, imagining that she is already a woman. He reminds himself that in his country many girls of her age already have babies and responsibilities, and they do not swear, and they are not abusive about their parents, and they would never sit alone with a man in this way. It is difficult for Gabriel to tell if this girl is typical of all English girls, but although he remains grateful to her for bringing him food, he still does not trust her. She moves quickly to the door.

  “I’ll see you later then.”

  Gabriel watches her walk down the path towards the road, and then her small, overweight body begins to run, as though she is late for an appointment.

  Gabriel closes the door. He picks up the plastic bag, and then he looks inside and can see that it contains more bread and cheese. First, he drinks some more of the water, and then he eats quickly and without any concern for decorum. Having finished, Gabriel leans back in the chair and decides that he must follow Bright to London, and that he should leave as soon as possible. And then Gabriel feels somebody pulling his arm, and almost immediately a strange greasy smell wafts over him. Denise speaks loudly.

  “Come on, wake up. I’ve brought you the fish and chips.”

  Gabriel opens his eyes and sees Denise looking down at him. She thrusts a warm bundle of paper into his hands, and then she sits and begins to unwrap her own parcel.

  “You should be careful, you know, about falling asleep like that. You never know who might wander in.” She laughs out loud now, clearly amused by her own humour.

  Although the smell of this food nauseates him, Gabriel begins to eat.

  “Do you like it then?” Gabriel nods and he continues to eat. Then he remembers his manners.

  “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.” Denise speaks with her mouth full.

  Gabriel stares at the girl and tries to control his anger. “Do you not eat meals with your father?”

  Denise laughs so hard that she begins to cough.

  “Are you all right?” Gabriel puts down his food and passes her the water, which she drinks, loudly.

  “Some of it went down the wrong way.”

  Gabriel does not feel like finishing his food so he wraps it back up in the paper. Denise resumes eating and she continues to speak with her mouth full.

  “You haven’t told me anything about yourself. You got a wife? And can you sing or dance or do something like that? I mean, I’ve seen you lot dance, it’s like you’re sweating away all your problems. Like you’re in a trance or something, shaking your head and everything.”

  “I cannot sing or dance.” He is about to tell her that he was a soldier, and that soldiers do not sing or dance, but he stops himself for he cannot share this information with a child.

  “Well, you got a wife then?”

  She is asking him questions that do not concern her, and it troubles him that she cannot see that he is a grown man and she is merely a child. She does not wait for him to answer.

  “Me, I don’t like families. Especially my dad.”

  Gabriel is disquieted by the new tone of melancholy that floods this girl’s voice. Denise lowers her eyes, and then she pushes the remains of her fish and chips to one side. Unlike Gabriel she does not bother to wrap them up. Suddenly she seems distressed, and Gabriel feels moved to rescue her.

  “I do not have a family,” says Gabriel. “They were all killed in the war in my country. But I am here in your country because I wish to be able to take care of my children who are as yet unborn.”

  “I don’t get it.”

  “I am thinking of the future. But God could make it easier for us all if he simply made it possible for my people to march out in peace. Back home many of us continue to suffer.”

  She looks up at him.

  “I wish they’d kill my dad.”

  “You must not talk like that. It is evil to have such thoughts.”

  “I’m not evil. He’s the one who’s evil.” Denise comes over to where Gabriel is sitting and she rolls up the sleeves of her sweater. “These bruises, you see them?” She points to the bruises on her stubby arms. “That’s where I have to block the punches when he comes home pissed and starts on at me. Every now and then one gets through and I get a black eye or lose another tooth. Nice guy, eh? Which is why my mum left. She got it worse than me.” Gabriel looks at her bruises, and then at her young, outraged face. “Then Barry, he started with his fists when I didn’t do what he wanted. The pair of them are just the same. Anything to get their way. They’re sick, all of them. Just sick.” And now the girl begins to shed silent tears, which unsettles Gabriel.

  “Please do not disturb yourself like this.”

  Gabriel puts his hand on her bare arm.

  “Please. You are safe here. This is your safe place. There is no need to cry like this.”

  Denise puts her head on Gabriel’s shoulder and he can feel her body rising and falling as she continues to sob. He hears a soft pop as her lips separate, and he prepares to listen to her. But whatever it was the girl was going to say, she decides to stifle it inside. G
abriel understands that this house that he and Bright have stumbled across is, for this girl, a place of safety. His anger at her manner, and her way of speaking to him, begins to subside as he realises just how vulnerable she is. He puts his arm around her and holds her. There is something comforting about her young weight on his body, and Gabriel decides to stay in this position until she calms down.

  The man on the bunk beneath Gabriel is clearly sick. He hawks and spits blood, and every time he does so he says something which to Gabriel sounds like a prayer. And then he apologises to Gabriel. After being in this cell for an hour, Gabriel is beginning to resign himself to the fact that in all likelihood he will be sent back to Africa. All the money, and the sacrifices of the journey, may have come to this. To be locked up in a prison cell with a sick man who, like himself, is a refugee in England. A man whose life seems also to have run aground. But Gabriel tries to remain strong. He has done nothing wrong. They simply fell asleep, that is all. They slept. In the morning, the girl’s father led the police to the house, where he first attacked his daughter, and then began to beat Gabriel with a metal pipe until the police pulled him off.

  The procedure at the police station was swift and disrespectful. Gabriel was photographed, fingerprinted, then charged and told that he could make one phone call before being transferred to the local prison. Once there, the day warder told Gabriel that he was lucky, for there was an immigration lawyer in the visiting room seeing somebody else, and that when she had finished she would come along to see him. In the meantime, the warder took Gabriel to a cell which already contained a sick man, and while Gabriel waited for the lawyer, he thought again of the girl and felt his mind beginning to wander. She had ridden to the police station in another car, and Gabriel imagined that she must be frightened. He worried about what she was saying, or what she had already said, but no matter what anybody might say, Gabriel knew that he did not force himself upon the girl. He had done nothing wrong. He was guilty of nothing that would bring shame on his family name. When Gabriel looked up he saw a woman standing silently by the door to his cell. The prison warder pointed.