Outlaw

by Amanda Lance

“No, thank you.”

  I looked at her through my hair, too ashamed to look at her outright. Though it musta hurt her bad, she was glancing up at me too—green fire giving me the time of day.

  “Please, just go away.”

  This time I just gave her what she wanted. At the same time though, I couldn’t make myself go far, and that was for both our sakes.

  ***

  I must have been leaning up against the door for a good hour before Polo came running down the hall. Laughing and wide-eyed, he was stumbling around trying—but failing—to not spill the coffee his was holding.

  “Hey, Charlie!”

  I waved my hand in his face, trying to get him to shush up.

  His mouth moved slow and he started tip-toeing like he was in a cartoon or something, but at least, I figured, he wouldn’t burn me none with the coffee.

  “Hey, Charlie!” he whispered, then yelled, “Whatcha doing out here?”

  I shushed him again and gestured for him to sit down. If I could get him settled down, then odds were he’d be quiet.

  “I’m trying to—”

  Ah hell, what was I trying to do? And what did it matter if she heard us out there talking or not? Why’d I have to care ’bout what this girl thought about me? Especially so much? So fast?

  “I’m trying to let her sleep,” I lied.

  “Oh.” He nodded, handing me a coffee. “But shouldn’t you be watching her?”

  “What do ya think I’m doing out here?”

  When he hackled, I covered up his mouth—a habit I’d been doing way too much lately.

  “Oh right,” he whispered, putting a finger over his mouth.

  “Hey, Polo, how sore are the guys at me?”

  He shrugged. “I don’t know, Charlie. Nobody ever tells me nothing.”

  “Yeah.” I smiled. “And they want you to report back to ’em?”

  “Ah…”

  I laughed. “It’s cool, man.” I reached up and messed his hair. “Can’t say I wouldn’t do the same if we were reversed.”

  “Oh man, oh man, Charlie! I told the guys I’d keep an eye on you, but you know you can count on me, right? Like secrets and stuff?”

  I watched the smoke from my mouth and tried not to laugh. Polo was terrible at trying to get information from people, like a twitchy cop on a crummy show. But at least now I knew what the guys were looking for from him—none of them brazen enough to come down here by themselves.

  “Sure, Polo, sure. Hey, we’re the two dimmest bulbs around here, brother. We gotta stick together.”

  He cackled and I had to shush him again.

  “Listen, man, you can stop with the coffee, but in a little while I’m gonna need you to come back here, okay?”

  He nodded into his cup.

  “This time don’t tell nobody though, okay?”

  “Sure, Charlie. Sure.”

  ***

  When he came back the next time I waited around the corner of an empty room, just in case Polo had opened his mouth and someone did try and pull a hurt on her. After a few minutes though, when everything seemed still enough, I ran off to the galley real quick to grab us both some food. It was already past dinner, and considering Polo was in charge of that, I wasn’t sorry. But I was worried ’bout what I was gonna feed her, ’bout the kinda foods she mighta wanted to eat, or if she was even gonna want to eat at all.

  I ended up settling on one of those emergency meal things, remembering how she was uncomfortable drinking water she thought might have been opened beforehand. And though I always thought they were bad, maybe she woulda been hungry enough for the canned pasta and applesauce. Still though, I had to wipe sweaty palms off on my pants. There shouldn’t have been any reason to be nervous about feeding this girl. She would be practical enough to know that this wasn’t a gourmet restaurant! Just in case though, I grabbed one of those Twinkie things from Polo’s stash. ’Cause I got yet to meet anybody in my life who doesn’t have a sweet tooth.

  I waved Polo away when I came down the hall, but he seemed quick to get outta there anyway—probably too much time in one spot. And once he was gone, I got split up again between what I wanted and what I should have done. I knew she wanted to be left alone, that she wanted it that way, but it had been a couple of hours and like a junkie—my skin was getting itchy without my fix of her.

  So I braved it. Leaving the tray I had made up, I braced myself. When I found my balls, I knocked real soft—just in-case she gets spooked again.

  I waited a few seconds before the fear started. After all, maybe she didn’t hear me, or maybe she really was sleeping. But as much as I tried to tell myself that, I couldn’t make my heart beat the normal way. What if her head was hurt worse than I thought? What if she was already dead inside?

  I pulled on the knob, not surprised that it was locked, and going right back to pounding on the door. I’d never knocked one of those down before, but didn’t think it would take much—

  Then I heard it. Something made a noise inside. At first I thought it was just the wind, but when I was sure it was my cabin, I put my ear to the door—desperate to hear something, anything of her. When I didn’t, I almost freaked out again and had to light up a smoke to keep myself at bay. If nothin’ else, I knew she was okay enough to move around. That had to be good, right?

  Not knowing for sure was the worst, but as I put my ear against the door again, I thought I could hear her moving around—footsteps? What in the hell was she doing in there?

  What was I supposed to do? I couldn’t very well leave her in there forever, could I? With enough time by herself, she could probably think of a way to get outta there, or worse yet, contact somebody. I put the meal tray down and slammed my fists into each other. Before I could hurt myself I focused on blowing smoke at the door. At the rate I was going, I was gonna go through my supply and Yuri’s.

  Who was she to barricade herself in my cabin, anyway? What if I needed something in there? I had every right—!

  Sighing, I shook my head and kicked at the door just to let her know I was still there. I didn’t want to scare her, but I didn’t want her to start thinking stupid, either. What would I do if I felt trapped with no way out? Those first few days of jail flashed in my head—those first hours of solitary. I shook. I remembered too well what I had been thinking, and suddenly I felt relieved that I had my switchblade with me—that her shoes didn’t have no laces.

  I saw her before I heard her. Well, a part of her, anyway. From the crack under the door I saw the light change and I dropped to the ground right quick, sliding the tray away so I could get a better look. Watching her feet move across the floor, I smiled. With my face to the floor, I only caught a glimpse of her brown sandals and her perfectly trimmed toenails. That had me start wondering about if she ever painted them, and what they might look like if she did.

  Just as quick as I saw as ’em though, they went away. And the whole shadow of her moved away from the door. It took me a second to realize that I missed being close to her.

  Like a little girl though, I ran away when I heard the bolt come undone from the other side. And the entire time I sprinted around to hide behind the corner I was cursing at myself for being such a coward and a chicken, but all that faded when I saw her peek out of the door.

  Though it only lasted a second, I know I saw her smile.

  Chapter 7

  Before I even opened my eyes I could feel how bad my neck was, a sting running all up and down my back like I had been doing some heavy lifting. I had woken up a lot throughout the night. It was hard not to, with my insides hurtin’ with worry for her and the crew tripping over me during the shift change. But as I was waking up, I could see the light change over my eyelids, and the feel of something warm coming close to my face.

  I knew it was her right away just by how quiet she was. Nobody on that ship was capable of being so stealthy, even if they were trying. This one though, was silent like a church mouse even though I was certain she wasn’t trying to be. I
almost wanted to laugh when I thought about it. If I got her outta there alive, then maybe she’d go on to make a good spy one day. Damn, if I had my pick, I woulda chose her to be a Bond girl.

  “Hey.”

  She almost stumbled back when I opened my eyes up. Maybe she was hoping I was dead.

  “Hey.”

  What was I supposed to say now? I could’ve always told her how pretty she looked. Even with dried blood in her hair and purple and blue fingerprints around her neck, I thought she mighta been the prettiest thing I’d ever seen.

  I think it was ’cause I realized that that made me say the stupidest thing of my whole life.

  “Did you know Twinkies don’t really last forever?”

  Stupid Charlie. So damn stupid.

  “Can’t say that I did.” Her eyebrows narrowed together, but she was sharp enough to not miss a beat.

  Unfortunately, even though my head was screamin’ at me, I couldn’t seem to keep my mouth shut.

  “Yep. The forever thing is urban legend. They only got a shelf life of a month or so.”

  What in the hell was I talking about? This wasn’t the kinda stuff she wanted to hear about. It sure as hell wasn’t what I should have been telling her. If I’d gained any trust with her, I was gonna lose it real quick if she thought I was a nutcase.

  I stood up, feeling the stiffness go in my neck and the crack in my back. She didn’t hesitate to jump back that time, but I didn’t care. I wanted her to know that she affected me, that her friends and family weren’t the only ones who cared about her, and whether she liked it or not, I was gonna keep an eye on her.

  “I was starting to think you had kicked it in there.”

  She huffed, “Well, I didn’t.”

  “I’m glad.”

  She rolled her eyes at me. “Wouldn’t that make your life easier?”

  Did she think I was disappointed she was still alive? Goddamn, didn’t she see the trouble I was going to just to keep her breathing? If that’s how it was, I wanted to hear it; wanted to hear just how little she thought of me. Maybe then I wouldn’t like her so damn much.

  “What do you mean?”

  She looked at the ground. “No more overnight prison guard duty.”

  Once I heard it though, it wasn’t the same, wasn’t as life altering as I’d hoped it’d be. Instead, I got all mixed up and angry—mostly just mixed up. Though I knew she hated me down to her core, I still liked her down to mine. And that made me mad at myself. And here, all these years I thought my temper was the only thing I couldn’t keep track of.

  “I—” I looked away from her and how scared she was. Holding on to the door handle, she leaned up against it like her life depended on it. There were a million and one things I wanted to tell her, but wasn’t smart enough to find the words.

  “I didn’t want nothing bad to happen to you.”

  She let go of the door and smiled enough for me so that my heart did something funny in my chest. I tried to smile back, but nothing in my body seemed to work right.

  “Oh,” she said.

  I couldn’t help it, seeing her smile made me smile. “’Sides, seeing as how you’re nothing but trouble and you’re probably gonna do something stupid, I figure I’m gonna have to chase after you, anyway. This just makes it a lot easier for me.”

  I figured saying that worked since it wasn’t a whole lie—keepin’ her from mischief would save both of our asses from getting into trouble. I just happened to leave out the part ’bout me wanting to chase after her.

  “You don’t have to chase me,” she whispered.

  Just then, I heard her stomach growl. “Planning on starving yourself to death then?”

  She looked away from me and I was glad ’bout it. The longer she looked at me, the more my mind kept wondering ’bout what it would be like to trace my fingers up and down her bare back.

  “I wasn’t hungry.”

  Really? ’Cause I sure as hell was… in all kinds of ways.

  But I had to laugh at how bad a liar she was. Seemed to me that she was trying so hard to be tough that she was gonna hurt herself. Guess she wasn’t gonna be a spy after all. “Do yourself a favor, Vicious, save the lying for the liars.”

  Then she smiled. Not a nervous smile or one out of being scared. Just a real pretty girl beam of perfect teeth.

  “Fine, I am hungry,” she admitted. “But food isn’t my priority right now.”

  I took out my phone and glanced at the blinking time in the corner. Like her, I was surprised it hadn’t died on me. “We missed breakfast—”

  “What time is it?”

  “After 11.”

  “Yikes.”

  Shaking my head, I smiled while I put my phone in my back pocket. She was acting more and more like one of those dames from the musicals that Elise watched.

  “Food won’t be ’round for ’while yet. What’ll you want ’til then?”

  She blanched and ruffled a hand through her hair. I could tell she didn’t like what she felt there, but still, what she asked me ’bout next surprised me enough to knock me over with a feather.

  “Okay,” she said, cracking her neck. “Well, what exactly are the bathing accommodations?”

  My damn voice sounded like it was changing again when I explained the community shower situation. I’ll admit, it was an element I hadn’t thought of, neither.

  “Oh,” was all she said.

  “There won’t be anybody in there until shift change. I, ah—I could stand outside—”

  “Yes.” She cut me off, nodding before I got the chance to say anything else. “I mean, yes, please. I, um—I’d feel better if you made sure no one… uh…you know.”

  I smiled and tried not to look like the pervert I was.

  “I’ll guard that door with my life.”

  ***

  When there is a beautiful, naked girl close by that you absolutely can’t look at—let alone touch—the last thing you wanna do is think about it. Naturally, being the idiot I was, that was all I could do.

  Once I got those first couple of images in my head, I knew I was a goner. Honestly though, I’m not too sure where the line got crossed. One second I was thinking about baseball and scuba diving equipment and just like that I was thinkin’ about pale flesh with possible freckles, blonde hair, and water trickling down in all the right places…

  I banged my head against the concrete wall.

  Despite how wacky my imagination was going at the time, I meant what I told her. I would beat anybody to death who tried to get into that shower room and I had looked into every stall to make sure no one was in there to begin with. From the moment I heard those water pipes running though, I had to confess I had more than curiosity going through me.

  After a few minutes, those thoughts kinda changed. How long did girls take in the shower, anyways? When was I supposed to be getting worried? At what point was I supposed to check in on her? Lighting up a smoke, I tried to think it through in my head. It mighta taken me four minutes to shower—seven or eight if I had been working and had to scrub the diesel smell off. A couple minutes more if I had been doing something else…

  I wasn’t even trying to be a pervert when I put my ear to the door, but it didn’t matter anyways. The steel from the inside made any sound from the showers impossible. I didn’t think ’bout it no more. I gave the door a heavy knock.

  “Okay in there?” I called

  “Um…yeah, fine.”

  I let my head slam against the wall again.

  Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

  Stopping only because I didn’t want her to think I was crazy, I bounced around on my feet—at that point I woulda done anything to keep from going crazy.

  Her hair was still dripping when she stepped out. Surrounded by steam, her face looked bright and her eyes gleamed with something I couldn’t quite get. I put my hand behind my back and clenched my fist.

  “Better?”

  “Yeah.” She looked up from her wrinkled toes. “Thank you.”


  I smiled. Guess it was true that all good girls were raised to have manners.

  “You shouldn’t smoke so much.” All the words sort of came out at once, and though she was shaking the water from her hair, she was looking at the smoke in my hand. I shrugged and tried to pretend like I didn’t care.

  “You shouldn’t wander ’round truck stops at night.”

  She threw some of the water from her hair at me just then. It made me real happy, but I didn’t know why.

  “Touché, sir.”

  I just smiled back, too relieved to say nothing else, and too yellow-bellied that I might screw it up by opening my mouth. Without saying nothing, she followed me back to the cabin.

  “Ain’t nobody working around here from eleven to one, and there usually ain’t anybody around here from three to four neither, so you got a little space then.” I grabbed her before she went to turn the corner. “Hey, wait—”

  I looked both ways before I gestured for her to come long. I knew well enough there wasn’t anybody around, but it wasn’t gonna hurt to double check.

  Before I let her back in, I also checked out the cabin to make sure there wasn’t nobody waiting for us. Maybe I was being paranoid, but she was all my responsibility and I wasn’t gonna screw that up.

  I watched while she stretched freely in the cabin—looking relaxed and carefree for the first time since I had met her. Sitting on the bed, I kept right on watchin’ while she glanced at the little things in the room, and right away it had me wishing I had cleaned-up more. At least it distracted her enough that I was able to reach for my sketchbook and flip to a clean page. My wrists were twitching to draw those questions on her face—put them on paper the way they were right then and there. But more than anything, I wanted a key to unlock her thoughts, to swim in all those words of hers.

  The peace between us didn’t last long though. And when she did catch me staring at her, eventually she started staring back.

  “Huh?”

  “What are you doing?” she asked.

  “Nothin’, just hold still for a minute.”