Beautiful Broken Mess

by Kimberly Lauren

  After watching the early morning surfers, I decide to attempt a different direction back to the apartment and happen upon the giant campus where Jace and Jax attend. The grounds really are quite beautiful with their red brick buildings, spectacular fountains, and towering palm trees scattered throughout. The library alone is a sight to behold. There’s a giant water fountain out front and a long garden filled with red and gold flowers. If I attended this school, I would love to sit out here between classes and listen to the relaxing sounds of the fountain.

  Eventually, I come across Jaxon sitting under a tree in the middle of a beautiful courtyard. I hesitate for a moment, trying to figure out if it’s really such a great idea talking to him again. I finally come to the conclusion that I need to at least apologize for taking over his living room this week, and let him know that I won’t be bothering him again.

  As I start to walk toward him, I notice Emerson approach him first. He lifts his head to look at her with a smirk on his face and a look of adoration in his eyes. I haven’t spoken to Jaxon much while I’ve been here, since he’s spent all of his time either sulking in his room or talking to Cole about Emerson. But if this week hadn’t already proved it, that look alone would have told me how crazy he is about her. It’s obvious she’s really done a number on this guy, because I never thought Jaxon Riley would be this whipped by just one girl.

  As I approach, I think about what I should say. Maybe if I joke around with them, they’ll be more inclined to talk to me. Maybe if I get on Emerson’s good side, she will show me some female solidarity and help me find Jace.

  I call out before I reach them so I won’t overhear a private conversation. “There you are!” I smile toward them.

  Jaxon slams his textbook shut and stands up, glaring at me. I decide to turn my smile toward Emerson, but she’s only watching him.

  “I’ve been looking all over for you, Jaxy,” I say, while inwardly cringing at my awkward attempt at sounding light-hearted. I guess not having many friends throughout life has made me socially incompetent. I have never called Jaxon by that nickname in the past and I can’t believe I just called him that now.

  “What are you doing here, Audrey? I said I would come back to meet you at the apartment after my classes,” Jaxon growls at me.

  Think of something, Audrey. “What, I can’t come hang out with my hubby? Besides, it doesn’t look like you’re in class anyway,” I joke. Sometimes I still can’t believe that we were so immature to run off and get married. But then again, I had already made the biggest mistake of my life four weeks before that…

  “HUBBY?” Emerson gasps. Uh-oh…

  “Audrey, shut the hell up!” Jaxon yells, while reaching for Emerson.

  As he calls out to her retreating form, I realize that I just made Mess #7,594. She obviously didn’t know about our sham of a marriage that was immediately annulled, and my big mouth just tried to joke about it.

  “She didn’t know? Jaxon… I’m so sorry…. I figured since you two are together… she had to know…. Shit! I’m so sorry. I was trying to make a joke.”

  He points directly at me and says, “Go home. Not my home. Yours.”

  I know Lane has a night class and I don’t want him to have to skip, so he’ll have to come back up to get me tomorrow morning. “I leave first thing in the morning,” I assure him.

  “You bought a ticket?” he asks tersely.

  “Sure,” I reply and begin my walk back to the apartment. Once Jace finds out I’ve pissed off Em, he definitely won’t want to talk to me either.

  Basically, the whole week has been one big, fat flashing neon sign telling me to forget about this whole pipe dream I’ve had and move on. The one thing I can say is that I’ll never look back on this time and regret not trying. I’ve made the effort and gone the distance. Once again, no one has put in any energy toward me. I need someone who wants to meet me halfway, and I deserve it. Besides, I need to stop lusting after a guy I met three years ago, and who has barely said a handful of words to me since.

  Jace doesn’t want me, I finally understand that, and Jaxon never even tried to speak to me amicably. Anytime I approached him, he practically snarled at me. If this had been four years ago, I would have been able to think of a million different reasons why people should hate me. Not now though. Now I think Jaxon is an asshole and Jace just doesn’t care.

  ~~~~~~~~~~

  Present day…

  I slowly return from my painful memories to hear whispering coming from outside of the kitchen. I’m supposed to be unpacking, but the furthest I’ve gotten is taking three glass mugs out of one cardboard box.

  “Watch this boy.” I look into the dining room and see Lane sitting at our table with Chuck between his legs. “And… she’s back,” he says, patting Chuck’s copper-colored fur. “Wow doll, that must have been a good one.”

  I have always had a habit of zoning out for long periods of time, which is probably a side effect of my past. If you imagine yourself anywhere else, you just might forget about what’s happening in the present. While I don’t get beat anymore, I still find myself getting lost in thought all of the time. It’s easy for my mind to slip in and out. Lane likes to make light of the subject, but I can tell it worries him.

  “How long was I out?” I ask, as I begin putting the remaining mugs into the cabinet.

  “I’m not sure, but it was a while. I finished unpacking the truck, and then Chuck and I sat here waiting for your return.”

  Moving here has been throwing me off lately. “Damn, I really need to snap out of it. How am I supposed to pay attention in class again soon?”

  “I hate to say ‘I told you so,’ but you shouldn’t have gotten a taste. Ever since winter break, it’s only gotten worse. You should have already learned your lesson from your disaster visit up to see him. You need to go out there and just bang someone new. It’ll help, I swear,” he chuckles, while giving me his devilish grin. I know he’s full of shit because he rarely lets any guy near me.

  “I told you we shouldn’t have gone to Texas, just so you could see what a loser I actually was!”

  “Hey, I wanted to see where my girl grew up,” he says, shrugging his shoulders.

  I still can’t believe he convinced me to go all the way back to Texas with him for winter break this past year. He’s been asking to go since we moved in together my freshman year because he wanted to see where I came from. I never had any desire to go back and I still don’t understand what he wanted to see.

  It’s not like I have any good memories from there. Just two pissed off people I left behind and that’s only because I took Chuck, not because they miss me. I like to think of taking Chuck as my way of sticking it to my dad without actually having to see him. Besides, Chuck’s happier here anyways, since he never has to scrounge for food with me.

  JACE - Winter break, eight months ago…

  Jax and I have only been living in California for about five months now, and I already miss Texas like crazy. As we drive through our little town, I think about how this place is home to me. California is fun, but I’m ready to be done with school so I can get back here.

  I’ve been looking forward to our trip home for a while, but more so in the past couple of weeks. Cole’s always locked away with Quinn and Jaxon is so far up Em’s ass I don’t even recognize him. I love Em to death, and she is by far the best thing that’s happened to Jax, but damn I’m jealous.

  I want a girl riding next to me in my truck or on the back of my motorcycle. I want a girl to just lie around in bed with me for hours on a Saturday. When I see the way my brother looks at Em when she’s not paying attention, I want that. Yeah, I’m in college and I should be out there living it up with a different notch on my belt every weekend, but that’s just not me.

  “Don’t think I’ve forgotten we’re getting you laid on this trip, man,” Jax interrupts my thoughts.

  “I think I can take care of myself,” I reply, while watching the shops pass by out the window. />
  “Nah, you’re a cranky bastard. It’s happening,” Cole says from the backseat. “We should hit up that party tonight at Hunter’s lake house.”

  “Or we could just find you a chick right now,” Jax challenges, pointing to the back of a brunette walking down the street.

  “You mean the girl with another dude’s arm wrapped around her?” I ask.

  I can’t help staring at her ass though, and there is something about a set of long legs on a girl. I’m tall, so I like my girls tall as well. All that bending over shit that Jax and Cole do with their girlfriends is not for me. I’d still like to be able to stand up straight when I’m seventy.

  “She is pretty hot though, I’ll give you that.”

  As we drive past them, my eyes are glued to her. “Fuck, isn’t that Audrey?” Cole asks. Yes, it sure is.

  “Who the hell is she with?” I growl. “Have you ever seen him before?” My head is still turned and my eyes can’t seem to stop looking at her.

  “I don’t give a damn who she’s with,” Jaxon states in an annoyed tone and continues driving forward. Meanwhile, all I want him to do is turn the fuck around.

  “She looks...good…” I try to say only to myself. When she’s too far away to see, I turn back around in my seat. I notice that Cole’s too quiet, and when I glance back at him, I see that he’s studying me. Inquisitive bastard.

  ~~~~~~~~~~

  Two hours into the party, Jaxon’s being a pussy and leaving because he needs to call Em. Cole is already passed out drunk on one of the couches, which just seems like bad news for him. I should probably call Quinn later and tell her that he’s okay. We ended up taking two cars because I figured at least one of them would need to report in to their ball and chain.

  Now that I’m alone, all I can think about is the dude with his arm around Audrey earlier today. Jax and I are not small, by any means. Thankfully, we got our build from our dad’s side of the family. When my dad died, he was thirty-five years old, but he was six-three and could still bench-press double his weight.

  That guy with Audrey today looked threatening. Not saying I couldn’t take him; I’ve had plenty of experience my whole life fighting with Jax. He’s probably tried every move in the book on me, and I’ve always been able to counter them. And why the hell am I thinking about taking out Audrey’s boyfriend anyway?

  For the first time in years, I consider getting wasted. I went drinking with Jax and Cole a few times when I was seventeen but hated the stuff, so I haven’t touched any alcohol since. However, it seems to help others when they want to forget hostile thoughts, and Audrey’s boyfriend is definitely making me feel aggressive tonight.

  She seems to be a recurring weak point for me. When she came out to California to see Jax a couple of months ago, it took everything inside of me to stay away from her. I knew that if I let myself even stop to talk, I would end up grabbing her and holding her hostage in my room. Then I would definitely have some uncomfortable explaining to do.

  A bubbly, short blonde stumbles up next to me with two plastic cups in her hands. She tries to mesh her body up close to mine, but her head only reaches my chest.

  “Here handsome, I got you a drink,” she says, with her face tilted all the way back so she can look me in the eyes. She smiles and I can see that she’s already wasted. I grab the drink and without looking to see what it is, I put the cup to my lips and swallow the contents inside. Shit, this is terrible. It’s a mixture of liquor that someone tried to disguise with Coke, but it’s still fucking awful. With my mouth closed, I cough down the burn. This crap is poison, but the spacey, warm feeling that follows entices me to grab another. And another.

  Soon after, I grab the blonde’s hand and drag her out to the bonfire near the lake. Hunter has his truck parked down by the dock with all of his doors open and the music blasting. She leads me into the middle of the crowd of dancing couples and I spin her around so her back is against my chest.

  I’m impressed by how fast the alcohol reaches my system, and I guess this would be the one time in my life when I’m considered a lightweight. Mentally, I’m scanning through my textbooks, trying to determine my blood alcohol concentration level, but it’s all a jumble. All I know is that I want to go one way, but my body starts shifting another. This blonde chick is grinding against me and it feels fucking great. Right before I grab her to spin her around, I send out a silent ‘thank you’ for the fact that Jax left and Cole is out for the night.

  She turns on her boot heel and looks up into my eyes. I cup her face haphazardly and can practically taste her arousal on my tongue already. She wants me. She continues dancing in front of my hips with her hands on my chest, while I scan the area for a place we can hide together. This is going to be quick.

  Looking over Blondie’s shoulder, I suddenly catch the stare of big, brown eyes. I try to make myself focus on anything but those long, tan legs under her short, red sundress. It’s too late though. She notices that I’ve spotted her, and she reaches out to snatch a beer from some guy’s hand. Without removing eye contact, she places the glass bottle against the sides of her face, as if she’s trying to cool off from being overheated. She can’t turn away and neither can I. We both want each other. We always have, and I just might be drunk enough to finally let myself indulge.

  I finally notice that the guy next to her is the ripped-up dude she was walking through town with earlier today. When he clutches her chin in one hand, turns her to face him, and shakes his head while mouthing the word ‘no’ at her, I start shoving my way through the dancing bodies. If she wants me, even if it’s only for tonight, then he’s going to fucking step aside.

  I continue walking until I’m standing with my toes touching hers. I hope she doesn’t have any personal boundaries because I don’t plan on recognizing them tonight. I can see the cold condensation on the beer bottle that she now has smashed against her chest. She rolls it across, leaving a wet trail in its wake. I can’t stop myself from reaching out and touching the chilled skin. When my fingertips graze across the area underneath her collarbone, her lungs swiftly fill with air.

  Her boyfriend smoothly pushes me aside to stand directly in front of her. My body is intoxicated enough to stumble away, otherwise that shouldn’t have been so easy for him. He’s a shitty-ass boyfriend, if you ask me. I damn sure wouldn’t allow some guy to put his hands on her if she were mine.

  “Doll, this is not a good idea,” he says to her in a warning tone.

  “Lane, I’m a big girl,” she replies back to him kindly.

  I’m already done with this little get-together of theirs. Thankfully, Lane shrugs and steps away. I’m finally looking down at her beautiful face again. She’s just as stunning as she was three years ago on the sidewalk outside of the bookstore. Her hair is a little longer and I’ve never seen her dressed up all sexy, but she’s still my same girl from that day. Except she never was my girl… don’t forget that, Jace.

  She cocks her head and studies me with curiosity. She’s thinking hard about something and looks so damn cute doing it.

  “Why are you drinking?” she questions. I start to wonder how drunk I actually am if she can tell even though I’m no longer holding a cup.

  I smirk at her query and reply, “I thought I’d try something new tonight.” She catches my double entendre and I love watching her surprised mouth open and shut. I know another way I would love to see those lips move like that. She starts to grimace, but before I can ask what’s bothering her, I feel warm hands come up from behind and glide across my abs. Shit, the blonde.

  “Come on, sweetheart. Trust me, you don’t want in the middle of that crazy,” Lane says, while grabbing Blondie’s hand. When she gets a good look at him, her eyes light up and she follows after him like a damn cat in heat. Fuck, I don’t know whether to fist bump him for being the best damn wingman ever, or slug him for being the shittiest boyfriend known to mankind.

  I stalk forward, causing Audrey to reverse slowly. After fifteen steps or so,
she backs into a large tree trunk. My hands hit the tree on either side of her face.

  “It’s not fair that every time I see you, you look even more delicious than the last,” I whisper into her neck.

  “I don’t think you realize what you’re doing right now.” She shivers under my lips.

  “Why did things have to get so screwed up?” I ask, dragging my lips across hers. “Do you think we would be together if you hadn’t run into Jax?” I know I’ll regret this tomorrow, but I really don’t care right now.

  “I can’t let myself think about things like that, Jace.” Her words are said like a prayer.

  “Do you still think about me?” I whisper, while running a finger up the inside of her bare leg.

  I feel her tremble before she admits, “Every single day.”

  “Well, at least I’m not alone.”

  My lips graze across her soft, plump ones. Her eyelashes flutter and she relaxes into me with closed eyes. I run my tongue across her bottom lip lazily before giving the same treatment to the top one. Her breath hitches when I lean back a fraction, and then ever so slowly I move in. I want to drag this out. I never got my moment with her so tonight I want to take my time.

  Our lips finally touch and she moans with pleasure. My fingers drag upwards from the back of her neck into her loose curls and I pull her in tighter. Her hands brace themselves on my chest. Gradually, the slow, lazy kiss becomes heated and needy.

  When her hands glide down and skim across my waist, I pull back instantly. Grabbing her hand, I quickly start dragging her off toward the driveway. We both need to get out of here before any other thoughts enter my head. When we finally reach Jax’s black ‘67 Camaro, I realize she’s tugging on my hand.

  “Jace, where are we going?”

  “I need you without an audience.” I try to unlock the passenger door for her, but I can’t seem to get this tiny ass key into an even smaller lock. “Fuck! I can’t work this thing.”

  She reaches out and wraps her little hand around mine, taking the key from me. “You’re drunk.”