Beautiful Broken Mess

by Kimberly Lauren

  “Running behind. The girls here?” I ask, as I catch up to them.

  “I sure as hell hope so, since they aren’t answering their phones,” Cole adds, sounding irritated.

  “Ease up, jackasses, I’m sure they’re at the party. Nobody carries a damn phone with them at these things,” I explain.

  I can hear the laughter and the hoots and hollers from the party. As we cross over the sand hill, I quickly spot our group standing around three lit fire pit rings. From what I’ve heard, some of these guys are out here several nights a week, just sitting around the fire. It does create a nice atmosphere, the way they’ve built the fires up as high as they can get them in the circular, concrete rings.

  “There’s Quinn,” Cole says, while walking away.

  “It was nice seeing you too, man,” I say to his retreating figure.

  Cole shoots me the middle finger, and Jax wraps my neck in a headlock tightly.

  “Aw, does my little brother need some attention?” he whines, mocking me. He knows how irritated I get when he calls me his ‘little brother.’ A two-minute difference doesn’t count in my book.

  This asshole loves to pull the headlock move on me, and apparently he still hasn’t learned his lesson yet. With my head restrained next to his armpit, I reach behind his back and lock his opposite arm against his chest and hold it there firmly. My feet bounce into position behind his, and then I move toward the ground, bringing his body with me. He falls to my side and I’m instantly released from his lock, which allows me to trap his legs underneath me.

  He laughs and strains to kick me off of him, but I lean forward and use my forearm to hold his neck down. Eventually, he’s able to get his legs wrapped around my waist. He kicks them out, forcing me to release my hold on his neck, and then manages to get my head into an arm triangle chokehold. We continue horsing around until we’re both out of breath and slowing down significantly.

  After I almost cause him to pass out because his stubborn ass won’t tap out, we shove away from each other and lie back in the sand, laughing. This is how we’ve always been. If there’s ever any bad blood or distance between us, we fight it out.

  “God, this is better than porn,” I hear a female voice say from above. Without moving my body, I turn my neck to see Tatum and Ashley, cheerleaders at our school, gazing down at us. “Can you reenact that, except this time can I lie in between you two?” Tatum asks, while giggling and nudging Ashley.

  “Beat it,” Quinn snaps, and the two onlookers grumble and stomp away.

  “Thanks, Quinny,” Jax says from the ground. “Have you seen my girl?”

  “She’s around,” she states nonchalantly.

  I stand up and pull Jax to his feet. I know by now he’s dying to get his hands on Em, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to see her as well. It’s surprising how Em has wiggled her way into our family without even trying. She’s like a little sister to me now, and when she’s not swapping spit with my brother, she’s actually a ton of fun to be around.

  She’s always sending these short, crazy videos to my phone that she randomly films throughout the day. It’s become a source of daily entertainment. Last week, she sent me a ten-second video of her and Quinn trying to rap to a song on the radio. But between the both of them, they only knew one word from the actual song, so the rest was them making up complete nonsense. Yesterday, she sent me a video of Jax singing and dancing in front of the bathroom mirror while getting ready. He obviously didn’t know she was filming. And what kind of brother would I be if I didn’t keep it for potential blackmail material?

  We make a complete circle around the groups sitting by the fires without spotting Em. Jax begins walking at a faster clip and is about to make another round when I glance out at the waves and see two figures sitting side-by-side in the sand, the tide hitting their toes. When the person on the left throws her head back laughing, I recognize the familiar blonde hair.

  I reach out, smack Jax on the chest with the back of my hand, and point out to the water. He glances over and releases a mega-watt smile at the sight of her. We start walking out toward the two girls and then I freeze, realizing who Em is talking and laughing with. How the hell did that happen?

  “Jax, I think she’s with Audrey.”

  He halts mid-stride. “What? That’s not possible.”

  We hear the girls continue laughing and then Em says Audrey’s name out loud, confirming what I already knew. I’d recognize that body anywhere. They still have no idea we’re no more than twenty feet behind them. While Jax is stressing that those two are talking, for some reason it makes me feel damn good inside to see them getting along so well. I can’t even begin to explain how they got to this point, but I’m sure it’s one heck of a story.

  “What the hell do you think she’s telling Emerson?” he grinds out and begins storming toward them. “Why is she here again?” he whispers under his breath.

  I immediately reach out and stop him. “Chill out, Jax. Obviously Em’s not upset. Don’t go over there and ruin it by being a possessive asshole.” He slows his charge, but continues forward. I can tell he’s holding back his emotions when he squats down behind Em and kisses her on the cheek. Em turns her head into his kiss and smiles. Audrey startles backward and then she immediately stands up. Her wide eyes are staring at Jaxon, most likely fearing what he may say, but she still hasn’t spotted me yet. Slowly, she begins backing away.

  “Em, I’ll see you later okay?” she says.

  “You’re not leaving, right? I mean, remember what we talked about?” she asks cryptically.

  “Maybe. I don’t know. I’ll stay for a little while.”

  “Okay, well I had fun today. Thanks for coming with us!” Em says with a smile. Jax sits down next to Em, facing the water, and she quickly gets up to sit in his lap, facing him. Audrey spins around to head back toward the party and accidently runs right into my arms. Or maybe I had planned it that way.

  “Whoa, you’re not gonna leave are you?”

  “Yeah, I’m hoping I can,” she replies. Without letting her step out of my grasp, I reach out and tuck a wandering strand of hair behind her ear. In the dark, her eyes look as black as midnight when she gazes up at me. Slowly, I lean down so my mouth is level with her ear.

  “We’re still on for tomorrow, right?” I whisper. She nods her head up and down. With my face still close to hers, I run my lips lightly against her temple. From a few feet away, I catch Em watching us over Jax’s shoulder. When she sees me looking at her, she smiles and gives me the ‘thumbs up’ signal behind his back. I stare at her, confused. Why is she happy about Audrey being here?

  I lean away from Audrey and stand up straight before Jaxon catches on. I lead her back up the hill so we can rejoin the partygoers.

  “Why doesn’t Em want you to leave?” I ask.

  “So I can talk to Jaxon,” she says simply.

  “What? You’re going to tell him before me?”

  “I don’t really want to tell either of you anything anymore,” she states in a hard tone. I grab her arms and stop her before we reach the crowd, then sit down in the sand, gesturing for her to join me. After a heavy sigh, she relents, but sits a good foot away from me. I don’t understand why she’s being cold all of a sudden. I take hold of her legs and pull her closer to me, her body leaving a trail in the sand as she reaches my side.

  “Tell me what’s wrong.”

  “Jace… let’s not do this here.”

  “Where? Here, where no one can hear a word we say? Or did you actually mean, let’s not do this ever? I think here is pretty damn perfect.”

  A fire ignites behind her eyes as she glares at me. “Yes, I actually meant let’s not do this ever. You want to know why? Because none of y’all cared when it actually mattered. You heard a rumor and you believed it. You assumed and you ran with it. At what point did you come to me and ask if any of it was true? When, Jace?”

  My mouth opens and shuts because I’ve got nothing to say to that
. “Exactly,” she huffs out in frustration and stands. “You don’t deserve to know what happened in MY life, because you never bothered before. Why are you HERE now? Why do you care NOW?” she yells.

  As if he has an internal alarm for an upset Audrey or just super-sonic hearing when she’s distressed, Lane emerges from the crowd with a determined look on his face. When he spots her, he stalks forward.

  “What’s going on over here?” A voice I wasn’t expecting makes my head pivot backward. Jax is standing behind me, taking in the scene. “Jace?” he asks.

  Everyone is just staring at one another, and before I can even begin to formulate a response, Audrey says, “Jaxon, can I talk to you?”

  - Nine -

  AUDREY -

  Jace has that deer-in-the-headlights look. I didn’t mean to rip into him like that, but I am feeling extremely overwhelmed by the situation. Em has just spent the better part of thirty minutes trying to convince me to talk to Jaxon. Then Jace comes along, acting like he’s entitled to know anything and everything about me.

  I’m so confused that I don’t know which way is up and which way is down. Hell, right now I can’t tell the difference between my right and my left. I know I need to get everything off my chest and come clean. But why can’t it be on my own time? I feel like I’m always being forced to say and do things at everyone else’s convenience.

  As always, my protector hears my cries and stomps through the crowd to take down the threat toward me. As I watch Lane’s approach, I’m startled to hear Jaxon’s voice behind me. So many people all at once, I’m beginning to feel claustrophobic. Lane can see the panic in my eyes, and I know he’s two seconds away from dragging me out of here. Over his shoulder, if necessary.

  Quickly, I blurt out, “Jaxon, can I talk to you?”

  “Uh, yeah,” he says in a less-than-sure tone.

  Lane steps forward, ready to interject in this terrible scenario, but Em cuts him off and guides him toward the party. Jax’s eyes follow their retreat. I can see the desire and need when he looks at her, but when his eyes transfer to Lane, they transform into a raging fire.

  “He won’t try anything with her,” I reassure him. “He knows who she is and who she’s with.” He nods his head, and though he still appears confused, Jaxon seems to calm down a bit at my words. Jace stands up next to both of us and doesn’t look like he plans on leaving.

  “Jace, what the hell’s going on with you?” Jaxon asks.

  Before Jace can create an excuse, I interrupt, “Forget it. Let’s just get this over with, Jaxon.” I turn to walk away from the crowd again, back toward the water where worries are washed away with the calming waves.

  I find the imprints where Em and I were just sitting moments ago. As I sit down, I reflect upon the day. Getting Quinn to warm up to the idea of my presence was easier said than done. But as Em had predicted, once we cracked through her loyal shell, she began to understand the circumstances. I don’t see us trading friendship bracelets anytime soon, but we still managed to have a fun day together. I got my first manicure and pedicure, and I almost glued myself to that massage chair.

  Jaxon clears his throat and I realize he’s sitting down next to me, facing the ocean as well. Without looking at me, he says, “I’m supposed to be nice to you. If I’m not, my typically sweet girlfriend has threatened me with some pretty violent actions. Why is that, Audrey?”

  His words make me laugh at Em’s protectiveness. Once again, I’m shocked by her instant acceptance of me. “You got lucky with her, you know?”

  A relieved sigh leaves his lungs. “I know. I feel like I’m just waiting for her to realize how much better she can do.”

  “From what she told me, she got lucky in finding you as well,” I assure him.

  “I think I was just more determined than all the others.”

  “I’m pretty sure there was a little more at play than determination, Jaxon. She really has brought out a good side in you. I’m glad you’re happy,” I say honestly.

  He brings his knees up and wraps his arms around them. “We’re talking like we used to. Like friends.”

  “Were we even friends?” I ask.

  “Yes, of course we were.” Finally, he looks toward me with a furrowed brow, obviously questioning my statement.

  “We certainly didn’t have a traditional relationship. We were using each other, Jaxon. You used me to get your family off your back, and I used you to get out of my house. It seemed to work for us. I’ll admit, we shouldn’t have continued to sleep together, but we were young and less than clever at the time.”

  “You act like you regret sleeping with me?” he feigns insult.

  “I wanted someone else.”

  “Ouch.” His hurt feelings don’t last long as he laughs it off. “We were quite the pair.”

  “Yeah, until everything went to hell.” Might as well get down to the hard stuff.

  “Based on some indications I’m getting from Emerson, I’m beginning to think that maybe I was misinformed.”

  “You were the one that informed yourself, Jaxon.”

  “Audrey, you came to me one day and said you were pregnant. I tried to do the right thing and get married! You had so many opportunities to come clean.”

  My hands begin to shake as we start to get to the heart of our problems. The day I saw the positive sign on that little, white stick, I knew my world would never be the same. For some reason, I knew life was out to get me, and it was almost as if I had been waiting for this moment to happen. I was lost in a world full of pain and hate. I ran to Jaxon for help because I knew he would take responsibility, and I just needed someone to take care of me for once in my life.

  “You guys okay?” Jace’s anxious voice questions from behind.

  “We’re fine, dude, just clearing the air,” Jaxon snaps.

  “Then why were you just yelling at her?” Jace questions. I would hardly have called it yelling, but if Jace could hear him raising his voice, then he hadn’t been too far away. It’s clear that Jace wants to hear this story even more than Jaxon does, and I really don’t feel like telling it for the fourth time in less than a week. Hell, we might as well bring over Cole and whoever else wants to hear.

  “You might as well sit down and listen instead of eavesdropping, Jace,” I call out, without looking behind me. With no shame or hesitation, he immediately sits down on my opposite side. He’s far enough away that it’s appropriate, but close enough that he can extend his fingers and touch the bare skin of my thighs without Jaxon seeing.

  “Why are you being so nosy all of a sudden, Jace?” Jax asks from my other side.

  “I was there when this all went down. I’m curious too,” Jace says in defense.

  “Who cares? The less I have to repeat this, the better.” I wave off any further argument. Jace quickly squeezes my arm three times and smiles at me in support.

  JACE -

  The moon catches the natural highlights in her brown hair and lights up her silhouette as she sits in the sand. As I watch Audrey talk to my brother about everything that went down between the two of them, I find a spot on the beach far enough back that they can’t see me. It’s not close enough to hear their words, but it’s as far away as I can physically get right now. Everything about her is calling out to me. The distress in her eyes when everyone crowded around her had every cell in my body lighting up in defense.

  The second I hear Jaxon raise his voice, I jump to my feet, but I decide to hang back and see if she can handle it on her own. Of course she can, she’s strong. She’s always been strong.

  Leaning back on her hands in the sand, I notice that her hands and arms begin to tremble slightly at his shouting. If I hadn’t been watching for it, I would have missed it. She won’t ask for help, that’s just not who she is. Hell, she doesn’t even need my help. But damn it, I’m here now and I’m stepping in. After I interrupt and shamelessly claim the spot on the opposite side of her, I squeeze her arm while smiling at her. When she takes in a dee
p breath, I wrap my pinky around hers and give it a little tug to show my support.

  “As you were…” I gesture with a flourish of my hand for them to continue.

  Audrey clears her throat nervously and releases my pinky, clenching her hands together in her lap. “I’m sorry for making you believe that the… ba… that the pregnancy was yours.” I watch as she looks up at him and he continues to stare out at the thrashing waves. “And I’m sorry that I let you go through with the marriage. I shouldn’t have done that.”

  “Why did you though? That’s what I don’t get,” Jaxon questions softly.

  “I just needed help from someone. Anyone. I shouldn’t have done it, but you were the only person I knew that would actually help. You know I hated going home. I could have been on fire, and no one there would have even given me a second glance.” Her words are a knife to my heart. I should have been her someone, her anyone.

  “It still seems a bit dramatic, Auds,” Jax starts.

  She quickly interrupts him, “Don’t you dare start with that nickname. I hated it four years ago and I hate it now.” Her strength and vitality shine through with her ability to make light of this dark moment.

  “Sorry,” he says with a small smile. “But it does seem that way. I’m sorry to say this, but girls from your school were getting pregnant all the time. That wasn’t a reason to make me think the baby was mine and agree to marry me when I tried to be the good guy.”

  Audrey and Jaxon’s past could have easily been portrayed on a late-morning soap opera. After the whirlwind way the two got together, they dated and appeared to be quite happy. Audrey was always over or out with Jaxon, and I spent that time trying to make myself scarce. For about four months, I had to watch those two dance around, fucking merrily.

  Then one day, Jaxon came home and told us that he and Audrey had eloped because she was pregnant. I’d never seen my mom turn as many shades of red as she did that day. I remember being glad that her fury was directed at Jaxon and not me. I, on the other hand, may or may not have punched multiple holes into the walls of my bedroom. When mom demanded that he ask Audrey for a paternity test, she ended up admitting it wasn’t his and it was actually her physics teacher’s child.