Beautiful Broken Mess

by Kimberly Lauren

  “Trust me, it’s still a bit strange for me when I really think about it. Em was just...Em, you know? We hit it off.”

  “She is pretty great,” I say, while searching for my clothes.

  Her eyes narrow at me and I swear I see a hint of jealousy. “Did you ever have feelings for her? Honestly.” Bingo. Nailed that one on the head.

  “Babe, one of the first times I ever heard Em’s name was out my brother’s mouth, who had already practically proclaimed his undying love for this stranger. Which by the way, was on our very first day in California. I never viewed her as anyone but my brother’s girl. Sometimes I like to egg him on, but it has always been purely platonic between us.”

  “And what about me? Do you still see me as your brother’s girl?” she asks quietly.

  “Never. You were never his girl,” I rush to say. She lets out a sigh of frustration, so I quickly continue. “Babe, I know I’m trying to lay low about us. Trust me, I want to scream it from the rooftops. But I just want to approach this in the right manner with Jax. We made promises to one another. I just need to figure out a way to bring it up without him feeling betrayed.”

  “I know you need time, Jace. I said I was willing to give that to you, but I won’t wait long,” she states confidently.

  “And I won’t make you wait long.” I lean down and tug gently on her necklace while advancing toward her lips. I kiss her slowly, hoping I can convey how much I feel for her.

  “I’ll be back to get you at seven tonight, okay?” When she nods her approval, I head out the door, right after I shout my goodbye to Lane down the hall.

  - Twelve -

  AUDREY -

  The errands that I briefly mentioned to Jace earlier are a little bit more complicated than I let on. When I step into the shop, the sterile smell is what hits my nose first. I guess that’s a good sign. The clean, black-and-white checkered tile floor catches my eyes as my feet move up to the front counter. The deep blue walls are calming and the decor is tasteful. Definitely not what I expected to find. There are large leather couches and bulky portfolio books scattered on the tables in a waiting area. There aren’t any designs on the walls to choose from like I’ve seen on television.

  The receptionist is a tiny little thing with bright purple hair and metal or plastic jewelry in every conceivable place a person could get pierced above the neck. While initially shocked at her appearance, the closer I get to the counter, the more I’m blown away by how beautiful she is. The customers and the guys working here must love having her to greet everyone. Her smile lights up as I put my hands on the counter.

  “Do you have an appointment?” she asks, while rifling through the pages of a black notebook.

  “No, sorry...I didn’t even think about that...” I trail off. It took enough courage to walk in the door by myself. I almost asked Jace to come with me today, seeing as he now has a ton of tattoos covering his arms, shoulders, and ribs. He probably would have been able to show me the best place to go. I only chose this place because it’s right next to where I work and it looked kind of fun from the outside. God, Lane would kill me if he heard me right now, choosing a tattoo shop because it looked fun from the outside.

  “No worries, you might have to wait a bit though. Since it’s Sunday, most of them are about to get off, but I think...” she says, scanning the shop, “Jared should be done soon and he can help you out.” As she pencils something in the notebook, she adds, “I’m Jinx, by the way.”

  When she lifts her head to look at me, she laughs at my open-mouthed expression. “Even your name is badass,” I say, because it’s the first thing that pops out of my mouth.

  “Thanks,” she chuckles. “It’s just a nickname though.”

  “I’m Audrey. I always liked my name, but now I’m finding it majorly lacking compared to yours.”

  “No way. Audrey, like Audrey Hepburn, the classic beauty!” She slips on some big, dark sunglasses and places a pen in her mouth as if it were a cigarette holder from the sixties. I giggle as she acts out the characteristic Hepburn pose. “See? Classic.”

  “Okay, you made me feel better,” I say with a smile.

  “I’ve got you checked in. Just sign these waivers and then you can wait on the couches for Jared.”

  “I got her,” a deep voice says from close by. Jinx and I both turn to gaze at the person who’s quickly approaching the counter. The man that advances is tall and has messy, jet-black hair. His black polo shirt barely contains his large muscled chest and arms. Poor shirt. The first thing I notice besides his easy, handsome smile and eyes that promise trouble is the stranger’s tanned, un-tattooed expanse of skin.

  “Max, you’re about to get off. Jared can get her,” Jinx states.

  “Yeah, I can get her!” I hear a shout from across the shop and I’m assuming that’s Jared. He pops his head up over his stall and winks at me.

  “It’s cool, I got her,” Max repeats. “Besides, I’ll bet you a hundred bucks, Jinxy, that she’s got virgin skin. You know how I love poppin’ cherries.”

  My mouth drops open at his blatant flirtation. “But...do you even have tattoos? How can I expect you to work on me when it looks like you don’t even have any yourself?” I’m not sure why I can’t keep my thoughts inside my head, where they should clearly stay.

  Jinx begins to giggle and Max stares at me in fascination. Without missing a beat, he raises his black polo up by the hem and lifts it over his washboard abs and chiseled chest. Beautiful designs swirl and twist over and around his skin. Half a pair of stunning angel wings fill up the entire right side of his upper body, shoulder to waist. The wings are so finely detailed I want to touch them, just to see if they’re real. Over his heart, the words ‘Even Angels Fall’ are scripted into his skin.

  It’s amazing how business-like he appears, but under his shirt is this amazing, beautiful artwork. I watch as he pushes up his sleeves and see that the tattoos continue over his shoulders.

  “Impressive...” I whisper.

  “I can keep going, if you’d like,” he smirks devilishly and reaches for his zipper.

  “No, no, keep your pants on, buddy. You’re qualified,” I rush to say. Jace would not be okay with this.

  “I think I need to refresh my memory though,” Jinx giggles.

  Max ignores her and gestures toward his walled-off section. I walk in and sit in a chair that looks like it belongs in a dentist office. His area is very neat, almost OCD clean, with everything lined up evenly and all labels facing outward. It looks as if there are about five other guys in this shop and all of their areas clearly show their personalities. Pictures and drawings cover their walls, along with various metal band music posters. But Max’s area is a blank canvas. There are no personal belongings in sight, only the tools he needs to do his job.

  “Do you have something in mind or do you need time to search through the look books?” he asks.

  I pull out a piece of paper and hand it to him. “These are the words I want. I’ll leave it up to you how they’re written.”

  He reads over the quote and asks, “Damn, Jim Morrison? I like you even more now.” He flashes me a smile, which showcases two dimples that are way too adorable to be on such a masculine face.

  “The only thing I can thankfully say I got from my father was his good taste in music.”

  He nods his head in apparent understanding. “Where were you thinking of getting it?” I point to the right side of my rib cage and he smiles in agreement. “Perfect choice, babe. My favorite place to mark a girl up.”

  It takes him some time to draw up the stencil perfectly and on paper it looks beautiful. I have to take my bra off, but he lets me keep my shirt on because it’s loose fitting and I can just push it up. After thoroughly sanitizing the area, he transfers the script onto my skin.

  “Stand up and check it out in the mirror.”

  With my left hand, I continue to hold my shirt up and lift my right arm to view what he’s done so far. I’m mesmerized by the wa
y the curls on each letter flow into the next one, almost resembling a beautiful love letter. I could stare at it for hours. I can’t wait to have it permanently etched into my skin.

  He lays the chair down flat and gently drapes my right arm over my head. I stick ear buds from my iPod in and flick through my albums for the perfect, relaxing mix. Before I can hit play, he taps me on the hand and I look at him to let him know that I can still hear him.

  “The first few lines are pretty close to...your chest,” he says, almost nervously. “I’ll have to pull some areas tight and lean on you a bit at some point. I swear I’m not feeling you up though!” He raises his hands in genuine innocence and in this moment, I feel completely comfortable with his abilities and professionalism.

  “Don’t worry about me, just do what you need to do,” I say, trying to make him feel more at ease.

  “Alright then, let’s do this,” he says, while pulling on black latex gloves. “It’s gonna hurt at first, but usually it fades to a dull ache after a few minutes. Everyone is different.”

  I shrug my shoulders, push play, and close my eyes. Throughout my years growing up, I’ve taught myself how to anticipate pain. When you know it’s coming, you can prepare yourself and refocus your thoughts elsewhere. I’m an expert at this, thanks to my dad.

  The second the vibrating needle hits my skin, I love it. This is a good type of pain, the kind I can control, and it slowly becomes a pleasant feeling. I know what true pain is and this isn’t it. The humming noise of the machine can be heard over my music and it relaxes me, even more so than the massage chair from the pedicure.

  I make it through one whole album when Max taps my side to let me know he needs to grab some more supplies, but that he’ll be right back. At this point, I hope I can lie in this chair all day. Tattoo to your heart’s content, Max.

  JACE -

  My workout was exactly what I needed. I was surprised to see that Lane attends the same boxing gym as I do. It was cool to spar with him a few rounds. He’s crazy-ass good though and he got some good hits in on me. I’ll definitely need to learn a few pointers from him.

  As I’m heading out, I notice Max’s brand-new pair of gloves lying outside of the ring. His can easily be identified by the tattoo-like drawings on the leather. The right one, in particular, has a pretty ferocious-looking tiger that extends all the way to where his knuckles would be.

  Since his shop is right across the street, I decide to run them over to him. I try to sneak past Jinx as I enter the shop, but she spots me before I can get two steps in the door. Her face lights up as she calls out my name.

  “Hey Jinx, Max here?”

  “He’s with a client. I can help you though,” she says in a low voice. A few more rounds of ‘heys’ call out from some of the guys in the shop and I nod my head to all of them. Max walks out of his workspace, so I excuse myself from Jinx’s predatory gaze.

  “Hey man, you left these in the gym.” He continues walking toward the storage room, so I follow behind.

  “Shit, thanks. That’s my new pair. It took me forever to draw that damn tiger.”

  “Yeah, forget the expensive-ass gloves, it’s the tiger we’re worried about,” I mock.

  He smirks while grabbing some ink from the shelves. “Dude, you have to check out this chick I’m working on right now.” He sucks his lip in between his teeth and whistles. “I think I just found my wife.”

  “Wow, proposing already? That’s fast, even for you.” He jabs me in the side at my quip. “She covered in tats or something?”

  “The exact opposite! Virgin skin. I’m totally poppin’ her cherry. Get this though, she’s completely enjoying it. It’s like it turns her on. She hasn’t flinched at all, and when the needle touches her skin, she gets this almost serene-like look on her face.”

  “Damn, that does sound like your kinda girl,” I reply.

  “Walk over there and check her out. She’s fucking gorgeous.”

  “I think I’m good, man. I got my own girl.”

  “What? When did that go down? Ah, forget it, you still need to see my future wife. She’s got legs for days, and I know how you enjoy a good pair of legs.” He pulls me across the shop floor and just to appease him, I peer over the wall at the girl lying flat on her back with her eyes closed and music blasting through her earphones.

  “What the fuck?” I say, a bit too loud.

  “Nu-uh, back your predatory ass up. I don’t like that look on your face. I already called dibs. You have your own girl, remember?” he quickly says, while walking into his area. Audrey doesn’t budge from her relaxed state, and she still hasn’t opened her eyes to see her audience.

  “Back off, Max. That’s my girl!” I point at her. His eyes widen and he looks back and forth between Audrey and me.

  “Does she have a necklace on?” I ask.

  “Yeah...it’s got a pen-”

  “A penny,” I interrupt.

  “Noooo,” he whines. “This is my dream girl and you got her first?”

  “Damn straight! And you better believe I don’t plan on leaving her alone with you a second longer.” I gaze at the work he’s done so far. “Especially since you’re practically working right on my girl’s chest. Cop a feel and lose a finger. Got me?”

  He grumbles and walks to the sink to wash his hands. After he slides new gloves on and sits back down beside her, I pull up a chair on her opposite side. Her milky white skin is now stamped with fresh ink and I’m not sure how I feel about it. On the one hand, it looks pretty damn hot. But on the other hand, I loved her smooth, untouched skin. Mostly, I think it bothers me that she came here by herself.

  Before Max begins, I grab her hand and kiss her knuckles lightly. Her whole body locks up and she immediately sits up ramrod straight.

  “Max!” she exclaims in anger.

  I continue holding her hand while she looks at Max, who has his hands in the air in surrender. “Wasn’t me! I sure as hell wish it was, but it wasn’t me, babe.”

  With my empty hand, I reach out and swat at him, “Hey, she’s not your babe, jackass.”

  “Jace?” She finally turns to look at where our hands are entwined together. I slowly lay her down while Max prepares the machine. I don’t want her accidently flashing him with her shirt up like it is.

  When she’s flat on her back, I take out her ear bud and whisper directly into her ear, “You have me now. No more doing this kind of stuff by yourself, ‘kay? You’re not alone. I want to be there for everything.”

  Tears well up in her eyes and she says, “How did you know I was here?”

  “I came to see this douchebag. Max has done all my work that I’ve gotten in California. He’s also my friend, but that’s questionable now that I’ve heard how he feels about you.” Her cheeks turn a nice shade of pink, and I kiss her lips lightly while squeezing her hand.

  “Carry on, Maxi-pad.” I gesture for him to resume.

  “Asshole,” he grumbles. I can sympathize with him, really I can. I know what it’s like to learn that Audrey isn’t actually going to be yours, but now she is mine, and he can just get over his little case of puppy love.

  When he starts up the machine and touches it to her skin, I instantly see what he had been talking about. She does get an almost tranquil look on her face. Her music is blaring again and she’s off in another world, giving me the opportunity to freely stare at her, uninterrupted. I’ve seen this look on her face after we’ve both satisfied each other for hours and we lay side-by-side, just trying to catch our breaths.

  Sitting here, staring at her satiated face is beginning to be a major turn-on. I mean, how could it not? I know how to put that look on her face, and I damn sure want to know what she’s thinking right now. It’s fucking hard though, because I know Max is sitting directly across from me seeing that same face, and probably feeling the same damn rush of hormones that I am.

  When he wipes off an area of her skin, I watch his eyes quickly glance up at her.

  “Stop lookin
g at her face. I know what you see,” I growl.

  He turns his head and laughs into the crook of his arm. “Dude, it’s kind of hard not to. Especially now that you’ve just confirmed that what I’m seeing is her ‘I’ve just been fucked real good’ face.” He smiles to himself and gets back to work. I’d punch him right now, if I didn’t think it would mess up Audrey’s tattoo. I’ll tune him up in the ring next time we’re in the gym though.

  “I’ll take care of you later,” I warn.

  “It’ll be fucking worth it,” he whispers back with a laugh.

  After the longest thirty minutes of my life, he finally finishes without eliciting even a flinch from Audrey. She probably handled that better than I do. This whole time, I’ve been staring at her face and haven’t stopped to read the script across her ribs. Max pats her hand to signal he’s finished. Her eyes blink open and readjust to the light. She begins to sit up, so I rush to hold her shirt against her chest.

  She smiles and says, “I’ve got it.”

  I follow her to the mirror and check out the work he did. I’ve got to hand it to Max, he knocked it out of the park again. His art looks badass on her skin, yet also very feminine and sexy. I kneel down in front of her so I can look at it up close. My finger trails the outside of the tender letters without actually touching the ink as I take in what I see.

  “Expose yourself to your deepest

  fear; after that, fear has no power,

  and the fear of freedom shrinks

  and vanishes. You are free.”

  After thinking about what this means for her, I lean in and kiss a slow circle around the perimeter.

  I look up into her eyes and ask, “What is your deepest fear?”

  “Being alone,” she whispers back. “I didn’t realize how alone I used to be until I met Lane, and then I didn’t fully accept it until I found you again. I’ve finally freed myself from that fear. I don’t ever want to go back, but I know I can survive it.” I lean in and kiss her side one more time before standing up and looking down at her beautiful face. I grasp her face on both sides and speak to her, hoping it reaches the deepest part of her.