Suppressed

by Kira Saito

  And Louis. All of his anger, bitterness, and pain had been prolonged because of me. How was I supposed to tell him that he had been nothing but a pawn in Emilie’s twisted scheme? How was I supposed to look him in the eyes and tell him the love of his life, Sophie, had never really loved him? Even though I couldn’t reveal all of my secrets just yet, I knew that they would come out eventually, and when they did… My veil would be lifted. Like Ghede Massaka, I was walking around with a veil to hide my ugliness.

  I had accused Lucus and Louis of so much. I had been self righteous and had carried on a holier-than-thou attitude when in reality I was capable of so much destruction. Once Lucus saw this ugliness, his illusion of me would be broken forever. The spell that had bound our souls together would be shattered.

  My dramatic sobs were interrupted by a loud and very familiar hoot.

  “Brise?” I called out cautiously. “Is that you?”

  Another hoot came from above.

  “Brise! I recognize your hoot. Where are you? What are you doing here? You belong in the woods and hills!” All of my problems vanished at the thought of seeing a friendly, helpful face.

  “We’ve missed you Arelia. I left the woods and came to the swamp to welcome you home.”

  “So I am at Darkwood!” I quickly rose and straightened out my filthy navy and white uniform. “Wait. You’ve missed me? I’ve only been gone for a few hours, haven’t I?”

  He let out another loud hoot. “A few hours? Arelia, you’ve been gone for a year.”

  A year? “What? How?” Reality hit me. School. Obnoxious land lord who had probably evicted Grand-mere and me. Grand-mere’s heart issues. Her medical bills. School again. Then, all of the day to day issues that burdened ninety-nine percent of the population vanished. Sabrina and Marie had been digging graves for a year straight. Who knew what Emilie and Edmond were up to and what about Lucus and Louis? How was that relationship working out? “Brise, show yourself, please. I need to ask you some questions.”

  “Arelia, why were you crying?” he asked, totally ignoring my questions.

  “I wasn’t crying,” I lied. “I’m fine. I don’t remember any of the past year.” Crap. Why did I just say that? That made it sound like I was hiding something.

  “Arelia, I’m not here to talk about what happened. I’m here to talk about what will happen.”

  “Brise, can you please show yourself already? I want to see you. I want to see my favorite owl spirit. Boss of the woods and hills,” I added, hoping that my flattery would work. “How’s Erzulie?” I asked.

  The cypress tree next to me shook and a clump of Spanish moss fell on top of my head, which added perfectly to the demented swamp Voodoo Queen image I had going on.

  “Do you remember the first time I revealed myself to you, Arelia?”

  “Yes. How can I forget? You helped me find Ben.”

  “Do you remember how I felt when you first met me?”

  I smiled at the memory of the beautiful gray owl who once had such low self esteem. “Yes, you thought that Erzulie would find you ugly. You were too scared to tell her how you felt.”

  “Arelia, you do realize that an owl is not my true form, don’t you?”

  “Yes, but…” I was at a loss for words. I had never thought much about Brise’s real form or why he had thought of himself so ugly.

  “Do you care?” he asked. His voice was quiet and a hint of his previous insecurity popped up again. “Most people don’t…”

  “Of course I care, Brise. I’ll always care about you. I want to see your true form. You don’t have to change into an owl around me.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes.”

  Slowly, a shadow that was definitely not an owl crept out from behind one of the trees.

  I took a step back as the moonlight bathed the figure in front of me. He stood tremendously tall. About seven feet or so. His limbs were long and muscular and his skin was the color of freshly waxed black granite. His face was angular with a strong jaw and high forehead. His head boasted mighty dreads that fell below his shoulders, they gave him a fierce lion like appearance. As he stepped forward I took a few steps backwards. It took a few seconds for me to register the fact that he was naked, except for a tattered cotton cloth that hung around his hips. I unwillingly let out a small gasp as I saw that his face was covered in sharp, jagged scars. My eyes made their way down to his muscular chest, which was also covered in angry scars. He turned his back on me and it too was covered. Every inch of his exposed flesh had marks on it.

  “Can you understand why I would hide?” he asked. His voice was soft, low and haunted.

  “Yes,” I muttered. If I had said no it would have been a lie and I was tired of the lies. “But you don’t have to hide from me. Please look at me.” I gently pleaded.

  Slowly, he turned to face me. His head was bowed in embarrassment and his mighty frame trembled. I wanted to wrap my puny arms around him and give him a big hug. My heart broke for him. This was Brise, my Brise.

  “Please tell me what happened to you.”

  He looked up and I saw that his yellowish green eyes shone brightly under the moonlight. For a split second, he appeared exactly as the broken owl I had first met in the woods. His vulnerability was quickly replaced with indifference. His eyes hardened as he began his tale. “Once I was great. I was tall, strong, proud. Prouder than the noblest owl. I was admired and respected. I was a Senegalese King.” A spontaneous smile spread across his face. A pair of blindly white teeth made him appear youthful beyond his years.

  “King? Really?”

  He nodded and his smile vanished. “But even Kings aren’t immune to the cruelty of men. I suppose my story is no different from thousands of others. I was stolen, sold, shackled, and whipped into submission, but I resisted. My identity was obscured and I was made to think that I was less than human. I forgot that I was a King. I forgot my own history and lost track of my true destiny. One day, while working, a breeze so strong yet sweet swept through the fields. The soothing smell of jasmine sank into my pores and somehow closed the raw wounds that covered my flesh. For the first time in years I felt that someone was watching me, protecting me, and maybe even loving me. I remembered who I really was and ran into the hills and took refuge in the Haitian forest. I survived for a while, but I wasn’t strong enough. It wasn’t long before they caught me and made an example out of me.” His body heaved and tears glistened in his eyes. “Papa Ghede took pity on me and well...”

  “You became a spirit,” I whispered. I was beginning to realize that sometimes dramatic words of wisdom were overrated and couldn’t compensate for the pain someone truly felt, so I decided to be kind rather than wise. “You’re still a King. To me, a King is someone who is noble, loving, wise and brave. Brise, you’ve shown me nothing but nobility. You’ll always be a King. In fact, the world needs more leaders like you.”

  “And you are a true Queen, Arelia Larue. I’ve always known that. Can you see how this relates to you?”

  “To me?” I asked skeptically.

  “Your veil… This was mine,” he said transforming into his owl form. “I was so afraid that Erzulie would quiver at the sight of this,” he said, as he transformed back into his human form. “But she didn’t. She was the jasmine that swept through the fields and gave me hope. She knew me even before I knew I needed her. ” The pride in his voice made me smile. “And now, after all of the pain and suffering, I found redemption. Erzulie asked me to be her fourth husband. Me!”

  A mellow breeze wafted through the cypress trees and the sweet smell of jasmine and honeysuckle blooms surrounded us. Erzulie was watching and she was happy.

  The amazing news made me forget about all my problems. “Brise! I’m so happy for you!” I wrapped my arms around his massive frame and squeezed him tight. A thousand and one wedding scenarios ran through my head. Where would it take place? What color schemes would be involved? What kind of wedding ceremonies did spirits like? What kind of dress would
Erzulie wear? I couldn’t help but smile. Thank you, Cecile for teaching me so much. All of my wedding plans were suddenly dashed. Wedding dresses. Prince Charming. Bouquets. Happily Ever After. Damn. Sabrina. “Brise, I’m so happy for you, but, what does any of this have to do with me? I really wish I could help plan your wedding, but my hands are a little full at the moment.”

  “Arelia, your veil.”

  “My veil? I’m not the one getting married…” I stopped speaking when I realized that he was clearly not referring to veils that went with wedding dresses.

  “If the one I love, loves me despite seeing me without my veil…”

  “I know the rest,” I interrupted him. “What makes me think the one I love won’t love me without my veil…” I looked at my hands. It was a big step up from my toes. The sight of my filthy nails was not encouraging. “It’s different,” I justified. “My veil is so much thicker and denser. It’s so much more complicated.”

  “You’re making excuses,” said Brise, as he whipped his mighty dreads from one side to another.

  “I can’t be brave and fearless all of the time,” I muttered. “You on the other hand should consider taking the form of a lion rather than an owl.”

  He shook his head in disapproval. “This isn’t about me. I’ve conquered my demons. I don’t hide behind the form of an owl anymore. I choose to take the form of an owl because it gives me freedom to fly through the hills and forest. Give the one you love more credit. Open your eyes and your ears Arelia Larue and listen carefully. Listen carefully…” Mist covered Brise’s body and slowly he vanished into the darkness, leaving me completely alone or so I thought.

  The voice was barely audible at first. Then, it slowly became stronger and more forceful as it made its way through the tangled oleander blooms, sycamore trees, Spanish moss, and finally into my ears.

  As I went down in the river to pray

  Studying about that good ol' way

  And who shall wear the robe & crown?

  Good Lord, show me the way

  I knew that voice. Frantically, I pushed away the clumps of vines that were in my way, swatted away the ever annoying mosquitoes and started to run. The voice became clearer and my heart started to pound with excitement. That voice, with its soft French Creole accent and melancholy undertones always turned me to mush.

  O brothers let's go down

  Let's go down, come on down

  Come on brothers, let's go down

  Down in the river to pray

  I ran through the alligator infested swamp water, not caring about the dangers that lurked with every step I took. I had once read a National Geographic article that claimed alligators allowed bees and butterflies to drink their tears just so the little guys would get enough salt in their diet. That made alligators seem kind of sweet rather than dangerous, so I ran and ran until the voice surrounded me and pulled me closer and closer into its comforting embrace.

  As I went down in the river to pray

  Studying about that good ol' way

  And who shall wear the robe & crown?

  Good Lord, show me the way

  I stopped running when I saw the brightly lit shoreline in the distance. My mouth hung open in wonder at the hundreds of white candles that lined the water’s edge. They burned brilliantly, their flames swaying gently in the humid night air, as if carelessly dancing along with the song.

  As I went down in the river to pray

  Studying about that good ol' way

  The flames seemed to rise higher and brighter with every note. Their light sparkled giving new life to the ancient cypress trunks and the maze of endless vines and swamp foliage that surrounded them.

  It may have been wishful thinking, but I swore the air the smelled like deep fried oreos and spicy gumbo with a hint of buttermilk drops. My favorite foods. I took a few steps closer, my heart pounding with every step. A familiar figure was sitting by the filthy water’s edge, surrounded by the candles he appeared otherworldly and utterly haunting. His white shirt glowed under the moonlight and judging by his tan, I could tell that he had been spending a lot of time out in the hot Louisiana sun. The candle light bathed his face in a soft yellow glow and I could see that his eyes were tightly shut as he sang. His brow was furrowed in concentration and his long and slightly disheveled hair fell over one eye.

  He was nothing like the demented, angry Lucus, I had got a glimpse of at the cemetery. There was an air of serenity around him and I prayed that I had found my way home to the real Lucus. I remembered Brise’s encouraging words and continued to walk closer towards Lucus. I was a mere inches away from the candles when I realized that what I was smelling was actually deep fried oreos, spicy gumbo and buttermilk drops.

  “What the…” In front of Lucus, there lay an exquisite altar similar to the one I had prepared for Erzulie so many times. On top of a heavy black lace cloth, there rested, fresh red chrysanthemums, a pot of gumbo, a bone white china plate filled with fried oreos, and another filled with mouth-watering chocolates. Four pink heart shaped candles rested on the cloth and shone light on the two tiny glass vials of Florida Water and Basil. In addition, there were three flutes filled to the brim with pink champagne, one of Erzulie’s favorite drinks was pink champagne, but she wasn’t really into fried oreos or gumbo. I was…

  No. This couldn’t be happening. Was I a spirit? I clawed my wrist until a gush of fresh blood sprung up from the vein. I let a quick breath of relief. I watched Lucus for a few more moments, too scared to interrupt him. Finally, his eyes opened. They didn’t focus on me because being the paranoid freak I was I quickly hide behind a cypress tree, when I should have ran to him like one of those Nicholas Sparks characters I still openly mocked. Hell, this was even better than any Nicholas Sparks setup because it involved fried oreos and a dangerous swamp. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

  My heart beat faster as I heard light footsteps coming towards me. The song started again:

  As I went down in the river to pray

  Studying about that good ol' way

  And who shall wear the robe & crown?

  Good Lord, show me the way

  My lips started to unwillingly tremble. I felt a hand clasp mine. A familiar, electric, and delicious shock spread like wildfire throughout my body and all of the silly fears fell off like a crusty old scab.

  My handsome Dinclusin stood before me not at all surprised that I was there. His dark almond shaped eyes were kind and full of joy, and the candlelight highlighted his impossibly sharp cheekbones and full lips. A wide smile further brightened his face as he took in the sight of me. I shrugged as I motioned to my impossibly messy state. I definitely wasn’t one of those sirens who rose out of the swamp looking fabulous and utterly seductive, but I knew it didn’t matter. However, I was concerned about how my breath smelled. I felt his heart and soul melt into mine and I knew that he was the same Lucus, I had fallen in love with when we had first danced over a century ago, and the exact same Lucus I had been in love with when I threw mud at him. I had loved him even before I was ready to admit it and I would continue to love him until the flesh fell from my bones and my spirit joined the Ghede’s to party on the other side.

  “Hello,” I whispered. “I’ve missed you. Oh, I’ve missed you so very much.” I didn’t care how corny I sounded. I didn’t even care if he felt the same way or if he was angry or a mere illusion of my hopeful imagination. All I wanted was for him to know, to understand how I truly felt before it was too late, or something else tore us apart. “I love you. I simply love you. Je t'aime. J’adore with every ounce of blood that pumps through my veins and every hair on my head. I can't explain it or rationalize it or even count the ways… I’ve loved you even before I knew what the word really meant or how it felt.” My voice was soft and hopeful and my eyes bright as they searched his face for a reaction.

  He moved after what seemed like an eternity and when he did, he didn’t reply with words but with actions. His mouth was soft and yet full of
fire as it met mine and his arms were warm and strong as they wrapped around me. My body was weightless and free of pain in his embrace. Blood rushed to my lips and cheeks. A faint dizziness gripped me as his lips continued to kiss mine. My hands frantically ran through his hair and traced the outline of his strong jaw, needing to make sure it was really him rather than one of the many ghosts that lurked around the swamp. I could feel the heat from his body, even through his clothes, and I knew that he was real.

  When we tore lips away from one another, Lucus continued to hold me as if he were afraid I’d vanish at any second. “Welcome back, beautiful spirit,” he whispered. “Je’ t’aime. J’adore. I knew you’d come back to me.”

  Chapter Ten

  Welcome Back Beautiful Spirit

  Present Day

  Darkwood Plantation

  “Sing some more,” I whispered, relishing the words he had spoken to me and the song he had sung. I wanted the moment to last until the end of time. I wanted this rare moment of happiness to erase the memory of Edmond and of the ugliness of the past.

  He nodded without question.

  As I went down in the river to pray

  Studying about that good ol' way

  And who shall wear the robe & crown?

  Good Lord, show me the way

  I smiled a genuine smile. The kind of smile Sabrina had warned me about. She always said that a proper Southern Belle should never genuinely smile because it was the easiest way to get nasty crows feet type wrinkles. Suddenly wrinkles seemed like such a petty thing to stress over, so I continued to smile until my cheeks were sore and my eyes had turned into little slits. Of course, I was still obsessing over the tongueless group, Sabrina, Marie, and Little Linto and the challenge at hand, but my multi-tasking skills had improved to the point where I could continue to obsess while still enjoying the moment.