Cowboy Edition EBook

by Maree, Kay

  Thank you, though, because of you I truly got to see that the words from the past are true. A white man will never love anyone more than he loves himself. My father was right when he said he saw evil in your eyes and felt it seep from your bones. I was lust drunk and living on wanderlust when I left with you. How foolish was I?

  So goodbye Cody, I wish you and all your lovers the best that sleeping around and giving fake love can bring. For nothing good comes from denial. Lies. Betrayal and false words wrapped inside sinful tongues.

  You cannot and you will not hurt me again.

  Forever thankful for the lesson.

  Eka Peno.

  The announcer's voice filled the Rodeo arena as he spoke out about Jerm giving everyone an update.

  “Folks, Jerm Bradley has one hell of a hard head. He’s slightly beaten and bruised and will have a headache that would rival any cowboy’s winning night’s hangover. He will be just fine with a cold beer and a good night’s rest.” He called out as the crowd all erupted in cheers and wooohooo’s while clapping their hands. Eka slipped her journal back into her bag. Cody will be shaken about Jerm getting hurt, and she wondered if now was a good time to leave him and give him the letter.

  The rest of the day's ride went on with falls, trips and bangs. Animals stomping cowboys, and even bullfighters, into the dirt. Eka sat under the hot sun fanning herself with a program, slugging back cold bottles of coke and eating so many hotdogs, cotton candy and candy apples that she felt like a walking ad for a food truck at the rodeo.

  The boys all rode well. Wolf and Benny both advanced to tomorrow's rides, which really was a no brainer. Wolf was really kicking some serious ass on this circuit, and he had drawn quite a few of the wild bulls and broncs from some well-known stock ranches.

  Eka sat alone in the bleachers while the other wives and girlfriends all talked around her while the children ran and played. She smiled kindly at them, answered their questions when they asked her if she was an Indian woman and what the feathers braided in her hair were.

  It had taken Eka a while to realize that these people traveling the circuit were like one big family. Fighting, laughing, fiercely loyal to one another. No one even questioned her bruises or split lips. Never once did they make eye contact or ask her if she was ok. It was like it had never happened, save for a few of the old timers who looked at her with pity in their eyes. Eka did not belong here. She wasn’t a white woman. She wasn’t anything but a vessel for a rude cowboy to parade around bruised and battered.

  She was nothing but a native girl who must have asked for it.

  No woman ever asked to be punched or kicked.

  Walking back toward Cody’s trailer, she needed a shower and wanted to go to the country bar next to the rodeo grounds for country dancing and beer. It was always what they did at the end of day two. Eka loved country dancing. The music, the freedom, the laughter and happiness. Beer always went down cold and fast while the music swam inside your eyes as you ate handfuls of peanuts and corn chips from the tables.

  Cody was waiting as she stepped inside, his eyes red, his fists clenched. Eka’s heart plummeted into her feet.

  “Hi, how’s Jerm?” Eka asked with a shaking voice.

  “Where the fuck have you been?” he bit out.

  “Watching the rest of the rides for the day,” Eka answered his pulling her bag from over her neck and shoulder placing it on the small loveseat next to the door. “Why?”

  “Why?”

  “Yes, Eka. Why?”

  “Um well, why not?” She spoke back to him, straightening her spine. She wasn’t going to allow him to trip her into a fight or guilt her for watching the rides. “The ladies did quite amazing in the barrel racing, especially Zara. She got the highest score for the day, knocking Sara down to second.” Cody threw his bottle of beer at Eka. She tried to duck but wasn’t fast enough. It struck her above her eyebrow, splitting it on impact, making warm blood trickle down over her lashes and into her eye. She blinked rapidly as the warm liquid blurred her vision with a red tint. “Please, don’t do this,” Eka begged, holding her hands up in front of her as he stood and advanced towards her.

  “Jerm was knocked the fuck out and needed me and you were nowhere to be seen Eka.” His fist reached for her hair and pulled her tightly toward him. Eka’s hands reached up in defense to try to stop the horrific pull on her scalp.

  “Why did you need me? Weren’t you at medical?” Eka stammered out, pain lacing her voice.

  Adrenaline floods her system, pumping and beating like it’s trying to escape. You can see it under her skin. Eka thinks her heart will explode, her eyes wide with fear. Her body wants to run fast to the safety of Wolf and what he can bring to her shattered soul. But her mind screams at her, that is not possible. So instead she remains where she is. Let's face it, there is really only one thing she can do - pray that this time Cody doesn’t kill her. Eka looks around the small room, trying to create some space. She moves to the side, trying to place the table between her and Cody. Her adrenaline surges so fast that she almost vomits, she can taste saliva thickening in her throat and beads of sweat trickling down her brow. “You were with him, weren’t you?” Cody seethes out, his palms smash down on the tabletop causing a sickening echo to sound out around them both. Eka jumps, her body trembling as she shakes her head in answer to his question. Too scared to talk for the sound of her voice alone could possibly be the one thing right now that tips him over the edge of her standing here breathing or on the floor getting zipped into a black body bag.

  “Don’t fucking lie, Eka. While I was with Jerm, you were whoring your ass to him, weren’t you?” Eka didn’t know whether to answer or not. It was really a question that was more of an accusation, and her mind was battling with her mouth to stay silent. To not answer, to not fuel the fire licking inside of Cody ready to fully engulf her tiny body that was now shaking not in cold but in pure, undiluted fear.

  Before she could blink the tears back that were forming at the corners of her eyes his hand landed sharply to the side of her face. It was a half slap, half punch, knocking her off balance, making her body teeter backward as her hands scrambled out the front of her, trying to grab hold of anything to stop her from falling. This was all to no avail, though the space before her was empty except for the violent stare of a man raging with blood red anger. For what, Eka was still unsure of, but did he ever need an excuse to attack her.

  Eka’s face, still healing from the previous assault, began to swell rapidly. Blood started to seep inside her mouth from where her teeth had clamped down on the inside of her cheek and tongue, piercing the skin. The warm, copper taste settled at the back of her throat before falling into the pit of her stomach. His fist was sharp, his tongue sharper. The kicks that followed took every ounce of breath Eka had in her body. Her lungs were burning, she could feel her ribs breaking with each strike. A new break, a new splinter of bone, another crack, a new bruise forming onto an old yellowish one. “This is what you make me, Eka,” Cody seethed down at her. She was curled at his feet, in the fetal position, as tears mixed with blood and sobs. “You caused this.” Another boot came. “You’re the reason my life is this way.” He leaned down, grabbing a fist of Eka’s hair and pulling her half up into his face. Her arms went to his grip, trying to release it, while the ripping sensation of hair being torn from her scalp continued.

  “This bitch is on you. Jerm. Me. This weekend you’re the reason it’s fucked.” Eka had no clue what he was ranting about. All she heard was white noise and felt the merciful pain being inflicted on her by a man she once loved more than the air around her. Now all she seemed to do was fight him to just breathe without getting attacked.

  His face was so close to hers as he spat abuse down to her. It was a surreal experience. Her head snaps back and forward again, fast, as he slams her head into the side of the kitchen cupboard, making the mugs hanging on the small nails above fall down around her like falling bullets. Eka wish
es one to knock her out before he does. So, she can endure the voice of this man’s rage unconscious. “See, Eka, see what you make me? You’re flawed, I should have listened to Jerm when he told me I didn’t need you, I just needed him.” Another slam of her head into the cupboard is when tiny stars started to form. The edges of her vison began to bleed black. It all started to make sense. He was in love with Jerm. Jerm with Cody. Today he thought he might lose him and now it’s Eka who is paying the ultimate price for a lover's pain laced in fear.

  Panic began to wash over Eka as her body started to gag on blood and the need for air. His boots and punches mixed with the slamming of her head has caused bones to move, lungs to become restricted and skin to swell. Blood pooled and ran down her throat with nowhere else to go. She began to have red blood bubbles come out of her mouth, she could feel them pop over her swollen lips. Cody chose that time to pull her into his face. “You’re a pathetic piece of shit. Look at you. You disgust me.” He spat down at Eka as he dropped her barely awake body to the floor. Her vision caught him moving from the trailer until he stopped at the door. Looking back at her, she had one eye open as much as she could, and the other was swelling closed. “OH, and Eka, my love, don’t ever think you can leave me. I will kill you before that happens.” With that he walked from the trailer and Eka lay there weeping in a heap of brokenness on the floor. He’d punished her body to its limits and every inch of her skin burned with such a savage pain she thought nothing else would ever compare until her mind re-read what Cody’s last words were to her. You will never leave me. Eka knew he would kill her, and she knew Wolf would fight for her.

  The pain shot up Eka’s body like fire. She cringed. It exploded in her head with a blinding whiteness. It made her dizzy. It made her reel. The pain was like needles that had been dipped in alcohol, then jammed through her skin, like her limbs had been replaced with ice and electricity wired straight into her spine.

  Eka crawled toward the bathroom, needing to spit or vomit on the bathroom floor. She was unsure what would come first. She made it just in time as bile rose and flew from her mouth mixed with a bitter copper taste; it was hard for Eka to wipe her mouth, so she reached for the taps and turned the water to hot, wishing she could wash it all away.

  Tears fell as she trembled. Vomit rode inside. She spat and spewed, mixing it all with the warm water that cascaded over her shattered soul. She tried to strip her wet dress from her exhausted bones. Finally, after much effort, she managed to rip the fabric from her body while her sobs mingled with broken screams from deep inside the darkness that now was Eka Peno.

  And just when the pain was at its worst, it dissipated, like fog off some terrible lake.

  Water clouded her vision as she slowly pulled her body from the floor of the shower to lean against the wall, the hot water penetrating over each and every bruised and swollen part of her skeleton.

  Love shouldn’t hurt like this.

  How could he still walk with his head held high? Go out there, laugh, drink and joke around with the guys like he hadn’t just beat her small body to the floor leaving her a bloodied mess.

  Eka fell for the easy smiles and gentle teasing’s that filled her heart and blinded her innocent eyes. She overlooked his veering lies and shady actions, even glanced the other way when he enjoyed the company of other women more than hers. When she saw him and Jerm with that woman together, she convinced herself that it was merely the green-eyed monster rearing its ugly head. But now Eka knew for sure that he took her for a mindless fool. Cody had made a mockery of her love and blamed her for his actions, as if she had control over whether he kicked her or not. He had once said to her, while dancing with her under the stars, that she was his heart. How wrong was she to ever believe that he loved her more than Wolf ever would? Now she must find a way out. She knows deep down it’s crazy to think that she could just leave. Cody Smith was not a man you just left. No, Cody Smith was a man that got what he wanted by any means possible.

  Eka closed her eyes and began to murmur to herself as the water began to run cold over her.

  You abused my innocent love and cut off the happy strings of my heart. Stole me from the life that I loved and set me upon your shards of broken glass, using them to slowly destroy me. You were a thief from the start. First it was my heart, then my mind and lastly my soul, but you know what? You didn’t steal my voice.

  You aren't worth my time or even a fleeting thought. You are a bad story and I choose to only read good ones. The one of Wolf and I written in the stars. We were not broken like this here, your hands on me. No, Wolf and I were just bent. Now we are on the straight and narrow and revenge is not in my plans for you, Cody. You will fuck yourself on your own. It was better to have loved you, and in turn losing me, that’s what you made me think. Well, no more, because nothing is as bad as this moment right here naked on the floor with blood dripping and tears burning my cold cheeks.

  This is me – tired, but alive.

  “I’m so tired,” Eka’s mind called out to Wolf as the world around her went black.

  Wolf heard Eka and came running to her. Reaching the trailer, he ripped the door open and filled the small space. His massive body was heaving for air to reach his burning lungs as his heart ached for the women he had loved since before he could even walk.

  Wolf scooped Eka up into his arms. Shut off the water and reached for her poncho. He wrapped her shivering, cold body in it and held her tight to his chest. She murmured as he wiped away the wet hair splayed over her face, showcasing the cuts and red bruises that were forming on old ones. Her eyes were swollen, and her lip spilt. Anger rages inside his body, seeing a white man’s anger marking her beautiful body. A body that should be nurtured, cherished, loved and touched with gentle care - like the fine china doll that Wolf seen whenever he looked at her.

  “I onadv usdi.” (I know baby)

  Wolf kicked the door shut hard.

  “Did you ever want anything else Wolf?” Eka asked him her voice a mere shaken whisper.

  “Nope. Never wanted anything other than you, a ranch and to rodeo.”

  “I wanted to be different. All I am now is broken… and lonely. I am so lonely, Wolf.”

  She pulled her body tighter into the poncho and Wolf’s grip. His heart was strumming like a solid lifeline against her wet cheek. Small droplets of water from her hair mixed with her warm, salted tears. She had failed at so much more than she ever thought was possible and, in the process, broke not only her heart but the man’s who was holding her.

  “I just want to fix the damage and be me again. To feel again…feel more than torturous pain…”

  Voices drifted from the back of the horse trailer as they walked down the length of the rig.

  “No. There ain’t nothing wrong with the damn rope. Just leave it.”

  “The ropes a piece of old frayed crap, Jerm. Toss it now or I will.”

  “Cody, come on. It ain’t the rope that is causing all the problems. You know it.”

  Cody looked at his riding partner and buddy, his eyes wide, nostrils flaring.

  “What the fuck is that supposed to mean? You think it’s my fault that we can’t move faster. You’re the one riding,” he bit out to Jerm, stepping closer to him, reaching for the rope. Jerm pulled his hands back.

  “No, but you’re the one with ya balls in a twist over your so-called Mrs. and the fucking Indian.” Jerm’s words were loaded with anger and hate. It hurt him that Cody was so fascinated with a woman and another dude when he stood right in front of him pleading for things to be different. He knew that Cody would never see past what society says is etiquette.

  Eka’s cheeks flushed red as she listened. Wolf looked down at the women in his arms, his ears tuned into the boys' words. Eka felt embarrassed that Wolf had to hear the tragic way they spoke and was worried that he could read between the lines of Jerm’s loaded words.

  “Shouldn’t you be saddling up, cowboy,” she pulled Wolf’s eyes to
her from where they looked toward the men. She smiled nervously. He knew her so well that he got the hint leaning into her. His lips brushed her ear.

  “Always my unique Eka. I will fight to keep you safe.” The two idiots that stood arguing over something that would never be rodeo related walked away from the trailer. The sooner they figured it all out the better for all including Eka. Eka knew that Cody had seen her inside Wolf’s arms as they tried to slip past. She knew he would come for her again and she knew it would be violent, but for now she felt safe inside Wolf’s arms, sore but safe.

  You cannot hear me cry. Nor can you see my dreams all die

  ~Eka Peno

  Day Three

  Wolf and Benny smashed the tie-down roping competition with a top-five finish. Cody and Jerm got shut out. You could see how angry Cody was by the way the vein pulsed in his neck. Eka could see it from where she sat in the bleachers. She was shielded from the hot sun by an oversized straw hat that Benny gave her that morning. It also helped to hide her fresh cuts and bruises. Benny had also brought back a real Starbucks coffee as well as pancakes and bacon. You could see the anger in his eyes for the marks dotting over her body. He wanted to cover Smith with the same marks. He wanted to inflict the same pain on him as he had onto a woman. Their woman. Eka was his family, and it pained him more than he let on.