New Beginnings

by Lori Maguire

  I made my way to the kitchen. Xavier was standing in front of the microwave, currently in the process of reheating the food. My stomach rumbled loudly.

  “It’s almost ready,” he chuckled. “What do you think of the place?” he asked hesitantly.

  “It’s beautiful from what I’ve seen so far. It’s even more stunning than I remember. Thank you for doing all of this.”

  “Come. Let’s eat then I’ve got another surprise for you.” He winked at me.

  After eating, Xavier insisted on cleaning up dinner without any help from me. Then he took me by the hand on a tour of our new home, which felt unbelievable. It was hard to believe that I wasn’t here to photograph it, that all of this was now my new home. No, it was our new home.

  The furnishings were as stunning as the house. All the bedrooms were outfitted with huge, king-sized beds made out of wood that matched the color of the exposed beams. All the fabrics were various shades of tan and gold. Plush leather couches and chairs in varying shades of tan and brown were in the living room and sitting room. The home office was a huge room he had set up with two, oversized desks. There was one for each of us.

  When we approached a closed door down from our bedroom, Xavier paused with his hand on the doorknob.

  “I gave the interior decorator free rein when it came to the house except for this room. This room I had a hand in decorating. Everything in here, from the colors on the floor and walls to the furniture, is all me.” He looked into my eyes intently. “If you don’t like anything, please tell me and we’ll change it. You won’t hurt my feelings. Okay?” He raised his brows at me.

  I couldn’t imagine what this room was. The best I could do was stare into his captivating blue eyes and nod. The man had impeccable taste. I was pretty sure I would love it no matter what it was.

  “I can’t have you just nodding at me, sweetness. You’ve got to promise me. If you don’t like it, you’ll tell me. Say it, baby.”

  “I promise,” I whispered.

  “Close your eyes. Don’t open them until I tell you to,” he whispered.

  He put my hand in his. I heard the soft swish of the door rubbing against the carpet as it was pushed open. He tugged on my hand lightly as he guided me into the room. My feet sunk into plush carpeting with every step. The smell of fresh paint, new carpet, and wood furniture filled the air.

  He stopped walking. It felt like he moved to stand in front of me. Taking both of my hands in his, he squeezed them lightly before letting go. “Open your eyes,” he said softly.

  As soon as I opened my eyes, I gasped, having felt like I had been transported to the Bloedel Reserve. All four walls were painted with a waist-high hedge with tall pine trees standing behind it. They weren’t painted in their true dark green colors, but rather beautiful pastel greens. The carpet being thick, plush, and blue was almost the same color as Xavier’s eyes. Pastel green curtains with dark green blinds decorated the windows. There were even little twinkle lights embedded in the ceiling.

  The furniture in the room was all made from walnut and it all matched perfectly. Two, beautiful cribs, two dressers, two changing tables, and two rocking chairs.

  My shaking hand covered my mouth. The room blurred as the tears filled my eyes and slid down my cheeks. I realized I was still standing in the same spot. Having only turned in a complete circle as I took the room in, I ended right where I started, face-to-face with Xavier. His face was an unreadable mask.

  “You decorated the room for the babies like the reflection pool,” I said, trying to keep the tears under control. I knew how special the reflection pool was to him. It was his parent’s favorite location and it was also where he proposed to me.

  He slowly nodded as if he were unsure of what my reaction was. “I always think of it as our special place since our first visit there. It just seemed right that our babies should be surrounded by the place where I first realized how much I loved you, and where you agreed to be mine forever.”

  I threw myself into his arms completely taking him by surprise. Burying my face in his neck, I couldn’t hold back the sobs any longer.

  “It’s all right, Ella. We can change whatever you want. We can even decorate another room for them if you don’t like this one. Don’t worry,” he said, calmly. He started rubbing his hands up and down my back soothingly.

  I sniffed and snuffled and hiccupped trying to pull myself together. When I lifted my face to his, he gave me a small, encouraging smile.

  “I love it!” I blurted. “I wouldn’t change a thing. It’s perfect.”

  Lifting his hands to my cheeks, he wiped my tears away. “So these are happy tears?” he asked, sounding skeptical.

  I looked into his doubt-filled eyes. “Yes, they are happy tears,” I said, nodding my head.

  He sighed heavily. “One of these days I’m going to be able to tell the difference between happy, sad, and mad tears.”

  I chuckled and then sighed. “I love you.”

  “I love you, too,” he replied.

  I stepped out of his hold and walked over to the cribs. Green bedding decorated both cribs that matched the pastel greens of the walls. The cribs were ready for newborns. The mattresses were as high as they could go and bumper pads surrounded the interior. I reached in and ran my hand along the softest green blanket I’ve ever felt.

  A mobile of plush, stuffed moons and stars hung over each crib. I wound one up. Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star played. It made me smile.

  Xavier came up behind me. “I had the bedding done in green since we don’t know the sex of the babies, but once they are born we can change the colors accordingly.”

  “No. I love the green. It goes nicely with the green of the walls.” I turned to face him. “I can’t believe the thought you put into this room.”

  “It was important to me, Ella.”

  “Well, now I really feel like a jerk.” He frowned at me. “I was just thinking of decorating it in greens and yellows. I had no special theme in mind, but this … this is more than I could’ve ever imagined,” I said, glancing around the room.

  “I’m glad you like it.” He kissed me softly on the cheek. “Are you ready to head back?” he asked, looking at his watch. “We need to catch the 9:45 ferry back. The next one won’t be until 11:35, and you look exhausted.”

  I followed him out of the room, pausing on the threshold for a moment. Grabbing my cell out of my bag, I snapped a quick photo and sent a text to Renatta. She was not going to believe this.

  We rode down the elevator Friday morning in complete silence. Xavier had a firm grip on my hand and both Stewart and Marissa flanked us. I saw the bumps by their arms under their jackets. It was the butts of their guns visible from their shoulder holsters. Both of them were armed with two guns each.

  I should have felt uneasy with how heavily they both appeared to be armed, but the fact of the matter was, Carline was unpredictable and possibly dangerous to us both. Knowing that Stewart and Marissa were not only trained for this kind of thing, but were capable and ready to take care of any threat against us, made me feel safe and protected.

  As we pulled out of the parking garage into the busy Seattle traffic, the dark grey skies overhead looked angry and threatening. Within minutes, big, fat raindrops started pelting the windshield. It was the kind of rain that only funerals in the movies had. I prayed that it let up some by the time we got to the cemetery.

  Xavier was unusually quiet. Staring out the window, he seemed to be in a somber mood. There was no way he could be torn up about Stephen. I was certain that Xavier was only going for my sake.

  Hell, I wasn’t even sure why I was going. Stephen was my abusive ex who sought forgiveness from me so he could end his life without a guilty conscience. At least that’s how I looked at it now. And it’s not like I was going for Carline’s sake. So why were we going? Because a part of me needed to see that casket. Until I did, it was like Stephen wasn’t really dead.

  As Stewart made the turn into the cemetery, X
avier’s grip on my hand increased slightly. When I glanced over at him, he straightened, his back rigid against the seat. The tension was just rolling off him.

  I tugged on his hand, but he didn’t respond. “Hey. Are you all right?” I asked quietly.

  He pinched his fingers to the bridge of his nose with his free hand, squeezing his eyes shut. “I’m fine,” he gritted through his teeth.

  Yeah, right. He was anything but fine, but I didn’t have the time to analyze what the problem could be. We were here.

  Stewart parked the car in front of a small line of vehicles. I was curious as to why he drove past them, choosing to park in the front of them rather than behind them. But then it dawned on me that he was probably doing that so if he needed to get us out of here quickly, he wouldn’t have to fight to get around the other cars.

  As I looked at Stewart in the rearview mirror, his face was an unreadable mask. Fear shot through me spiking my heart rate. Was he expecting there to be a problem? Was there some kind of threat that had been made against Xavier or me or both of us? Is that why Xavier was acting the way he was? Shit. We shouldn’t have come. But it was too late. Marissa was already out and opening Xavier’s door.

  Marissa popped open a large, black umbrella and handed it to Xavier as soon as he stepped out of the vehicle. He never let go of my hand as he exited and then helped me out. He also never looked me in the eye. Something was wrong. Something was off.

  Wrapping his arm around my waist, he held me close to his side making sure that I was completely covered by the umbrella. The horrible downpour that started as soon as we left the condo continued.

  I was thankful I wore flats. The grass was sopping wet and muddy in places, which would have had my heels sinking in the ground. Instead water kept sloshing over into my shoes. My feet were soaked and freezing already.

  It seemed the funeral was already underway. As we got closer to the small crowd of people, I could here the reverend speaking.

  Under a huge, lone pine tree sat a coffin on a pedestal. It was covered with a black cloth. A white flower arrangement made up of mostly lilies was arranged on the closed lid.

  A large mat of artificial grass was laid out, which kept you from sinking into the soaked ground. Carline was sitting in the first seat with her parents next to her. A small group of about fifteen people were standing behind them.

  Carline’s father stared blankly at us as we approached. Carline, however, did not see us. She was too busy crying into a handkerchief. Her wails increased slightly when the reverend mentioned Stephen as a loving husband. Xavier guided me to stand behind the group, which kept us out of Carline’s view.

  As I listened to the reverend drone on about how wonderful Stephen was and the short but happy life he had with Carline, I thought about what he had said to me in the park the other day. He made it sound like there were no real feelings between them, that Carline wouldn’t be upset if anything were to happen to him. She sounded genuinely upset to me right now. As I feared, Carline truly did care about Stephen. He just never realized it.

  Xavier’s hand started flexing against my waist in agitation. Glancing up at him, I was surprised to see him looking irritated and antsy. I knew he could feel me looking at him, but he still refused to look at me. What the hell was going on? Looking around him, I spotted both Stewart and Marissa standing about ten feet from us. Their eyes were solely focused on the crowd and us.

  When the funeral ended, Xavier started dragging me away as quickly as possible. It was almost as if he didn’t want anyone to know that we had been there. Then this horrible, agonizing scream pierced through the quiet.

  Looking over my shoulder, I saw Carline coming at us with a look of murder on her face. As if Xavier knew exactly what was going on without even looking, he picked up the pace heading toward the car with renewed purpose.

  Stewart stopped Carline in her tracks. She thrashed around widely against his hold, screaming at the top of her lungs. Her father took her arm out of Stewart’s grasp. Heated words were exchanged between the two men. Marissa stayed close behind us.

  This is why Xavier was in such a sullen mood. I wouldn’t be surprised if Carline’s father had contacted him telling him not to come to the funeral.

  We were just feet from the vehicle when Xavier spun around to face Marissa. “Get her in the car. Now.” Before I could say anything or grab a hold of him, he was stalking off in the pouring rain toward Carline and her father. Stewart met him half way. Putting a hand to his chest, he tried to stop him, but Xavier just pushed past him.

  Carline started struggling against her father’s hold. “How could you!” she screamed at Xavier. “How could you bring that bitch here? She killed him. That bitch killed my husband,” she screamed, pointing a long finger accusingly at me.

  I stood in shock staring at them. She blamed me for Stephen’s death? I killed him? I watched as heated words were exchanged between Carline, her father, and Xavier. Stewart was pulling on Xavier’s arm trying to get him back to the vehicle. Marissa was in front of me encouraging me to get in the car. The whole situation was a mess.

  “Ella, please get in the car,” Marissa urged. “I knew coming to this cemetery was a bad idea,” she mumbled.

  “What did you say? This cemetery was a bad idea? What do you mean?” Marissa’s eyes widened. She realized she said something that she shouldn’t have. “What is it about this cemetery, Marissa? Answer me,” I demanded.

  “Shit. You don’t know?” she asked.

  “Obviously not,” I snapped.

  “Xavier’s parents are buried here. He hasn’t come here since the day they were laid to rest. Gabriel tries to get him to visit, but he refuses,” she said sadly.

  I looked over at Xavier with tears stinging my eyes. It must have been so difficult for him to come here, but he did. He did for me.

  “I didn’t know,” I said to Marissa. “He’s never come? At all?”

  “No, Ella. Gabriel comes and takes care of their plot.”

  “So that’s why he’s been so sullen today,” I said softly, still staring at Xavier.

  “That and Carline’s father contacted him. He urged him not to come. Carline blames you for Stephen’s death. Her father knew seeing you would upset her.”

  “Why didn’t he tell me any of this?” I looked back at Marissa and frowned.

  She gave me a small, sad smile. “Because that man would do anything for you. He knew you needed to come for the closure so you could finally put Stephen behind you.” She turned around and looked at them. Xavier almost looked like he was standing nose-to-nose with Carline’s father now. The heated conversation between them continued.

  He came here for me now I felt like I needed to do something for him. He was living with whatever demons there were taunting him over the death of his parents. It was time to excise them.

  I grabbed Marissa’s arm, forcing her to face me. Her surprised eyes met mine. “Where are they? Where are his parents buried?” I asked urgently. She didn’t answer me. She just looked down at my hand on her arm. “Tell me, Marissa. I know you know. If you don’t tell me then I’ll walk this whole damn place until I find them.”

  She glanced back at Stewart and Xavier then she looked back to me. “They’re up there, on the right, under a group of pine trees. There’s a big, upright, black stone that simply says Hart. You can’t miss it. Two smaller, flat markers also in black are over each grave.”

  I ducked out from the under the umbrella and started speed walking down the narrow road.

  “Ella, let me drive you. You’re getting soaked,” she yelled after me.

  I glanced over my shoulder. Marissa’s yelling alerted Xavier to my departure. When he first turned from Carline and her father, his face was contorted with anger. But as his eyes met mine, he realized where I was going and the anger gave way to fear.

  Turning away from him, I started back down the road. A group of three, tall pines was up to the right with what looked like a black stone underne
ath. I picked up the pace. It was so close.

  “Ella!” Xavier yelled. I ignored him and continued on, trying to walk faster.

  The black stone was just several feet away when a strong hand grabbed my elbow stopping me in my tracks. I spun around, having to shield my face from the rain with my hand so I could look him in the face. His eyes were wide, his face pale, and he was staring at the stone that was just over my shoulder.

  “Why didn’t you tell me your parents were buried here? Why didn’t you tell me that you haven’t been here since their funeral?” I placed my hands on his biceps and squeezed. “Why didn’t you tell me how coming here would be so difficult for you?”

  He looked down at me with nothing but sadness in his eyes. “I can’t be here. We need to go. Now,” he said urgently.

  “Why? Why can’t you be here?”

  “I let them die,” he said through gritted teeth.

  I shook my head at him. “No! No, you didn’t,” I said adamantly. He continued to look at me, shaking his head. “You didn’t let them die. Xavier, they were grown adults. Your mother knew, baby. She knew something was wrong, but she went anyway. It was her choice, and she wouldn’t want you beating yourself up right now over a choice she made.”

  He continued to shake his head at me. “I should’ve physically stopped them,” he said angrily.

  “Even if you tried there’s no guarantee that they would have stayed. It sounded like your mother was determined to go. You wouldn’t have been able to stop her.”

  He narrowed his eyes at me. “You don’t know that.”

  “Neither do you. You can’t sit here and play the what if game, Xavier.” We continued to stare at each other. Even through the pouring rain, I could still see the tears fall from his eyes. “I can’t imagine how difficult it must’ve been to lose them the way you did, but you can’t blame yourself. It wasn’t your fault your mother wasn’t well.”

  I released his arms and wrapped a hand around his. As I started walking toward the stone, I expected him to fight me, but he didn’t. He willingly followed.