Hearts of Ishira (Hearts of Ishira Saga)

by Bethany Aan

  The camera then panned to the side, showing a younger Arianna, with shorter hair, staring blankly at the boat. Her face was deathly pale, her eyes were dry and even at that distance Hunter could tell she was in shock. The man tried to ask her a question, but a uniformed woman angrily shooed him away, telling him to have some decency.

  The rest of the news story was about the faulty engines that had been put in that model of yacht and how those engines were being recalled due to the number of recent fires, explosions and deaths they had been causing. The reporter ended the segment by callously speculating that the lone survivor of the extensive Hunter clan would be very rich indeed, if the police cleared her of any involvement in the deaths of her large family. Hunter seethed at the implication. His Arianna might be many things, but a killer she was not, nor was she money-hungry.

  He sat back from the desk, feeling as though it was he who had lost his family, all over again. He recalled the look on Ri’s face in the videos as she cuddled newborn babies to her breast and promised them all the love she had inside her. He knew, without being able to sense it, that Ri would pour unconditional love into her newest family members, at first sight.

  Hunter?

  Bev had once mentioned that her surname was Hunter. He had wondered at the time why Ri had not told him that. Now he thought he knew. She hadn’t told him because it was something she was trying to put behind her. It wasn’t important. She was making a new life, determined to face it with optimism and hope, and she hadn’t wanted this weighing on her, reminding her of what she’d lost.

  “It appears that your lady is much stronger than any of us could have imagined,” Trey said, then shook his head, swiping unashamedly at the tears on his cheeks. What an incredible loss Arianna had suffered! And yet she smiled, laughed, and was able to teach the young women with her and go about her day doing her best to add value to all their lives and mentor the girls at the same time. Trey’s respect for the small woman went up several significant notches. It had started out fairly high to begin with. “I do not wish to see more. I think we should take a break, and start this again in the morning. I have a very strong need to find my Bevy and just hold her.”

  “It’s all right, Trey. Get some rest. I think I found what I needed. If you wouldn’t mind, finish copying all the data onto a drive for me tomorrow. And cousin,” he said softly. Trey turned and gazed at him. “Thank you for being here for this. We often lament what we have lost. I am eternally grateful tonight for what we were blessed to keep. At least we still have each other.”

  Trey nodded wordlessly then walked back to Hunter and hugged him in a rare show of affection. Hunter closed his eyes and appreciated the fact that he still had a cousin to embrace. He waited for the other man to leave before unplugging the devices and shutting down the computers.

  Then he simply sat in the darkened room, haunted by the image of Arianna with which the news footage had ended. He would never forget that look of complete emptiness on her face, in her eyes, as long as he lived. She was usually so very happy and strong, and yet so fragile and broken at the same time. But at least now he knew. He knew where the darkness inside her came from. He would not bring up her loss or the tragedy that had taken her family from her. He would let her tell him about it when she was ready.

  And now he had hope that she would, someday, be ready. She had so much love in her heart, so much to give, and it showed in everything she did and said. She would not be able to withhold her love for very long, of that he was certain. Especially if he and Jace made sure she could not help but fall in love with them. She was scared, but he sensed that she had an incredible capacity for adaptation, acceptance, and making the best out of whatever situation she found herself in.

  He finally had to admit that she was right to hesitate in allowing a relationship that would end without children, especially when she knew that procreation was vital to their group’s continued survival on this planet. She was right to consider the feelings of the men who were courting her, and to try to protect them from the very real heartbreak of not being able to have a family later. He could even see it as noble that she had not led them to believe otherwise, but was forthright about it, letting them make the decision for themselves.

  But as he had told her, there was more to life than bearing children. He still did not know how he was going to prove that to her, and a tiny part of him was saddened that he would not have a family with her. Not because he was hell-bent on spreading his seed, but simply because he would have loved to have had children with her someday. He had already tried to imagine a child with both of their features and traits, and it warmed his heart. Her barrenness was a serious consideration, and one he had to think about for awhile. He was the commander of the ‘colony’ they had started. He had obligations and a duty to his directives, even if he was no longer in contact with his home world or high command. He had to set an example.

  Didn’t he?

  For several more hours, he sat there, thinking about what he wanted to do, what he knew he should do, and finally came to a decision that weighed heavily on his heart. Having made up his mind definitively, he got slowly to his feet to make his way back to his quarters.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  The next morning, a very subdued Arianna was sitting on the couch, looking down at her hands, clenched nervously in her lap. Beside her sat baskets of fiber and tools, already neatly packed and waiting. One other held her personal items… clothing, all the little things she’d made to put in the apartment, anything else that might remind the men of her. She left no trace of herself, convinced it was what they would want.

  When Hunter emerged, exhausted and drained, from his bedroom and saw her there, he paused.

  They had not talked about her admission the night before, and he had a feeling that perhaps that had been a bad idea. He had needed time to process what she’d told him, then he had seen those videos, and he’d needed to talk to his brother about it. Hunter had run into Jace on the way to their quarters from patrol, and told him of what he’d found. Jace had decided to stay up to watch the videos for himself. The recordings had only spurred him to find a solution for their Arianna sooner, rather than later. Hunter had known they would. Taking a pot of stimulant tea with him, Jace went off to the med center to do some more research.

  While the night had been enlightening and he had come to his decision, Hunter had been too caught up in his own turmoil to consider what Arianna might be thinking, how she might have taken his silence and his abrupt departure. He’d needed desperately to clear his head, to think. But in her misery and selflessness, she’d shut her mind to his. She wouldn’t have known why he’d left, nor understood his prolonged absence. While yes, she’d been unreasonable, he silently cursed himself for not waking her immediately and reassuring her.

  He was an ass.

  He took in her hunched shoulders, her pale, tight hands, and the trails of red on her cheeks that bore witness to the fact that she’d been crying, a lot. She’d fallen asleep on the couch, but he hadn’t had the heart to wake her when he came in a mere two hours before sunrise. So he’d left her there, though he’d made sure to cover her securely and tuck a pillow beneath her head. Now he was exhausted. He had been unprepared for the discovery of her loss, and didn’t want to bring that up yet, anyhow. So he simply stood there, waiting for her to make the first move. He didn’t know why she’d packed all her things, but the empty spaces on shelves and in corners made him want to throw things, rage at her in denial.

  “It’s okay,” she mumbled, barely loud enough for him to hear when she couldn’t take the silence any longer. “I… Hunter, I understand. I packed my stuff, so if you’ll call someone to take me to the women’s dorm, I’ll get out of your way. I hope that we can keep a professional relationship until the groups are fully integrated and the women trust you as their leader. And… I hope that we can be friends. Eventually. Maybe.”

  For a long moment, he just stared at her, fighting the tightness in hi
s throat. Her heart was broken. He could sense her overwhelming emotions, suddenly realized that she felt useless and inconsequential, especially in their current situation. That was his fault. He should have explained. He should have taken every chance to reiterate that her being barren had no effect on his desire for her.

  At that moment, he hated himself for the hours of heart-break she had been through, even though most of it was not his fault. He had known it was an issue for her. And he knew women well enough to know that they very rarely took a man’s assurance once, for anything. Human women were proving to be no different. While the matter had been settled in his mind long ago, in hers it was still the biggest hurdle to their being together as mates. Hunter wanted to laugh, cry, shake her, and cherish her, all at once. Instead, all he could do was stand there and watch her, his throat moving spasmodically as he was overcome with her pain and his own panic.

  The tension in the room swelled to just about the breaking point as he tried to figure out what to say, how to let her know in no uncertain terms that he wanted her. He could just let her feel his decision, if she’d only drop the wall she had against his thoughts, but she had it firmly in place. He found it strange that she could allow him to hear hers, but wouldn’t allow herself to hear his. Finally, when she seemed able to take the silence no longer, she turned broken eyes to his. His heart nearly shattered at the grief in her face.

  Holding her gaze, he walked to her and sank down onto the couch. She let out a tiny whimper, as though she had not been able to keep the little cry inside her, and Hunter tugged her roughly into his arms. She sobbed then, trying to catch it before it got out, but he held her more tightly, kissing her hair. She let loose, weeping all over him. He sensed that she thought he was saying good-bye. He found he couldn’t speak past the lump in his throat. Her arms snaked around him to hold him to her and she wept for what seemed like an hour, her body jerking and shuddering with the force of her emotions.

  Hunter had never been in a serious relationship, but he had a rather large family. He knew that even the strongest of women sometimes just needed a good cry, whether they had a reason to do so or not. And he also knew that the best thing to do with a crying woman was to just hold her, love her, and wait for the storm to spend itself. So he closed his eyes and did just that.

  When she finally quieted, he tipped her face up to his and kissed the hell out of her, stunning her, stunning them both with the ferocity of the kiss.

  “Woman,” he breathed when he finally let her loose for air, “If you ever threaten to abandon me again, I will lock you in my room and keep you tied to my bed until you understand.”

  “Understand what?” she asked timidly, swiping her sleeve over her eyes.

  “That I will not let you go. Ever.”

  She stared up at him at that, her lower lip quivering. Shyly, she raised her hand to his face and cupped his jaw, a question in her eyes.

  “Hunter, you want children. I can’t give them to you, and you deserve better than me. I’m broken in ways you can’t possibly understand. I’d rather go now, having known such happiness as you and Jace have given me this past week, than later, when I’ve fallen in love with you, but you’ve grown to hate me because I cannot give you what you want.”

  “Little one,” Hunter pulled her close and kissed the top of her head, “There is no other woman I want. If my brother wishes to carry on the family line, then he may find another woman to do so with, but I have wanted you since I first saw you lying there in the mud, before we spoke, when we first touched minds, before you did speak and worked your way into my heart. I am afraid that my soul will accept no one else, even after I get to know you, which you seem to think will change my feelings for you. Besides that, Jace is already researching possible alternatives. Our technology is more advanced than yours. There is still reason to hope. Not that I need it. I will take you as you are.”

  She offered him a wobbly smile that tugged at the foundations of his very soul, then hitched a breath and swiped at her eyes again.

  “I’m sorry,” she tried to laugh a little, though the sound was watery. “I don’t know why I’m so emotional. I just… I know it hasn’t been very long, but think I’m starting to fall for you. I care for you so very much already, and the thought of your not wanting me… it about broke my heart. I… didn’t want to wait, to let it grow and hurt even more when we were through.”

  “There is more to life than children, Arianna,” he said softly, hugging her to him and resting his chin on her head. “Perhaps I should have clarified that when we first talked of your special situation.

  “Yes, our colonization directive states that we must build the population. And I would be lying if I told you that a warrior does not fervently wish to carry on his line. Above that, he wishes to give his woman children to love and nurture and to comfort her when he is gone. It is clear that you want children, more than anything else. But if you cannot have them, it will not be the end of our happiness. Once the others begin to build their families, there will be urchins running around under foot all the time, creating all kinds of mischief. And try as we might as leaders, there will be unfortunate accidents, illnesses, deaths, or something else that creates a need for children to be taken care of by others for a time. If, by some tragedy, a child should end up orphaned, you and I can provide homes for them. We would need to do so, regardless of whether we had children of our own or not, because we are their leaders. Most of these men are of my clan. When the babes start arriving, there will be many children, and they will be as close to you as you wish to have them. The entire clan raises our children, and everyone is an aunt or uncle, to some degree.

  “In the meantime, I cannot say that I am unhappy that we will be able to enjoy time together without distraction, to help lead our people and create our own society here.”

  Arianna smiled a bit more surely now, hearing his extensive plans. His was not simply a heart-felt admission of his affection, a decision based on hormones. She realized that he had been thinking hard about this. He brushed at a stray tear she’d missed then kissed her nose.

  “Now, we will have no more talk of this, eh? The matter is closed. If Jace wishes to withdraw his suit of you, so be it, but I will not. I fear that my heart is already more than a little bit lost to you, and I prefer you to some nameless, faceless child that might or might not have been, either way.” He planted a firm kiss on her lips, then lightly slapped her butt where it rested on his lap. “Now, is that settled? Need we discuss it more?”

  She held his gaze and slowly shook her head. He could sense that she was afraid to hope, but she felt that he meant every word that he said, that he’d rather have her, without children, than someone else who could give them to him. He narrowed his gaze on her, opening his mind to her and reinforcing his thoughts until she felt much better about it. Her walls were still in place, but wobbling. He’d have to work on her later.

  “Good.” He smiled tenderly at her and stood up with her in his arms. She would never get used to being toted about like a child. “With that settled, perhaps you would like to keep me company while I prepare our morning meal? Jace will be home soon, and he has been working since yesterday’s dawn. He needs food, some attention from his mate, and then rest.”

  She nodded tentatively and allowed him to carry her over to the kitchen area. As he cooked, they spoke of the plans both had been contemplating for their people. She was embarrassed over her behavior and a bit reserved at first, but Hunter kept at it, forcing her to talk about mundane issues that had nothing to do with her barrenness. She needed to know that life went on, that the subject was closed, and that he still wanted her. He didn’t know how else to convince her, other than to just go on with life. By the time breakfast was ready, she was once again laughing and speaking animatedly about her ideas for combining their two cultures.

  When Jace came home a little later, bleary-eyed and weary, she fussed over him and made sure he felt welcome and wanted, fed him, then kissed him sw
eetly and insisted that he go to bed immediately, that she was fine. He took in her reddened and tired eyes and looked as though he didn’t quite believe her, but at Hunter’s subtle nod of reassurance, gratefully found his bed.

  Once Jace’s door had closed, she helped Hunter clean up from the meal as best she could then sighed, not looking forward to another long day without him. But he didn’t leave, just stood there, watching her. For a moment, she wondered what he was waiting for. HHHHe usually left for the command center shortly after breakfast. Tilting her head to the side in curiosity, she watched as his eyes took on a wicked gleam. Her breath hitched and her heart started pounding as he came around the kitchen counter and situated himself between her thighs where she sat on the high bar stool. Looping his arms around her back, he pulled her slowly to him until she was forced to tilt her head back to hold his gaze.

  “Now, little one…” he said, nibbling on her lips. “I sense that our conversation has not fully reassured you.”

  She licked her lips, following the path of his. She shook her head, wanting to be honest but wondering what he was getting at. He sighed and nodded once, as though confirming his suspicions. Then he leaned down and took her mouth in a searing kiss that had her moaning softly and her bare toes curling against the rung of the stool.

  “Then I shall simply have to demonstrate,” he whispered.

  She squeaked a bit when he jerked her into his arms and toted her into his bedroom. His chest rumbled with his amusement at the cute little noise. She heard the door firmly shut behind them and her heart raced in anticipation. He plunked her down on the bed, then lowered himself until he was spread over her, holding his muscular form off of her chest, but insinuating his hips between her legs. Her skirt would only allow him so much room, though, and as he kissed the very breath from her, he reached down to quickly skim the material up. She was bare to him, her core open and already pouting for his touch. He groaned into her mouth, then pulled back to stare down at her, letting her see the rising passion in his eyes, feel the emotions in his soul.