Blind Reality

by Heidi McLaughlin

  Millie and Cole step out first, hand-in-hand. Seeing them together like that brings a smile to my face. There needs to be some blissful happiness in here even if it’s not me. Well, it is me because, believe it or not, spending any amount of time with Joshua is worth what I’m doing to myself. When this is all said and done, and we walk out those doors, I have these memories that no one can taint or tell me it was wrong. No one knows the agreement we have, or rather the one he’s insisting we have, so technically I can be as free to fall in love with him as much as I want.

  Except I want him to fall in love with me, too.

  Joshua reaches for my hand and I let him take hold. I welcome the warm tingly feeling I get when he touches me. Just that alone is worth the eventual pain. We walk to where the banner says ‘The Wilsons’ and all I can envision is our Christmas card, and then the immediate let down that we won’t have one. I need to stop dwelling on what I can’t change, and focus on something else.

  Like making him fall madly in love with me.

  “Newlyweds, welcome to the Pit of Doom.”

  The computer voice trails off, exaggerating the word doom as if it’s supposed to scare us. Above us, the skies are blue and the sun is shining. Not exactly something I fear.

  “You will enter the Pit of Doom and search for your name. But only one of you out of your pair may enter at any one time. When you find your name, place it on the board and then your spouse may enter. The first couple to retrieve the most names in less than two minutes earns a week in the coveted master suite.”

  Josh looks at me and smiles. “We can win this.” I nod in understanding. He has a game plan, and it’s in full effect now. He wanted to wait a week and let everyone settle in before he really started competing.

  The bell sounds and I jump in first, shrieking at how cold and gross the mud feels. The mud is knee high and sloppy, making it hard to trudge through.

  “Drop down to your knees,” Joshua yells and I hate that I didn’t think of that because now both Millie and Amanda have done the same thing.

  “This is so gross,” Amanda whines. I agree, but won’t say anything. I’m focused on the task at hand and that is finding my or Josh’s name. My fingers bump into something hard and I grab hold of it. The suction from the mud, air, and my arm pulling out is like a vacuum. I yank and free my hand, wiping the mud onto my arm and bingo, Joshua & Joey Wilson. I smile at the sight of our names together and hate that the only time I’ll see it is in this house or on my annulment papers.

  “That’s my girl,” Joshua yells when I stick the name card up in the air. I try to run using the high knee method. Joshua moves like he’s going to help me, but stands back. He has to wait his turn and while I appreciate it, I don’t want us to get disqualified. I climb out of the mud pit and run to the board, slapping our name up there and in he goes.

  I turn around in time to watch Joshua jump into the mud pit. Millie is out now, but Amanda is still looking. Gary is trying to direct her to locations, but he’s unsuccessful. They really ought to work on their teamwork. It’s not all that fair to Gary.

  Joshua is back in no time, and I’m slightly jealous that he had an easier time than I did. I jump in, drop to my knees, and trudge across the pit. My arms are submerged and my fingers are grabbing at anything and everything possible. The next card I pull out isn’t ours and I bury it quickly in the mud. I want to win. I want that master suite because with no cameras maybe I can crack Mr. Wilson. The stolen kisses are nice, but I’m going to test him. I’m going to push his limits. I have years’ worth of fantasies to play out in my head. I’m just hoping he’s willing.

  The next card I pull out is ours and I make my way back to the edge. I’m already breathing hard, but can’t give up. I slap the card on the board and glance at the others while Joshua is busy finding another. All three guys are in now, but we’re in the lead. Millie is cheering on her husband, while Amanda tries to wipe mud off of her arms. I really hope the viewers are seeing what I am witnessing right now.

  “Come on, Josh. You got this, baby.”

  He looks at me surprisingly, but the grin on his face tells me otherwise. He liked hearing it as much as I liked saying it. He holds his hand up and tries to move as fast as he can to the edge. The countdown has begun over the loud speaker, ten … nine … eight …

  “Hurry,” all three of us yell at the same time. It doesn’t matter because Joshua and I are winning, but the support for your spouse could be a voting boost I suppose. I jump in Joshua’s arms after he puts our name up and the timer goes off. He holds me, mud and all, to his body and kisses me.

  I pull away quickly and he sets me down. “We won,” I say, for lack of a better icebreaker.

  Cole and Millie come over and congratulate us, as do Gary and Amanda.

  “Well, I guess I know what you guys are doing tonight,” Gary adds with a wink. I roll my eyes and deduce that he and Amanda are perfect for each other. She’s vain, and he’s crass. They complement each other perfectly.

  “Come on, let’s get cleaned up.” Joshua pulls me toward the outside shower, taking it before anyone else can claim it. He pulls the curtain shut and turns on the water.

  “One week in the master suite with a king size bed, Jacuzzi tub, and all the food you can eat. Technically we don’t have to leave that room for seven days, except for our hospitality comp.” Joshua takes the nozzle off the hook and starts running the water over my skin. The warm water feels good after bathing in mud for the past few minutes.

  When he bends to get my legs, I use this as the perfect opportunity to shock him. “Millie told me that there’s a bowl of condoms in there as well.”

  Joshua pauses, and I close my eyes. I know he finds me attractive. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t kiss me … and he most definitely kisses me. I haven’t initiated a kiss since our first night here in the bathroom. It’s been all him.

  “Sex will complicate things.” He turns me around to face the wall and I’m thankful because he can’t see the tears welling in my eyes. When his chest presses against my back, I’ve had enough for the moment.

  “I think I’m clean enough to go inside now. The others are waiting.” I slide the curtain over and walk away from him, keeping my eyes downcast so I can avoid whoever is looking my way. I don’t want them knowing. I don’t want them asking me questions that I can’t answer. And I definitely don’t want Amanda thinking she has a chance with him.

  As soon as Joey steps out, I peer over the top of the shower. The only one paying attention to us, or me for that matter is Amanda. I think it’s safe to say I’ll be adding her to the “watch out for” list when this show is over. I wouldn’t mind spending time with these guys outside of here, except for her.

  I glance at Joey, where my focus should be. She’s facing the dark curtain that blocks us from going inside. I can tell from her posture that she’s upset and all I can think is, How am I going to fix this? That shouldn’t be my thought. I should be thinking about what the viewers are seeing, or what the producers are going to air to slant everything in their favor. They’re paid to make the ratings higher, and Joey just set them up with a nice drama-filled segment. I slam my hand against the water dial to shut the water off.

  They’re purposefully keeping the curtain down and she’s playing right into their game plan. This is what they want. And if I didn’t know any better, I’d start to think Amanda is working for them.

  As I step out, Mille and Cole step forward to take the shower. Gary lingers, not sure if he should walk over to Amanda or not. I remove myself from any plan he has and step in behind Joey, placing my arm around her shoulder. My lips find the crook of her neck and as much as she wants to fight her attraction to me, she can’t. Her body sags into mine as we stand there with our backs to the other newlyweds.

  “Please don’t be angry with me.”

  “I’m not,” she says with a hint of anger and disappointment in her voice.

  “You are. I call feel the anger coming off of you
in droves.”

  “It’s because they won’t open this damn curtain,” she mumbles. The telltale click that the curtain is about to raise causes her body to relax.

  Taking Joey’s hand, I guide her into the house. We bypass the feast that has been set out on the table and go into the bedroom we’ve been staying in. As I pull the door shut behind me, I notice that our bags have been packed for us. Many thanks to the nice team of producers who have to venture into every aspect of our lives. In this moment, I’m bitter. I need to curb this attitude if we’re going to win. What Joey and I are experiencing right now is just a small speed bump.

  Joey sits down on the bed and slumps. I’m not even going to try and figure out why without asking, but I don’t want to do it here. We need to be in the privacy of the master suite where we can speak freely.

  Sitting down next to her, I pull her hand into mine. I never take my eyes off of her when I ask, “What can I do to make you smile?”

  She looks down at our joined hands before meeting my eyes. “I wish this were real.”

  “It is.”

  “Everyone to the dining room please.”

  Joey and I both sigh as the computer-generated voice tells us what to do. She rises first without letting go of my hand. She looks down at me as she tugs. In this moment, I want to stand and kiss her into oblivion, but I know if I do, it’ll just confuse her.

  After we change, we walk out to the dining room where we’re greeted with a round of applause. Cole pats me on the back and Millie hands Joey a glass of wine. I faintly hear someone comment that she’ll need it. She probably will, but not for what they think. Besides, one would like to think that a man hasn’t waited a week to consummate his marriage, but then again we’re on a television show and privacy is lacking.

  This dinner is too good to be true, just as most things in life are. We’ll pay for this later, I’m sure. The guys, me included, lean back in our chairs and rub our bellies. All men do this, it doesn’t matter who you are. It’s our way of saying thanks to the cook for a well-cooked meal. The women laugh, and pour themselves more wine. This dinner had everything a five-star restaurant would have and more. The food: lobster and shrimp with tender New York Strips and the largest baked potatoes I’ve ever seen, along with the copious amounts of booze. At least that’s how it felt.

  I stand and start clearing away the empty beer bottles. Cole and Gary probably finished off a case. I nursed a couple of beers and made it look like I was keeping up with them. The last thing I need is to be drunk right now since it’s what landed me here to begin with.

  “You guys don’t need to clean.” It’s Mille who speaks, and she winks at me as she passes.

  “I think you ought to take your wife to your suite,” Gary says, as he puts his hand on my shoulder. He laughs and ends up burping.

  Real classy, dude.

  I play along and yell out Joey’s name. The onslaught of giggles tells me that the whole house has had too much to drink tonight, and I have a feeling I’ll be warding off some very welcome, yet dangerous advances from my wife.

  Joey comes up to me and our hands find each other right away. She tugs, and I follow. I should tell her before it’s too late that I’ll follow her anywhere if she just asks. That thought pulls me up short, and she snaps back into my arms.

  “Sorry,” I say, as she stumbles even though I caught her.

  Her hand rests on my chest and she gazes into my eyes. I start to lean forward to kiss her, but the oohs and ahs behind us make me stop. Joey must sense this because she steps out of my grasp and pulls us up the stairs toward our suite for the week.

  Joey gasps when she opens the door and I peer over her shoulder to see what caught her by surprise. The room is white and red; everything is pristine and crisp with just enough red to set off that romantic vibe. The white comforter is adorned with rose petals that also lead a path to the bathroom where I know the Jacuzzi tub is waiting. I shut the door and lock it, giving us our first bit of privacy since we got here.

  “I didn’t ask Millie what this room was like because I didn’t want to spoil the surprise,” she says with her back to me.

  “They change it for everyone,” I add, reminding her that this was done for us based on what the producers have learned about us.

  Joey moves around the room with her finger trailing along the furniture. She then disappears into the bathroom.

  “The water is hot, we should take a bath,” she says when she comes out and faces me.

  “Joey—”

  She puts her hand up and stops me from denying her. Joey walks toward me with a glint in her eye. I have a feeling I’m going to be in trouble with her this week. “With our suits on, Joshua. I’m not going to ask you to do anything you don’t want to do.” Her hand finds the waistband of my shorts and pulls me to follow her. “You can give me this, at least.”

  Each step I take is with the intent on giving her just that. When I step into the bathroom, I see a dressing room off to the side. I remove her hand from my pants and kiss the back of it before disappearing into the room where I change quickly.

  I hear splashing and know it’s time I step out. I need to be the best husband I can be since I’m shortchanging her in the most important department. Leaning against the doorframe, I watch as she relaxes in the water. Candles are lit and there is some type of perfume smell washing over us. Whatever it is, it’s making me feel calm. Her eyes are closed, but there’s a smile on her face.

  “Are you going to join me?”

  Laughing, I push off the doorframe and walk to her. When my hand touches her wet shoulder she opens her eyes. Joey’s smile never fades as she moves forward and I step in behind her. The water is warm and inviting, and the moment I submerge, I’m thankful that she invited me to join her. I probably would’ve been jealous if she hadn’t.

  Joey leans back into my chest and my hands roam over her arms, massaging as I do. “This feels good,” I say, for lack of anything better. I push the button to turn on the jets and Joey starts to laugh. The way her body is moving against me coupled with the vibration of her laugh does things to me that I’m sure she can feel. When she presses against me, I know I have to find a way to curtail this moment, but for the life of me I can’t bring myself to move. I can’t leave her by herself on what the show calls our honeymoon. That is what the master suite is supposed to represent. If her former fiancé hadn’t cheated, she’d already have had a honeymoon.

  If he hadn’t cheated, I wouldn’t be here with her right now. She may be my short-term wife, but even in the few months we’ll share it’ll be better than that asshole could’ve ever given her.

  I start to massage her neck, and the moan I get in return heads straight for my hard-on. “That feels so good. I think I want to live in this tub. I bet you have one, don’t you?”

  “Nah, I wish.”

  “Tell me about your apartment.” Joey asking about me means the world to me. No one ever asks. They just assume that they know everything from the countless interviews and articles.

  I dip my hands into the water, and when I pull them out I let the water drip off my fingers and onto her arms. I repeat this over and over.

  “You know when you watch a movie about a young actor breaking into Hollywood and they show you where they live?”

  “Yeah.”

  “My apartment is nothing like that,” I laugh. “Rent in LA is extremely expensive and it seems like it’s a waste until I’m ready to buy my own house. My room is barely large enough to fit a queen size bed. I had to buy one of those over the toilet cabinets to keep a few things in because my bathroom is tiny. I don’t have a dining room table because I haven’t bought one yet, so I eat on the counter. I have a roommate, but you probably already know that.”

  “How would I know that?”

  “Well, I figured with me being your celebrity crush and all.”

  “You’re not my only crush.” Her voice is barely above a whisper and I want to ask her not to remind me, but
I can’t bring myself to say those words. Each second that I’m with her, I find another thing I like about her. Even the most mundane things, like how she brushes her hair fascinates me.

  “I live with my parents,” she adds, maybe sensing that I’m starting to feel bad for myself. “I wouldn’t move in with Tony until after we were married. My room isn’t anything on the grand scale, but I do have my own bathroom and my mom cooks dinner every night that requires us to sit down at the table. My mom, she’s very proper sometimes.”

  “Hmm, sounds like I need to move into your house.” She freezes momentarily when I blunder. “Anyway, everyone thinks that you’re automatically rich when you become an actor and you own all these cars and houses. I’m not there yet, but maybe someday I will be. I have to pay my agent every time I get a movie deal or an endorsement, as well as my lawyer and don’t forget the fact that Uncle Sam sure likes his portion, too. I’m investing for a future and not spending every cent I make.”

  The water starts to turn cold. We need to decide whether to run some more, or get out. I pick up her hand and look at her pruned fingers. “We should get out,” I say, but don’t move. If she wants to stay like this, I will. We can keep each other warm. I wrap my arms around her and bury my head into the crook of her neck.

  “I don’t know what it is about you, but I feel like I can tell you anything.”

  “It’s because I’m your wife. It’s the law or something,” she laughs, and pulls away from me. I feel the loss of her immediately, but it’s going to be short lived because I have every intention of holding her while we sleep. I stay in the water while she steps out. The bottom of her swimsuit has risen, showing off her ass cheek. I picture myself biting it as I pleasure her, but that will just have to be a fantasy. Joey disappears into the dressing room and I pull the plug, letting the water drain out of the tub. When she steps out, she’s dressed in a black negligee, one I haven’t seen yet. It’s short and perfect, showing off her sexy, tanned legs. The valley leading to her breasts is inviting me to let my tongue explore. Teasing me about everything I’m missing and denying not only myself, but also the both of us. I swallow hard and start to stand.