Blind Reality

by Heidi McLaughlin

  Kissing isn’t cheating in Hollywood.

  I need to get out of here before people start to look for me. I stand and flush the toilet, even though I didn’t use it. When I open the door I half expect Millie and Amanda to be here waiting for me, but why would they? Millie is blissfully happy, and Amanda wants my husband. As far as I’m concerned, she can have him. Maybe she’s a better fit for Josh. One quick check in the mirror tells me that my eyes aren’t puffy, so I’m safe there. I’m going to walk out there with my head held high and into the kitchen because I need chocolate. A cake must be made.

  The room is quiet and the television dark. Everyone is still sitting on the couches, but Gary is with Amanda now. Joshua is alone. It’s what he wants, so I’m not going to let that bother me. I step into the pantry and pull out the cake mix and frosting. Chocolate on chocolate ought to do the trick.

  Chocolate is the only thing that will never lie to you.

  I’m quiet and reserved, as I get everything out. I’m not slamming doors or banging bowls onto the kitchen counter. I don’t need to. It’s my own fault for being naïve and thinking that someone like Joshua Wilson would want someone like me. I’m plain and ordinary. I have nothing to offer him or anyone like him. Actors don’t fall in love with mundane people.

  “Are you okay?”

  I smile at Millie and Amanda, who both look forlorn. “I’m fine, just making a cake. We talked about having cake, right?”

  “Right,” Millie says with a forced grin. I shuffle around her while she leans against the counter. She could move, or help, either one would be nice. Just standing in my way though, is going to piss me off.

  “Josh said—”

  I put my hand up, motioning for Amanda to stop talking. “I don’t care what Joshua said, or hasn’t said. I’m fully aware of his feelings.”

  “But I thought—”

  This time I stop Millie from talking. “I don’t ask about your marriage, so please don’t ask about mine.”

  The women fall silent and allow me to shuffle around the kitchen. I breathe a sigh of relief when they leave and the sliding glass door opens. I don’t want to be coddled or pretend that our fake friendship actually means anything. I put the cake in the oven and lean on the stove. The warmth takes away the chill I’m feeling, but does nothing to take the weight off of my chest.

  I cringe and step away when he touches me. I busy myself with washing the dirty dishes while he stands there.

  “Joey?” My eyes close when he says my name, but it’s not enough. I ignore him. We have nothing to talk about. If anything, he should be sitting at the counter coming up with a new strategy.

  “Joey to the confession room,” Linda says with her impeccable timing as always.

  After drying my hands on the towel, I check the timer. I won’t be able to spend too much time in there or my cake will burn. I brush by Josh and avoid his hand when he reaches for me.

  Sitting down with a huff, I smile into the camera. “What is it now? You’ve already embarrassed me, what could you possibly need to know? Are you curious as to why I’m not crying? Why I’m not begging Joshua to choose me over Jules Maxwell, a woman he has history with? This game is nothing more than a mockery of marriage. You can’t expect people to fall in love with all your forced competitions and stupid confession room pranks. When all is said and done, we’ll go our separate ways and think about our time here and how we could’ve done things differently. Maybe Millie and Cole will last, but the rest of us won’t, and as producers, you should be ashamed of yourselves.”

  I stand, but hesitate. “What you did today just showed me that you only care about the ratings.” I walk out knowing the producers aren’t going to be happy with me. I don’t care because in two months this show is over and I’ll be back home doing what I do best.

  Eating cake.

  My eyes widen when Jules appears on the screen. Staring intently, I try to fathom what the hell she’s doing on there. The women in the room gasp and there’s a slight wail. I don’t need to look to know who let that out. Jules words sting as she solidifies for the people near me, and the viewers at home, that my marriage is a charade … a joke. Anger builds within me, and my heart breaks for Joey. She doesn’t need this. I don’t need this. Jules Maxwell and I were not together when I signed the contract, or when I married Joey. We had broken up months before; it was yet another twirl on the merry-go-round that ended with one of us jumping off. This time I ended things and after meeting Joey, I’m not sure I ever want to get back with Jules.

  As if in slow motion, I turn my gaze to Joey. Everything is telling me to get up and pull her into my arms, but I’m frozen. I’m not supposed to care about Joey, but I do. The last thing I want is for her to get hurt. That includes when the show is over. She and I need to end on amicable terms. I want to be her friend because treating her like my father treats his exes is out of the question. Joey and I will never share a child, but we share this … this show, these moments captured on television.

  As soon as Jules’ message finishes, Joey springs from the couch and rushes down the hall. Millie and Amanda look at me, both throwing daggers, daggers that I deserve but not because of Jules. I didn’t put her up to that, the producers did. She’s just conniving enough to go along with it. I’ll be happy to thank Rob as well. If he hadn’t opened his big ass mouth, Jules would’ve never found out about my plan to annul this marriage as soon as I got out.

  Mr. and Mrs. Mitchell appear next on the screen. Listening to them tell Joey how much they love her, makes me long for a normal set of parents. Mine, they probably don’t even know I’m here, unless they called looking for money. But her parents, they sit together holding hands, showing me what a loving family she comes from. Joey says her mother is neurotic, but maybe that’s her mom’s way of showing Joey how much she loves her. At least, Joey knows her parents love her.

  “Joshua, I wanted to shake your hand at your ceremony. I look forward to meeting you when the show is over,” Mr. Mitchell says before the screen goes dark. My hands cover my face and run through my hair.

  “Shit,” I mutter under my breath. Thing is, I want to meet her parents. I didn’t last month but each day that I get to know Joey more, the more I want to spend time with her outside this house. I still think ending the marriage is the right thing to do, but I want a chance to know her away from reality television. I want to see if we’re compatible in the real world.

  Both women get up and scramble into the kitchen. I catch a glimpse of Joey’s backside as she cruises past us. A loud bang makes us jump, increasing the tension in the room. Right now I really despise the open concept of this house because there’s no privacy and at this moment I need some.

  “I thought my video was embarrassing.” I tilt my head and glare at Gary.

  “Huh?” I say sarcastically. “Really, Gary, your video was embarrassing?”

  He shrugs and Cole mumbles something that I can’t quite catch. My head rocks back and forth, and my lips are pursed. Now I’m just pissed. Heaving myself off the couch, I stalk into the kitchen. The women fall quiet and scatter, leaving Joey and I alone. Her back faces me as she busies herself. Anger rolls off her in waves. I’ve never felt someone’s anger before, but I can feel hers. Joey leans against the stove; already the smell of something delicious wafts through the air. My fingers graze her shoulder. She flinches, trying to move away from me.

  “Joey,” her name falls quietly from my lips. I don’t know if it’s desperation, or nerves. Either way, saying her name not only hurts, but also makes me long for her.

  “Joey to the confession room.” Linda’s voice booms over the speakers. Joey doesn’t waste any time—she picks up a towel and dries her hands before walking out of the kitchen. Not once does she look back toward my direction.

  “I’m so screwed,” I say to no one and everyone who happens to be listening. I’m in a situation that I don’t know how to fix. It’s not going to matter what I say to Joey, or how many kisses I bestow up
on her, the words that Jules said tonight will always stay with her. If we were to try a relationship outside the house, Joey would always wonder. I know I would if I were in her position.

  All of this just proves that I’m not worth someone like Joey Mitchell. I can’t imagine she would ever be as spiteful as Jules and do something as hurtful and embarrassing. I brought that on Joey, she didn’t ask for it.

  Cole walks into the kitchen and heads straight for the refrigerator. The clank of beer bottles is the only sound in the house. He hands me one, his expression telling me that he’s sorry, even though it’s not his fault. I tip my bottle toward him as a thank you before bringing the cool glass to my lips. I start with one quick sip, but quickly tip back the bottle and let the sweet hops coat my throat.

  “Sometimes you just need a beer.”

  “No truer words said, especially right now.” Setting my bottle down, I lean against the counter. “I wondered how long I’d be here, building a relationship with Joey, before it all came tumbling down.”

  He puts his beer down and sighs. Between him and Gary, Cole and I would be friends outside the house. Gary, I can see myself meeting him every once in a while for a beer and whatnot, but he’d be the one to brag to his friends about me. Cole, on the other hand, I want to catch a game with or have him over for a barbeque. He and I will be friends once the show is over.

  “I don’t have any advice.” He shrugs. “Before I came on the show I had a hard time meeting women. It seemed that the only time I did was at a conference or when I’d be set up on a blind date. I wish I could pat you on the back and tell you what you need to do, but the truth is, I’m scared shitless. When the show is over, then what? How do I make things work with Millie?”

  Running my hands through my hair, I breathe in deeply. “Hell, what do I know? I could walk out the door and ask an audience member on a date and she’d say yes. Not because I’m what she’s looking for in a guy, but because of who I am. And look at me. I came on a reality show to get married.”

  “We all did,” he reminds me.

  I finish off my beer and grab us two more. I’m afraid to leave the kitchen, fearful that I’ll miss Joey when she comes back. My plan is to stay here until she does and work some charm to get her to talk to me. I’m not stupid enough to think it’s going to be easy, but I’m going to try.

  “I think I love your wife,” Cole says, causing me to spit my beer out all over the counter. He grabs the towel that Joey left behind, and starts wiping.

  “What the hell, man?”

  “I didn’t mean it how it sounded. It was the aroma from the cake. It’s going straight to my stomach, which leads to my heart. It smells really good.”

  “Yeah it does,” I agree with him, quickly. Just as the timer sounds, Joey appears. I can’t be sure, but I think she was eavesdropping. I’d be okay with it if she was, but she has to know I’d rather speak to her. Cole takes his leave when she enters, giving us a bit of privacy.

  Standing out of her way, I pay attention to every move Joey makes while she moves around the kitchen freely. As soon as she has the cake pan resting on a wire rack, I reach for her hand. She tries to tug it away, but I tighten my grip, not allowing her to slip away so easily, and pull her toward our bedroom. The only thing that would make this more comical is if she’d set her feet firm to the ground so I could drag her, anything to lighten the mood around here.

  Earlier this afternoon when we were in our room, we shared a very intimate moment, which was ruined by the scum ball producers. Now I need to make up for that. Once inside the room, I shut the door and lock it. Her arms are crossed over her chest in complete defiance. She doesn’t want to be here. With each step I take toward her, she takes one back. We’re back to the first days in the house, except she was happy then and right now I’d give anything to see her smile.

  I hold my hands up in front of me, calling for a truce, or mercy. Whatever she’s willing to give me.

  “I’m sorry. I know those words are cheap and often misused, but you have to know that I didn’t know that was going to happen.”

  “I know.”

  My hands drop in relief as I move forward, only to have her move back. “What gives then?”

  Joey looks down at the ground, to the walls, the ceiling, anywhere but in my direction. Her eyes look wet and the thought of her crying because of me, because of Jules, angers and tears at my heart. When I’m out of here, Jules isn’t going to like what I have to say.

  “Joey?”

  She shakes her head, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth. Hours ago, I would’ve used my thumb to caress her lip, but now I’m too afraid.

  “Why did you tell her your plan?” Her voice breaks, stabbing me in the heart.

  “I didn’t. I wouldn’t do that to you, or to anyone. I know how vindictive she can be. I didn’t even tell her I was coming on the show.”

  “How does she know?”

  “Rob,” I answer. “He knew. Gave me shit for it too. Said I was wrong. My agent and lawyer know, but they don’t work with Jules.” I pause and take a chance at moving closer to her. When she doesn’t step back, I consider it progress. My fingers tentatively touch her elbow, tugging slightly to bring her closer.

  “Joey, what happened out there today was the cruelest form of humiliation. I can’t imagine what’s going through the producers’ minds or what Jules did to get her face on the show. For her, it’s publicity. But for us, it hurt us deep. I don’t want to see you hurting like this, especially because of me. This is what I’ve been trying to shield you from, the nastiness of Hollywood. You’re too good for this type of crap, the constant drama of the next person trying to bring you down.

  “I like that you’re pure of heart, and sweet. I even like that you’re my number one fan. What I don’t like is the fact that people on the outside want to hurt you and I can’t do anything about it. I’m no good for you out there. I’m afraid you won’t like me, or that I’ll ruin you. I need for you to truly understand why I feel this way.”

  Joey takes a step back, squares her shoulders, and glares at me. Her finger stabs me in the chest, not once, or twice, but three times, each one stronger than the previous.

  “Ouch,” I say, bringing my arms up to defend myself.

  “Joshua Wilson …” She stops and shakes her head. “You know what, it’s our anniversary. I made cake. Let’s eat cake.”

  Joey doesn’t give me a chance to respond, and I’m not really sure what just happened, but she’s left the room and I’m just standing here like a moron utterly confused. Here I am pouring my heart out, trying to explain my feelings, and she wants to eat cake.

  I play the words over in my head, looking for a spot where I screwed up. Everything sounded perfect, but now that I recall them, it’s complete shit. No wonder she couldn’t reply, I didn’t make any sense.

  Rushing to the kitchen, I discover she’s behind the counter with a knife in her hand. She holds it up, and it scares me a bit, even though it’s covered in frosting. Cautiously, I take a seat at the bar and wait. If Joey wants to celebrate our anniversary, who am I to stop her? Right now, I don’t think I’m allowed to argue with Joey, there might be some husband code I’m missing. To be on the safe side, I clasp my hands and rest them on the counter and keep my gaze forward. I don’t want to get caught staring, at least not right now.

  Joey starts humming as she flitters around the kitchen. I try to imagine her in mine, but the images aren’t that great. My kitchen is small with one counter. She’d hate it. In fact, my apartment isn’t anything great, but its home.

  A heaping piece of cake is set down in front of me. I lick my lips in anticipation as I pick up the fork that’s sticking out of the middle.

  “This looks delicious.”

  “Are you saying I can’t cook?”

  Her question confuses me because all I said is it looked delicious. I fear it’s a trick. The best answer is avoidance, so I stare at my piece of chocolate cake. I really just want to e
at the cake.

  “You know we never got to feed each other cake at our reception.” Joey comes around to my side, resting her hand on my shoulder. I lean over and kiss her on the cheek, thankful that she’s so forgiving.

  “We really didn’t have a reception, but we could definitely do that whole cake thing now if you want.”

  “That’s what I want.” Her voice goes quiet as she gazes into my eyes. I don’t see the hurt that was there earlier, but I’m not stupid enough to believe that it’s gone. It’ll come back, probably tonight like a bad dream. I’ll be there to hold her, to kiss away the demon known as Jules Maxwell.

  Joey has a nice big chunk of cake nestled between her thumb and fingers. I shift slightly, preparing myself to take a bite of her offering.

  “I’m so happy to be your wife.” Those are the words I hear as chocolate frosting and cake are rammed into my mouth, up my nose, and over my face.

  “Don’t even think about sleeping in my bed tonight. You may think you know me, and what I’m feeling, but you’re wrong. I’ve never been so humiliated in my life, and on national television. It’s one thing to be your wife and to stand by you, but for her to make a joke out of me is inexcusable.”

  Joey waits while her words sink in. Through my chocolate haze, I see a lone tear fall. I try to reach for her, but she backs away, shaking her head. I jump when the door slams, leaving me in the kitchen with cake smeared on my face, and a heart beating so rapidly I can’t tell if it’s because I’m anxious, or if it’s because I’m upset that she’s hurting.

  I have cake, though, and according to Joey, cake makes everything better.

  [Roll intro]

  “I’m Patrick Jonas, and welcome to another episode of Married Blind.”

  [Theme music plays]

  “Tonight our newlyweds will be playing for their first luxury vacation. Who will be crowned victors for the eight-day stay in Tahiti? Also tonight, we’ll learn of a new twist. One that is sure to rock the house and make the spouses think twice. When we return, we’ll join our favorite newlyweds and see how they’re doing.”