Blind Reality

by Heidi McLaughlin

  Rubbing my hand over the protruding belly suit, I can’t help picturing what it’d be like to be carrying his child or to have our daughter sleeping in the next room, a child that looks like a combination of the both us and who depends on us to nurture him or her. That’s where this show fails in epic proportions. Not only do they mock the meaning of marriage, but now they’re adding children to the mix. I’m not sure I want to win, or even continue to participate, but I will because the money is important to Josh. He has plans to do some good in his community and who am I to try and stop him?

  All too soon a buzzer goes off and Josh springs to life, confused and disoriented. I want to laugh, but the fact that I’m so tired, hot, and haven’t slept because I’ve been worrying about a future that I don’t have stops me.

  “What’s that noise?”

  “My guess, it’s time to start the day.” I shrug, keeping my eyes on him. He hasn’t looked at me once and in the back of my head I know he’s tired, but I’m pregnant with his twins and he should look at me.

  “It’s just a game,” I mutter to myself as I try to sit up. Whatever I did to deserve purgatory in fat suits, I’m sorry. I’ll scrub bathroom floors for the rest of my life if I never have to wear one again after this competition.

  “What time is it?”

  I shake my head. “No idea. My watch is inside the house.” That’s a lie. I don’t wear one. I’m a strict look-at-my-cell-phone-type-of-girl.

  Josh slides out of bed and pads to the bathroom. Everything in this house is so close together I can hear everything, but shockingly can’t hear our neighbors. I wonder about Millie, Amanda, and also Rebekah. What’s their life like right now? Will I get to see them?

  “I guess I go to work now.”

  “All right,” I say as I stand and walk over to him. What do we do now? I have no idea, but do know our lives would not be like this. “If we were outside this house, this game, what would be happening right now?”

  Josh sighs and takes my hands in his. “I’ve thought a lot about what life on the outside could be like for us and this isn’t it. I don’t know if this is meant to scare us or what, but we’ve been in here for hours and I already hate it. I don’t hate the fact that you’re pregnant or we have a kid, but the fact that this isn’t even close to what our reality would be. Am I rich, hell no, but I earn enough money to afford something better.”

  “Josh, what are you saying?”

  He looks into my eyes and smiles. “I’m hoping you want to give us a chance when we get out of here. I know I don’t deserve it, but I want to see where we can go with this. I still don’t like the idea of being married and I’m not saying we need to divorce, but win or lose, I’m hoping for a chance.”

  “Someone freaking pinch me.”

  That’s what Joey’s response is to my heartfelt-lay-it-on-the-line-emotional-dump. She wants to be pinched and who am I to deny her? I grab a bit of her skin between my thumb and forefinger and squeeze. Her mouth drops open before the wailing ow is emitted. Joey slaps my hand away and glares at me.

  “What was that for?”

  “You said to pinch you, so I did.”

  “Yeah but—”

  I take her face into my hands and hold her gaze with mine. “No buts, Joey. I know you’re freaking out because of the way I acted and the things I’ve said, but this is me putting it out there for you and for us. I think you and I have a connection and I want to explore it. I don’t know where it’s going to go, and we may hate each other when we get out of this house, but the thought of never seeing you again, or having to wait a year to see you at the reunion show doesn’t sit well with me.”

  “Your day is starting now.” Linda’s disembodied voice echoes through our cult compound and I find myself asking if this is worth it or do Joey and I just ditch out. I can’t do that to Joey, though. Who knows if we’re going to make it, and if we don’t it’d be nice for her to have a nest egg.

  Still holding her face in my hands, I bring her forward as far as I can to kiss her. I’m trying not to let the fact that she looks pregnant scare the shit out of me, but it’s definitely plaguing my mind right now. I just have to keep reminding myself that it’s fake. I don’t know if I’m ready to see Joey with a child, but I also know I’m not ready for her to leave me.

  “Newlyweds to the courtyard,” Linda says, breaking my connection with Joey.

  “How many days until this is show over?”

  I laugh, but mentally count the days in my head. “Not soon enough,” I tell her as I take her hand in mine and walk us down the stairs. As soon as we’re outside, I can’t help but look at everyone.

  Joey is the only pregnant one. Gary is holding a baby in his arms, which reminds me about the one we left upstairs.

  “Shit, the baby,” I say as I run back into the house and take the steps two at a time. Parents of the freaking year right here! I throw the door open in dramatic fashion and rush to the crib, scooping her up. I’m sure she needs to be changed, but I don’t know how to do that. I don’t think we’re vying for points right now so this is as good as it’s going to get.

  When I walk back outside, I hear gasps. Oh yeah, I knocked the virtual Joey up good and proper. In real life, it’s not happening anytime soon. If we can make a go of it, I want to enjoy her and build a life before we even think about having little humans. I also need to be confident in my ability to be a father before I even consider it.

  “Newlyweds, each of you have been given a different life to lead. While you won’t be able to go to work, you will receive a salary to which you need to budget your expenses with. Houses have to be cleaned, children taken care of …” Patrick laughs as if this is some sort of joke. I’m sure it is to him, but not to the rest of us. This challenge could last weeks if he’s not careful. Viewers will get bored and forget we’re even on.

  “Each time the buzzer goes off, check your mailbox. I’ll be back to check with you later.”

  “I’m a stay at home dad,” Gary yells, earning a righteous glare from Amanda.

  “Can’t imagine that went over well,” I mumble to Joey who hides her snicker.

  Cole and Millie walk over to us. Cole is barely able to contain his laughter as he points to Jennifer. Millie elbows him and takes the doll from me.

  “What, never seen a man hold a doll before?”

  “Just didn’t expect to see you holding one and for her to be pregnant,” Cole says. How he got so lucky in the lack of kids department irritates me. Millie and he have been blissful this entire time. They need some drama.

  “Oh yeah, being in a fat suit again is right up my alley.”

  I pull Joey to me hoping to take some of the pressure off her back. The suit is heavy and I know it’s a burden for her to wear it.

  Overhead dark clouds roll in and it starts to rain. A rarity in California, but likely needed. Everyone starts to scatter, except for Joey. She stands there with her head back, letting the rain pepper her skin. She’s beautiful in every way possible. I can’t believe I was so stupid to tell her that we couldn’t be together.

  I tilt her head up and capture her lips with mine. Her fingers push through my damp hair pulling slightly. My hand cups her face as our tongues dance. This kiss isn’t for game play or because we’re on national television. It’s because she’s beautiful and deserves to be kissed. It’s because I want to kiss her like there’s no tomorrow.

  The buzzer sounds and the telltale click from doors opening play in the background. Mailboxes open and close, but I don’t stop. I can’t pull away from her. I know, in this moment, that I’ve made the right decision. Being with Joey is going to be the easiest thing I’ve ever done.

  When I pull away, her eyes are still closed and raindrops rest on her eyelashes. I want a camera to capture this moment and wish we were anywhere but here. I hate saying this, but I love the thought of the paparazzi taking pictures of us so I can keep them on my phone. The first thing we’re doing once we’re out of here is taking a damn se
lfie, and yes I’ll be posting it on social media.

  “Josh, please pick up your mail,” Linda interrupts us once again. Sighing, I kiss Joey again, but only briefly. I’m going to have to talk to her about foregoing this competition because right now I’d rather be sitting inside the house getting to know her even better.

  Pulling the mailbox open, I retrieve the letter. I realize that this is the game of Life, and the only thing missing are the cars that we need to move around the game board.

  “We have a leak and a missing child,” I tell Joey. Her eyes go wide and her hand covers her mouth.

  “Shit, who has the baby?”

  “Millie,” I reply, as Joey turns toward their house. I go into the house and look for the leak. Nothing on the first floor indicates running water, and climbing the stairs I dread where a leak could be. The bathroom and our bedroom show no signs of water, leaving only the baby’s room. When I open the door, I see the rain from outside pelting down onto the crib.

  “You’ve got to be kidding me. This is exactly why I’ll never own a home.”

  I can’t call a contractor, because according to this game I wouldn’t be able to afford it. So I move the crib out of the way to at least save that stuff.

  “Wow,” she exclaims from behind me.

  “I know.” I sigh. “What are we supposed to do?”

  “I think use our friends. Cole is a contractor.”

  “Do you want to quit?” I ask her. “I don’t care about winning right now. This won’t be our life.”

  She looks from me to the doll in her hands to the bulging belly. Her nod is slow, but it’s there. I never thought I’d quit any game in my life, but this one has to stop. I barrel down the steps and out the door to find Gary, Cole, and Bronx all heading to the buzzer. I step back in as coyly as I can and whisper for Joey to come downstairs.

  “Everyone hates this game,” I say into her ear. “The guys are out there right now pressing the button. Let’s wait five minutes.”

  Sure enough the buzzer sounds three times and Patrick is on the loud speaker proclaiming us the winners. I have a distinct feeling this game did not go as they thought. Their idea to beat us down and cause situations that aren’t necessarily going to exist doesn’t make much sense.

  I help Joey out of the fat suit, which is a little harder than helping her put on it. I do my best to shield her from the cameras. I really don’t want anyone looking at her body other than me.

  “I’m so happy to be out of that thing.”

  “I have to say I like this Joey much better. The other was miserable, and it hadn’t even been twenty-four hours yet. Imagine if it were the real thing.”

  As soon as the words are out of my mouth I want to take them back. She visibly freezes and avoids eye contact. “Are you ready?”

  “Um, yeah,” I say as I walk in front of her. Foot in mouth should be my new name.

  When we step outside happy, but exhausted friends greet us. Even Bronx offers us a congratulatory pat on the back. This challenge was hell. I don’t look back at the pretend home that could’ve been my realistic doom as I enter the house. None of our furniture is back, but I don’t care. I’m in need of a shower, or a bath. A nice long bath with my wife sounds pretty amazing right now.

  Bringing my hand out of the warm water, I let my finger dangle over her chest. The water trickles down, beading on her skin. Joey’s head rests on my shoulder and her legs are locked under mine. This is one of the most intimate moments of my life and it’s happening during a TV show. The rest of our time here can’t go fast enough. At this point, it doesn’t matter if Joey and I win, I just want to get her alone. I want to be free to explore her body without having to be in the shower or winning a competition. I want to hold her without being interrupted.

  First things first, as soon as I see Jason, I’m telling him to tear up the annulment papers. I hope he and Matt won’t be waiting for me, but if either of them is, they need to know that Joey isn’t going anywhere. Jason is going to pop an artery. He’s all about pre-nups, clauses, and amendments. Even if Joey leaves me six months from now, I’ll give her anything she asks for. She’s with me because of me, not my checkbook.

  “I’m filming a movie in Alabama a week after the tour is over.”

  Joey adjusts slightly, water sloshing around. “You’d think with me being your number one fan, I would know that. I’m off my game.”

  I wrap my arms around her, pulling her closer. “I’m thinking that you could head up my fan club. As president, I’d offer you some fringe benefits.” That was corny, but didn’t sound so bad when I was running those words through my head.

  She turns in my arms, her breasts on full display and begging for me to touch them. I hold back though because she has a serious look on her face.

  “You don’t know anything about me.”

  Her statement confuses me. She’s right. I don’t. “You know what, you’re right. We’ve spent all this time together and I haven’t asked you the important questions. You know everything about me, so why don’t we change this tiny tidbit?”

  “Tiny?”

  I lean forward and slide her over my legs so she’s straddling me. “I say tiny because nothing you tell me now can change the way I feel about you. I know the important things, like what happened with Tony. One thing I don’t know about you is where you’re from or when your birthday is.”

  “Okay, well I’m from Springcreek, Oregon and my birthday is September eighth.”

  “Hmm,” I say, moving her wet hair behind her shoulder. “So we could be on our honeymoon and celebrating your birthday, huh?”

  “Honeymoon?”

  Pulling her forward, our lips meet as if they need to touch. The lukewarm water moves around us. Joey shivers and as much as I’d like to think it’s from my awesome make out skills, it’s because we’re cold.

  “Do you want to go to bed?” I ask as my lips kiss the flesh behind her ear, trailing my tongue down her neck.

  She nods and in a perfect world I can stand and hold her to me, but I can’t. I tap her leg and she stands before me, naked and beautiful. I’ve been waiting for weeks to be in this room with her and now that I have her behind a closed door with no cameras I can finally be with her. I know it won’t be the same as when we’re together on our honeymoon.

  Joey walks to the bed, mesmerizing me with the sway of her ass. I can’t watch as she crawls over the comforter. I think my heart stops when she looks at me with bedroom eyes.

  “Tell me how things will be when the shows over,” she says as I crawl over the top of her. I kiss a trail starting at her ankle until I’ve reached her lips.

  “We’re going to go somewhere warm and private. I want to swim in the ocean with you. I want to make love to you under the stars and I want to rub lotion all over your body. We have a week before I have to go to work.” I pause and look at her. “Will you go to Alabama with me?”

  “Under one condition,” she says.

  I search her eyes for any sign that she’s about to give me a major ultimatum. I see nothing but love and admiration, both feelings that I intend to shower her with once we’re out of his house.

  “What’s that?” I hedge, preparing for the worst.

  “We visit the water tower and the beach from Sweet Home Alabama?”

  I sit up on my hands slightly, unwilling to really disengage from her. “Do you like that movie?”

  “It’s my favorite.”

  “Of course,” I tell her without hesitation. I’ll do whatever she wants as long as she’s there waiting for me at the end of my shoots.

  “Excellent,” I say as I settle myself between her legs. Everything about her is perfect and the fact that she’s so willing to come on location with me makes me happy. In a few short weeks, all of this will be over and we can start our lives. I rub my arousal against her, gauging her reaction. Joey flexes her hips, showing me that she’s ready.

  “Condom,” Joey whispers, reminding me that I need to be respons
ible.

  I reach for the bowl and grab the first one I see and tear open the package without looking at the color. If it’s blue, I may have flashbacks of it sticking to my leg. After I’m fully sheathed, I push in and her eyes close.

  “Look at me,” I ask as my fingers caress her cheek. When she does, her eyes are lit with desire. We move together in unison, our bodies creating the needed friction we’ve been waiting for. Joey locks her ankles behind my back, giving me less space to move. Everything is tighter, deeper this way. Her hips rock into me while her heels push down on my back urging me to go faster. I bite down on her nipple and her back arches, showing me that she loves what I’m doing.

  “Joshua …”

  “God, Joey, hearing you say my name …”

  She whimpers and starts moving faster. I need to learn her body. I have to know the signs so I can make her feel amazing. My hand slides down between our bodies, giving her the pressure she’s looking for. I groan when her walls clench and lose control.

  I fall on her, out of breath and sweaty. Rolling slightly to the side, I pull her to me, unwilling to let her go. She nestles in my arms; her fingers dance over my skin until her lips take their place. She’s going to drive me crazy, but somehow I think that’s her intention. When she pushes me down and climbs on top of me, I have no choice but to submit. With Joey straddling me, all sense is gone.

  I’m way overboard and there’s no saving me now.

  The day is finally here. I should be packing or making arrangements to meet Millie for lunch in a couple of weeks, but I’m not. I’m freaking out. I’m hiding in the shade under the pretenses that I don’t feel well and need to be left alone. Tonight, Joshua and I will be alone together for the first time. I don’t count our time in the master suite because people were still in the house, lingering and always making stupid snide comments about what happens behind the closed and tightly locked door. No, later tonight it’ll just be him and I without any interruptions and I’m freaking the hell out. I know it’s not our first time, but it feels like it.