by T L Swan
I rearrange the erection in my boxer shorts. Reading that she loved going down on me even back then is a major turn on. I can remember how much she used to love it … it’s burned into my brain. My eyes flick to her half-naked body sprawled out on the bed. Ohh, you’re going to cop it baby girl when you wake up. Hard, I need it hard. I stroke myself to try and stop the need. I bend and kiss her stomach gently and my cock hardens further. God, I want her.
I hear the front door open. “Hey, it’s me,” Cameron calls from the lounge room.
I jump nervously and throw the diaries back into the box and kick it under the bed. I bend and kiss her thigh and quickly wrap a towel around myself to hide my erection. I head out to see him.
“Is she still out?” Cameron asks as he hands me a coffee.
“Thanks.” I take it and nod.
“What’s with the boner?” he smirks.
I look down to the obvious erection through the towel and I shrug.
“She’s unconscious,” Cameron says flatly.
I smirk and nod as I sip my coffee. “I know.” My eyes meet his.
He shakes his head and rolls his eyes as he walks up the hall to Natasha’s bedroom. He stands at the door as he takes a stethoscope from his pocket. I quickly scoot past him and pull the blankets up over her. It is just getting dark so I flick on the side lamp.
He smirks at me. “You know I’m a doctor right?”
I nod. “Yeah, I know. I also know you’re a sex maniac.”
He rolls his eyes.
I smile and bend to kiss Tash on the side of the face again as I gently take a seat beside her with my coffee.
He picks up her hand and starts to take her pulse.
“What time will she wake up?” I ask.
He shrugs. “Between twelve and sixteen hours after she was sedated.”
“Do you think she has a brain tumour?” I ask.
He smiles as his eyes stay on her face. “No.”
“Do you think she has brain cancer?”
He shakes his head again. “No.” He widens his eyes at me.
I watch him silently as he pulls up her shirt and listens to her chest.
“How are you going with the period thing?” He smiles.
“Fine,” I snap as I take a sip of my coffee.
He smiles broadly.
“What?”
“This domestic version of Stan is very entertaining.”
I fake a smile. “Hilarious.”
He picks his coffee up from the side table and takes a seat on the end of the bed.
“What happened? Why did she get this migraine?”
I shrug. “Probably because I am an idiot who keeps stressing her out.” I sigh.
“Did you tell her you didn’t trust her?”
I shake my head. “No.”
“Did you argue?” he asks.
“No, she was calm and I argued. Tell me, Cam, do you think Natasha loves me?” I sigh.
He smiles. “I hope so.”
My face drops.
“Of course she does, idiot.” He frowns. “Why would you even say that?”
I shrug and take a drink of my coffee. “She keeps leaving me.”
He shakes his head. “Josh … she has had her own reasons. She has never played up on you. Hell, she hasn’t even slept with anyone else.” He frowns.
I run my hands through my hair in frustration.
“What are you worried about?” he sighs.
“That she is going to leave me again, and that I won’t cope,” I mumble.
“Josh. Get over it. Every man on the planet gets fucked around at some time. Why are you carrying on?” he whispers angrily.
I shrug as my eyes flick to Tash.
“You call her the drama queen. I reckon you’re being the drama queen. Of course she was pissed the other night and left. You were filmed with a stripper. I’m pissed off with you myself for being so stupid,” he snaps.
I pick up her hand and kiss the back of it. “I’m still in love with her,” I whisper as my eyes linger on her beautiful face.
Cameron rolls his eyes. “Tell me something I don’t know.”
Adrian
I wake to the sound of the shower running and I smile as I roll over and look at the ceiling. I haven’t felt this happy for a very long time. After spending every night with Nicholas for the last month we have finally become intimate over the weekend. It’s Monday morning and he hasn’t left my side since Friday. Satisfaction is running heavily through my veins, both emotionally and physically. The shower turns off and ten minutes later I hear Nicholas out in the kitchen. It’s weird he didn’t wake me up like he has every other day. I rise and walk out. He is dressed in his suit and is sitting on the lounge putting socks on.
I saunter into the kitchen and flick the coffee machine on. “Good morning, I smile.
He looks up from what he is doing and his haunted eyes meet mine. I frown in question.
“Put some clothes on,” he whispers.
I frown again and put my hand on my hip. “Excuse me,” I mutter. He’s got to be kidding—we have been naked the whole weekend.
He drops his head again and fiddles with his socks.
“What’s up?” I ask as I lean on the bench. Something is obviously the matter.
He stands. “I’m in love with you,” he whispers.
I smile. “Well that’s good because I am in love with you,” I reply.
He drops his head. “Don’t,” he whispers.
I frown. “What do you mean don’t?” I reply.
“Adrian, you can’t love me.”
“Why not?” I snap.
His haunted eyes meet mine again. “Because I am married.”
I frown. “No, you are widowed.”
He shakes his head frantically. “You don’t understand. I feel guilty for feeling like this about you when my husband is dead. I swore I would never love again and here I am playing happy families with you.”
I narrow my eyes at him. “A game you insisted on,” I snap.
“I haven’t slept all night. I should not have done this to you. I thought that I was ready but I don’t think I will ever be ready.”
Hurt pierces my heart and I hold his gaze. “Do you think he wouldn’t want you to be happy? You deserve to be happy, Nicholas, you have lost enough.”
“He deserved to live and to have his husband to be loyal to him till the very end,” he whispers. “This isn’t about me … or you. This is about Pierre and his memory.”
Nausea rolls in my stomach. “Get out,” I snap as I storm to my bedroom and sit on the side of my bed. Five minutes later I hear him pick up his keys and the door quietly shut behind him.
Tears fill my eyes. “I loved you too, Nicholas, I loved you too,” I whisper.
It’s 12.30 am and I sit in the chair next to Natasha’s bed watching her in silence. She should have woken up by now. I am giving it half an hour and then I am ringing Cameron. This is bullshit, something is wrong. I read the diaries. Every sordid detail of the way I have treated her is right there on the paper in black and white from her perspective. How can she still love me after everything I have put her through? I smile, she loves me … even after all that, she still loves me. I haven’t found the most recent diary. I looked everywhere but she has obviously hidden it. My stomach is twisted with guilt, she knows more about my past with other women than I thought. I have been blaming her for our demise when I should have been listening to her reasoning. It makes sense when I see it from her point of view, as twisted as that is. I am going to make it up to her if it’s the last thing that I do. I have never loved her more.
Chapter 27
“She’s not awake, you need to get over here. Something is wrong.”
My heavy eyelids flutter as Joshua’s voice echos through the apartment from the lounge room, the bedroom is dark and lit only by the side lamp.
“She should have been awake four hours ago.” He goes silent as he listens.
“I
mean it, get your ass over here now Cameron.” He goes silent as he listens again. “Or maybe I should take her straight to the hospital.” He listens. “Hang on, I will check.” He walks back into the room and I sleepily open my eyes.
“Hey baby,” I whisper.
He closes his eyes in relief and puts his hand on his chest. “She’s awake, call you later.” He hangs up.
He sits gently on the side of the bed. “Are you ok?” He brushes the hair from my forehead.
“Sorry,” I whisper in a throaty voice.
He frowns. “What for, presh?” He bends and kisses my cheek gently and I smile.
“You had to stay with me. I hate these stupid headaches,” I mumble.
He smiles broadly and pulls me into an embrace. “You scared the shit out of me. I thought you were going to die.”
I smile again. Hmm, beautiful Josh is here. “I need to go to the bathroom,” I whisper.
He helps me out of bed and I walk gingerly to the bathroom as he holds my hand.
“It’s ok. I can walk by myself,” I whisper.
He frowns. “Natasha, you have just been unconscious for eighteen hours. I am helping you.”
“I need a shower,” I sigh as I lean against the vanity. Joshua runs the shower and then turns and smiles warmly at me.
I frown. “What?” I ask.
He bends and kisses me again on the forehead.
“Josh, I need to go to the toilet. Can you go out?” I whisper.
He is still leaning over me. “No.”
I frown. “Josh, give me some privacy please.”
“Presh I have been looking after your needs for the last eighteen hours. We have no secrets anymore.”
My eyes widen in horror. “What?”
“You have your period and I have been looking after you.” He kisses my face again as he pulls me into an embrace.
“Oh, my fuck.” I put my head into my hands in embarrassment. What must he have seen? I am mortified.
“Why are you doing that? It was the most intimate thing I have ever done. I loved every minute of it.” He kisses the side of my face again.
“Oh Josh, just go out!” I snap. This is horrifying.
“Presh.” He smiles as he kisses my neck.
“Out now!”
He stands, seemingly disappointed, and leaves the now steamy bathroom. I pull my pants down and look down and smile. I have two pads on, one on top of the other. I giggle to myself. What an idiot—what is that going to do?
He knocks on the door. “Yes,” I answer.
He slowly opens the door and passes me a packet of tampons.
I smirk and snatch them from him and he smiles. I look at the packet and frown.
“What are these?” I ask
He widens his eyes. “Tampons,” he says flatly.
“What size are these?” I smirk.
“Your size,” he answers, affronted.
“Did you go to the shop and buy these?” Oh my god, now I have seen it all.
He nods.
I bite my bottom lip to stifle the huge grin on my face. “You went to the shop to buy me tampons?”
“So,” he snaps, “isn’t that what guys do for their girlfriends?”
I smile and hold my hand up to him and he takes it gently. “Thank you,” I whisper.
He bends and kisses me again as he relaxes.
“For the record though, mini tampons are for thirteen-year-old girls. My size is super.”
He frowns. “There is no way in hell you have a supersized vagina.”
I giggle again. “Get out idiot.”
He shakes his head and strips off as he gets into the shower. “I told you, no more secrets.” He turns his back to me and starts to soap up.
I finish up, brush my teeth and get into the shower with him.
He turns and pulls me into an embrace and cuddles me tightly as he covers my face with kisses. “Don’t scare me like that again, presh, I thought you were going to die,” he whispers into the top of my head.
I lean into his chest and smile. The hot water running over us is soothing and I feel myself relax.
“I’m sorry,” he says quietly.
“Josh, I get the migraines all the time. It wasn’t your fault.”
“I don’t deserve you,” he whispers.
I frown and pull back to look at his face. “Why do you say that?”
He shrugs. “I just don’t.” His eyes search mine.
“I love you,” he whispers as the water falls over him.
I raise my eyebrows. “You love me because I have my period?” I wipe my hand down the side of his face gently. “Every woman in the world has periods, Joshua.”
He kisses me gently on the lips and his lips linger on mine. “I’m not in love with every woman in the world. Only you,” he whispers.
Ok, he’s lost it. I went to sleep and he hated that he missed me and I wake up to this.
“I love you too,” I whisper gently as I frown.
He kisses me as he holds my face. His tongue gently swiping through my lips, then dives deeper and my mouth opens in invitation. One of his hands finds my behind and the other gently cups my breast.
“I’ve missed you,” he whispers as he kisses me again.
The intensity of my man gets to me and I find a lump in my throat forming.
“I was only asleep for a day, Josh,” I smile into his kiss.
He shakes his head in between kisses. “I mean, since we were kids. I’ve missed you every fucking day since we were kids. I love you more now than I did then. I was just too scared to tell you.”
I pull back from his lips and smile through my shock. “What?” I whisper.
“Forgive me, baby. I am so sorry.” His eyes glaze over.
What the hell? “Josh, what’s wrong?” I ask. He’s starting to worry me now.
“Has something happened while I was asleep?”
He shakes his head and smiles sadly. “Nothing could ever be wrong as long as we are together.”
He kisses me softly and the feeling behind it nearly brings me to tears. “I love you,” he whispers again. Our kissing turns desperate. I can feel his arousal pump hard against my stomach as my sex begins to throb with want. I take him in my hand and stroke him upwards, and he closes his eyes in pleasure. Before I can move he pushes me up against the wall and starts to kiss me deeply. His tongue dives into my mouth as his hips grind into mine. Instinctively I lift one leg around his waist and he groans in pleasure. When I feel this emotional about him I need to be physical. His fingers find that spot between my legs and his eyes roll back in his head in pleasure. He must remember that I have my period and he pulls back from me in a rush.
“I’m sorry.” He shakes his head in disgust.
“What for?” I smile as I take him in my hand again.
“You are not well and here I am half raping you. Come, get out.” He kisses me quickly and exits the shower.
I stand still as he wraps a towel around his waist and holds one out for me. I smile as I step into it and he wraps me in an embrace with the towel and kisses my forehead again.
“You need to eat, precious girl. I will cook you something.” He smiles.
I needed that intimacy but he is right, I do feel weak.
Half an hour later I am sitting at the kitchen bench watching Joshua cook me bacon, eggs, toast and tea. I have a robe on and Joshua is in his boxer shorts. His broad back and tight ass is on full display, and he looks damn edible. I sit and watch him silently, my mind in overdrive.
He smiles softly and walks over and kisses my forehead gently and then cups my cheek and studies my face.
“What is it?” I ask.
He frowns. “What’s what?”
“Why are you acting like this?” I ask quietly.
“I can be nice to my girlfriend, can’t I?” He goes back to his place in the kitchen.
I frown. “See there lies a problem just there. You don’t call me your girlfriend. I call you my boyf
riend but you don’t use that term.”
He flips the eggs as he puts his hand on his hip. “That’s bullshit. I call you my girlfriend and I call you my wife sometimes actually.” He passes me my cup of tea and I smirk as I take a sip.
“And I can tell you I love you … can’t I?” He raises an eyebrow in question.
I smile. “Yes, but why now when last time we saw each other you were telling me that you hate the hold I have over you and that you don’t want to miss me.”
He turns back to the hot plates. “I was just worried that’s all and I thought you were going to die, and it scared me.”
I nod as I take another sip. “And?” I ask.
He turns and looks at the egg flip he is holding as he contemplates saying something. “And I read your diaries.” His eyes meet mine.
My eyes widen. “You read my diaries?” I whisper, mortifie. He nods. “Joshua. They are private, how dare you!” I stand in a rush and he comes over and grabs me in an embrace.
“Tash, I couldn’t help it. I found them when I was looking for pads and shit and then I was just going to read the one where we had sex the first time and then I couldn’t stop.”
I pull out of his grip. “And that’s why you told me you love me, because you read my diaries?”
He shakes his head in a panic. “No, I told you I love you because I do and before I read the diaries I didn’t believe that you actually loved me. I thought you just thought you did.”
“I told you I fucking did!” I scream. “For once it would be nice if you believed what I said!” He is unbelievable, what the hell have I written in those bloody diaries?
He grabs me again. “Baby, stop fighting me. I love you. It doesn’t matter anymore. All of this bullshit that goes on between us doesn’t matter one bit.”
I don’t have the energy to struggle as he wraps his arms around me, and we stand still in an embrace.
“What matters is the two of us being together and me making you happy. I am not going back to America.”
I pull back and frown at him. “Why not?”
“Because I am not leaving you again.”
I smile stupidly. “You’re not?”
He smirks as he shakes his head. “No, I am not.” He bends and kisses me gently.